“It is an unspoken ruleâwhen a man is taken, all the rest of the folks in sorority land stay back. You don't want the war to be on, now do you?” Bea said to Tammy fearlessly.
“Girl, looking at you and your oversized behind, I don't think any of my sorors would have to worry about you taking their man.” Tammy lifted her nose at Bea. “And if your girl was doing her job, this one wouldn't be free for me to take in the first place.”
“Come on, let's get out of here,” Creed said to Tammy.
“No, you hold up,” Bea said, pushing him back.
“Wait a minute now, you need to get your hands off me. I ain't trying to hit no girl, but dang, Hayden had her chance. She was more into working with y'all than she was into keeping me happy. So I'm staying out of the way. I found someone who can manage running a chapter
and
giving me love,” Creed said harshly.
Just hearing all that hurt so bad.
“Yo' drunk behind need to go sit down and think about what you talking about,” Bea said, as she got a whiff of his breath.
He was drunk? It didn't matter, I knew when people were intoxicated what they really thought came out. Creed was hurt and he wasn't waiting anymore. I put him to the side for two months and that was two months too long.
I went over to Bea and said, “Girl, thanks, but this ain't your fight.”
“If it hurts you, I'm in it.” She hit my back.
My eyes were tearyâthis was truly affecting me. Creed licked his lips and faced me for the first time that night. Knowing that I knew he had moved on, he didn't appear broken.
I collected all the strength I could muster and uttered, “Bea, he's where he wants to be. I'm cool with that. I don't want no beef with the MEMs. Tammy's right. She couldn't take what was really mine.”
“But Hayden, all you do is talk about Creed. You dragged us here so you could be with him. You wanted tonight to be the ...”
I placed my hand over her mouth and said, “Come on, let's go.”
Creed attempted to follow me, but Tammy held him back. Alcohol or not, broken heart or not, it was right for us to be apart. Dena and Bea took me into the ladies' room.
Unable to stop the tears, I said, “I'm not going to let this get to me, y'all. I'm fine, it's okay.”
“Dang girl, I know we're high maintenance, but you can't be losing your guy,” Bea said, getting me a tissue.
“Yeah, Creed was the hottest thing on that line. Shoot, he's smart too. Everybody's talking about him. We been telling everybody he was yours and nobody made a move.”
“I appreciate the loyalty, but we're all young, trying to find our way. I'm just a sophomore in college. What excites me today doesn't hold my attention tomorrow. Obviously, that's the same thing going on with him. Good riddance, you know. How would it look for the Beta Gamma Pi president to be crying over some dude? Tah, whatever,” I said to them, going to the mirror and wiping my face.
Bea came over and looked at my reflection. “Ain't nothing wrong with letting us know you are hurt. Yeah, you are the leader, but you're human.”
“I hear you girl, but I'm alright.”
I walked out of the bathroom and was surprised to bump into Butch, my former boyfriend, who also happened to be a Pi.
“Dang girl, that dress is fitting you mighty fine. I love you in lavender. Can I have this dance?” he said, almost drooling.
“Yeah,” I said, not really understanding why I let the jerk usher me out onto the dance floor. He slid his hand from my back to my bottom. Though I tried to tug away, he eased me back to him.
“I knew it was only a matter of time before I got you back in my arms,” he said, with breath so bad I personally wanted to run to the drug store and buy up every bottle of Scope to give to him.
The song couldn't end soon enough for me. When I tried to pull away, we both saw Creed's eyes plastered on us.
Creed came onto the dance floor and said, “What's all this? You letting him touch you all out here and everything.”
“You can't have your cake and eat it too, Creed,” I said.
“Yeah, step back, man,” Butch told him.
“Man, take your hands off of her,” he said to Butch.
“Everybody in here knows you just dissed her. Everybody is out here looking. Don't get jealous because I got what you really want.”
“Oh, so it's like that, Hayden? For real?” he had the nerve to ask me.
With Butch's hand on my waist, I placed my hand over his, smiled and said to Creed, “Is that a problem?”
13
BREAKDOWN
L
ooking at my grades, I freaked. “I don't know what I'm gonna do, Bea. My mom is going to kill me!”
“Parents don't see progress reports, girl.”
“I know, but two Bs and two Cs? She was ticked off when I went from a 4.0 to a 3.6. I gotta get it together.”
“You get your head out of that rituals book, wake up and start studying some school books, you'll bring your grades up. Everybody's been telling you to multitask, but you don't, Hayden. It's like you're taking this president thing so seriously. I'm your first vice and you won't even let me help you do anything.”
“Alright, alright. It just seems like ever since I took office, we haven't been able to stand on our own two feet. If we're not knocked down to our knees, we're hobbling around on one leg, trying to act like we got it all together.”
“I still can't believe you convinced the chapter sorors to do outside fundraisers to help Trisha pay back her debt.”
