Written in the Stars (25 page)

Erin was right. College parties are nothing like high school ones. They’re worse. There are ten times more people, drinking, falling, making out, and just being complete idiots, but this time, instead of finding a nice quiet corner, I joined in without the drinking. I couldn’t remember when I had ever danced more than a song at a time, and I was having a blast. Everyone around me was drunk, so they hardly noticed how awful my dance moves really were.

“I have to use the bathroom,” I yelled into Erin’s ear.

“Okay,” Erin yelled back.

I couldn’t believe how long the line was for the bathroom. If I hadn’t been holding it most of the night already, I would have given up.

“Have you been here long?” The guy behind me decided to strike up a conversation after twenty minutes of waiting.

“About twenty minutes. You?” I smiled.

“Same.” He extended his hand. “My name is Keagan.”

“Sophie.”

Just as I was about to shake his hand, someone had bumped into me from behind.

“Sorry,” a guy dressed like Zorro said in an-all-too-familiar deep voice.

“Dude, watch where you’re going.” Keagan came to my defense.

“It’s okay.” I put my hand on Keagan’s chest to stop him. I couldn’t stop staring at Zorro, wondering who the man behind the mask was. There was something mesmerizing about him, and the way his eyes widened when I touched Keagan. “Keagan, let’s go see if there’s a bathroom upstairs.” I eyed Zorro.

“I know there is,” Keagan replied, still glaring.

“Good, let’s go.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him out of line.

“Sophie,” Zorro, or I should say Geoff, grabbed my wrist before we could get too far.

“I knew it was you.” I pulled my hand away.

“Dude, leave us alone already.” Keagan closed the gap between him and Geoff.

“You don’t want to do that.” I stopped Keagan when I spotted Antonio dressed like the Hulk standing right behind Geoff.

“I would listen to her.” Geoff smiled when Ant stood next to him.

“What is he? Like your bodyguard?”

“Yes, he’s like my bodyguard,” Geoff said.

“Oh, so you’re some kind of wimp who can’t fight. That would explain the whole bodyguard scene,” Keagan taunted Geoff. “I, on the other hand, can fight all by myself.” Keagan raised his fist. Before I could scream, blink, anything, Geoff punched Keagan out cold.

“I never said I couldn’t fight.” He smiled down at Keagan.

“He’s going to sue you!” I was gawking at Geoff.

“He doesn’t know who I am,” Geoff said.

“What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you,” he said.

“Does anyone care that I don’t want to see you?” I could feel the sting of tears filling my eyes. I turned and headed for the front door before the scene could get any worse.

“Sophie, wait.” Geoff followed, but by luck, I was able to lose him in the crowd.

“Sophie!” Erin hollered when I pushed past her. “Sophie, where are you going?” She followed me out of the house.

“You lied to me!” I shouted at her.

“What are you talking about?”

“You said he wasn’t going to be here.”

“I didn’t have time to tell him not to come,” she admitted. “And I was hoping that when you saw him that you would realize how stupid you’re acting.” My mouth fell open. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right,” she said.

“No, it did. In fact it came out perfectly.” I backed away from her. “Please tell me what you want from me so I don’t have to keep living my life like this.”

“I want you to be happy, and he makes you happy.” She started crying.

“You sound like my dad.” I was getting irritated.

“I’m sorry, but, Sophie, we both can’t be wrong. You’re still in love with him.”

“So that’s what you want.” My eyes narrowed. “You want me to say the words I couldn’t say back in Italy. You want me to admit that I was wrong for standing my ground and walking away from my heart.”

“If that’s what it takes, then yes,” she said.

“Fine,” I looked at Geoff, standing a few feet behind Erin along with a huge crowd that had stopped to watch my mental meltdown. “Anytime I see a poster of you hanging in someone’s room, all I want to do is
lay in their bed so I can be close to you. I never stopped loving you and I never will.” I backed up when I saw him walking towards me. “But that doesn’t mean I want to be with you.” With those words, he stopped. “You healed me in a way I never thought I could be, but then you made realize that I’m still breakable when you broke me. I’m sorry, but that’s something I have a hard time getting over.” I looked back at Erin. “You didn’t have to lie to me,” I said before walking away.

I calmly walked away and kept walking until it hit me what I had done again. Once again, I had let my anger get the best of me, and control my actions without thought. Had I actually stopped to think about what the moment was handing to me, then I wouldn’t have said I didn’t want to be with him and I wouldn’t have walked away again. I’d always been my worst enemy.

*
* * * * *

Erin was sitting on her bed crying when I finally got back home. Walking almost ten miles in the middle of the night is not only scary, but cold. Something I should have thought about before walking away without asking for a ride.

“Sophie, I am so sorry.” She came running at me when I walked in. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t.” I hugged her back.

“Before your mom died, she told me how important dreams were in someone’s life, and then she made me promise that I would never let you stop chasing your dreams. I knew that you wanted nothing more than to have her back, but that was a dream I couldn’t give you, so I turned my sights on your next biggest dream. At least of the ones I knew of, and that was Geoff.” She wiped her eyes. “
She told me about how you both met when you were younger, and that he has always talked about you. But then when you went into crazy fan mode, she had no idea how to introduce you again since she knew you wouldn’t be yourself. Then she found out she was dying, and that’s when she and Geoff’s mom set up the concert and backstage meeting, hoping you two would connect again. I guess it’s some kind of Italian family thing that they knew you two were meant for each other. So when Geoff ended up in Italy this summer, I figured it was your mom’s way of helping me, so I went with it.”

