Written in the Stars (23 page)

“Why does everyone keeps saying that to me?” I asked him. “I never stopped smiling.”

“Maybe not to people who didn’t really know you, but to someone like me, I could see the pain inside your fake smile.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I guess I was afraid to. You already hated me as it was, and I didn’t need add to my list of mistakes.”

“I’ve never hated you, Chris.” I looked up at him.

He looked at me the same way Geoff did right before he kissed me, and I knew I should have stopped him when I saw him leaning into me, but I didn’t. Instead, I closed my eyes when our lips met, and dreamed I was kissing Geoff.

“I have to leave.” I pulled away as soon as reality slapped me in the face.

I quickly stood up and headed back to the house, leaving Chris and my fishing pole behind. It didn’t take long for my guilt to kick in and, before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face.

“Sophie, I’m really sorry.” Chris caught up to me.

“Don’t be.” I wiped my cheeks. “This isn’t about you, and I’m sorry if I made you believe otherwise.”

“I kind of figured I wasn’t the reason behind your smile, but I was hoping.”

“Will you take me home?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he said with a halfhearted smile.

I said my goodbyes to Allison, and felt horrible when she begged me to stay, but considering she was still blaring Geoff’s song, I wasn’t sure how much more guilt I would be able to take. The drive home was quiet enough to hear a pin drop, let alone Chris’s silent sighs that I could tell he was trying to hide.

The porch light flipped on as soon as we drove into the drive, and I could see my dad peering out the window at us.

“Does that have anything to do with the other guy?” He pointed at my dad.

“It has everything to do with him,” I said with embarrassment.

“Would you think less of me if I didn’t walk you to your door?”

“No, I completely understand.” I opened the car door.

“Sophie, if you need someone to talk to.” He looked at me through sorrow eyes. “I promise I won’t kiss you again unless you want me too.”

“Thanks, Chris.”

At least my dad waited until I was in the house before he started making me feel worse than I already did.

“Let’s hope Geoff doesn’t find out about tonight,” he said.

“What is it with you about Geoff?” I shouted at him.

“I just want you to be happy.”

“You taking his side definitely doesn’t make me happy, not even a little,” I replied.

“There are no sides here, Sophie. I know what it feels like to lose someone you love with all your heart, and how it hurts just to breathe when you can’t be with them. I know the pain that controls your every move, and I don’t want that for you anymore.” He got teary eyed. “If you’re not going to fight for your happiness, then I will.”

“And you think that Geoff makes me happy?” I knew he could hear the hurt in my voice.

“I’ve seen how happy Geoff makes you.”

“He also makes me cry, but for some reason, you seem to forget that part,” I said and then walked up to my room.

Erin’s homecoming couldn’t have come at a better time. I was starting to question my own sanity from being driven crazy by my dad and his over-the-top antics of making sure I thought about Geoff every second of the day. There had to be at least ten different magazines lying around the house that had Geoff’s face on the cover, and it seemed like a new one popped up every day. Add that to my dad deciding to frame pictures from our time spent on Geoff’s yacht, but the cherry on top was the letter he taped to my door that Geoff had written me.

* * * * *

I wasn’t the only one holding a “Welcome Home” signs as I waited for Erin, but I did have the best of the signs. I had blown up a picture of the statue of “David” and covered his inappropriate areas with a fig leaf, and had him holding up Erin’s name over his head.

I’m not sure who had a bigger smile when we spotted each other, but I do know Erin screamed loud enough for the whole airport to hear her as she rushed towards me.

“I love the sign.” She hugged me.

“I thought you would appreciate it.”

“Oh, man, I wish I could say I’m happy to be home, but honestly, you’re the only thing I miss about this place.” We started walking to collect her luggage.

“Thanks.” I nudged her.

“So, other than being bored out of your mind without me, what have you been doing without me?”

“Not much.” I shrugged.

“How was your date with Chris?” I was shocked that she knew. “Your dad filled me in.”

“Of course he did.”

“I can’t believe you gave in after all those years of avoiding him.”

“It wasn’t a date, so to say. I helped him watch over his little sister’s birthday party, which turned out to be hell since they kept listening to Geoff’s new song all night.”

“Oh, so we’re talking about Geoff now, are we?” She smiled.

“No.”

