15
PRIORITY
“
M
omma, I'm not going to Founders' Day, so quit asking me, okay. Please leave it alone and don't tell me that I have to go,” I said to her over the phone as I lay across my bed.
A big hole was already in my heart, knowing that this was my first Founders' Day as a member of Beta Gamma Pi. While we were on the line we only read about how moving and significant Founders' Day celebrations were. It's an event that the collegiate chapters host in conjunction with the alumnae chapters. All we had to do was show up, and because I hadn't talked to my line sisters in days, I had no idea if they were going to attend or not. Since they hadn't reached out to me, I knew they didn't even care if I was going, and that hurt.
“Hayden, I understand you're tired and your studies may be weighing you down, but as Chapter President there are some responsibilities you just cannot walk away from,” my mom insisted.
I hadn't felt the need to call her and let her know that I was asked to step down as Chapter President. I was too embarrassed. What was I going to say, “Oh Mom, your little girl that you think is so great isn't that great at all?”
“What's going on, Hayden, talk to me girl. My Chapter President called me and asked me when was the last time I talked to you. Now is there something going on out there in the world of Beta Gamma Pi that I need to be aware of? Remember, I've been a member of the organization for almost two decades. I ran for a lot of positions, got a few of them and lost a lot of them. I know there can be a dark side to this sisterhood.”
I never thought that she could understand what I was feeling, but when she put it that way, maybe she could. I remember when she ran for Regional Coordinator and lost to the woman who is now the National President. I know that she often thinks about how things would be different if she would have won years back. Maybe she would be National President now. How cool would that have been for me? My mom heading the organization that I loved so dearly. But, it didn't work out that way, and though she lost, she still remained active. She didn't hide, she didn't quit. What did she have that allowed her to keep going when she felt broken?
So I said, “Okay, Mom, I didn't want to let you down, so that's why I haven't told you this.”
“Told me what, sweetie? Please talk to me.”
“A couple weeks ago I had a big run-in with ...”
“I know, your uncle called me. He told me all about you seeing his wife out and all that and I just left you alone because I knew that had to be hard, going to him. Baby, you did the right thing.”
“No Mom, I'm not talking about that, though I didn't tell you about it because it wasn't my business. I figured if Uncle Wade wanted you to know, he would tell you himself.”
“Okay, I respect that.”
“Great.”
“So what's going on?”
“It's related to the sorority. Actually, it was that same day. My line sisters called a meeting. When I showed up they all decided that I wasn't the one they wanted to lead them anymore.”
“Oh Hayden, are you serious, honey?” she said in a deflated tone.
“Yes ma'am,” I said, thankful that she showed some sympathy. She didn't just brush this under the rug and tell me everything was okay.
“So who's the new president?” she asked.
“I don't even know. I left before all of that was decided. They haven't called me, I haven't called them. I've only spoken to the old First Vice Presidentâ”
“Penelope?” My mom asked, interrupting me.
“Yes ma'am.”
“Oh, I've always liked that girl.”
“You really know her?”
“Yeah, when she was pledging a couple years back, I was working with the line. She just had such character.”
“Well, she came over and talked to me. I've been thinking a lot about what she said, but I don't know how to make it better. If Founders' Day is on our campus, I can't be there, I can't show up. I just don't want to deal with any craziness.”
“Well sweetheart, that is one of the reasons I didn't want you to pledge because you would get to see some of the ugliness that goes on. Trust me, I am not saying you did everything right, they may even be justified in telling you to hit the road.”
“Mom!” I said, needing her to be on my side.
“Nor was I saying they were right, but despite all that there is a way you work things out with your sorority sisters. You pledged not because you wanted to be Chapter President but because you wanted to be a part of the organization. You vowed to help make it better. Sitting on the sidelines, Hayden, will not accomplish that goal. You've got to face your sorority sisters. You can't back down from what you signed up to be a part of. Get dressed. I will be over there in thirty minutes. I'm on my way.”
“Mom, I didn't buy a ticket,” I said, hoping she'd leave me alone.
“Hayden, you know my chapter doesn't ask you girls to buy tickets.”
“Oh yeah, that's right,” I said, completely not thinking, wanting an excuse.
“One day you will know how it felt to run for regional office and get defeated. I had support going in, major support, but there was a big scandal thrown from the other candidate and I got ousted. Though I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide, I knew I couldn't. The only way to get better, the only way to give what I said I was going to give to the organization, the only way to make it change for the positive was to stay involved. That was my number one reason for signing up and that was the number one thing that kept me in when I wanted to quit. Keep that at the forefront of your mind and no one can make you turn away. I'll see you in a sec. Love you.”
Before I could plead with my mom to let me stay home, she'd already hung up. I knew she was on her way. I had to find a black outfit to wear in honor of our founders and get dressed quickly because when she honked she would be expecting me to head out the door. I loved her persistence, her stamina, her care for me. I just needed her to lighten up sometimes and I really felt this was one of those times. Though she made a great argument about why I needed to get myself out of hibernation, this was hard.
When my mom got there, Chandra ran out to the car first. She always had my back when it came to that. She knew my mom could be a little high maintenance, and she occupied her by saying hello and catching her up on all that had been going on in our apartment. A couple of minutes later, I came out of the door, lipstick bag in hand.
