A Blessing for Miriam (42 page)

“Penny for your thoughts?” Glen teased.

Shirley felt heat rise up her neck, but she would be honest. “I was thinking about our wedding someday.”

He pulled in a long breath. “That’s nice to hear. I needed that encouragement.”

“You’re always so patient and kind.”

He shrugged. “With you, it’s not difficult.”

“You can kiss me, you know.” Shirley lifted her face to him.

Now Glen hesitated. “Don’t couples usually save kissing for their engagement?”

He was quite innocent, Shirley thought, and then the words blurted out of her mouth. “Jonas and I didn’t.”

“And see where that ended up?” Glen regarded her skeptically.

“You’re not Jonas. Kiss me, Glen, please.”

“I’m not like Jonas,” he protested.

“I know.” Shirley pulled him close, and Glen’s hands tightened around her shoulders. “Kiss me, Glen.”

“I’m not sure about this, Shirley.”

“Stop talking, Glen, please.”

He still hesitated.

Shirley reached for his face with both hands. The moon hung beside him and illuminated part of his handsome face.

Glen’s hands gently gripped Shirley’s shoulders as he gave in. The slight bristles of his shaven face brushed her cheek before his lips met hers.

Shirley slipped her hands into his hair and wouldn’t let go.

Glen pulled back after a moment, but lowered his head and his lips met hers again.

Shirley shivered. Glen’s kisses were better than Jonas’s! Glen’s kisses had something Jonas’s didn’t. With Jonas,
yah
, her heart had pounded, but tonight there was a soft throb in her throat and Glen’s solid character all around her. This man would always be here for her. He was steadier than a massive rock in midstream. Pleasure in his presence hadn’t come in a hurry, but it had built until it enveloped her whole heart. That had never been in any of Jonas’s kisses.

Glen lifted his head and appeared dazed.

Shirley held his hand and waited for his response.

“You are very
wunderbah
, Shirley,” he finally whispered. He pulled her close, and his lips brushed the hair on top of her head.

Shirley looked up at him. “What did you really think when you saw me the first time—back at the gathering when I had all those ugly scars?”

Glen shushed her with a touch of his finger on her lips. “You kept your face hidden for a while. Remember?”

She nodded and his finger found her cheek and traced it gently. “You were more beautiful than I could ever imagine, Shirley. As you will be when I kiss you in the light of day.”

She buried her face in his chest. “I’m going to write down and sell your beautiful words someday, Glen. They’re worth their weight in gold.”

“No, they’re not,” he whispered into her ear.

Shirley embraced him again. She let go when the tears had ceased to sting her eyes. “Should we go home now?”

“
Yah
.” He led the way slowly back across the pasture. “This is where you agreed to date me, remember?”

She nodded.

“It’s a magical meadow.”

He let go of her hand to open the pasture gate, and invited her to lead the way.

Glen was sent from the Lord, Shirley told herself. Certainty grew, and she figured it would continue to grow the longer she knew him. She took his hand again as they walked to the house.

Chapter Forty-One

I
van tossed in his sleep as he dreamed of great waves and crashing breakers lashing a rocky seashore. He was trying repeatedly to place a small boat in the water, only to have it cast back before he could climb in. He could hear voices calling him from the distance, but he couldn’t make out the words. Ivan strained to listen and finally answered, only to awaken with a start.

He sat bolt upright and peered around the early morning darkness in his bedroom. This was the second dream he’d had that night, and it was the same as earlier. It was odd because he didn’t often have nightmares. Was this a warning of some sort? But of what? He had only been to the ocean once in his life—with a group of young people during his
rumspringa
time. The experience hadn’t been unpleasant, and certainly there had been no storms…and no bad dreams at the time. Even the accident when Laura passed hadn’t produced nightmares.
Yah
, great sorrow, but not bad dreams. He rubbed his head. Miriam had been along on that
rumspringa
trip to the ocean, and he had enjoyed her presence. They had smiled
and spoken to each other every chance they had. Miriam didn’t give him nightmares.

Ivan groaned and got out of bed, dressing in the darkness. Next week he had to go back to work—a fact he didn’t look forward to. He couldn’t allow his relationship with Miriam to lurch on like this, though he knew his heart hadn’t healed yet—nor had Miriam’s. Ivan found the kitchen and lit a kerosene lamp. He paused to gaze at the flickering flame. This time the truth must be faced. That was what his dream was about. He’d have to face this issue head on. Laura might be alive today if he’d spoken his mind sooner instead of when they were on their way to town for a shopping trip.

Ivan set the lamp on the kitchen table. He had to be honest and admit that his heart was not drawn to Miriam again like he’d hoped and even prayed. Instead, he was being oddly drawn to the widow Mary Troyer. He’d noticed this at the last two Sunday services but hadn’t wanted to admit the feelings. Likely the bishop’s words that morning after Ivan left the graveyard had focused his attention on Mary, but he’d avoided the matter, as usual. The widow Mary’s smiles reminded him a lot of Laura’s. How Mary had remained a widow for almost two years, he couldn’t imagine. Maybe Mary’s two children were a drawback to some men, but he didn’t mind. They were cute little girls, and he could easily imagine them as his own.

