Authors: Abigail Collins
The rest of the Digits – including the one who was sitting at the desk, who has now come over to join the others – look as surprised as they can be, given their limited range of facial expressions. They are all watching me closely, sizing me up with narrowed eyes and frowns set deep into their mouths.
The black-haired man leans down and presses his face close enough to mine that I would be able to feel his breath on my cheeks if he was breathing.
“And
what
,” he says, addressing Signa but keeping his eyes on me, “was she speaking about?”
“She didn’t say much,” Signa answers. “She knew I was listening. But I did hear her mention how she doesn’t trust us here, and begging whoever she was talking to for an answer to something. I shut down the simulation before she could say anything else, but it’s clear enough from what I heard where her loyalties lie.”
I look around, realizing that if the conversation continues as it is I will have no choice but to try and flee. There is only one doorway leading out of this room, and there are four Digits blocking my path towards it. Even if I could outrun them, I don’t know my way around this building as well as they do; and if I actually
do
make it outside, what then? There’s a massive, guarded fence surrounding the entire compound. Even if I
did
trust Rin, her plan is nearly impossible. There’s no way one little girl is any match against an army of Digits.
“Yes,” the only female Digit in the room chimes in, “Tesla did mention how stubborn she is; I’m not surprised that she still doesn’t trust us. But to so blatantly
betray
us like that…”
“I didn’t!” I interrupt without thinking. “I wasn’t planning on betraying anybody. I may not have wanted to come here at first, but I promised I would stay, didn’t I? And besides,” I finish softly, touching the back of my neck with my fingertips, “it would be foolish of me to try to leave, so I’m not going to.”
Even
I
am not sure which part of what I just said is the truth. While I know how impossible it is for me to escape, I also know that I will do it if I’m ever given the chance. But it’s not really the Digits’ fault; they haven’t done anything horrible to me since I got here – though the simulations haven’t exactly been pleasant – but I still can’t bring myself to trust them. My mother told me not to, and she died for her belief in those words. I feel like I would be betraying
her
if I let myself trust
them
.
But not everything I said is a lie. I really don’t want to escape with Rin unless she gives me a good reason to. Even though she looks like an innocent little girl, she’s the same as the monsters who killed my parents and ruined my life. I don’t trust her, either.
“Too right you are,” the dark-haired Digit says, his face still just a breath away from mine. “But you understand why we need to remain cautious, don’t you? You see, we can’t just have outsiders sneaking into our camp and stealing away our guests.” I cringe at his use of the word ‘guests’; we both know that’s not how he sees me. “So you wouldn’t mind us just taking a moment to check, would you? To make sure you’re telling the truth.”
I don’t have much of a choice, so I nod. I know even before Signa pushes me into the center of the circle and throws a Halo into my hands what method they are going to use to test me. They are going to reach into my brain, just like they did after my parents died, and collect every piece of personal information they can. They are going to find some things they don’t approve of, and I’m going to be punished for it.
The doors are still too far away for me to run to them before the Digits catch me, and I have absolutely no hope of fighting my way out. Maybe if I try to keep my mind off of the things I don’t want them to know, they won’t be able to get to them. Or maybe I can pull off the headband when they’re least expecting it and make a break for it.
I’m not very optimistic about either of my options.
I slide the Halo over my forehead, feeling the cool touch of metal against the backs of my ears. Almost immediately, my vision goes black, and I have to widen my stance to keep my balance. My hands spread out at my sides, I turn my head wildly in every direction, searching for a glimmer of light. I finally find a patch of brightness ahead of me, and I focus on it until I can just barely make out the edges of something moving towards me.
It’s Rin.
She’s wearing the same dress she was earlier today, with her hair pulled up on either side and her fringe hanging just low enough over her eyes to cover up the red chip in her forehead. The closer she gets to me, the more clearly I can see her. Her dress is so bright it shines against the black backdrop, and her skin flickers like moonlight as it fades into view.
She’s smiling, but there is very little emotion on her face; her lips are twisted unnaturally, into what looks more like a grimace. She opens her mouth and speaks, but I can’t hear anything but the pounding of my own heart.
It takes me a minute to realize that she’s not actually here; her body is an opaque silhouette just a few feet in front of me before I come to my senses. At first I thought she might have been trying to contact me again, but that’s not possible. The Halo I am wearing now is a different one, and the simulation Rin was able to break into is no longer active. But it isn’t until she starts mouthing words silently that I understand why she’s here.
The Digits are trying to make me remember her. The headband they gave me is digging deep into my brain searching for information on the Digit who I spoke to this morning, and judging by the figure steadily approaching me, they’ve found it.
But I can’t hear her talking, so neither can they. Maybe if I concentrate hard enough, I can block Rin out completely. But what else will they find in my head that I don’t want them to see?
