Worth The Battle (Heaven Hill Series) (11 page)

L
ayne was finding it hard to breathe with Jessica wrapped around his body. Her grip was strong and sure as her fingers dug into his stomach.

“You okay?” he yelled behind him where she sat.

She nodded but knew that he wouldn’t be able to see it. The fact was she was scared to death. Not so much because she was on the back of this bike, but because of the way she felt pressed up against Layne’s hard back.

“I couldn’t hear you.”

“I’m fine,” she answered when they stopped at a red light. Glancing up at the street signs, she saw that they were at the intersection of Louisville Road and Porter Pike and they were turning left. It looked very dark where they were going.

“I’m not gonna let anything happen to you,” he reassured her.

Without a shadow of a doubt, she knew that, but this was all so new to her. “I know,” she told him, holding on even tighter as the light changed and he leaned into the turn.

“Relax,” he told her. “If you don’t, you’re going to be sore by the time we get back to the clubhouse. I won’t bite. Promise.”

Jessica could hear the teasing in his voice. It was reminiscent of their early days together, when he hadn’t been so closed off with his feelings. She understood what he meant by being sore, she already was. Sighing deeply, she relaxed against him and looped her arms around his waist.

In front of her, Layne fought the overwhelming panic that engulfed him when she got closer. It was like this every time he tried to let someone get close—his skin felt like it was on fire. Like it was too tight for his body. One move and it would crack, showing the bones and tendons underneath. He set his back teeth and told himself that he would live through this. He had to let someone hug him; he needed interaction just like any other human needed.

Once she leaned against Layne’s back, Jessica let all her fear go. Trusting him was easy; she’d trusted him with everything, which was why he had been the one she called when she knew that trouble was coming. It was the wondering if he’d still be around when all was said and done that scared her.

Pushing her head against his shoulder, as far as the helmet would let her go, she took in her surroundings. With it being late and pitch black, she only caught glimpses of porch lights now that they’d made it far enough out that the lights from town weren’t reflected. For a brief moment, she allowed herself to imagine that they were coming home from a date. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply. Honeysuckle was prevalent in the air, especially this time of year. It mixed in with the scent of early summer, leather, the spicy soap that Layne used, and faint traces of tobacco smoke. To her it was a heady combination. All too soon the ride was over and they were pulling onto the gravel drive that led to the clubhouse.

When they stopped in the garage, Jessica stayed where she was, not wanting to let go of Layne.

“You can let go,” he told her, a chuckle in his voice.

“I know,” she answered. “I just don’t want to.”

“Why are Layne and Jessica sitting out in the garage?” Tyler asked Meredith as they raided the kitchen.

“Not sure,” Meredith took a bite of the cookie she’d snagged while Tyler made a sandwich. “There’s something going on there.”

“Ya think?” He raised an eyebrow in her direction, smoothing his hair back from his face.

“You don’t have to be a smart ass.” She tried to pinch his stomach. “Seriously, you don’t have any fat I can pinch on your stomach,” she huffed. “This is one of those times where I should be happy that you’re my husband, but at the same time, I really don’t like you.”

He laughed. “I keep it tight for you. Aren’t you happy about that, baby?”

It was hard to argue against his logic, but it still made her a little uncomfortable about what was to come. Would he still love her when she gained weight? Would he find her attractive? She was sure their efforts had taken this time.

“Hey,” he told her, an edge to his tone. “Stop it now. I can see where your mind is going. Just don’t even go there.”

She leaned up against the counter. “I can’t help it, I’m sure every woman thinks about it. Not to mention, you’re a
very
nice looking man.”

“You’re cute when you flirt,” he grinned, turning so that he crowded her against the counter.

Meredith shrugged, her own grin lighting up her face. “I do try every once in a while.”

He threw his head back, laughing loudly. The sides of his eyes wrinkled, and he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, leaving a trail of moisture behind.

“You really don’t know how hot you are…do you?” she sighed, putting her arms around his neck and standing on tip toe so that she could press their mouths together.

Just as he widened his stance to get more comfortable, the kitchen door opened.

“Sorry,” Liam said as he walked over to the coffee pot, yawning the whole way.

“Dude? We were having a moment here.” Tyler held his hands up.