Ivan poured milk over his cereal and sat down to eat. Mary would heal his heart in ways that Miriam couldn’t. How, he wasn’t sure. Maybe because Mary was further from the pain of her loss than either Miriam or he was. Things worked that way, didn’t they? And Mary attracted him in ways that Miriam didn’t. He admired Miriam, but it wasn’t the same as attraction. He’d thought this time things would be different, and they might have been if Mary hadn’t appeared. Then the question had come into his mind: Would Mary welcome his attentions?

Yah
, she would. He was sure of that. Mary’s shy smiles in his direction were all the evidence he needed. In the meantime, Miriam must be told. He would have to face her with the truth this time. And sooner rather than later. She must not be hurt again.

The thought straightened his back. He finished his cereal and set the bowl in the sink. With his chin set, he slipped out into the dawning light and entered the barn. Old Billy was in the harness in no time, and Ivan was on his way. He would visit Miriam first. She needed to know. Then if Mary turned him down, he would be left with no prospects, but that would just have to be.

Sorrow gathered around his heart as he drove along the still, morning roads. Miriam would be surprised to see him, especially so early in the day. But would his words upset her? It was even likely Miriam had already picked up the uncertainty in his heart. Miriam was that kind of woman. She was a woman worthy of a decent husband, and that would not be him. Miriam would take his decision with the same grace she took all the sorrows life handed her. She might even be relieved. Their former attraction had not revived itself for her either. He would have known if it had.

“Hurry up there,” Ivan urged Billy. He wanted this chore over and done with. The dread of it crept on him as the Yoder farm appeared in the distance. He could still drive on to Mary Troyer’s place, which lay a few miles on the other side of Possum Valley. He could stop in to see Miriam on the way home. But his hands pulled the reins to the left, and Billy turned in the Yoder driveway and stopped in front of the hitching post.

Thankfully Miriam opened the front door and stepped out before he reached the porch. A slight smile played on her face. “
Gut
morning. What brings you out so early?”

“Well, I have to go back to work next week,” he said haltingly. The words made no sense, but nothing did right now.

“I see. Are you feeling well?” Miriam regarded him with concern.

“I’m okay.” Ivan stepped up on the porch and sat on a porch rocker without invitation.

Miriam obviously wasn’t convinced and stepped closer to feel his forehead with her hand. “Are you sick or troubled?”

“Nightmares.” Ivan looked up at her. “I’m sorry, Miriam, but will you sit down? I have something to say.”

“
Yah
.” Miriam tucked her dress in and sat on the other chair. “Were they dreams about the accident and Laura?”

“No, this isn’t about the accident…or Laura.” Ivan let out a long breath. “It’s you and me, Miriam. I can’t go on like this, and you deserve to know.”

Miriam was silent, her gaze fixed on the porch floor. The front door flew open before Ivan could continue, and Shirley stepped out.

“Oh, it’s you, Ivan. I thought I heard someone drive in.” Shirley smiled at them.

Miriam waved her away with a quick motion of her hand, before she turned to Ivan. “It’s okay. I think I understand.”

“
Yah
, I suppose you do. You’re that kind of woman. Please don’t think you’re to blame for this. Your
daett
was well intentioned, but in my heart, Miriam, I just don’t think we are meant to be.”

Miriam sat back in her chair. At last she said, “Thank you for being honest this time.”

He reached for her hand. “I’ve enjoyed our times together, Miriam. I really have. Like I did before when we were in our
rumspringa
time. Remember that trip to Virginia Beach?”

Miriam didn’t answer.

Ivan hurried on. “You’ll meet someone someday who will be just right for you, Miriam. I know that. You’re decent and upright and…”

“It’s okay, Ivan.” Miriam smiled slightly. “You don’t have to go on.”

“I’m so sorry,” he said again, rising to his feet. “I really am.”

Miriam took a deep breath. “The Lord will give us both grace. He always has, it seems. Even in the darkest times of the night. Thank you again for being honest.”

“Then we part in peace?”

“In peace.” Miriam stood. “Goodbye, Ivan. I hope you find love again.”

“And the same to you.” Ivan turned to go. He stopped halfway across the lawn for a quick wave. Miriam, still standing on the porch, waved back.

With a final wave Ivan climbed into his buggy and drove Billy out of the Yoder lane. He turned toward his home. The visit to the widow Mary Troyer could wait. Miriam deserved that much respect. Mary would still be available on Sunday afternoon, and he would visit her then. They could be wed this fall, he was sure. Peace settled in his heart as Billy’s hooves beat on the pavement.

“Comfort Miriam’s heart, Lord,” Ivan prayed out loud. “Give her a promise for tomorrow. Give her a future You bless, my Lord.”

Chapter Forty-Two

T
wo weeks had gone by since Ivan’s early morning visit to the Yoder farm. Miriam sat quietly on the couch as
Daett
read the Scriptures for the morning devotions. She caught only snatches of his words as her mind spun with thoughts. First there was the pain as she recalled that soon after Ivan’s visit he’d apparently turned to Mary Troyer for comfort. After their first date, Mary had still glowed with happiness at the next Sunday service. Once more Miriam had been passed over.
Daett
had refused to believe the news for a few days. He was ready to make a trip over to speak with Ivan until
Mamm
begged him to reconsider.