Written in the Stars (21 page)

I decided to try and drown my sorrow in a hot bath, surrounded by candles. It always seemed to work in the movies. The woman always seemed to feel better after a hot bubble bath. My mind was filled with the image of Geoff’s kiss as I floated off into a daze while watching the bathtub fill up with water.

“Sophie!” Erin shouted. “You’re going to flood this place.” She quickly turned off the water.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize it was already full.”

“You were looking right at it.” She sat down a bottle of wine on the table next to the tub. “I brought something to help soothe the pain.”

“I don’t drink,” I told her.

“I know you don’t, but just in case, I’m going to leave it right here. Just don’t drink the whole bottle,” she said.

“I’ll try not to,” I joked.

“Good, call me if you need anything.” She kissed my cheek and left.

I paid no attention to the wine as I got undressed and slowly lowered myself into the hot water. I never knew that staring into a flame of a candle could cause someone to fall into a comatose state of mind. But then again, I was also realizing for the first time that the pain of losing someone to death is not the same of losing someone to betrayal, and I hated to say it, but I almost preferred losing them to death. It’s
a little harder to forgive someone who has betrayed you, someone who has completely ruined all possibilities of trusting anyone with your heart again. 

I closed my eyes to break away from the depressing trance into which I had fallen, only to have the wine in my view when I opened them. I had only tasted wine a few times, and hated it, but I was willing to do whatever it took to get the image of Geoff kissing another girl out of my head.

I poured a less than a half of glass and took a small sip. I cringed when the dry bitterness coated my mouth. There was no way I was going to be able to drink the whole glass slowly. It was going to have to go down all at once, or not at all.

“Here goes nothing,” I said and then drank it as fast as I could. It took a few minutes for the disgusting taste to subside.

“I have no idea why anyone would want to drink this.” I poured myself another glass, stopping at the rim. “It’s horrible.” I looked at the dark red liquid that was coating the glass like blood. I took a deep breath before once again drinking the whole glass as fast as I could. “Disgusting.” I wiped my mouth with a towel and then poured another glass.

I didn’t have to psych myself out before drinking this one. In fact, by the time it was gone, I was convinced I had been wrong about wine the whole time, and that even though it was an acquired taste, there was something pleasant about it. I was a little sad when I poured the last drop of the bottle into my glass.

“You know what I don’t understand?” I looked at the glass. “Is why God has it out for me? I mean seriously am I not allowed to be even a little happy? Does he really want me to hate life forever?” I sighed. “And now, since I’m on the subject of not understanding, why couldn’t Geoff just turn away when she kissed him? Why didn’t he just blurt out to the world that he was completely head over heels in love with me, instead of giving into her?” I drank what was left in the glass. “Okay, yes, maybe I did tell him I didn’t want the world to know about me, but I also didn’t want to see him making out with another absolutely gorgeous movie star girl in front of me.”

“Sophie, who are you talking to?” I heard Erin’s voice.

“Erin?”

“You’re talking to me?” She finally came into sight.

“No, I’m talking to the glass of wine that I just drank. Do you think you can get me another bottle?” I asked her, and laughed when her face fell into shock.

“What do you mean another bottle?” She picked up the empty bottle of wine and gawked at me. “Sophie, I told you not to drink the whole bottle.”

“I didn’t. I only had four glasses. I don’t know who drank the rest.”

“Four of that glass is the whole bottle.” She sounded mad.

“Really?” I looked at the bottle. “Well, then, I guess I drank the whole bottle.” I started laughing.

“Your dad is going to kill me!” She pulled the drain plug out of the tub.

“Hey, I’m not done.”

“Yes, you are.” She pulled me up. “You need to go to bed before your dad finds out you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.” I glared at her.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” she asked, but her hand was nothing more than a blur.

“That’s a trick question because you’re not holding up any fingers.” I was proud of myself for catching on.

“I’m holding up three fingers, Sophie!” She threw me a towel.

“No, you weren’t.” I stumbled into my bedroom and pulled on a shirt and a pair of shorts.

“You’re wearing a skirt as a shirt, and you say you’re not drunk.” She rolled her eyes.

“This is a really ugly skirt.” I looked at my top. “Let’s dance like we did at Mario’s club.” I turned on my IPod and turned up the volume as loud as it could go.

