Authors: Abigail Collins
I hear a soft chuckle from behind the door, and it sends chills down my spine.
“Welcome to camp, Everly.”
The Digit disguised as my friend begins laughing, and I have to cover my mouth with both of my hands to hold back a scream.
Chapter twenty-three
We were brought here to be made into Digits. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how, but somewhere in my gut I know it’s the truth. I think a part of me has known it all along, but I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Who would ever want to believe that something this horrible could happen?
But I’m used to horrible things happening to me, and I should have realized it sooner. The Digits told Holden that they would make him walk again if he cooperated with them and did whatever they wanted – but his injury is too great to be healed, even with the best of modern medicine. But if he had a
new
body… a
perfect
body…
I think about all of the people I’ve seen here, each one an outcast of society – someone with nothing to lose and no one to miss them. If they were to never come home, nobody would notice. If they died, it wouldn’t matter to anyone.
But it matters to me. I’ve barely even known Dori and Holden for a week now, and already they’ve become precious to me – and they mean the world to each other. Doesn’t that make them important? Does that make
me
important?
“Dori, you’re still in there somewhere, aren’t you?” I ask, grasping at straws even though I know it’s no use anymore. “Some part of you has to still be alive. You remembered me, and Holden – you still love him, don’t you?
They
are the ones who hurt you; don’t you remember that?”
For the first time, he looks unsure. He frowns and squeezes his eyes shut, and I hear a sharp intake of breath that startles me. Now I know why his breathing was so erratic earlier – he doesn’t really need to breathe anymore, and he must forget that sometimes. But, then again, he’s a Digit, so he never had to breathe in the first place, right?
But he’s still Dori. I don’t know how I can tell, but I just
know
. Some part of Dori is still awake inside of this creature standing at my door – I don’t know
why
, and I don’t know
how
, but it’s got to be true. I can’t just give up on him when he’s right in front of me.
“I remember,” he finally says, and the softness of his voice surprises me. “I can remember the pain, but I can’t remember what it
felt
like. Just like… I remember loving him, but I don’t
feel
it anymore.”
He sounds almost forlorn, like he did when he came knocking at my door, before I learned what had happened to him. How much of what he’s saying now is a lie? Was he lying about everything up until now?
Cautiously, I take a step forwards, towards the window. The lamp-light falls across my back and casts Dori’s face into shadow; I can see every ridge and line of his face, the smoothness of his cheeks, the hollows where his bones should be. All of his human imperfections are gone, but he’s never looked less beautiful.
“What
do
you feel?”
He pauses for a minute before answering. “Nothing. I don’t feel anything.”
His eyes shift from side to side and he opens his mouth a little, but then bites down on his lower lip just before he is able to say anything. I get the feeling that there’s something he desperately wants to tell me, but he can’t – like the real,
human
Dori is alive inside of him somewhere and he’s trying his best to reach me. But Digits are stronger than humans, and there is no way that he can win.
“What is going on here?”
I hear an eerily familiar voice from behind Dori’s back. I crane my neck to get a better look, even though I know who I will see. My blood boils when Tesla’s face comes into view, and I have to force myself to calm down. She slides one arm across Dori’s shoulders and grins at me through the barred window, and I clench my fists so hard my wrists hurt.
“Dorian, what are you doing out of your room at this hour?” she asks him, addressing him with her eyes still fixed on me. “You know you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow; you’ll need all the rest you can get.”
Dori blinks up at her, frowning. “Right,” he says slowly; he sounds confused for a moment, like he’s not sure where he is or how he got here. “You’re right. Of course.”
Tesla drags her hand across Dori’s back, digging her fingernails into his neck, but he doesn’t flinch or move away. He glances at me before he leaves, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head like he’s trying to clear it, but he doesn’t say anything. Maybe it’s because Tesla is here, or maybe he can’t remember what he wants to say. Or maybe he’s said everything he wanted to – everything he
could
. He shoots one last pained look at me around Tesla’s shoulders, then turns and walks away; I notice that his gait is a bit crooked, kind of like Cyrus’s, making him lean slightly to one side when he walks. It doesn’t look like it hurts him, but then again, pain is often more than just physical.
Tesla takes a step back and down the hallway, but I call her back just before she disappears from my sight.
“Wait! Hold on. I need to talk to you.”
She spins around and shrugs her shoulders at me, but doesn’t come any closer to the window; I have to press my face against the bars just to see the outline of her body, but her skin is just pale enough that I can see her face clearly even in the darkness.
“Yes?” she asks innocently. “What is it? You should be in bed by now. You will need your rest just as much as Dorian does, I presume. I can’t say for certain, though.”
“
Bullshit
,” I spit, forgetting for a moment all of the times my mother reprimanded me for cursing.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” I don’t know how Tesla is able to bring out so much of my anger with just the twitch of her lips or the set of her eyes, but she does; I didn’t even
know
I could feel this bitter towards another person before I met her. “You told me you didn’t know where Dori was, but he was here the whole time, wasn’t he?”