“Good, because I’ve been dying to tell you about his new CD, and…” she started.

“We’re still not talking about Geoff.”

“That’s too bad, because you’re really going to regret not knowing what I know.” She had a smug grin on her face.

“I’m sure I can find a way to contain myself.”

“You wouldn’t be able to if you knew what I want to tell you,” she tried again.

“Erin, I’ve had to put up with my dad being Geoff’s number one fan for the last week; please don’t let it be you too.”

“I may not be his number one fan, but I am in the top five. However, I promise not to talk about him unless you want to, but I know you’re really going to wish you knew what I really want to tell you.”

“I’m going to hold you to that promise.”

“You know there is one thing that has changed since we left,” Erin said as we waited for her bags.

“How could you possibly know that? We haven’t even left the airport yet.”

“I know because it has nothing to do with Rhode Island, and everything to do with me.” She held up her left hand and showed off the mini ice rink on a certain finger.

“You’re engaged!” I shouted, catching the attention of everyone around us.

“Yep.” She beamed.

“How in the world did I miss this? It’s huge!” I examined the ring. “And, oh my Lord, you’re engaged.” I hugged her. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Because he proposed right before I got on the plane,” she said. “Right before I handed the lady my boarding pass, he yelled out for everyone’s attention. I was just as thrown off as everyone around us, and still didn’t catch on to what was going on when he knelt down on one knee. I seriously thought he was going to try and embarrass me like he does to you, so I kept pleading for him to stand up and not to embarrass me. It wasn’t until I saw the fear in his eyes that I realized this was really happening, and I swear I could feel my heart doing flips in my chest.” She took a break to grab one of her bags off the conveyor belt. “Anyways, so here I am, frozen with emotions I’ve never felt before in front of a lot of people, hoping that I would be able to hold in my yes until he was done, but when he pulled out this ring, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and I shouted yes at least a hundred times before he even proposed. That part was a little embarrassing.” She grabbed another bag. “Where was I?”

“Yes a hundred times,” I reminded her.

“Oh yeah, so after my run-at-the-mouth moment, he said, ‘Even though I already know your answer, I feel the need to tell you that if I let you get on that plane not knowing you’ll will be mine forever, I may never let you go, so will you please help me end the misery of not knowing and marry me?’” She sighed as I was sure the flashback was running through her head.

“An
d then you yelled yes a thousand times?” I broke into her daydream.

“No. I just nodded yes.”

“Who would have thought my cousin was a Romeo?” I smiled.

“Are you mad?”

“What?” Her question threw me off. “Why would I be mad?”

“I’m taking your favorite cousin away from you.”

“You’re not taking my cousin away from me. You’re giving me another cousin. We’re going to finally really be family,” I told her.

“You’ve always been my family.” She hugged me.

“I better be your maid of honor.”

“You’re crazy if you think otherwise,” she said. “But, you do know I’ll be planning everything, right?”

“I kind had that feeling, but you know I’ll be there to drive you crazy every step of the way, right?”

“You better be.”  She smiled.

We talked about the wedding the whole way to my house. Erin had to drop me off before going home, since I used her car to pick her up.

“Erin, I thought you were coming in tomorrow.” My dad looked surprised to see her.

“That’s what I told my parents so they wouldn’t pick me up from the airport,” Erin explained.

“Why didn’t you want your parents to pick you up?” He looked confused.

“Because I love Sophie more, and I’d rather see her smiling face instead of my crazy family,” she explained.

“Okay, well it’s good to have you home.” He was shaking his head as he made his way to the kitchen.

“What in the world happened to your house?” Erin looked around.

“My dad happened. He’s remodeling.”

“Wow, it must be hell living like this.”

“Let’s just say I would give anything if we can move into our dorm tonight,” I said.

“Our dorm!” she squealed. “Two things I’ve been dreaming about since I was little were my wedding day and making sure I made some blushing memories in college.”

“And while you’re off making those blushing memories, I’ll be working my butt off to make grades and practice.”

“You can at least go to a party or two with me,” she said.

“I can’t chance it.”

“We’ll see about that.” She winked and then walked out the door.

For the next weeks, we spent our days on campus,
learning the ins and outs of being a freshman at Brown. Between orientations, getting our dorm room keys, our class schedules, our IDs, books, and whatever we needed for classes, I think both of us were ready for another vacation. Things only got worse when Erin saw our dorm room for the first time.