“We didn’t dance at his club.” She turned off the music.

“That’s right, because Geoff ruined it for me.” I turned back on the music.

“Sophie, please just get into bed before your dad and
Nonna kill the both of us.”

“I don’t want to go to bed.” I started twirling. “I want to dance.”

“You can dance later.” She stopped me. 

“Wow, did you see that?” I ran out to the balcony.

“Sophie, please go to bed,” she pleaded with me.

“
My mom was right, there are fairies in field. I just saw one.”

“Great, now you’re hallucinating.” Erin pulled me back into the room.

“I seriously saw a fairy,” I told her. “It must be Josie, my mom’s favorite fairy girl.” I ran back to the balcony. “Hello, little fairy named Josie. I’m Sophie,” I yelled out across the field.

“I’m dead,” Erin mumbled.

“Hey, look! There’s Geoff’s car.” I pointed to the Mercedes parked on the side of the house. “Boy, do I have a lot to say to him.”

“Oh no, you don’t.” Erin stopped me from walking down the balcony stairs. “He will flip if he finds you like this. Stay here while I get rid of him.” She shut my bedroom door.

“Yeah, right.” I giggled and headed down the balcony stairs. “Little fairy named Josie, where are you?” I sang into the darkness of the night.

I was just about to head into the field to find Josie when I looked into the window and spotted Erin, Geoff, Mario, and my dad standing in the middle of the living room.

“Ssshh, I’m hunting a wabbit.” I giggled as I slowly opened the window so I could hear what they were saying.

“Geoff, tonight’s not a good night for Sophie.” I couldn’t help laughing when I saw the fear in Erin’s eyes and she tried to make Geoff leave. “But, I’ll tell her you stopped by.” She kept pulling him towards the front door.

“Did you hear that?” Geoff asked. I quickly dunked down when Geoff looked towards the window. “I could have sworn I heard Sophie laughing.”

“How could you since she’s asleep upstairs?” Erin sounded nervous.

“No, I’m not. I’m outside!” I shouted.

“Is she sleeping outside?” I laughed at Geoff’s question.

“Is she drunk?” my dad asked as they all watched me making faces at them through the window.

“Maybe just a little,” Erin gave in. “I didn’t think she would drink the whole bottle.”

“Sophie, get inside,” my dad demanded when he walked over to the window.

“I would, but I’m pretty sure I just saw little fairy Josie girl, so find her I will,” I slurred.

“No, you’re not!” my dad shouted. I took off running when I saw Geoff walk out the front door.

Knowing they would follow me if I ran towards the woods behind
Nonna’s house, I ran towards the beach instead, making sure to stay hidden within the trees.

“I’m running, I’m running, I’m running, stop!” I kept singing and laughing every time I said stop.

“I hear her.” I hid behind a huge tree when I heard Geoff’s voice, and waited until the night was silent again.

“Thank you, Mr. Tree, for hiding me.” I hugged the tree before skipping away.

Between skipping, tripping, and running, it seemed to take me only minutes to arrive at the beach. With the help from the light of the moon shimmering off the water and the sound of the waves crashing into the rocks, I was able to find the water’s edge.

I sat down and let the water rush over me. Each wave covered me a little more than the last, and before I knew it, I was drenched head to toe.

“This time, I’m going with you.” I scooted further into the water and waited for the next wave to carry me into the ocean. My heart sped up as it completely covered me, and dropped when it left without me. “Hey, you forgot me!” I stood up and shouted.

“Sophie, get out of the water!” I heard Erin’s yell.

“You took Erin, but not me?” I kicked the water.

“Sophie!” I turned around when I heard my dad yell.

“Hey, look, fairies.” I pointed to the three lights floating above shore. “Come swim with me, little fairy people!” I waved at them. It wasn’t until the lights were closer that I saw that people were carrying them, and I tried to run deeper into the water to escape.

I probably would have gotten to swimming depth if it weren’t for someone grabbing me around my waist to stop me.

“Let me go. I can’t swim away if you’re holding me!” I shouted.

“Sophie, stop fighting me.” Geoff’s gripped tightened.

“Oh, no, not you again.” I stood up and glared at him. “Can’t you take a hint and go away?”

“I guess not.” He picked me up in cradle position.

