“Leaving
so soon?”
It’s
like history is repeating itself. Those are the exact words he said to me last
week when I was trying to sneak out, the night he cornered me in the hallway
and insisted on taking me home.
“Yeah,
I’m pretty tired.” I run my fingers through my hair, sighing wearily.
“And
Jason’s coming over.” He stares at me coolly, closed off and almost cruel. His
eyes sparkle with contempt and it hurts to see his anger directed at me.
“What?”
I ask incredulously, taking a step back from him.
“When
you first got here you said your friend was coming over later.” He responds
simply, leaning against the doorframe in a casual stance.
“Oh,
right.” I force a smile of recognition on my face, hoping I somehow managed to
fool him.
“You
were lying.”
“Excuse
me?”
“He’s
not coming over.” He speaks confidently, smirking at me as he closes the
distance between us.
“What
makes you say that?”
“I
can read you and I know when you’re lying.”
God,
he’s so arrogant it makes me sick. Who the hell does he think he is?
“Please,
you hardly know me.” I turn my back on him but he locks those strong fingers
around my delicate wrist, tugging me back.
“Maybe
you’re right but I know more than you think.” He whispers huskily.
“You
don’t know the first thing about me.” I exclaim fiercely, pushing my palms
against his chest as I try to put some space between his body and mine.
“I
know that you feel this. Whatever the hell you want to call this fucked up
thing between us, you feel it and you know exactly what I’m talking about. I
can feel your pulse beating underneath my fingers, it’s erratic and uncertain.
You’re breathing heavy and your eyes are almost closed.”
“I-I
don’t know what you’re talking about but you need to let go of me. Right now.”
I demand bitterly, trying to free my wrists from his grasp.
“I’ll
let go if you promise me you won’t turn your back on me again. All I want is
five minutes with you, Samantha. Come outside with me for five minutes and I’ll
let you go.”
“Why?”
“Please.
Before we’re interrupted.” He begs, tightening his hold on me.
“Fine.”
I acquiesce, allowing him to pull me outside onto the balcony.
He
closes the sliding door behind us and walks over to the railing. He waits a few
moments before turning around to face me, crossing one ankle over the other and
folding his arms across his chest.
“We
need to talk.” He says curtly.
“About…”
“Don’t
play dumb. You know what I’m talking about.” He replies harshly.
“Has
this got something to do with the reason you called me last week.” I ask.
“Yes.”
“And?”
“Look,
I meant what I said when I phoned you. I need to talk to you and we can’t do
that here. After I take my mum and dad home tonight… can we talk? I can pick
you up or I could come over? Whatever you want, Sam. I’ll do it.”
I
gape at him in astonishment. He wants to see me? Alone? He wants to come over
to my place? The idea makes with tremble with anticipation and fear.
“I
don’t know what to say.” I whisper, shaking my head from side to side. It’s
like I’m in a trance, one I’m desperate to pull myself out of.
“Say
yes. This needs sorting and we need the privacy to be able to talk alone.” He
insists, fixing those chocolate brown eyes onto my own.
“Zack,
you’re my sister’s fiancé. She loves you and you love her, whatever you want to
discuss with me is not as important as that fact.”
“Don’t
you think I know all of that? Do you know many hours I’ve spent torturing
myself over this?! It makes me sick to my stomach but I can’t help it, there’s
nothing I can do to control any of this and that’s why I’m begging you to do
this.” He pleads with me, an agonized look on his face.
I
breathe deeply, considering every single implication that could be the result of
what he’s asking me to do. I know I’ll be playing with fire if I agree to meet
with him but if I don’t… how the hell are we supposed to get past this? How are
we supposed to be around one another and act as though nothing’s happened? It
would be impossible and that’s reason enough for him to be able to convince me
that I’m right.
“Ok.”
I sigh wearily, playing with the necklace around my neck. This is something I
always do when I’m nervous and I’ve been more terrified than I am right now.
“You
mean it?” His eyes widen in disbelief, as though he can hardly believe I’ve
actually agreed.
“Yes.”
I mumble quietly, looking at the floor beneath my feet.
“Good.
I’ll text you as soon as I leave here and once I’ve dropped off my parents, I
can come over to yours.”
“No,
you can’t come over to my place. I’d rather you pick me up.” I tell him
hastily, knowing that there’s no way I’m going to have him in my apartment. I
don’t trust him and I certainly don’t trust myself.
“Sure,
whatever you want.” He replies agreeably, placing both of his hands inside his
trouser pockets.
He’s
wearing another suit tonight, it’s black and looks really expensive. He’s so
far out of my league it’s not even funny. He’s a successful and accomplished
architect and I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. Working part
time in a children’s nursery is not something I see myself doing forever. I
still haven’t found that special something, the passion I want to chase after
or the career that will truly make me happy.
