Your Little Secret (12 page)

"Move any closer Amber you'll be in my lap." Looking up to meet his eyes something changed in the atmosphere and she couldn't control the want escaping her.

Sitting curled up against Ethan, Amber recited Eva's visit in her head, and she couldn't deny how much sorrow the thought of losing Ethan to same place Connor had gone thrust upon her heart. The worst part was that Eva finally had Ethan and Amber had truly lost him.

The decision wasn't hers anymore.

A wave of selfishness washed over her and she thought for a split second about professing her undying love for Ethan. She vamped up the dialogue in her head. The emotions she had in her head ran wild and the outcome was a dream come true. Connor didn't matter for that one moment, but when he pierced her dream it all came crashing down and reality set in.

Ethan rejected her once, he wasn't going to simply kiss her and start a new life with her. It didn't work like that. It didn't happen so easily and she couldn't forget about the half of her heart that actually did love Connor.

Knowing she couldn't confess to loving him she decided on starting the heart-breaking process of setting him free. If she couldn't have him how she wanted him, she would lose him at her own discretion. She wasn't going to have him run away after she said those three power words she wanted to so she decided on setting him free and letting him live his life.

Sitting up, Amber turned to face Ethan feeling the need to suddenly start their final chapter to their friendship.

"You do know that I would never, ever keep you here to keep me happy. You do know that right?" she asked him, managing to keep her tone from wavering on her. "I would love to keep you here, but if you had a better prospect at life I would never want to be the reason you stay. I would never want to be the reason you regret anything in life."

Ethan laughed nervously. "Babe, I think the alcohols gotten to your head and destroyed more than a few brain cells." He reached out for her hand, holding on tight the moment he could. "My biggest regret would be leaving you behind in this shitty town without giving you a shot at something better. I want to see you smiling every day before I even think about moving on. You're too upset and pensive for me to even instigate any idea of leaving you behind." He smirked at her as he leaned in. "Plus, where have I
gotta go?”

London
, Amber's thoughts boomed.

Holding tightly onto his hand, she let his breath relax her as she wished he wouldn't lie to her. Right now, he was lying to her. He pulled her onto his lap and let her rest her head against his. Swallowing the ounce of fear she held back, blinking back tears, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek softly. Pulling back, Ethan cupped her cheeks, and their eyes swam in each others, desperate for the other to help them, co-operate. Amber's brain was shouting no at her, but her heart was flooded with lust for him. Resting her forehead against his she clenched her eyes shut.

"Amber," Ethan said, his tone whispered. "What do you want from me?" Opening her eyes at his words she scanned his again for reassurance but only saw them, who they could be, what they are. Clenching her eyes shut again she bit hard on her bottom lip.

"I don't know anymore. I don't want to become a problem for you anymore, Ethan. Because that's how I feel, like I'm a problem." Gently stroking her bottom lip with his thumb, Amber let out a deep breath.

"Amber, open your eyes." Ethan whispered, desperate for her appraisal. Opening her eyes, she stared into his, falling in love with them all over again. The weight of guilt sat heavy on her stomach, but she couldn't help how she felt right now, at this moment, in Ethan's arms.

"You could never be a problem to me. I don't know where this has come from, but you have always been my best friend, the girl who has always taken my pointless rants and helped me become who I am today. You are the reason for all my reasons, Amber.
Just you." Stroking across her bottom lip once more, Amber gently nipped at his thumb with her teeth. He felt the feeling all the way through to his groin, like she had her own way of turning him on, at any given moment.

"Amber," he warned and she nodded with assurance. Ethan groaned loudly and with frustration and Amber backed off slightly, worried about his mood. “I don't know why you do this to me, Amber, why do you do this?" Knowing she was in the wrong completely she needed to feel the closeness with
Ethan, if she was to never see him everyday like she usually did she couldn't hold back anymore. Ethan's phone vibrated in his pocket and Amber moved back slightly so he could retrieve it. Pulling it out, he laughed.

"It's a reminder for your
birthday, I was going to call you." Grinning at her best friend she pulled him close for a tight hug. Pulling away Amber felt anger penetrate her veins. That anger was for Connor.

"Hey," Ethan said as he saw her pained expression. "Can I kiss the birthday girl?" Snapping her eyes up to meet his she nodded gently and he pulled her back down to him and pecked her lips gently. Pulling away, Ethan clenched his eyes shut.

"Fuck this," he whispered and his fingers pulled harshly against her hair and her mouth smashed to his. Working his lips against hers, he swept his tongue along her lower lip for entrance. With her complying, their tongues caressed, and the beam of electricity swept through him, causing movements in him that shouldn't be happening. Amber pushed up against him, her legs straddling his lap and let him kiss her like she wanted for so long.

Relishing in his kiss she pulled back slightly. "Ethan," she whispered against his mouth desperate for an explanation.

"Don't stop this Amber, please, just don't."

Amber didn't stop. She gave into the kiss and allowed the lust to wrap around, threading itself through her veins, setting the butterflies free in her stomach.

She moaned against his lips, feeling how perfect it felt. Nothing had felt more right than this. Every part of her was a power house of electricity, readying to explode and literally ignite the fire she felt coursing through her.

Then she pulled back. The satisfaction immediately killed by two main factors - Connor and Eva. They were counterparts in this and they were falling victim. Hearts were meant to break in this predicament and Amber knew hers was going to shatter whatever and whoever she chose.

"Amber," Ethan literally exhaled her name, reaching up to touch her face, to bring her back to continue the kiss.

Amber took his hand and set it down on his lap before she rose to her full height and covered her mouth in distress. She had nearly given herself to him.
The emotions, the feeling, the raging passion. All of it, she had nearly caved, and for what? To now regret the most perfect moment of her life?

