Authors: Maya Stirling
Tags: #Romance, #historical 1800s
"We'll come in later to say goodnight," Lydia told them. She turned and glanced up at Zack making it plain that they should both leave the girls to get themselves ready for bed.
Zack followed Lydia out of the room. Lydia pulled the door closed behind them. They paused in the hall listening to the sounds of the girls as they started to discuss how on earth they were going to get Daisy's outfit off. Zack smiled at Lydia. She crinkled her brows and shook her head.
"They're amazing," Zack said quietly.
Lydia gaze settled intently on Zack's face. "They're ours now," she said simply.
Zack looked back at Lydia. It was true. Those children belonged to them both now. Zack and Lydia were their parents in a very real sense. Whatever future the children were to have would be influenced profoundly by the choices Zack and Lydia made for them. And one of the choices they would have to make would be what kind of married couple they were going to be in front of the children. It was important that the children saw that Zack and Lydia were happy together. Close and content as a married couple.
"You're right, Lydia. Those kids are ours. There's nothing more important than their happiness," he said.
Lydia smiled at his words. "I know. And I'm glad that they're here." Lydia ran her eyes around the narrow confines of the hallway. "This house feels...safe."
Zack moved closer to Lydia and he saw her eyes widen. "I'm pleased you feel that way. I meant what I said when I made that promise to you. After today, I hope you believe me," he said.
Lydia's eyes narrowed slightly. "Of course I believe you, Zack. And I told you, being here means a lot to me. And to the children." Lydia glanced toward the children's bedroom.
Zack leaned in closer. Lydia rested against the wooden panelling of the hallway, gazing up at him. She looked so beautiful here in the subdued light of the hallway, still dressed in the delicate fabric of her wedding gown, which seemed to glow softly white in the confines of the narrow passageway.
"It's been a beautiful day, Zack," Lydia said.
"It has, Lydia. The best day of my life."
Zack saw a flicker of something cross her features. There were a more playful screams from inside the girls' bedroom and Lydia glanced over toward the closed door.
"A beautiful wedding day," she repeated.
Zack leaned against the panelling and slid closer to Lydia. She didn't make any attempt to back away from him.
"Wedding days only last until midnight," Zack said.
Lydia frowned slightly. She looked at him, questions hovering in her gaze.
"I guess they do," she said flatly.
"And then wedding days become wedding nights," Zack said softly.
There was a very long pause. They both looked at each other. Eventually Zack said the words which had been hovering in the back of his mind for a long time. For many nights.
"The bunk house doesn't seem like a place for a man on his wedding night," Zack said quietly.
He saw Lydia's eyes widen and her lips were drawn in to form a thin, tense line. She didn't say anything in response. Lydia wrapped her arms around herself.
"It's mighty cold out there," Zack said with a smile. Lydia didn't smile back in the way he'd expected. She didn't immediately match his playful tone. In fact, Zack thought she looked downright worried.
Lydia glanced again toward the door to the girls' bedroom. Her eyes shifted from side to side. It seemed to Zack that she was deliberating, considering how she should respond to what he thought was an entirely appropriate suggestion. But he didn't like the look in her eyes. Not one bit. That wasn't the expression he'd expected to see.
After a pause, Lydia looked at Zack and spoke in a quiet, calm voice. "I understand what you're saying, Zack. I really do." She glanced to the side again, this time at the door to her bedroom. What could be, indeed should be their bedroom. If she wanted it to be that way.
Zack leaned back. "I'm sorry, Lydia. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."
Lydia reached out a hand and wrapped her fingers softly around his arm. "You haven't made me feel uncomfortable at all, Zack."
He sighed and shook his head. "Tell you what. I'll head on down to the bunk house..."
Lydia's eyes widened. "You can't do that. I don't want you to do that," she insisted.
Zack froze and looked at Lydia. "But. I thought..."
"I'm not having my husband spend his wedding night in a bunk house." Lydia said moving toward her bedroom door.
