A Blessing for Miriam (38 page)

Miriam ignored the comment, and Shirley did the same.

“Then there is all the rebuilding going on,” Miriam said.

The sound of buggy wheels came from the driveway, and Shirley glanced out the kitchen window. She was on her way to the utility room seconds later.

Miriam’s words followed her. “I’d say there is something to this Glen fellow.”

Which was true, Shirley supposed. Glen had arrived, and her feelings had perked up for the moment. She wanted to welcome him since he’d been nice enough to come. The younger children had already gathered around the buggy, and Shirley shooed them aside. “Move back and let the man get out.”

Glen grinned as he climbed down. “What a welcome! I think I’ll come more often. Shall I tie up or unhitch?”

“Tie up is fine. Supper won’t last that long.”

His face fell, but Glen didn’t say anything as he pulled the tie rope out from under the buggy seat.

“Come to think of it,” Shirley rushed on to say after noticing his look, “why don’t you unhitch? The evening is…” She left the rest unsaid. She saw Glen’s face light up. He clearly wanted to stay past suppertime to spend time with her.

“How’s Miriam after the long bus trip?” Glen asked. He walked around the buggy to undo the tugs, while Shirley took care of the side closest to her.

“Rough ride as usual.” Shirley gave him a friendly smile.

Glen led his horse forward. The children returned to the yard to continue their play.

Shirley followed Glen to the barn. “You can use the empty stall in the back.”

Glen put his horse inside and was pleased when he returned. “Thanks for letting me stay the evening, Shirley.”

“Maybe we can take a stroll before suppertime,” she offered. “I think
Mamm
has things under control without me. It’ll be dark soon, so now is a good time.”

His face lit up even more. “I’d enjoy that.”

“Then here we go!” Shirley led the way outside and around the side of the barn.

Glen gave her a quick sideways glance. “You’re looking
gut.
”

Heat rushed up her face, and Shirley looked away. “That’s kind of you to say.”

“I’m not just
saying
so,” he protested. “You’ve always been beautiful. From the first time I saw you. But now you’re…”

“We’re taking a walk, Glen, and enjoying the late afternoon.” Shirley tried to look stern. “And you’ve always been too kind.” She reached for his hand even though they were still in sight of the house. Her fingers lingered in his for a few moments before she let go. “Thank you for all you’ve done for me, Glen. I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“I beg to differ.” His gaze searched her face when they stopped momentarily at a pasture gate.

She opened it for him. She could still feel the flush of embarrassment on her neck.

“Is something wrong?” Glen asked with concern as they walked further and further from the house.

Shirley shook her head. “Not really, I’m just thinking about things.”

Glen fell silent for a few minutes. “I’ve been thinking too, Shirley. I was wondering if we couldn’t…” He didn’t want to waste words. “The truth is, Shirley, I’m ready to settle down. I know
rumspringa
is a time to find out where your heart is and taste a few
things of the world. I’ve done that now. There’s nothing out there for me. And now I’ve found you. I…” Glen’s voice drifted off.

He was waiting for an answer, and Shirley wanted to say something, but she couldn’t think of what. “I’m glad for you,” she finally managed to get out.

He studied her face. “Where are you at, Shirley? You know, with your
rumspringa
time.”

“I guess I’ve not had too much of it yet.” Shirley knew that was a lame answer, and Glen’s face showed his disappointment.

“I’m sorry to push the subject. I know I told you I’d wait for you to decide, but I’d really like to be bringing you home regular on Sunday evenings.”

I thought we could just be friends.
The words almost slipped out, but Shirley caught them just in time. Although true, they felt unkind. Glen wanted more out of the relationship. He’d never made that a secret. He wouldn’t be here tonight if he didn’t want to know her family better…because of knowing her. Marriage would eventually be on his mind, that was certain.

“Well, maybe we can.” The words came out easier than she expected.

“Like when?”

Shirley laughed. Glen appeared to not believe his own ears. “I don’t know. You’re the one to do the asking.”

“Are you sure you’re ready?” He saw a stone in the path and kicked it to the side. “I didn’t mean you had to answer tonight. I can wait longer if need be, Shirley.”

“It’s okay.” She took his arm in hers. “You can bring me home this Sunday evening if you wish. Is that soon enough?”

The glow on his face was all the answer he gave until they reached the edge of the woods. “You make me very happy, Shirley. Do you know that?”

She looked at the ground and then confessed, “I’m afraid you
don’t know everything about me yet, Glen. I tend to be unstable and flighty. I don’t keep promises very well. And I’ve been known to break a few rules. I can be quite stubborn and headstrong.”

He laughed and squeezed her arm.

He didn’t believe a word she said, Shirley realized. Well, he would find out soon enough. At the moment she wanted only to feel the comfort of his presence and the warmth he stirred in her heart. There was none of the wild giddiness Jonas provoked, but that was
gut
, was it not?

Glen reached over and traced his fingers across the disappearing scars on Shirley’s face. “You grow more beautiful each day. I can’t believe I get to drive you home on Sunday evening.”

Shirley lowered her head, afraid he might want to kiss her. “Just hold my hand as we walk along. We’d better get back now. Supper will be ready.”

He took her hand in his and led the way across the pasture. They were still holding hands when they approached the barn. Several of the younger siblings noticed, stopping their play to point and giggle.

Glen grinned.

