You Are My Sunshine: A Novel Of The Holocaust (All My Love Detrick Companion Novel) (46 page)

Chapter
74

Even now several months after the event, Isaac refused to discuss what he’d seen that day in the cabin. Zofia didn’t ask, but she knew it had affected him deeply. His usual optimism was clouded.

Winter had invaded the land,
her frozen heart destroying all evidence of the previous summer’s abundance.

Isaac,
Zofia, and Shlomie found warmth in tool sheds and barns but they never stayed more than a night, settling in after dark and leaving before the sun rose. They’d stolen winter coats along the way. Isaac making sure that Zofia had the first one.   But still, the cold and lack of food took their toll. Within two weeks of the onset of winter, Zofia turned weak and pale, and she had begun to bleed. She was sick to her stomach and vomiting. Isaac was terrified.

He said nothing but held her tenderly in his arms, blaming himself for her predicament. 
Zofia trembled and her teeth chattered, with the cold and loss of blood.

“We have to stop running. I know it’s a risk. But we must. The farm we passed this morning has a large tool shed. We’ll settle there. With God’s help, the farmer won’t be going out to use his tools any time soon.” Isaac said.
God how he loved her, if only he could take her pain, he would gladly do it. Her suffering was worse to him than dying.

“It’s risky.” Shlomie said shaking with cold.

“I don’t care. We can’t keep going. Zofia needs to rest.”

Shlomie nodded.
“It’s true. Let’s stop.” He looked at Isaac accusingly out of the corner of his eye.

All day they hid in the forest across the road from the tool shed.
Zofia lay in Isaac’s arms. When night fell, he lifted her and carried her like a baby, and the three entered the shed.   Even inside Zofia still shivered, her skin had turned the color of chalk.

There was no light
in the shed, no windows. Shlomie tripped over something but regained his balance without falling.

“
It’s better in here than outside, but it’s still so damn cold,” Isaac said taking off his coat and laying it over Zofia who was too weak to speak.

“There is nothing else we can do.” Shlomie said.
“At least we have some shelter.”

Isaac nodded. “I wonder if there are any extra blankets in the barn.”

“I wouldn’t take them. That would only alert the farmer. In the morning you and I will go to a neighboring farm and try to find some blankets.” Shlomie said.

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but why don’t we take all three coats and put them over the three
of us. If we huddle together we will be warm.” Isaac said.

“You’re worried about Z
ofia?”

“Yes,
of course I am. She is bleeding. I am very worried.”

“You did this to her.” Shlomie said. “How could you get her pregnant in the
position we are in?”

“Shut up.” Isaac said,
angrier with himself than at Shlomie. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should never have done this. If she dies, I will never forgive myself. ” Isaac began to cry. God, Isaac prayed in his mind, take me instead. I did this; it isn’t her fault it’s mine. Please, take me instead. I am begging you.

For several
moments, the room was dark cold and silent except for the sobbing that came from Isaac’s tortured soul.

“It’s alright. She’ll be alright.” Shlomie said.
They could see his breath white as he spoke.

Z
ofia was drained, her eyes were closed, but she could hear them. It was difficult to speak but she knew that she must.

“Isaac…” Her voice was barely a whisper “Isaac, my love, don’t blame yourself I wouldn’t trade one minute
of what we had. I am not sorry for what we did.”

He leaned his body down beside her and took her into his arms. The tears still fell freely on his face
dripping onto hers.

“I love you.” It was all he could say.
“And I’m sorry, I am so sorry.” There was no way to change the past.

“I love you too, Isaac. And I am
really not sorry…”

All through the
night, Isaac held Zofia watching her sleep. And, in the morning, he breathed a sigh of relief as the sunburst like a bouquet of ribbons through the slats of wood in shed, to find she was still alive. Now with the light, Isaac could see everything in the room. It was filled with useful tools, matches, and horse blankets. Isaac put the entire pile of blankets on top of Zofia. He took his coat and put it on. The strapped his bow and arrow to his back

“
You’re going hunting?” Shlomie asked.

“Yes, stay with her. I am going to see what I can find.”

Several hours passed before Isaac returned carrying a bird a squirrel and a bunch of soft brown apples. In his other hand, he held a steel bucket filled with water.

He put the apples down “I took these from the farm down the way. I turned the bushel over. The farmer will think that the horse got to them. And I was
blessed; I caught two animals for us.”

Shlomie nodded.
“Where did you get the water?”

“I walked to another farm and stole the
horse’s water.”

“You must be tired.”

Isaac shrugged. He was tired, exhausted in fact. He’d not slept a wink the entire night. “How is she?” Isaac bent beside Zofia.

“She’s weak.”

Isaac nodded.

“I’m going to start a fire.” Isaac said spying a fifty-five gallon oil drum, a small can of kerosene, and a saw.

“It’s too dangerous. We
can’t start a fire inside of a building. Are you crazy? The windows are all boarded up. We’ll die in here.”

“I’ll knock the windows out.
Look there’s an axe on the wall.”

“No, this is madness.” Shlomie said

Zofia lay shaking on the ground too weak to voice an opinion.

“Leave if you don’t like it, but I am going to do it.” Isaac said. “I’ll be back. I’m going to gather some tree branches. Watch
Zofia. I won’t be long.”

Isaac returned with a pile
of branches. He laid them on the ground. Then he shivered as he sawed the top of the oil drum off. There was almost no oil left. He placed the branches inside then poured a small amount of kerosene over them. Next, he took the axe and punched the windows out. A rush of frigid air flooded in to the shed. Isaac took a match and lit the contents of the drum. Then he quickly opened the door. The fire began slowly but quickly it caught and the room began to grow warmer. Now he cleaned the fur and feathers from the animals he’d caught and began to roast them.