Zack watched her open the door. "The girls will be expecting their mother and father to sleep in the same room together. Wouldn't you agree?"
Zack frowned at her. "What are you saying, Lydia?"
Lydia glanced into the room and paused. After what seemed like an eternity she spoke to Zack. "I think for our first night together we can be here," she said pointing inside the room.
Zack went to the door. Lydia stepped inside the room and turned back to him. Zack paused at the door. The double bed was certainly wide enough for both of them, even if Zack now understood exactly what Lydia was trying to tell him. What she was saying had the ring of truth about it. In fact, there was no other way that they could even consider spending their wedding night together than this. They could share a bedroom, even if the manner in which they were about to share the bed wouldn't be the norm for a wedding night.
Nothing more had to be said. Zack could see the uncertainty in Lydia's eyes. He could even appreciate what it must have taken for her to even suggest that they share a bed when there had been no physical closeness between them since she had arrived.
And tonight would be no exception.
They would share a bedroom. But, Zack's heart sank when he closed the door behind him with the cold, hard realization that his first night with the only woman he had ever loved would involve him keeping his back to her throughout the entire night.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Lydia opened her eyes with a start. The bedroom was dark. The only light in the room came from the soft glow of the full moon. Lydia realized that she was not alone in the bed. The remnants of sleep faded away and she recalled the conversation from earlier in the evening.
The look on Zack's face as she'd told him he could sleep in the same room as her.
They'd tucked the girls into bed and blown out the candles and readied themselves to settle down for the night. Things had been awkward, but Zack had conducted himself like a gentleman, only entering the room when she'd let him know she was tucked up in bed.
Lydia shifted her head. The sound of Zack's breathing behind her was soft and regular. Lydia glanced behind her and saw Zack's wide shoulders. He was lying on top of the blankets she was snuggled under. He had a thin sheet drawn over himself and he was fully dressed with his back turned to her.
Lydia pulled the blankets up around her shoulders. Zack sighed in his sleep and shifted momentarily and then settled back down again.
Lydia frowned. How could she have done this to him? Accepted his offer that he should sleep with his back to her all night, keeping his clothes on, and sleeping on top of the bedclothes.
For tonight at least.
Lydia knew that things would change as she and the children became accustomed to living on the ranch.
Our ranch, she thought, correcting herself.
Zack had told her, in no uncertain terms, that she should consider the Buchanan ranch as belonging to her every bit as much as to him.
Lydia was a Buchanan now. All of her children would be Buchanans from now on. The sooner she got used to that, the better for all of them.
What did that mean? How had life taken such a turn for herself and the girls? It all seemed so unfair. Daniel had been taken away so suddenly, the illness overcoming him with alarming haste. And then the discovery that, for as much as her former husband had maintained the appearance of being a fine upstanding man, he hadn't been able to leave his wife and children provided for after his death.
It had been the harsh realties of economics which had finally driven Lydia to reach deep into her past and claw out the only hope she and the children would have for survival. And Zack had delivered on his promise. He had simply kept his word with barely a hint of hesitation.
Lydia could see how Zack felt for her. She could see it in his eyes, the way he smiled at her, the constant little attempts to get close to her.
So, how come she found herself so compelled to push him away? Why couldn't she just accept that the man who was next to her, in the dark, on their wedding night, was a man she could trust completely, a man with whom she could be certain to find a long and lasting happiness?
Lydia closed her eyes. There were two reasons. She still hadn't gotten over the loss of Daniel. He was ever present in her thoughts. Every day some memory of him would suddenly flash into her mind. Images of their many days of happiness, the beautiful family experiences, the birth of their children, sharing the care, walks in the park, admiring glances from passersby. It was the loss of a sense of family that she'd had with Daniel that she felt so keenly.
Zack, by comparison, was almost a stranger.
That thought made her feel almost immediate regret. She shouldn't be so unkind to Zack. After all, he'd given up his life as a single man to take her and the children into his life, his home. He'd committed himself to their future, given all he had, just so that he could have Lydia and the children in his life.