“Ah,” she says, holding up an index finger that seems to glow in the dim light. “That’s not what I said. I believe I told you that he may – or may
not
- have moved on. And he
has
moved on, as you’ve seen, so there’s really nothing for you to be upset about.”
She almost seems to be genuinely confused as to why I would be angry with her about what just happened. Does she not understand? Her kind – the same creatures that
murdered
my parents and tortured what was left of my family – just killed one of the only friends I have and turned him into a monster just like them. Why
wouldn’t
I be upset about something like that?
“He’s
dead
! You killed him and you expect me
not
to be upset about that? He didn’t move on! He
died
!”
My voice seems to get louder with each word I speak, but I can barely control it anymore. My throat is burning and my eyes are wet, but I shout through the sobs and manage to hold them back. Tesla looks surprised by my bluntness, but not by my accusation; she recoils after I begin shouting, then wrinkles her nose and pushes her face just close enough towards the window that I can see the curl of her lips over her teeth.
“It was his choice to come here,” she says sharply. “And he’s not dead – he’s been perfected. His humanity was making him weak; now he’s strong enough to do
anything
.”
“You mean anything
you
want him to.” I lower my voice slightly, but in exchange, the bite in my words increases. “And he may have come here on his own, but you forced him to do everything else. I saw how terrified he was of his simulations. He wouldn’t have come if he had known what you were planning to do to him.”
Tesla’s teeth are bared like fangs, and her mouth is twisted into an unnaturally wide grin. I feel my pulse pounding from beneath my fingernails as I press them into my palms.
“Oh, dear,” Tesla says. “You really didn’t know, did you? Your friends have been keeping secrets from you this whole time, and you didn’t even
know
.”
“What are you talking about?”
She clicks her tongue at me, and the sound is metallic inside of her mouth. “Both of your friends knew why they were here. They knew about the training, the army we are building, and the new bodies they would be receiving for it. Dorian was well aware of what was going to happen to him – and he
chose
to come anyway.”
“No…” I whisper, but Tesla continues like she doesn’t hear me.
“And your other friend –
Holden
, wasn’t it? – wanted so badly to join us that he practically
begged
our recruitment force to let him in. He’s in Section Two now, though, so it shouldn’t be too much longer before he gets his wish. And
you
have been relocated as well, but I’m guessing you already figured that out?”
Actually, I hadn’t figured out any of what she said, but I don’t tell her that. I’m not sure which piece of information is more shocking to me – that Dori and Holden both came to this place knowing that they were going to be murdered and brought back as killing machines, or that I am next.
She could be lying, but something in the way she speaks tells me that she’s not. If this is the price for the information I’m looking for, then I want no part of it.
“Humans were destroying this world before we came here, and we were created to fix it; you may not like it, but that’s the truth. Things will be much better after this – you’ll see. All of that pain your mother felt? You’re never going to have to feel it. There will be no more suffering, no more war, no more
pain
. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?”
There is an excitement in her voice that I haven’t heard before. I think it’s possible that she genuinely doesn’t understand what it’s like to be human – at least, not anymore. I don’t know if she had a human life before she became the Digit she is today, but she’s clearly forgotten all about it.
“Being human isn’t all bad,” I tell her. “Dori was
in love
, but he’s never going to feel that way again. Is it really so ideal to live in a world where no one cares about anyone else?”
“Yes,” she says shortly. “We
do
care about each other, but not to the extent that we grieve when someone we know is destroyed. Tell me – do you really think it’s better this way? You’re still mourning your mother, and your father, and now, your new friend. Wouldn’t you rather be free of that burden?”
My mind is reeling, but I manage to shake my head through the fog of spinning thoughts that surround me. “No,” I croak out, and that’s the most I can say; I feel like if I try to speak any more I will throw up.
Tesla shoots me one last unreadable glance before she leaves, and I wait for the clicking of her shoes to fade away completely before I back up and collapse onto the end of my bed.
I don’t know what to do. I had assumed that if things ever got to be too much for me, I would just run away like my mother did – even with the tracker in my neck, I could probably get far enough away that they wouldn’t be able to chase me, and maybe I could find a way to remove it somehow. But now there’s not only a wall separating me from the outside world, but a concrete cell in a building full of armed Digits; even if I could somehow manage to get out of this room, I would never make it to the front door.
I wish more than anything that Rin had not contacted me when she did; it’s because of her that the Digits grew suspicious of me and had me locked up. If she hadn’t infiltrated my simulation, I would still be free to take my time and plan my escape properly. Of course, I wouldn’t have found out about Dori then, but maybe that’s for the best; I would rather not know and believe he’s just been relocated or escaped.
I strip off my shoes and lean back against the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest and tucking my chin in against them. It’s not until the first tear lands on my hand that I realize I am crying, and by then it’s too late to stop myself.