The smell
of food filled the shed and even Zofia was stirred by the odor. When the meat was cooked Isaac tore of tiny pieces and put them into Zofia’s mouth, the meat was dry and difficult to chew. She gagged. Seeing this Isaac realized that, she could not eat this without his help. He chewed tiny pieces of the foul until they were soft then he put them into Zofia’s mouth. She swallowed. He continued until she lay back and fell asleep.  Every night as the sunset, Zofia could hear Isaac as he prayed in Hebrew on his knees beneath the moon. And once he’d finished the prayers, he begged God to spare Zofia, to take him in her place.

Then in the morning, Isaac would go out to hunt. Some days he returned with nothing, but most days he caught at least a small animal, enough to get them through. Shlomie
offered to accompany Isaac ice fishing, but Isaac wanted Shlomie to stay with Zofia.

As the winter broke, Z
ofia grew stronger. She’d lost the baby, she knew it by the amount of blood she’d shed.  But at least God had spared her life. Zofia was able to eat by herself now and every day Isaac insisted that she walk around the shed a few times for exercise.

“We need to think about moving
on; the farmer will be coming out to begin his planting work soon. We certainly want to be gone before then.” Shlomie said.

“Yes, I know. I hate to move. Z
ofia is thriving here.” Isaac said.

“Next week? I am not sure, but I think
, if my calculations are right, it is nearly the end of March. We are taking a big chance being here.” Shlomie said, “I’ve been keeping a log to help me know what month we are in, ever since I escaped from Treblinka.”

“What year is it?” Isaac asked.

“If my calculations are correct, it’s 1945.”

Chapter
75

Shlomie proved to be right. It was three days later that the man who owned the farm came to the shed. When the door opened, Zofia felt as if her heart would burst in her chest. Isaac immediately stood up, his hand on the pistol in his back pocket.

“What is this?” A man with weathered skin blotched with red looked at them horrified. “Who are you? Jews?”

Shlomie nodded. Zofia got up and stood beside Isaac who moved her away just enough to keep control of the situation.

“Jews? In my shed? How long have you been here?” the farmer didn’t wait for an answer. “If you’d been caught I would have been blamed. How dare you, how dare you. I’m going to inform the
authorities today.” The man’s face grew red with anger. “You have put me and my family in danger, filthy, miserable Jews.  Don’t you move!” He looked at their faces then began to cry out “Alex, Alex come quick. There are Jews in the…”

Before he could continue, Isaac had pulled the gun and shot him in the head. Blood spurted all over the walls. Z
ofia gagged and turned away.

“Come, let’s go,
Hurry!” Shlomie said.

Isaac stood
, stunned, looking at the gun. “I’ve killed a man. God, forgive me. I’ve committed the ultimate sin.” His hands were shaking.

“Stop it Isaac, come on. We can pray later. Right
now, we have to get out of here. Zofia, are you alight to walk.” Shlomie shook Isaac’s shoulder.

Z
ofia nodded still in shock.

Isaac still stared at the gun. Shlomie slapped him hard across the face. “Come on, let’s go.”

The slap brought Isaac back to reality.

The three ran from the shed
, Isaac gripping Zofia’s arm to help her. It was less than half a mile until the welcoming trees of the forest beckoned with protection.  Once they’d ventured far enough away from the road, the three stopped to catch their breath.

“I killed a man back there.” Isaac said.

“You had no choice.” Zofia touched his arm tenderly

“I took the life
of another human being.”

“
If you hadn’t we would be on our way to a camp right now. Isaac, you’ve never been in a camp, thank God. You have no idea, what goes on there. Just be glad we’ve made it through the winter. You did what you had to do. Enough said.” Shlomie said.

Isaac prayed every night asking God’s
forgiveness. Zofia listened as he knelt singing the Hebrew prayers. He refused to make love to her out of fear of another pregnancy. But they lay in each other’s arms rubbing one another’s backs tenderly, kissing, caressing, and touching. The passion between them burned constantly and they longed to allow it to consume them, but Isaac fought the need with all of the strength he could muster. Zofia meant too much to him to put her at risk again.

One night as Isaac prayed under the full moon,
Shlomie called out to him from where he was seated against the side of a tree. A light drizzle had begun to fall.

“Bar-
Mitzvah boy, enough already, you’re on my nerves.”

Isaac paid no attention.
Instead, he continued to chant in Hebrew.

“You can be the Bar-
Mitzvah boy, you didn’t suffer, and you’ve never been in a camp. What do you know of what it means to be a Jew?”

“Shlomie, please
,” Zofia said.

Isaac finished and came to sit beside Z
ofia taking her hand. “I’d appreciate it if you would mind your own business, Shlomie.”

“There is no God. If there was God he abandoned us when Adolph Hitler came into power.” Shlomie crossed his arms over his chest.

“You’re entitled to believe anything you’d like.”

“Look at our people, look at us
…and you still believe there is a God?”

“I do,
I believe every time I look at the sky and see the stars. Every time I catch a fish that feeds us.  We survived the winters against great odds. Who do you think was helping us? But most of all I know there is a God every time I look at Zofia.”

“Echh
, I think we survived by sheer luck. And of course, you believe, you’re like a schoolboy in love. I don’t know why I bother to talk intelligently with you.”

“Shlomie, that’s not fair. Isaac is
entitled to his religion.” Zofia said.

“It’s not so much religion for me, it’s God. I don’t believe that any one religion is better or worse, or for that matter
religion it’s self isn’t even important. I believe that each man knows what God expects of him.”