My mom said, “Oh Chandra, I wish you would've pledged. You would have been excellent. A girl with a heart for goodâgosh, we missed a good one by not getting you.”
“Yeah, but I would've been going through all the drama your daughter is facing.”
“Say no more,” my mom said, laughing. “Alright honey, we'll see you later.”
“Yes ma'am.”
Chandra motioned with her finger underneath her chin and lifted it toward the sky. I gave her a thumbs-up. I knew my newfound enemies were still my line sisters, and as I rode in the car with my mom, my stomach dropped with every mile.
“Sweetheart, you're turning blue over there,” my mom said, looking at my light-skinned face as we arrived on campus, parked, and made our way to the ceremony at the theatre.
It wasn't that I was scared of Sharon, Dena, Bea and Audria, but I guess collectively all of them hating me wasn't something I was ready to walk into. Being in my apartment was what I wanted desperately.
“Come on girl, the Remembrance Ceremony is about to start,” my mom said, as I lagged behind her.
When we got to the door, I cased the place over her shoulder, looking for my line sisters. I had no idea where I was going to sit. Certainly my mom was going to sit with her alumnae friends. However, she surprised me when she told the woman at the door that she needed two seats.
“Hey, is that your daughter? She's beautiful,” the woman said to my mom, obviously knowing her.
“You don't remember me, do you?” she asked me. “I came to your house a few years back. I was on one of your mom's committees. I got the two little girls you helped babysit that night.”
“Yeah, your baby's name is Rose. Every time I plaited her hair she pulled out all the barrettes and undid it.”
“That's her,” she laughed. “How ya doing?”
“She's not doing too great,” my mom cut in, ready to tell all my business. “She's in this chapter here and girl, they got all kind of issues going on.”
“I know.”
“Mom!” I said, wanting to hit her.
“That's okay, she knows I understand. Sorority life can be extremely hard and stressful. After your mom served as committee chair, I took over the position, and the ladies on my committee started planning stuff without me, didn't show up to the things that I planned and asked me not to serve in that role anymore.”
“Wow,” I said, truly able to identify. “What did you do?”
“I prayed about it. Here I was, a grown woman in an alumnae chapter, trying to work toward change, and I had tears in my eyes over some petty foolishness, 'cause some lady on the committee didn't like the fact that I moved on if they didn't do what they said they were going to do. But after praying and really doing a lot of soul searching there was another committee the president needed me to chair. I started working with those ladies and everything has been fine. Sometimes it's personalities and insecurities from others you have to deal with.”
“What happened with the ladies you used to be on the committee with?”
“We are actually fine now too. You can't run from the sisterhood. The good in those sororsâwhat made you love them in the first placeâfind that. They still have it in them, even if they lose their minds sometimes,” she said, comforting me. “Here are some purple penlights for the ceremony,” she said. “I hope everything works out for you.”
I sat down with my mom and quickly spotted my crew across the room. They were giving me looks that could cut steel. This was so hard. I hated being estranged from those I cared for so much.
As water welled up in my eyes, my mom said, “Hold it together, girl. I would go talk to them myself, but I know that's not what you want.”
“No, it's not.”
“So hold it together. You will find a way to deal with all this. A leader is strong.”
“I'm not their leader. I shouldn't have come.”
“Shhh, the program is starting, and no one can take the leadership traits away from you.”
The state director went to the mic and began the ceremony. “Every five years there's a new rotation started in remembrance of one of our five founders.”
The lights dimmed and everyone turned on their purple pen lights.
“Miss Cleo Armstrong, from the great state of Virginia,” the state director announced. “The first generation from her family to go to college. She never met a stranger and loved every soror. She was the first president of Beta Gamma Pi and when you told her you liked something, she ended up leaving it to you in her will.”
Another soror said, “Soror Armstrong loved God. She loved her family, and she served this sorority. This entire year we will remember her by focusing on being the best leaders we can be. We might not make the best decisions, but as long as you lead from the soul everything will be okay.”
When I looked over at my sorority sisters, a couple of them had tears in their eyes. I didn't know what all that was about, but the moment had certainly touched me as well. I wasn't a perfect president, but I certainly gave it all I had. I think Soror Armstrong is smiling at me from Heaven and that thought made me feel a bit of warmth in my cold situation.
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It was now spring break and it felt great great to be heading with my roommates down to Gulfport, Mississippi, to relax on the beach and play a few slot machines. Our first priority was to spend time together to get reacquainted. All four of us had been going in such different directions we needed this time to reconnect again. After we checked into our luxurious hotel, we hit the beach.
As we lay there, all in our own worlds, thinking about whatever was on our minds, Chandra said, “You know what, guys, I just want to be honest.”
“What, talk to us,” Myra said.
“I guess I gave y'all a hard time about pledging your sororities and stuff because I felt like it pulled you away from what we had. We weren't first anymore, our sisterhood, our bond thing that made us the tightest freshmen around, is no moreâand that is hard for me.”
Bridget sat up and rubbed Chandra's back. “I'm sort of mad at my own sorority for making that happen. We used to have dinner at the house at least once a week and now that's sorority night for me, so I can't go.”