“I mean, what was the alternative? Did you really want her to go to jail?”
“Speaking of people that should be in jailâlook, there's Keisha walking toward us.”
“Exactly. She's still walking free and she almost killed somebody. Trisha should be able to have a second chance too.”
“Alright, I hear you.”
“Move over,” Keisha said to us as if we were supposed to split the sidewalk and let her pass.
“I ain't on your line no more, trick,” Bea said to her, just as grumpy.
“What? Somebody want a beat down?” Keisha said, pushing Bea in the chest.
“Guys, we're still sorority sisters. Why we gotta act like this?” I said to the two of them, knowing I was basically talking to myself because they looked at me like I was on drugs.
“I'm not sorority sisters with y'all. Y'all don't even know how to run a yard.”
“What are you talking about?” Bea asked her.
“Look over there right now. Look at our rock. Look at our benches and look who's walking through it like they don't have no respect,” Keisha said.
“So, people can't walk on our stuff?” I asked her. I really wanted her opinion about this because this was something nobody schooled us on.
“Do you walk through the Rho Tau Nu or the MEMs property?” she asked me.
“My classes aren't that way,” I said.
“Well look over there at their side. The MEMs have someone manning their rock at all times. During the day they rotate somebody so folks don't just stroll through. No one is watching our property and we're getting no respect.”
“But there's stuff that you thought we should know,” Bea said. “Why can't you just be a woman and tell us? You don't have to try and diss anybody. It's not our fault that y'all got kicked out.”
“Whatever. Y'all were too weak to handle the small little pressure we were putting on you. I can't help if y'all don't have any real leadership. Y'all doing so much stuff wrong, it's pathetic. Founders' Day is coming up on March nineteenth. Y'all have anything cool planned for the Beta Rock? And every day this month we're supposed to do something special. We ain't even seen no service projects from y'all. And from what I hear, your grades are slippin',” she said, looking at me. “President and first vice couldn't even make sure that they kept their treasurer girlfriend in check. Yeah, y'all are pathetic and definitely not my sisters. Move!”
“Oh no sheâ”
“Just come on,” I said to Bea, before she said or did something we'd regret. “Let her go.”
“Well, I'm sick of people thinking just because we don't know everything that they can treat us any kind of way. Them MEM girls know not to walk all up in our space. If they didn't do it last year, then why they disrespecting us now?” Bea saw Bridget walking toward our rock. “See, I'm about to cut her off right now. Hold my books.”
“Bea wait! That's myâ” Before I knew it, she was gone.
Why did this have to be a brawl between sororities? Everyone has their favorite, and honestly, though I prefer Beta Gamma Pi, all the sororities have good points. We didn't need to create any beef with anyone. I certainly didn't need my soror going at it with my roommate.
I rushed over to our rock and heard Bea say, “You need to take your little self around the path. Y'all know you're not supposed to walk all through our stuff. We don't do that to you.”
“Don't blow this out of proportion. I'm just trying to get to class,” Bridget said, calmly.
“I'm just sick and tired of all these other sororities on campus trying to act like because our prophytes aren't on the yard no more, they can dog us out and laugh behind our back. We are still a part of the Alpha chapter. That's right, everybody, the Betas are in the house!”
“You are making a fool out of yourself,” I said to Bea. “Calm down!”
“You better get your girl,” Bridget said to me.
“Bea, go on and go to class. I'ma stay here for a minute, alright? Go to class!”
“Hayden, you are the one that needs to be going to class. You're the one sayin' your grades are slippin'. Don't get mad because I'm not scared of none of these fools standing around here. You say you wanna be a leader, but then you act all pitiful when one of your little roommates comes around. Forget her.”
“Forget you!” Bridget said, as Bea stomped off.
The two of us were left standing there. It was really sort of awkward. We'd been avoiding each other in the house. When I knew she was in the kitchen, I'd stay in my room. Thankfully, we each had our own restrooms, so I didn't need to mix with any of my roommates for any reason other than to use the kitchen.
“Really, Hayden,” she said, breaking the silence. “I didn't know that this was taboo, but none of my sisters told anybody on my line. You guys are never here. I'm just trying to get to class and this is the quickest way. I wasn't trying to show any disrespect. You know that's not in my nature. You know that, right?” she said.
“Yeah, I know. It's just been really hard,” I said, sitting down on a bench. “I'm failing at everything.”
Putting aside Greek partisanship, my dear old friend sat down beside me and said, “Girl, it is just not that serious.”
“Uh, we're probably breaking protocol right now; an MEM and a Beta having a conversation on my sorority's bench. If my prophytes don't want you to walk through here, they certainly don't want me practically inviting you over to sit and break bread. So I can't do anything right,” I said, as Bridget stood up to leave. “No please, I don't want you to go anywhere. I miss you.”