“Your moment is going to have to wait,” Liam growled. “I’m on diaper duty and we’re out of fucking coffee. I’m trying to let Denise get some sleep, but I’m really thinking of dipping Tatum’s pacifier in some bourbon if it would mean she’d go to sleep.”

Meredith and Tyler exchanged a look. They had just brought the baby home today and Liam was already dead-dog tired. This didn’t bode well for the next few months.

“Oh yeah, get the fuck ready. No sleep, coffee drinking in the middle of the night, and a grouchy woman. It’s perfect,” he groused as he watched the coffee percolate.

“Well,” Tyler started and then closed his mouth. “I guess we’ll just leave you to that.”

He pushed Meredith lightly out the door, wanting to get as far away from the sleep-deprived president as he could.

“I’d be grouchy too if I had to deal with him,” she whispered.

“I heard that,” Liam yelled.

She couldn’t stop the giggle that rumbled out of her throat. Tyler soon joined, choking on the sandwich he had finally taken a bite of. Both of them knew if they could keep their humor everything would be fine.

Layne was starting to sweat. His heart rate was kicking up and panic was beginning to set in the longer they stayed together out in the garage. Using his training to try and steady his breathing wasn’t working. He would be coming upon a full panic attack if he wasn’t careful.

It was always like this. Things would be going perfectly, and then he’d feel it start. It wouldn’t end until he was a blubbering fool. He couldn’t do this around her. She’d be gone quicker than he could snap his fingers. He didn’t want her gone, but he didn’t want her to stay either.

“Are you okay?” Jessica asked softly. Where her hands rested on his chest, she could feel his heart thundering.

Not trusting himself to speak, he got off the bike as quickly as he dared without laying the thing down with her on it. “Fine,” he answered as he busied himself with taking all his gear off.

The atmosphere became strained between the two of them as she slowly slipped her leg over, afraid to spook him. “I’m gonna go take a shower,” she said quietly before going into the main part of the clubhouse.

His dark eyes followed her as she made her escape. Who could blame her? He was starting to freak the fuck out. Stepping out of the garage into the night, his shaky hands dug into his pockets and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Within seconds, one was in his mouth and the nicotine was coursing through his body, calming his frayed nerves.

“Fuck, Layne,” he grimaced in anger. “You’ve gotta get your shit together.”

The only problem was, he didn’t know what that meant. He didn’t know who he was anymore. Hell, he was damn lucky this group of people had taken him in because he sure wasn’t fit to be around most of society. In his head the words that the doctor at the VA told him ran through his head.
You may never be the person you once were. You have to come to grips with that. Until you face what you’ve been through, you can’t move past it.
Well fuck that, he didn’t want to face it. He didn’t want to talk about it, and he sure didn’t want anyone else knowing what happened. If they knew what had happened, he’d be gone from here, just like he was from the Army.

Maybe it was true—the things they had said about him. That he really wasn’t fit to be around anybody anymore. The thought made him incredibly sad, but he wondered not for the first time if all the people whispering behind his back at the VA hospital had been right.

Chapter Eleven

H
er hair wasn’t wet anymore, but still Jessica sat on the lip of the bathtub, running her towel through the long tresses. It was easier to hide away than to go outside of her cocoon and confront Layne about things she knew he didn’t want to talk about. Curiosity, however, was a part of her nature, and she just wasn’t sure she could go on anymore without knowing
something
. Never in her life had she gone into anything less prepared than she had coming here to him. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been left with much of a choice, but at the same time, she needed a bone. Something to let her know that the man she had once known was still there.

Glancing at her phone, she realized she had dawdled for over an hour. It was time to face the music so to speak. She blew out a deep breath as she opened the door. What she saw was not what she expected to see. Layne lay on the bed—deeply asleep. The times they’d lain in bed together before were some of her favorite and the spot next to him looked so inviting. She knew it was wrong, but she needed affection. She needed someone to care about her—it had been so long since someone had. Jessica knew it wasn’t smart, but she needed this so badly. Without a second thought, she lay down next to him and put her arms around his waist. In his sleep, he cuddled up next to her, and she breathed easier. A memory of them lying like this before he had gone overseas came to her mind. He still smelled the same—felt the same too—only more muscular now. Wrapped in familiarity, she drifted off almost immediately.