“She told you all of that, and you never said anything to me?” I asked.

“I promised I wouldn’t until you were ready to hear it.” She pulled something from under her mattress. “She gave me this before she died.” She handed me a leather journal. “It’s her hopes and dream from the last year she was alive.”

“She gave it to you?” I was a little hurt.

“Yes, but only because she knew you would only read them and not follow them. At least, that was what she said.”

I opened the journal and, on the first page, was a picture of me and Geoff at his concert six years ago with the words “Sophie’s Dream” written underneath it. The first hope on her list was to make sure all my dreams come true.

“Now do you understand?” Erin asked me.

“I’m starting to.”

“Your dad has been helping me,” she said.

“I had a feeling you were working together.” I smiled through my tears.

“There’s more.” She handed me a letter. “It’s from Geoff. I understand if you don’t want to read it.”

“This is the letter my dad hung on the bedroom door.” I looked at it. “How did you get you it?”

“Geoff gave it to me right before I left the party.”

“And my dad gave it to him when I left it behind.” It was all coming together.

“It really hurt Geoff when he found out you didn’t read it.”

My heart crumbled as I looked down at the envelope that held Geoff’s last words to me. I can’t say I didn’t blame him after the hell I put him through, and I guess finding sanity can actually come a little too late sometimes.

My hands were shaking as I pulled out the letter.

“I’ll just give you a moment.” Erin left the room.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath before I started reading.

Sophie,

I carry a
picture of you everywhere I go so that your face is the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning, and the last thing before I close them at night. I can only dream that one day I will have the real you lying next to me instead.

I hurt you, and I hate myself for it. It kills me to know that  you don’t think I deserve you or your love, especially since I’m stuck in a moment where I’m holding you and I can’t seem to let go. I don’t want to let go, Sophie. I never want to let go.

If it takes me a lifetime to prove myself to you again, then I hope to live forever because I will never stop trying. We’re not meant to end. Our love is written in the stars.

Geoff.

Tears of happiness flooded my eyes as I read the letter over and over to make sure it really said what I thought it said. I don’t know how or why he still wanted me, but this time, I was going to face my fears and jump instead of walking away.

“Can I come back in?” Erin peeked into the room.

“Yes.” I wiped my cheeks.

“Oh, no, it’s bad, isn’t it?” She moped beside me.

“No, he still wants me.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because after the way I’ve been acting, I don’t deserve a happy ending.” I was confused when she moved to the other side of the room. “Why did you move?”

“Because I was about to hit you, so I figured the best thing to do was move away from you,” she said. “Stop being you long enough to be happy, please.”

“Okay.”

“Really?” She looked surprised that I didn’t argue.

“Yes, really.”

“I did it!” She jumped up. “Let’s go find Geoff so you can tell him you love him.”

“That can wait.”

She started moping again with my reply. “But you just said ‘okay.’”

“And I meant it.” I pulled her down into my bed with me. “However, before I become a super star’s girlfriend
again,
I just want to be your best friend.”

“That is the best idea you’ve ever had.” She smiled.  “So, how are you going to tell Geoff?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“I can help you if you want.”

“I think I should do this one solo,” I told her.

“Promise me that you won’t mess it up again.” She looked at me.

“I’ll try not to,” I replied. “Thanks for being my best friend.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” She laid her head on my shoulder. “Most of the time.”

*
* * * *

I stood on the edge of the cliff, frozen not only from the icy cold wind, but from the fear as I looked down into the ocean. Geoff’s words “The first step is the scariest” kept dancing in my head as I tried to psych myself out enough to take that first step.

As my fear started to get the best of me, I felt myself taking steps backwards instead of forward.  All I needed to do was jump to overcome the fear that had controlled my life way too long, but I couldn’t. All I could think about was what happened after I jumped.

“You can do this Sophie.” I started talking to myself. “You have to do this.” I walked back to the edge of the cliff. This time, instead of looking down, I looked out across the ocean and waited hopefully that I would see my mom in the sunrise of the morning sky, or maybe hear a hint of her voice, letting me know she was here with me.

The breeze that was already blowing over me seemed to get stronger, and it was then that I closed my eyes, since I knew she was there.

“This is for you,” I breathed, and went to take my first step.

“Only a crazy person would jump off
a cliff into a freezing cold ocean, when it’s below freezing out.” Geoff voice stopped me.

“Have you ever tried it?” I asked without turning around.

“Have I ever jumped off a fifty-foot cliff into freezing cold water? Yes, but not in the winter,” he said.

“Then how can you say it’s crazy.” I still didn’t turn around.

“I guess I can’t.” He stood next to me.

“Someone once told me the only way to get over your fears is to jump.” I looked at him.

“I did hear that somewhere.”

“He said the first step is the scariest, but it’s the ones that follow that make it
all worth it,” I said.

His lips curled up to form a perfect smile as he moved some of my hair from my eyes. He made sure our eyes were locked when he replied, “I do believe I also said I would jump with you.”

“I was hoping you remembered that part.” I tried not to cry as he slowly inched into me, not stopping until his lips were embracing mine. I couldn’t help hoping this would be our last first kiss we would ever have.