“Come!” Shirley tugged on his hand. “The rest of the family will be happy to see that you’ve come tonight. Lee and Mark,
Mamm
and
Daett,
and Miriam and Naomi.” Shirley didn’t add that her family’s greatest happiness was in the fact that, by all appearances, she finally planned to settle down with a decent Amish man. She did in fact intend that. And she couldn’t find anyone better than Glen in that regard. She grew more sure of that every day, it seemed.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I
van stirred his bowl of oatmeal at the breakfast table for a few seconds before he added milk. He took a bite and chewed slowly. The emptiness of the house rang in his ears, and he shook his head for a moment. Was this another aftereffect of the accident? The hollow feeling in his chest certainly was. The fact that Laura was gone forever and there was nothing he could do about it was a hurdle he couldn’t seem to jump.

He shook his head again. Was the Lord already making a way through this wilderness for him? Why else had Eli, Miriam’s
daett,
shown up to speak with him after the service on Sunday? Maybe he did need to find a new
frau
sooner than later. Mostly though, the man had given him a lecture for the way he’d used Miriam before his marriage to Laura. From what he could tell, Eli didn’t know everything. Miriam must not have told her parents all the details of their exchange, which showed the strength of Miriam’s character.

Ivan groaned. His marriage to Laura couldn’t have been a mistake. He’d loved her. Besides, regrets did a man little
gut
. He would
trust the Lord to guide him through this dark time. Apparently the first direction had arrived with Eli Yoder.
Yah
, repentance was in order. Ivan had agreed with Eli and apologized. The man seemed satisfied. He’d even suggested that Ivan approach Miriam for a renewal of their relationship now that Miriam had also lost the one she loved.

“I didn’t know about Wayne,” he’d admitted to Eli.

With another groan, Ivan pushed aside his partially eaten oatmeal and stood. Most of the muscles throughout his body still ached, even after these many weeks since the accident. Thankfully, he could do his chores again, but he hadn’t been back to his job. He needed to move about more. Maybe he should harness his old horse, Billy, to the buggy and go for a ride.

Ivan heaved a sigh and walked out of the washroom. He crossed the front yard as questions whirled in his mind. Did he dare visit Miriam today? She’d only been home a few days, and he would see her at the Sunday service. How uncomfortable that might be since Eli would have told Miriam by now about their conversation. No, it would be better to speak with her in private or among family. Since she’d expect him to speak with her, why not do it today? Eli was right. With the money given away and the farm Mr. Bland had given Miriam sold off, he could begin anew with Miriam. The woman wouldn’t doubt his intentions again.

Yah
, he had best go visit Miriam. He rubbed his head and entered the barn. After easing the harness on Billy’s back, he led the old horse outside and hitched him to the buggy. He climbed in, and pain shot up his back. Ivan ignored the continuing stabs and drove out his lane. Before long he’d feel young again, he told himself. Once his body and heart healed. That was why he planned to stop at the graveyard before he visited Miriam. His sisters had taken him there last week, but he needed to go alone. He knew Laura wasn’t there, but he wanted to show his respect for the love
and attention she’d shown him in their brief marriage. She had been a
gut frau
. If she had lived, he would have grown to love her even more deeply. There was no doubt in his mind about that.

He let his mind wander as the steady beat of Billy’s hooves on pavement filled his ears. He pictured Laura on their wedding day, her face aglow with happiness.
Yah
, she’d put a lot of effort into their relationship and had won his heart. He hadn’t deserved such love, Ivan acknowledged. Just as he didn’t deserve this second chance with Miriam that came with the visit from her
daett
. Why the Lord continued to give him both direction and rebuke, he couldn’t imagine. And added to that, Eli’s approval if he should seek Miriam’s hand in marriage.

A tear crept into his eye, and Ivan wiped it away. There had been enough of those shed on his pillow since he’d come out of the coma. A man must move on, even with deep regret in his heart for his actions. He’d wronged both Laura and Miriam. Darkness swirled in his mind as he pulled up to the graveyard and climbed out of the buggy. He left Billy standing along the fencerow without a tie rope. The old horse would go nowhere.

He found his way through the tombstones with names both familiar and unfamiliar: Yoders, Bylers, Troyers…Ivan forced himself to look ahead to the freshly dug grave on the far edge of the cemetery. Small blades of grass had begun to spring up on the mound of dirt. The tombstone the Swartz family had set in place glistened from the recent rains.

Ivan read out loud, “Laura Mast and child, beloved wife and daughter…” He knelt next to the dirt and lifted his head to the heavens. He found himself whispering, “I’m so sorry for what happened, Laura. I know you’re with the angels and much happier than any of us on this earth can imagine. But still, the accident was my fault. I should have paid attention to where we were going. Please forgive me.”

Ivan bowed his head and waited. There was no voice from heaven, but he didn’t expect one. Peace was enough of an answer. He kept his head down and spoke again. “Thank you, Laura, for the love you gave me. Thank you for our times together. You were much more than I deserved. Thank you for our…our…” Ivan’s voice broke. “I’ll never see our child’s face on this earth, but I’m sure the baby is sweet like you are.”

Silence settled around him, and Ivan didn’t move for a long time. Then slowly he rose and made his way back to his buggy. Billy lifted his head and looked at him. “
Yah
, she’s gone,” Ivan said out loud. Billy wouldn’t understand the words, but Ivan wanted to say them. He wanted to face what had happened and to move on. He was in no shape to visit Miriam, but perhaps she should see him in his broken condition. If he ever wanted to ask her to be his
frau
, there should be nothing hidden between them—even his sorrow over what had happened. Miriam was a woman of character. She would understand.