This could not have been easy for him, she told herself firmly. He had made such a sacrifice that Lydia felt genuinely ashamed of herself for even questioning Zack's right to expect at least some kind of affection and, even, love in return.
Lydia quickly pushed that thought away.
Had she loved Zack when she'd first known him? She'd certainly thought so. She had been besotted with him at the time. They'd been so sweet on each other, had spent so much chaperoned time together, that Lydia had been convinced that there was only one person she could ever be happy with.
But that had all changed when her father had taken Lydia to live in San Francisco. The months had passed and the pain of separation from Zack had faded. And then Daniel had come into her life. He'd been different from Zack. The kind of man who felt at home in towns. The type of gentleman who would never consider moving to a place like the wilds of Montana. But Lydia had gotten used to those differences. Even started to cherish them. And once again, the memory of Zack had faded even more, until it became only an occasional, barely sensed tug at her heart during unguarded moments.
Now she was lying next to the man she had left all those years ago. What did she feel? Was it more than a gentle tug at her heart?
Before she could answer that, Lydia heard a familiar sound. Daisy.
There was a soft, quiet knock at the door and the sound of a little voice. Lydia slid out of bed, put on her gown and padded across the carpeted floor. She opened the door a crack and saw the tiny figure of Daisy standing outside the door.
"Can I come in, mama?"
Lydia glanced back toward the bed. Zack hadn't woken.
"Not tonight, Daisy," she whispered quietly. "Let mama come across to your room."
Lydia stepped into the hall and closed the door behind her. She took Daisy's cool hand and led her back to the girls' bedroom. She pushed the door open and saw that Kate and Gretchen were still asleep. Lydia motioned Daisy to get into her own small bed. Once the little girl was lying down, Lydia settled down next to her, trying to make sure that she didn't fall out of the small bed. She figured she'd just about be able to stay on it, at least until Daisy fell asleep.
Lydia stroked Daisy's soft hair. The little girl's breathing started to soften after a while and Lydia could tell that sleep had overtaken her sweet daughter.
Lydia couldn't even think of anything bad happening to her girls. And by the way that Zack had taken to them all, she figured the thought of the girls suffering in any way was as unthinkable to him as it was to her.
With that consoling thought Lydia pulled herself closer to her daughter and let sleep finally reclaim her.
***
Lydia woke just as the sun was coming in through the bedroom window. She heard the beautiful sound of the birds announcing the start of a new day.
A new life.
She looked around and saw that all three girls were still fast asleep. Sliding gently off the bed, she made her way back to her own bedroom. Lydia opened the door and stepped inside to find that the double bed was empty.
She felt a curious mixture of surprise and relief. Surprise that he wasn't there at all. Relief that there would be no awkward conversation as he woke up.
But, where was Zack?
Lydia felt a twist of anxiety in her middle. He must have awakened and found the bed empty. What would he have thought about that? Would he have assumed that she had left the bed to somehow get away from him? Would he have interpreted it as an act of rejection? She hoped not. But, there was no avoiding the truth that Zack had awoken, expecting to find his new wife by his side, only to discover that she'd apparently slipped quietly away in the middle of the night.
Lydia sighed and went to the window. The sun was coming up. She gazed across the beautiful landscape, the green hills that rolled away into the distance. Cold looking mist settled in the hollows. Far off she could see the dark mass of a forest. The distant mountain peaks shone brilliant and white in the early light.
What an amazing sight, she thought. Such a contrast to how she had awoken after her wedding night with Daniel. She blushed slightly at the memory of that. But the view from the window on that morning had been of city streets and wandering townsfolk. This was so different, something that filled her heart with a feeling of unexpected joy.
Lydia got dressed and made her way downstairs. There was no sign of Zack. But Mrs. Brodie was in the kitchen already, preparing breakfast.
"Good morning, Mrs. Buchanan," Mrs. Brodie exclaimed. "And a beautiful one it is too. Even if it's a bit cold."