“I
have to go.” I tell him, placing my hand on the door handle behind me.
“How
are you getting home?” He asks, pushing himself off the balcony railing,
closing the distance between us.
“I’ll
call a taxi. I’ll wait outside until it turns up.”
“I
don’t like the idea of you getting a cab this late.” He frowns, clearly unhappy
with the idea.
“Zack,
it’s only nine o’clock. Besides, I’m not your fiancé. You don’t need to worry
about me.” I reply coarsely.
“There’s
no need to be like that.”
“I
have every reason to say those things and you know it.” I glower at him, angry
with this man for making me question everything, everything I ever thought
about myself and believed in.
“You’re
right. I’m sorry.” He hangs his head, his hands still in his pockets. He looks
ashamed and it’s enough to make me feel guilty over my harsh words.
“Look,
I really have to go and they’ll be wondering where you are.”
There’s
a moment of silence between us, our gaze meets and we hold onto it for several
seconds. I finally break away from it, tucking a stray strand of my hair behind
my ear.
“I’ll
see you soon.” He whispers.
“Bye.”
I mumble softly.
“I
mean it, Samantha. If I don’t hear from you I’m coming over anyway. I won’t
take no for an answer. There’s things we need to discuss.”
“I
know, Zack. I know.”
“Good.
I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
I
nod my head, taking one look back at him before opening the sliding door back
into the house. I scurry into the hallway to retrieve my coat. I don’t know who
hung it up for me but I know it wouldn’t have been my mum. Maybe it was Zack’s
mum? She seems like a really lady and it’s not difficult to see where he gets
his friendly manner and impeccable manners from. That’s what makes me feel so
bad about leaving without saying goodbye, I know it doesn’t make me look good,
especially when his mum and dad were nothing but polite to me all evening.
I
phone a taxi and decide to wait for it outside, it’s a warm night and it’s not
quite dark yet so I don’t mind. My conversation with Zack keeps on racing
through my mind whilst I wait, I can scarcely believe I’ll be alone with him in
a couple of hours. It’s the last thing I want as well as being the thing I want
the most. I’m torn when it comes to how I should deal with the situation, a
part of me knows how much of a betrayal it is to even meet with him behind my
sister’s back. I’m not stupid enough to believe he wants to talk to me about
something innocent, he wouldn’t ask to speak with me in private if it was
merely something about the wedding and that’s the bit I’m so afraid of.
My
taxi pulls up a few minutes later and I step in it, allowing myself one final
glance behind me as it turns out of the driveway. I notice a tall silhouette in
the centre of the front room window, watching me drive away. The sight of him
ignites a flame deep down inside of me, one which roars to life, flickering and
crackling with a scorching heat, ready to explode at any moment. I know I don’t
have the strength to turn my back on this, from the first moment I saw him… I
just
knew
. I knew something inside of me had shifted, for better or
worse he was going to be important to me, he was going to matter and he was
going to change everything. I had no idea it would happen so soon but I knew
something between us would take place. We were inevitable, I knew we would be
catastrophic, I knew our attraction would be fatal.
Fatal
attraction.
Famous
last words.
Chapter Six
I
don’t know what to do with myself when I get back to my apartment. I can’t sit
still, I can’t focus on anything and I can’t relax. I place my phone in the
centre of the room on the coffee table, trying to resist the increasing urge I
have to check it every five seconds. I seriously consider leaving my apartment
altogether, that way I won’t even be here if Zack does decide to turn up
unannounced when he can’t get in touch with me.
I
get my coat and head for the door, pausing when I have it half open. If I run
away now it will only mean I’ll have to deal with this later. There’s no way
Zack’s going to let me get away with avoiding him. He was pretty confident when
I spoke to him about not allowing me to wriggle out of this. He’s determined
and I know how impossible it would be for me to avoid him forever.
If
I stay and face this head on, we might have a chance of moving past this. He
can say whatever he wants to say to me and I’ll let him. After tonight we’ll go
our separate ways and I doubt we’ll ever have a private conversation together
ever again. I’ll be polite but evasive, I’ll never allow myself to be alone
with him, we can be polite but that’s as far as it will go. There’ll be no more
fantasising about him and no more jealousy, I’ll be happy for him and Rachel
and give their marriage my blessing, I’ll move forward and look back on tonight
and laugh. I’ll laugh at how ridiculous I made things and never think about it
again. Never.
I
tell myself all of this, I repeat it over and over again inside my head but I
don’t think I really believe any of it. It feels like I’ve been waiting for
hours when it’s really only been thirty minutes or so. I start to think he’s
changed his mind, decided not to call and stayed with Rachel. I convince myself
of this for a further thirty minutes until I remember him saying it would be at
least a couple of hours until he could get away.