“I’m not going anywhere with you!” I squirmed.

“I’m not leaving you in the middle of the ocean, so calm down.” He sounded angry.

“You’re not the boss of me. You’re nothing to me, so let me go!”

His grip only got tighter the more I fought to get away. It wasn’t until we were on land that he put me down and just
stared at me. I’m sure if I was in the right frame of mind, I would have cared about the sadness in his eyes, but I wasn’t and I didn’t. All I cared about was getting back into the water and away from him.

“Sophie, are you okay?” Erin yelled to me.

“Yep, just dandy!” I gave her the thumb-up sign. “Are you okay?”

“I am now,” she replied.

In the spilt second Geoff turned his back to me and looked at my dad and Erin, I turned and quickly ran into the oncoming wave. I didn’t get very far before I was swept off my feet by the undertow of the wave as it pulled me under water. By impulse, I took a deep breath and instead of my lungs being filled with air, they were filled with salt water. I tried to cough it out, but every time I opened my mouth, more water came in.

I’m drowning,
I wanted to panic, but I didn’t seem to have any control over my body, so I gave in and let the ocean take me. A peace came over me when I looked up and saw my mom floating above me, smiling. I reached up and grabbed the hand that she was offering me, and the next thing I knew I was no longer in the water, but lying on soft sand with my mom standing above me.

“She’s not breathing?” I heard my dad panic.

“Sophie!” Geoff shouted before I felt a sharp pain shoot through my chest. I opened my mouth to tell them I was okay, but none of them seemed to hear me.

“Please don’t let her die!” Erin cried.

I kept my attention on my mom as I felt the water slowly start flowing out of my lungs, and air once again enter them.

“It’s not your time
mi amore
. Breathe,” my mom told me, right before my eyes flew open and the water came spurting out of my mouth. 

“Mom.” I coughed and turned to find her, but she was gone.

“Sophie.” Geoff cupped my face and made me look at him. “She’s breathing.” He held my head to his chest. All I could hear was crying from what seemed to be coming from all around me, before everything once again went black.

The words “please forgive me” that Geoff whispered in my ear rode the waves of pain that were shooting through my head. The parts of me that were starting to wake up were making me very aware that the pain in my head was the least of my worries. From all the pain that was slowly taking over my body, the worst of it seemed to consume my stomach. It felt like it had been punched repeatedly. Add that to the stinging pain in my chest and lungs, I felt like I was sitting at death’s door.  

If I was in this much pain with my eyes shut, there was no way I was going to open them and let whatever light that was shining through my windows add to it. I struggled to pull the blankets over my head without causing too much pain.

“Sophie?” my dad’s soft knock sounded like he was banging on a drum. “Are you awake?”

My reply was a poor excuse of a moan, but that was all I had in me.

“How are you feeling?” I felt him sit on my bed.

“Like I’m dying,” I mumbled.

“You’re lucky to be alive.”

“I’m not sure I agree right now.”

“After last night, you most definitely are.” He sounded relieved and very disappointed. “Here’s some aspirin. We’ll talk later,” he said before leaving.

Somehow, I managed enough movement to take the aspirin, and then wrapped my arms around my stomach and curled up in a ball and prayed for the pain to stop. It wasn’t long after I started trying to remember what happened the night before that I fell back to sleep.

It’s dark. I can’t see anything, but can I feel. I can feel Geoff’s arms around me and the hotness of his breath on my neck as he’s kissing it. I can hear music faintly playing in the background, and the smell of his cologne fills my nose. “I love you Sophie,” he whispers in between kisses.

In the time it takes me to open my eyes, he’s gone and I’m standing behind thousands of people at his concert. I can’t see him, but I can hear him singing. I make my way through the crowd easily, and I’m now standing in the front row, watching. My heart skips a beat when he smiles down at me, but stops when Delilah Yards starts passionately kissing him and it breaks when they both smile, and then start laughing at me. “It was never you.” Geoff’s words hurt. “Did you really think that
Geoff Mann would pick you over me?” Delilah asks with an evil smirk. I start backing up when they both start laughing again, and run when the whole crowd joins them.

I was happy when I awoke from the nightmare I was having. I was happier that I was able to sleep off some of the pain and the only parts that still hurt were my stomach and ches
t making breathing almost unbearable.