“I miss you too. And just so you know, Creed dumped my chapter president, Tammy. She told me she didn't have time for it anyway because she really thought he was still hung up on you.”
For the first time in a long time, I kind of smiled. A couple of weeks had passed since the whole Valentine's Day dance fiasco. As hard as I tried to get Creed off my mind, I still knew deep down I was hurt we were over.
“He hasn't called me, girl. That night at their party, I embarrassed him, so I know we're through.”
“You're a smart girl though, Hayden. You'll figure out a way to get back up. Before you know it everything will be right again.”
I gave her the biggest hug and we kept talking while walking straight through the MEM block, not caring about what anybody else thought. Friendship was friendship. And ours was really true. It couldn't be broken.
Â
Later in the week, I was just getting home from class, when I opened the front door and saw Chandra, Bridget and Myra were all sitting at the dinner table talking and laughing. Whatever one of them had cooked smelled so good and I was so hungry. I missed our time together, so putting my pride aside, I put my stuff down and walked toward the dinner table.
“Hey y'all,” I said, looking pitiful.
“Hey!” Myra said. “You hungry?”
I looked over at the stove. There was turkey and collard greens. I wanted some badly.
Myra said, “Macaroni and cheese, gravy and dressing are over there too. You're welcome to some if you want.”
“What's this? Thanksgiving? You threw down!” I said, quickly going over and grabbing a plate.
Myra said, “Yeah, I just felt like we needed some bonding time. Didn't think you were gonna make it, but it's good to have you in the house.”
“Yeah, I'm glad you're here,” Bridget said.
I could hear Bridget kicking Chandra under the table. Because Chandra and I were so close, she held me most accountable for being out of touch. Myra and Bridget understood a little more because they pledged as well.
Chandra nonchalantly voiced, “Whatever. If she wanna sit, she can sit.”
“Bridget was telling us that you guys talked the other day,” Myra said, making small talk.
When I sat down, I bowed my head. I needed to pray, but I also didn't want to deal with tough questions and heavy conversation. I just wanted to eat! So after my long prayer, I hoped she had forgotten her question.
When I didn't say anything, Myra said to Bridget, “This is gonna be so exciting. Rho Tau Nu and the MEMs doing a service project together. I know this is really going to make an impact.”
I listened as the two of them talked. They were so happy about this collaborative project. Of course the green-eyed monster arose from within me, and it wasn't from chugging down the collard greens. I couldn't understand why they hadn't asked me and my sorority to be a part of it.
Chandra chimed in and said, “Out of all the things you guys do, a voter registration drive is completely something I'm for. The presidential election is coming up in November and too many college kids aren't even registered. We've got power and don't even use it. I'll spread the word on campus of where you guys will be signing folks up.”
They just kept talking around me and though I was eating the delicious meal, I wanted our old friendhsip back. So putting aside all the barriers, I said, “I owe y'all a big apology. And I guess I never thought it would be hard for me to say this, but I'm really sorry.”
“For what?” Chandra said.
“For everything. Being a jerk, walking away from you guys, being consumed by everything but the things that are most important.”
“Well nobody's saying that you leading a sorority isn't important,” Bridget said.
“Well, I was saying that!” Chandra added.
“Girl,” Bridget said, taking her napkin and popping Chandra with it.
“No for real, we've all been busy,” Myra said. “But we gotta make time for this. Whether we're in a sorority or not, it should never break up this bond.”
“Yeah, because I befriended some girls that honestly I didn't really know,” I said. “And I have been hurt in trusting some of them.”
“You wanna talk about it?” Bridget asked me.
“Naw, I just need y'all to pray for me. But I really would like to be a part of this whole joint service project I'm hearing you talk about.”
“Really? You think the Betas would want to be a part of it?” Myra said, doubt written all across her face.
“I know we seem like we don't have our act together, but yeah,” I said in an excited tone.
“You probably want to talk to them about it first,” Bridget said.
“I'm the president. I don't need to talk to them. When is it?”
“Tomorrow,” Myra said.
“And y'all didn't talk to me about it? Y'all didn't even think about us?”
“Girl, we hadn't been able to catch up with you,” Myra said to me.
“Alright, alright,” I said.
Myra stood and said, “But I know it would be great to have the Betas on board. I'll call my president to check.”
“And I'll do the same with mine,” Bridget said.
“And I'll send out a mass e-mail to my sorors,” I said, “giving them all the details once you both get the okay.”
After getting clearance from the RTNs and MEMs, excitement ran all through my veins. As a leader this was something great. Getting the Betas connected with other sororities is huge. We had little riffs here and there, but this would squash all of that. With this project, we'd have a chance to collectively do something for the greater good of the university, while getting our voice back.
However, the next day all my excitement about us participating vanished when again, I was the only one who showed up at the event. Girls from both the other organizations had most of their chapter members present. The girls were nice to me, but I was embarrassed.