“What is this?” She stood in the doorway, looking in. “Where’s the kitchen and bathroom?”

“It’s a dorm, Erin, not an apartment.”

“I can see that.” She walked in and looked into one of the closets. “Please tell me this isn’t my closet.”

“Unless you want the other one,” I said.

“This is a hole in the wall, not a closet.”

“I’m not sure what you expected.”

“I expected something that my clothes would fi
t in, and I haven’t even hit on where my shoes are going to go.” She walked over to the other closet. “I’m in hell.”

“I think we should go shopping before you slip into a depression.” I grabbed her hand.

“Where are we going to put it?” She pouted.

“Let’s worry about that later.”

Erin hit the home décor department, and I grabbed a cart and followed behind her. I really didn’t care much about how our room was decorated, so to cheer her up, I put her in charge of making our room feel like home. 

I followed her through most of the store, agreeing on whatever she wanted to buy until we got to the electronics apartment. As she was looking for a new computer, I was looking at a poster of Geoff’s new CD.  My heart ached when as I read the title
Me and Just Sophie
written on the top, right over his head.

“I told you were going to want to know.” Erin joined me. “I was there when he shot the picture.” She smiled.

“He looks good.” I tried to smile.

“Sophie, there’s something you really need to know.”

“Not if it’s about him.”

“Sophie, he really loves you.” 

“I need to buy some towels.” I ignored her and started walking.

I never questioned Geoff’s love for me, or mine for him. I only questioned how much control that love had over my heart. Once again, I learned the hard way that it’s dangerous to love someone that much, especially when you’re convinced you no longer have a heart that you can trust, a heart that seems to fall no matter how hard you try to hold onto it.

*
* * * * *

It took Erin an entire week to decorate our room to her satisfaction and I had to admit it no longer looked like a boring dorm room, but a very small and cozy one-room apartment.

“I’m not ready for classes to start
,” Erin sighed as she wrote in her calendar.

“I’m more than ready to start anything that keeps my mind and time occupied. Between classes and practices, I’ll barely have time to breathe, let alone…”

“Think about Geoff?” She looked at me.

“Really?” I glared at her.

“Yes, really. Do you have any idea how many times you lose all train of thought and stare off into nothing?” she asked. “At least once an hour, so that means you’re thinking about Geoff all the time.”

“Or I’m thinking about all the things I still need to do before classes start.”

“Yeah, no,” she said. “The look on your face when you fade away has Geoff written all over it.”

I hated that I had become so transparent that I couldn’t even hide my thoughts from Erin. Of course, I was thinking about Geoff, but more like every minute of the day, not hour. I couldn’t stop wondering where he was, what he was doing, and who he was with, and as hard as I tried fighting it, instead of me getting stronger and being able to move on without him, my longing to be with him seemed to grow stronger instead. 

“I’m going to the cafeteria. Do you want anything?” I asked, refusing to carry on a conversation for fear of not knowing what I would say next.

“Nope,” she replied with a know-it-all grin.

I was hoping that my getting away from Erin would help me calm down, but it didn’t, and my frustration only grew. She was almost as annoying as my dad, and I was starting to think that the only way I could truly escape them was to move to Siberia.

I never made it to the cafeteria. Instead, I decided to run. I ran with no direction, and really no idea where I was going until I found myself standing in front of the place that I felt my mom’s presence the most and that was home.

I quietly sneaked into the back door, and silently locked myself in my bedroom. I walked out to my balcony and looked out across the ocean.

“I know I said I’m fine without you, but I could really use you right now,” I mumbled through the tears that were building.

“Sophie!” my dad yelled, startling me. “I thought you were a burglar. I could have killed you.”

“I didn’t know you were home.” I wiped away my tears.

“Are you okay? What happened? Were you attacked?” he asked.

“No, I just needed to come home for a little while.”

“Well, I’m glad you did because I’ve been missing you.” He hugged me.

“You do know you can come visit me anytime you want.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” he replied.

“You will never be intruding.
” I smiled up at him.

“Good, then I’ll be by tomorrow.”

“I’ll warn Erin,” I teased him.

Choosing the lesser of two evils, I decided to spend the night at home.