Hop
ing a little food would help make my stomach stop aching, I slowly rolled out of bed and pulled on my robe before attempting a trip to the kitchen. I made it halfway down the stairs and froze when I heard Geoff’s voice. I held my breath when I saw him pacing at the bottom of the stairs while talking on the phone.

“She’s still sleeping…I checked on her about an hour ago…she’s still a little warm, but nothing like last night…Sure, I’ll see you then,” he said. “Dr. Gibson will be
here in a couple of hours to check on Sophie.”  I exhaled when he walked into the living room without seeing me.

Hoping I could make it back to my room unnoticed, I very slowly turned around and tiptoed back up the stairs, making sure to skip the one stair I knew would squeak no matter how careful I was being.

“Oh, good; you’re awake.” My dad was waiting for me at the top.

“I was going to get some crackers, but I don’t think I can make it without getting sick.” I held my stomach.

“Yeah, you don’t look very good.” He felt my head.

“I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed.”

“You’ve been in bed all day; come have some dinner with us.” He grabbed my hand.

“I don’t really think I c
ould eat.” My heart flipped, knowing I was going have to face Geoff.

“It will do you
some good.” He helped me down the stairs. “Look who decided to join us.”

Everyone was already sitting at the table when we walked into the kitchen.
Nonna wrapped her arms around me before I was able to sit down, and started mumbling about how stupid I was for drinking, and that she would die if anything happened to me. Then she thanked God a few times before kissing me.

“Sophie, I’m so happy you’re okay.” Erin hugged me.

“Thanks, Erin.” I sat down before anyone else could hug me.

My stomach turned when my dad set a huge plate of fresh octopus, crab, and shrimp in front of me. “Just in case you
’re missing the ocean.”

My face burned with embarrassment. I could tell by the furious look on his face that whatever wrath of a lesson he had in store for me had only begun. I kept my head down for more than one reason. I didn’t want anyone to see that I was trying
my hardest to control my gag reflexes or the tears that were stinging my eyes.

Don’t cry, Sophie. Not here, not in front of Geoff.
I grabbed a fork and poked the octopus.

“How are you feeling?” Mario asked.

“Better.”

“I can’t believe how drunk you were. I’ve never been that drunk,” Erin was kind enough to point out.

“Well, Erin, drinking a whole bottle of red wine while taking a hot bath, and on an empty stomach, will mess up anyone, let alone a teenage girl who has never drank before.” My dad sounded outraged.

“Never drink while in hot water. Got it,” Erin said.

I closed my eyes to catch the tear that was about to fall as rage filled me. I know what I did was stupid, but was all of this necessary?

“Thank God for Geoff and his awesome CPR skills, otherwise you wouldn’t be sitting here with us.” Erin wouldn’t shut up.

“Thank you.” I quickly glanced up at Geoff, who looked just as bothered as I was about what was being said.

“Who would like some wine?” My dad put a huge glass of the same kind of wine I drank last night in front of me.

The bitter smell of the wine filling nose was more than my stomach could take, and before I could embarrass myself even more by throwing up all over the table, I covered my mouth and ran to the nearest bathroom.

After throwing up the contents of my stomach, I propped up against the wall behind me and cried. It was one of those I-couldn’t-hate–myself-more moments.

“Sophie, are you okay?” Geoff knocked on the door.

“I’m fine.” I tried making it sound like I wasn’t crying.

“You don’t sound fine.” He opened the door.

“Great, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse.” I grabbed the wet towel he was handing me.

“I’m trying to make things worse.” He sat next to me.

“I don’t think I can take anymore reminders of how stupid I was last night.”

“I’m the one who broke your heart, so I’m the stupid one here,” he said.

I kept my attention on the towel on which I was taking out my aggression as the dream I had only moments ago played in my head.

“I don’t remember a lot about last night.” I looked at him. “And I’m very happy you were there to help me, but it doesn’t change anything between us.”

I could actually see his heart break through his eyes and it hurt to see them filled with pain, but I gave into his love once and the only thing I learned was I was right to fear love.

“Sophie…”

“I don’t hate you and I do believe you about Delilah,” I interrupted him before he could say something to make me second guess what I was about to tell him.

“You do.” He sounded hopeful.