Unable
to sit still for a moment longer, I make my way into the kitchen and put the
kettle on. I’ll try and sit down in front of the TV, hoping to distract myself
until he contacts me. I end up choosing to watch one of my favourite movies of
all time and curl up on the sofa with my hot drink and ‘The Breakfast Club.’
I’m
half an hour into the movie when my phone starts to vibrate on the wooden
surface of the table in front of me. My screen lights up, letting me know I’ve
received a brand new message. My hands are shaking as I reach for it, closing
my eyes before opening them to read the words on my phone’s screen.
Zack: I’ve just
got back home with my parents. I’ll be there in five minutes and I’ll let you
know when I’m outside.
I
don’t know how I should respond so decide to say nothing. He’ll be on his way
over by now anyway. I grab my coat, pulling it before I sit back down on the
sofa and wait for him. I’m so glad I told him I wanted him to pick me up,
there’s no way I could have him come into my apartment, I’d be far too nervous
and unsure of myself. My phone starts to vibrate again in my hand.
He’s
calling me.
“H-hello?”
I stammer nervously.
“Samantha,
I’m outside. You still want to come out here or can I come inside?” He asks,
his strong, masculine voice sounding even deeper over the phone.
“No!
I’ll come out. I’ll be there in a second.” I tell him hastily, fumbling with
the keys in my hand.
“Ok.”
He replies solemnly before hanging up the phone.
I
take a deep breath in and rake my fingers through my unruly hair. This is it.
This is really it. I spot his sleek car as soon as I step out of the apartment
complex. He’s leaning against his side of the car, stroking his thumb over his
bottom lip as though he’s deep in thought. I nervously step closer towards him,
wanting to observe him for a few moments longer before he sees me. However, he
must notice me in his peripheral vision and he glances up, exhaling loudly when
he spots me.
“I
thought you might have changed your mind. That’s why I raced over here as fast
as I could.”
“Well,
here I am.”
I’m
so cautious around him, I feel like he’s observing my every move and it really
does make me feel self-conscious.
“Get
in.”
He
spins around and opens his own car door, leaving me to walk around and get in
the other side. His actions are a complete contrast to what he did last time
when he opened the door for me. I guess he’s just as tense and uneasy as I am.
Neither of us want to be here but we both know it’s something we have to talk
about before it’s too late. Before we make the mistake of doing something we
might regret.
“Where
are we going?” I ask, slipping on my seatbelt.
“I
don’t know yet. Any preferences?” He glances over at me before he starts the
engine, pulling out onto the main road within seconds.
“Not
really.”
“Well,
I’d really like to go somewhere I can talk to you in private. A bar or
restaurant certainly won’t be the best play to do that.” He says calmly.
“We
can’t go anywhere in public, someone might see us.”
I
can’t believe he even suggested us going out together in public. I can just
imagine what people would say if they saw me and Zack together without Rachel.
“Sam,
we’re not doing anything wrong. I’m allowed to talk to my fiancé’s sister.”
“Yes
but you’re not supposed to look like you’re on a date with her.” I reply
coldly.
“Fine.
I know a place we could go. Its somewhere we won’t be seen and somewhere we can
talk.”
His
hands tighten on the wheel, something I’ve noticed he does when he’s annoyed or
stressed. We spend the rest of the journey in silence as he takes us further
and further out of town. The frosty atmosphere must become too much for him
because he reaches across to turn on the radio, filling the car with pointless
pop music instead. It’s only Ella Henderson’s ‘Ghost’ that manages to capture
my attention. There’s a cool and tranquil lake to my right, making our scenery
coincide with the song lyrics. She sings with so much soul, it’s impossible for
me not to be moved by her voice and the darkness outside. The full moon
shimmers on the water, captivating my attention and preoccupation. I’m so lost
within my own thoughts, I don’t notice Zack take a left turn down a small,
narrow road. There’s trees and fields on either side of us, alerting me to how
far out we’ve drove.
“Ok,
this is a little creepy.” I admit, trying to spot a house or a building nearby.
“I’m
sorry. It’s the only place I could think of. I used to come here when I was
younger, there’s a lake and a bench somewhere further down on the right.” He
says, pointing vaguely.
I
actually end up spotting the lake before he does, I can see the moonlight
shimmering on the black surface.
“Look,
the lake is straight ahead.” I say, gesturing towards it.
“Nice
spot. Ok, I’ll just pull up right… here.”
He
pulls over to the right, switching off the car’s engine before unbuckling his
seatbelt. I do the same and anxiously start to wring my hands together,
refusing to look at him and reluctant to be the first one to speak.
“Do
you want to get out or stay in here?”
“We
can get out.” I say, quickly offering to get out of the car. I really need some
space between us, the atmosphere is far too intense in such an enclosed space.
