“David, I wish I could stay in my own little world and not leave New York.”
“You’re just depressed, but it’s going to get better.”
“Everyone wants me to follow in their footsteps as far as college and a career. There are just so many expectations. It’s too much to take. My life is not even in my own hands. My choices are not mine to make.” A single tear rolled down her cheek.
There was an intimate energy in the room; a soft, delicate bond of closeness had formed, with an undercurrent of something more. I’d never felt such warmth toward anyone. I thought that I should leave. I really didn’t want to, but it was late. She walked me to the door, and we embraced.
She seemed lonely. I wiped the tears from her cheek, and said life would be different after high school. Delancey squeezed my hand and we kissed. I wasn’t expecting that. But it continued further. Her full lips tasted like saltwater. We took a step back into the room and closed the front door. We kept kissing, at times delicately, at times ravenous. We ended up on her bed. Through her mesmerizing eyes, I could feel the essence of her soul, her essential being. She emanated vibrations of an old soul. She was so alluring, so angelic, so irresistible, with thick brown hair, and a beautiful, womanly figure. My hands caressed her tender shoulders, rubbed her supple skin.
She undressed, removing her tee-shirt and her blue jeans. I stared like a deer caught in the headlights. Truly, in all my life, I had never seen a sight so beautiful, so vibrant, and so full of life. I removed my shirt. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to lose my virginity, but it felt like it was a good time, and she was definitely the right girl. We laid next to each other on her bed. I was nervous; she looked anxious as well.
I awoke about three hours later, and was a little foggy. Delancey was in my arms, and it was very dark outside. She asked if I was okay.
“I’m better than okay,” I said.
“You know, I think I really love you,” she blushed. I could feel warm blood rushing to my heart, as it started to beat stronger, not faster, but louder and with full force. I gushed with sheer joy as I started to get dressed. She sat on her bed in her bra and panties. I couldn’t help but stare; this was all so new to me.
“I love you too, maybe for a long time. We’re both leaving for college soon,” I said.
“Why don’t you stay here in New York, and go to college in the city. I can do the same; this way we can see each other all the time,” she said buttoning my shirt.
“I really want to get out of New York. I’ve been accepted to state college and everything. I don’t want to live at home any longer. I have very little here. I was planning on leaving and never looking back,” I replied. It was so tempting to agree to stay home and see her all the time.
Now fully dressed, I started heading out of the front door. I glanced back at Delancey; she was still in her beige underwear. She was an amazing sight to witness and I took a mental photograph, knowing that it was something that I would never forget. Losing my virginity that day was completely unexpected, and completely wonderful. I felt drawn to her. The first cut really is the deepest.
“David, come on. Stay here with me. New York has everything; there’s no place like it. We could have a great time going to college here in the city.” She was very convincing. I thought about changing my plans, and my entire future, just because she asked.
“New York is great for you, because you have money. Not so great for me; I live in the other New York, where it’s mostly crime and anguish.”
I tried her to give her one last kiss goodbye, and we couldn’t stop kissing. The radio was playing. Actually, the radio had been on the entire evening. At that very second, something on the radio caught my attention. It was the song that was playing. It sounded so familiar…
“Delancey – the song that’s on the radio!” I shouted.
“Yeah, it’s a new song. I’ve been hearing it all day. Good song right? It’s from my friend’s band….”
“I know…I played guitar on the demo…that’s me! That’s me playing guitar on the radio! And singing backup!” I was elated. It was surreal…I was on the radio.
“When did you record the demo?”
“Weeks ago, one day after school. The manager said I could join the band!” I had to stop myself from jumping up and down.
The song ended, and we embraced. We kissed again; one thing led to another, and I decided to stay and live for the moment.
A few hours later, I needed to get dressed all over again.
I finally arrived home, in the wee hours of the morning, just as the sun was rising. My father, already dressed for work, asked where I had been. I told him that I had worked late and hung out with a friend. He was not happy that I was keeping such late hours. I told him about the song on the radio.
“Oh, that reminds me. Woody called for you yesterday. You may want to give him a call back at a decent hour; he said it was urgent.” He left for work.
I took a shower, trying to wipe the smile off my face, but I was pretty happy. Harry asked what I was so happy about.
“I had a pretty good day after a long, long time,” I said smiling. We had coffee together and I told him about the song, the band, and the radio. I told him that I had spent the night with Delancey. Harry was as excited as I was, about everything.
It was still too early to call Woody. I decided to call him from the café – I still had to go to work.
Shesha had baked half the muffins by the time I arrived, twenty minutes late for work. Quickly I picked up my own slack, and completed the rest of the baking. I could barely keep my eyes open from the lack of sleep. After twelve cups of coffee I was wired, and also consumed with nausea.
At nine a.m. I called Woody.
“David, have you heard the song? It’s all over the radio!” Woody’s excitement was uncontainable.
“Woody, I heard it last night. It was surreal.”
“We need you to join the band. There are eleven more songs that need to be recorded in the studio for the album. This is your big chance, David! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. We start recording the album in two weeks!”
The time frame would situate the day after graduation as the day we would be recording the album. I immediately called Delancey. First, I told her that I’d had a great time the night before. She said she had a wonderful time also. I said that I loved her, and then told her all about my conversation with Woody.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“I can’t join the band and go away to college upstate. Maybe I won’t even go to college. I really have to think about this.”
“David? Are you serious? What do you have to think about? Why are you second guessing this opportunity? Just go for it!” Delancey was laughing. It was so simple to her, but not to me.