"I don't want to regret any aspect of my life with you," Amber spoke up, he voice quaking with impending tears.

"You regret ending that kiss," Ethan told her, turning on his seat he stood up and watched her. She looked so perfect even with absolute upset marring her features.

"Not as much as I would regret continuing it," she told him, lying through her teeth. However much she would hate herself for kissing and potentially sleeping with Ethan, she would never regret that one chance of blissful heaven.

Ethan stood there astonished at her claim and he shook his head. Unable to just walk away. "Bullshit!" he bellowed at her, finding his breaking point. "I love you and am continually here! He left and I picked up the pathetically broken girl he left behind. He doesn't have to see you hit the bottle or sink away when he just drops you! No, because that's my job as your best friend and as the man that fucking loves you!" He heaved on his hot angry breaths, unable to calm himself now. "You never noticed me until I was taken and you haven't changed one bit! I know you love me, Amber. I know you fucking love me the way I do you, but if you push and push me, I won't be here much longer and then what will you do?"

"Be thankful you're happy and not burdened by me," she admitted to him. "You need to wake up and realise I am a problem because I am what holds you back! You have a career going somewhere, Ethan. I don't. I have a family that doesn't really care about me, a dead end job and friends I'm jealous of because they have a future and they have homes that aren't falling down around them. I'm a twenty-four year old charity case! Even your girlfriend thinks so!"

"Eva?" he asked harshly, unable to comprehend the fact that Eva had a part. "What the fuck does Eva have to do with any of this?"

"She paid me a visit," Amber started and paused herself. Did she tell the truth or lie? Deciding not to add to the collateral damage around her she went with the lie. "She came to wish me happy birthday, make amends and all whilst viewing my house as some sort of squalor."

Ethan didn't say anything, unable to buy what Amber had just said.

"Everyone knows I'm destined for nothing and even the guy that said he loved me is proving it." She put her hand to her forehead and rubbed it hard. "This isn't the start to my birthday I want, so I'm going to go to bed. I'm sorry for hurting you, Ethan, but you mean more to me than one kiss and a mistake."

Ethan couldn't let her just go; he grabbed her wrist as he brought her back. Knowing continuing this argument wouldn't work; he kissed her hairline and just hugged her tight. "Might be a bad start, but it will have an epic end," he whispered at her. "I'll see you to bed then head off."

"You don't have to leave," she felt his fingers tighten around her wrist. "Just stay with me, you can sleep down here, I don't want to wake up alone."

Nodding, he pulled her into a tight embrace and let her walk to the top of the stairs to bed. Watching the girl he loved battle against herself was hard. He just wanted to show her that this could work, they could work. Eva and Connor were just burdens to the love that was inevitable. Letting out a long sigh, Ethan made himself comfortable on the sofa and dreamed of what could be forever.

Walking down the stairs, she wasn't greeted by the usual family that she always was on her birthday. There was no balloons, no streamers,
no banners. She couldn't help the sadness that followed throughout her system, making her emotions run dry. She couldn't cry anymore. It just wasn't possible. Her heaving heart was full of pain, lost in an abyss of want and love. She put her hand to her chest to help suppress the ache, but it wouldn't leave. Walking into the living room she couldn't see Ethan, but turning to look into the kitchen she nearly fell over in surprise. The kitchen had been transformed. Colours of pinks and reds hung from the ceiling, a huge birthday cake sat as the centrepiece in the middle of the table and presents were stacked around the room. Balloons hung from every angle around the room and a banner professing 'Happy Birthday' was hung across the window. Hearing her front door go, she turned quickly, her hands over her mouth to stop any excitement escaping.

Walking in with a McDonald's bag and his keys in his mouth, Ethan wandered by her and into the kitchen. Setting down his keys he turned on the radio and James Morrison's "I Won't Let You Go' started to play. Turning and smiling at Amber he pulled on her arm and held her close.

"Dance with me," he whispered against her hair and she nodded, letting his hands roam around her. Holding each other tightly she fell into the words that surrounded her kitchen and let Ethan dance with her. He started to hum the chorus to her gently, stroking her hair down her back. This felt like heaven to Amber, he was holding her with such grace, and this romantic moment, because that's what it was, was happening right now. Between her and Ethan. But Connor lingered across her mind, and how he was supposed to be here. Pushing away from Ethan he smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"Happy Birthday, little
Ambi, I got you breakfast."

"Thank you," she managed still taking in the transformation of her kitchen. "Ethan?" she asked, curiosity playing on her tone.
"Yeah, babe?"

"Who are all these present for?" she asked gesturing around the room.

Looking at her with his eyebrow raised he plated up her McDonald's. "We eat too much junk food," he muttered under his words and sat opposite her at the table. Grinning at Ethan like a fool, she shook her head and bit into her breakfast.

“So,” she started, “Who-are-the-presents-for?” she punched each word, one at a time, a devilish grin across her face. She then applied an expression of innocence on her face and tilted her head
sideways, “Well?” she pressed him.

“They’re mine,” he said and waved his hand around as if nothing really mattered. “I thought I would keep them here for now.” He then grabbed his drink and took a slurp, but almost spat it out as he couldn’t contain his laughter, “They’re yours, silly girl!”

Amber giggled and looked at them all. There was one that caught her eye first. Black patterned wrapping paper with a bright pink bow on top of it. She pointed to it. “I want that one.”

Picking up, he handed it to her. “Good choice. It’s from me.” He gave her a wink and watched her pull the bow off and
rip the paper apart. Once she had gotten that far, she opened the top of the box and didn’t move except for allowing her jaw to drop. Slowly he watched her inspect the present inside and tried to gauge her reaction.

When she spoke he felt he could breathe again.