He’s
quick to follow and walks behind me as I make way over to the wooden bench
which overlooks the lake.
“I
know this is really, really strange and weird.” He mumbles softly, taking a
seat beside me.
“Yeah,
it is.” I reply curtly, folding my arms across my chest in a defensive pose.
It’s
not cold here, it’s actually quite warm. The view of the lake is magnificent
and I wish I actually paid attention on the way here so I could remember the
way to come here again.
“There’s
no easy way for me to say this and I don’t know where to start…” He sighs,
tugging on his brown hair in frustration as he struggles to find the right
words.
I
don’t mean to ask him but I don’t seem to have any control over the words
coming out of my mouth and before I know it, my question has already been
blurted out.
“Have
you ever been here with Rachel?” I ask, hating myself for letting the words
tumble out of my mouth.
“What?
Where did that come from?” He inquires, turning to face me.
“Just
curious.” I respond sullenly.
“Curious
or jealous?” He challenges, half smirking, half taunting me.
“Don’t
even try an insinuate anything.” I warn him, sliding away from him across the
bench.
“I’m
sorry. That was out of order, I apologise.” He murmurs softly, standing up and
walking a short distance away from me. He remains silent for a few more moments
before answering my question. “The answer’s no. I’ve never been here with
Rachel.”
I
don’t know why that would make me happy but it does. I breathe a sigh of
relief, immediately berating myself for it. It’s not as though it means
something, it doesn’t mean he cares about me just because he’s brought me here
and not her.
“Zack,
you’ve tried to speak to me several times now. It’s apparent you have something
important that you want to tell me so I suggest you just go on and say it.”
He
sighs, rakes his fingers through his hair and loosens his tie, sliding it from
underneath his collar. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, making it
obvious how difficult this is for him.
“Give
me one night.” He whispers softly, clenching his fists in anticipation of what
I’m about to say.
“What?”
I ask him incredulously, barely able to keep a hold on my emotions.
“One
night. I want you to spend a night with me.” His voice is calm and confident,
the exact opposite of how I’m feeling.
“Excuse
me?”
“You
heard.”
“Are
you… are you suggesting…”
“Yes.
I want to sleep with you and I’m pretty sure you want the same thing.”
“What
on earth makes you think that?” I cry, jumping up onto my feet.
“This!
The fact that you’re here with me right now. The fact that you answered my call
last weekend and didn’t say anything to anybody.” He strides over towards me,
forcing me to take a step back.
“That
doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you!” I yell, throwing my hands in the
air.
“Maybe
it doesn’t but I instinctively know that you do. You’re nervous, uneasy and on
edge every time you see me and your whole body begins to tremble whenever I’m
within six feet of you. You want me, Samantha. You can deny it all you want but
that won’t change anything.” He grabs hold of my shoulders, dragging my body
towards his.
“And
this is what you brought me here to say?”
I
can’t believe he would do this to Rachel, the idea of what he’s suggesting is
repulsive to me. I don’t know who the hell he thinks he is or why he believes
I’d go along with his sick idea.
“Listen,
I have a suggestion. Something that will help the both of us and hopefully
rectify the situation we’ve come to find ourselves in.” He says, attempting to
reason with me and make me listen.
“I
don’t want to hear it!” I shout, struggling to free myself from his grasp
before I start to walk in the opposite direction towards the car.
“Samantha,
Please. Here me out. I know how wrong this is but I need you to listen. I’m
begging you.” He chases after me, grabbing onto my hand and spinning me around
to face him.
I
notice the desperation in his eyes, how distraught he is and how distressed he
must have been to even think about bringing me here. I know I’m acting all
self-righteous and superior, I know I’m making out like I’m better than him by
pretending to be offended and disgusted. I suppose a part of me is revolted but
another part of me is selfishly intrigued. I’ve fantasised about being with
Zack every single moment since I met him. I’ve dreamt about him, imagined us
together and even called out his name whilst pleasuring myself. I’m repulsed by
my own actions and despise myself for contemplating the very idea of being with
him. What kind of person does that make me?
“Go
on.” I murmur, lowering my gaze from his.
I
already feel defeated, it’s as though I’ve signed on the dotted line. This
hypothetical contract between us is complete. By showing my interest, I’ve
sealed my fate.
“One
night, Samantha. One night for us to be together. No one has to know, we won’t ever
breathe a word of it to anyone and we can both forget about it as soon as the
night is over.” He looks at me in expectation, seriously hoping I’m actually
going to consider it.
“Are
you insane? You really think we’ll be able to forget something like that?
You’re engaged to my sister, a sister I love and care about. A sister I refuse
to hurt for the likes of you.” I say firmly, twisting my body away from him.