I focus on the darkness around me, pushing Rin out of my mind and letting my thoughts wander; her body dims and flickers, and her mouth closes with a frown. She takes a single step back, then pauses and stares at me. I wish I could see what the other Digits are seeing; I wonder if they’re actually watching my simulation along with me, or if they can only read what is happening inside of my head.
Another person appears next to Rin, closer and more condensed but still barely clear enough for me to make out in the darkness. Fray twists his fingers around the bottom hem of his tunic and looks up at me, his eyes watering.
“Everly? Where are Mommy and Papa?” he asks, his voice cracking like a broken recording. “Did they die, Everly? Am I going to die too?”
It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to answer him. I know he’s not real, but he’s still my brother, and I want nothing more than to comfort him. Behind him, Rin is fighting to remain stable, while I am fighting to push her out of my mind; I focus harder on Fray, and the more candescent he becomes, the more her body fades away.
“I’m scared, Everly. Why are you ignoring me? Our parents are gone, and now you’re leaving me too. If I die, it will be your fault. It’s all your fault, Everly.”
His words cut deep under my skin. I have to remind myself that this isn’t actually Fray; my little brother would never say those things to me. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t
think
them. This is my mind, not a fear simulation. Is this how I really think of him?
“You want to help your brother, right?” Rin asks suddenly, her voice sounding out next to my ear even though her body looks like nothing more than a murky mirage. “Then you need to get out of here. He could be
dying
right now, and you wouldn’t even know it.”
“I’m dying, Everly,” Fray chimes in from beside me. “And you’re not even
trying
to save me. You’re
letting
me die, just like you did with Mommy and Papa.”
Their words feel like a poison in my veins, rushing underneath my skin and pouring through a hole in my heart. I’m starting to get dizzy, bright spots dancing in front of my vision. None of this is really happening. It’s not real.
But inside of my mind, it is. It’s real to
me
.
I hear a tapping noise from behind me, but it sounds muted and distant. One of the Digits must have sat down at a desk and begun typing on a keyboard. If I concentrate on it hard enough, the sound echoes in my ears and drowns out the voices around me.
“Everly…”
Click, click, click.
“Am I a burden to you? Would you feel better if I was dead?”
Tap, tap.
“Do you want me to die, Everly? Because I’m going to, if you don’t do something about it. Is that what you really want?”
Rin has stopped talking and started to fade away into the background, but Fray is still standing in front of me, look up at me with tears in his eyes. He reaches his hands out towards me, but they fall through my own like a ghost’s. There are spots of blood on his palms, around his neck, and splattered down the front of his shirt.
I swallow thickly and look down. There is blood on my hands, too. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and blink, forcing the image away with my mind; when I open my eyes, the blood is gone, but when I close them it flickers against the backs of my eyes.
“No…” I mumble under my breath. “No, I don’t want that.”
“Then what are you going to do about it? You can’t save me. You can’t save anybody.”
Fray runs his hands down the sides of his tunic, smearing it with streaks of blood. Rin has disappeared completely, but I barely even notice. I should feel triumphant – the Digits can’t find out about Rin now that I’ve lost sight of her; but all I feel is sick to my stomach.
“Did you know that Crissy can barely see? They hurt her eye; there’s a big scar on it now. And Roma is having nightmares every day, she’s too scared to sleep. I am too, Everly. I bet Mommy was scared, too, when you hid under the bed and watched her die.”
“Please stop…”
Fray cocks his head to one side innocently. “Why? I’m telling you the truth, aren’t I? It’s nothing you don’t already know.”
My head is pounding. The clicking of computer keys comes again, and I try my best to bring it to the front of my mind.
“You’re right,” I say, not even caring that I’m speaking when I know the best thing for me to do right now is to remain silent. “That’s how I feel. But that’s not how you feel. That’s not how
Fray
would feel.”
My little brother’s simulation takes a step back, looking up at me curiously. The tapping sound grows louder again, and this time I can actually make out the direction it’s coming from.
“Everly…” Fray whispers, sounding so much like my little brother that it makes my chest ache. “You’re leaving me again, aren’t you?”
Swallowing down a lump in my throat, I look away and say, “Yes. I’m so sorry.”
Fray smiles – the genuine, realistic smile I’ve seen on my brother’s face many times – and backs away from me. The farther he goes, the more his body fades into the darkness around him, until I can’t even see him anymore.
I hadn’t even realized that my eyes were closed, but when I open them, I see that the simulation is over. I am crouched on my knees on the floor, blinking back tears and hiccupping sobs in my throat.
The Digits are all looking at me intently, a mixture of confusion and anger on their faces, and I know that I’ve won. But I’ve never felt less victorious in my life.
Chapter twenty-two
Signa pulls me to my feet and leads me out of the room without a word. We pass by the door that a Digit came out of when we arrived, and I raise my head to look through the window. The boy I saw sitting on the bed inside is now standing at the door, his eyes fixed on me as I approach him, and now that I can see him properly I recognize him immediately.