“Yes, but it also woke me up and made me realize how different our worlds really are.” I looked away so he couldn’t see me cry. “I don’t fit
in your world.”

“How can you say that?” He gently turned my face towards him. “You’re the only thing that fits in my world.”

“No I don’t, and you don’t fit into mine.” I said in just above a whisper.

His expression didn’t change as he stared into my eyes. 

“It’s going to take a lot more than that to make me stop fighting for you,” he said.

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”

“Then, I’ll fight till the end.”

“If you really l
ove me, then you will leave me alone and let me go back to being just Sophie again.” I told him.

“And if you
truly knew how much I love you, then you would understand why I can’t let you go.” He wiped the tears from my cheek and then stood up. I ignored the hand he offered to help me up, and tried to hide the pain as I forced my muscles to work as I stood up.

* * * * *

I lay in bed, staring at my ceiling, trying to make some kind of sense of what Geoff really meant, or why he couldn’t take what I said to heart, and really just leave me alone.

“Are you awake?” Erin opened my door.

“If I say no, will you believe me and go away?”

“Probably not.” She walked into my room.

“Didn’t think so.” I turned away from her. “If you’re only here to add to my guilt, don’t bother. I already feel horrible about what I can’t remember.”

“You seriously don’t remember last night?”

“Not all of it,” I replied.

“What do you remember?”

“Being in the bathtub, you telling me to go to bed, and I think I hugged a tree, but that’s pretty much it.”

“Sophie, you almost drowned last night.”

“My mom was there.”  The flashback of my mom telling me to breathe came back to me.

“You did say something about your mom after Geoff did CPR, but then you passed out and had us all up in arms all night, worried about you.” She sat on my bed. “Geoff had his doctor examine you, and then he stayed by your side the whole night. Your dad paced the house,
Nonna cleaned, while Mario and I tried to keep everyone calm. We were all too afraid to fall asleep in case you never woke up.”

“I don’t remember any of that.” I looked at her.

“I’m so sorry I gave you that wine.” She looked distressed. “I’ll never let you touch alcohol again.”

“Believe me, after today, I will never touch alcohol again.”

“I won’t either,” she said with a halfhearted smile. “I’ll let you get some rest.”

“Erin.” She looked at me when I said her name. “Thank you for always being there for me.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” She winked at me. “Oh, hey, Mr. Watters, she’s all yours,” Erin told my dad, who was waiting in the hall.

“Please tell me you didn’t bring up anything else to help make your point on how stupid I was last night.”

“I was thinking about it, but after seeing you turn green at the table, I decided against it.” He shut my door.

“Good, because I don’t think I can take any more of your torture.”

“You can’t take my torture?” He looked shocked. “Young lady, you’re the one who did all the torturing last night.”

“So I hear.”

“What I don’t understand is why you would do something so irresponsible,” he said.

“I wanted to forget.” I looked at him with tears in my eyes. “I’m so tired of having a broken heart, and I just wanted it all to go away.”

“Sophie, the only thing alcohol almost took away was your life.”

“I know, and I feel so stupid about what I did. I promise I will never touch alcohol again.” I started crying harder.

“I really hope not.” He hugged me. “I already lost your mom; I don’t how I would live if I lost you too.” His voice cracked.

“You’re not going to lose me.”

“I better not.” He held me tighter. “Dr. Gibson should be here soon to check on you, so if you have the strength, why don’t you clean up?”

“Okay,” I replied. “Dad, when are you flying home?” I asked before he left.

“In two days. Why?”

“I want go home with you,” I said.

“But you still have a little over a week left.”

“I know, but I’ve had enough of Italy for one summer,” I told him.

“Okay, then we leave in two days.” He smiled.

“I’ll be ready.”

It was barely a minute after cleaning up that Dr. Gibson arrived for my checkup. He was a short, balding, plump man who looked to be in his early sixties. He was friendly, but to the point. Not one for small talk as he examined me, which I was more than okay with since I had enough talking for one day. He explained that the burning in my chest and lungs would linger for at least a week since they were filled with salt water instead of air at one point. Something I had a feeling I would be reminded of a few more hundred times in my life. After giving me something for the pain, he left and, once again, I found myself alone with only the TV Geoff left behind to keep me company.

It wasn’t long after I found a cooking show to zone out to that I fell asleep, leaving this dreadful day behind.