I mentioned that Christine was my date to the prom. Delancey was more than okay with it since Juan would not let her out of the date. He had bought her ticket, and rented a limo. She felt locked into the ordeal with Juan.
I worked the rest of the day with a lot on my mind. The band could flop; the whole thing might not even happen. Woody might be exaggerating the success of the song. The album could fail. If I was to forgo college, and the band went nowhere, what would I have?
The second guessing was wearing me down. Negative scenarios kept playing in my head. Maybe Delancey was right, there was nothing to think about. This could be a great opportunity for me. The whole thing might even work out…who knows? By the end of the day I decided to join the band and let state college know that I wouldn’t be attending in the fall.
Before I left the café, Christine and I arranged that I would pick her up the night of the prom.
My first final exam was in history. I had studied on the subways for the past week. Svetlana was also taking the test. She had put on some weight and could not hide her pregnancy. I finished the test in a half hour, and then grabbed lunch. Carlos was also in the cafeteria.
“I’m not going to college. It’s not going to work out,” he said.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I quit working for Brass, and I had a few thousand dollars saved up.”
“So you should have no problem paying for community college,” I interjected.
“Well that’s just the thing. Over the weekend, Sam called, we got together, and I made the mistake of telling him I had this money. We went to Beefsteak Charlie’s, and had a lot to eat and drink. We rang up a large bill. I paid for it. Of course Sam didn’t have any money. Then we went to Times Square to try to get fake ID for the prom after party and…well…the whole thing ended really bad; we were held up at gunpoint in Hell’s Kitchen and now I have hardly any money left.” Carlos was obviously disappointed in himself.
“Wow! Why didn’t you stop at Beefsteak Charlie’s?” I asked.
“You know how I get after a few drinks.”
“And so does Sam,” I said.
“It’s not like he put a gun to my head; actually someone else did,” Carlos said. “Sam has the uncanny ability to know what buttons to push. He convinced me that if I went to college I would be fed up with school in less than a year. Sam is a master manipulator. I really don’t know why I hang around that guy. But I think it has to do with me and not him. I come from a pretty tough home life. My father is abusive to me, my siblings, and my mother. The good news is my father just left. I have not seen him in two weeks. I have to find a way to pay the bills and put food on the table. I can’t work for minimum wage at a part time job – it’s just not enough money. “
This was obviously very difficult for him to talk about. Choking back tears he said, “My home life is very difficult. It’s not a normal situation. There is no money, no support. I have no guidance, no advice, no one looking out me. We fend for ourselves when it comes to finding something to eat. We’re on food stamps, and maybe we’ll be able to get some more assistance. I need to make some money and help out. I am not as smart as the other Stanton kids, or as athletic. I just don’t think I’m good at anything.” Carlos was starting to shiver. I didn’t know what to say to him, but I knew I had to listen.
“Man, I don’t even know where I fit in. I’m not sure if I’m Latino, Pakistani, or Indian. I barely understand Spanish, and I don’t understand any Urdu. My parents didn’t want me to forget about my roots, and I’m just lost. To be honest with you, I’ve been very depressed about my life. That’s the reason I never bought bullets for that gun. I’m scared to have that option for myself. Sam sees this in me, and just brings the worst out in me. He emphasizes that I’m a loser. He knows what a loser family I come from. I know he is evil, but he goes out of his way to be my friend, even if he is a user.” Carlos could not go on speaking any further.
“If you can’t fit in with any other nationality, well, that makes you an American. This is a country comprised of people whose ancestry didn’t belong in their home country. Sam has no other talents. He seems to have a certain hold over people by just bringing out their worst fears and self doubts. He manipulates you and me and everyone else to his advantage,” I said, understanding more about Sam.
“He gets a near perfect score on the SATs, and others have to pay the price. He gets you to start a mailbox fire, without any risk to himself. He is a smart student, but never participated in anything, zero extra curricular activities, but fabricates an entire student resume that gets him into Harvard. High school is not the real world, and I’ll tell you this much; Sam can’t fake it in the real world.” We both digested our revelations about Sam.
“Look, Carlos, I know that you have a tough situation at home. But it’s up to you to make it better. Once you leave high school, things will get better. High school is like a fish tank. You live in a limited environment and life on the other side of the glass is much better. I know you lost all your money. You needed it for your family, and for your future. We all know how you get after a few drinks, and I think Sam took advantage of that.”
“College is out. Hey, it was probably never in. I want to try my luck at military life,” Carlos said. “If I join the Marines, I’ll get out of New York, and send my mother whatever I make. I can’t take living here and seeing her situation every day. I think I’m better off and they’ll be better off.”
“You’re pretty good with a gun, so I think it’s a good move,” I chimed in and we both smiled. Carlos actually would make a good Marine. He was smart and fearless in the face of danger. In all the time that I had known him, he’d never once fired a gun, although he almost always had one. College was not for him; he did not have the patience to sit in a classroom anymore.
“Besides, you like traveling, right?” I said.
“I’d love to see the world, and never look back,” he said.
“Then join the Marines. It’s a much better option than working for Brass.”
“Brass was likely to lose his temper and blow my head off anyway,” Carlos added.
“Who are you taking to the prom?” I asked, changing to a lighter subject.
“With my funds depleted, and the fact that I really don’t know any girls at Stanton, I’m going solo. I bought my ticket when I still had money.”
Svetlana was standing in the hallway outside the cafeteria.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I’m fine. How are you feeling?”
“I have some morning sickness but overall I’m okay.”