Authors: Megan McKenney
“I can’t just change my life. I have things I have to do. I’m dating Brad –“ I began.
“I thought you were more interested in me…” He said quietly.
“Well, I am. But I don’t know how long this thing is going to last,” I whispered. It felt as though we were the only two people in the room, but we were surrounded by hundreds of our peers. It was funny that when I was with Brad, I could have been surrounded by people but feel so alone. But today, being next to Keiffer, I had never felt more at peace.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… how long until you walk away again? How long until you get scared? Will it be tomorrow? Will it be next week? Or will it be when our baby is two years old? I don’t want to be a single parent,” I looked him deep in the eyes. “And I don’t want to see you in my baby. If you’re not around, I don’t want to be reminded of the man I loved, and of the man that couldn’t love me back.”
“I do love you back,” he whispered into my ear. His hot breath beating against my earlobe. “And I’m ready to be with you. I’m going to change my ways, if you tell me that you’ll forgive me. We can start where we left off. And I’ll end this stupid breakup by apologizing.” He pulled me into a hug as we swayed back and forth. I suddenly became self-conscious because all of our peers were staring at us. They all thought I was with Brad – in which I was. I had come to prom with him! But my actions with Keiffer showed otherwise. No matter what, I was able to block them out and only focus on Keiffer.
“I’m sorry, Jenna, for the way I have treated you. I’ve been mean, manipulative, rude, incoherent, selfish, and don’t deserve to even have you in my presence, let alone my arms right now. But I love you. From the bottoms of my toes to the top of my head, my whole body, I love you. I’ve never felt so secure with someone before and you are the only person…besides my mom who hasn’t judged me for who I am.” He looked down so our eyes seemed like they were miles apart. “And I’ve broken friendships with not only you but some others that I care deeply about.” We met eyes once more. They were sincere. They were honest. But my heart still told me to be weary. I hated feeling that way, but Keiffer always had that special way to draw me back in.
“Please forgive me for being so terrible to you these past months. I’ve lusted, longed, for you but you scare me shitless,” he smiled. “I know you won’t leave me, but I’m scared.”
“There’s no reason to be scared,” I stroked his cheek gently. “Loving you is second nature to me. I would love you no matter how many times you leave me. But I’m scared, too.”
“I know.” He placed his hand over mine, which was still on his cheek. Our fingers interlaced gently. “Let’s take a leap of faith, and be scared together.”
“Okay.” My words came out short, but they were straight to the point. My mind finally had to catch up with my emotions so I could start to discuss the things that were really in there. “I feel as though I should tell Brad about us. I mean…I’ve been wanting you back in my life since forever ago. But I’m not going to pull what my mom did and cheat on him. I think Brad needs to know the truth.”
“Then tell him.” He smiled at me one last time before Brad cut back in. Brad looked just as angry as I had expected him too. Looking up, I noticed that practically every person dancing had stopped to stared at us. We, obviously, were much closer than I had thought. My cheeks blushed as I dropped Keiffer’s hand.
“You’ve had your dance,” Brad snarled at Keiffer. Keiffer didn’t budge from where he stood and the two men seemed to have a stare off at each other. They were sizing each other up, getting ready in case one of them threw the first punch. Instead, Brad grabbed my waist and drew me in into a long kiss. Our lips met and I could tell that the kiss was only for show, not because he actually loved me.
As soon as he let me out of the embrace, I made eye contact with Keiffer one last time. I could see hurt written all over his face, but I also saw some smugness. It was obvious to him that he had been the one to win my heart, not Brad. I was pregnant with his baby and about to dump Brad. So instead of crying and running away, Keiffer lightly patted Brad’s shoulder, giving him a genuine smile.
“She’s all yours, buddy,” Keiffer smiled at Brad. He quickly winked at me but I looked down at the ground so it wouldn’t be obvious to Brad. “For now.” And with that, he turned and walk away. A piece of my heart went with him, but I knew that we would be reunited soon once again.
It wasn’t until we were standing under the porch light after prom that I finally got a chance to talk to Brad. He held my hands, and I wondered how he didn’t notice me shaking. This was the moment that I had dreaded. Brad had once been my best friend. He had been the guy that I’d dreamt about spending my whole life with. Yet, at that moment in time, I knew that he just wasn’t the right guy for me.
“You looked beautiful tonight,” Brad said. I felt my cheeks blush. It still gave me goosebumps to think that he loved me so much.
“Thanks. You looked really nice too,” I answered. He tipped my chin up so we were looking into each other’s eyes.
“What’s on your mind?” He asked, searching for an answer. I tucked my hair behind my ears nervously. “You can tell me, Jenna.”
“I know,” I whispered. Taking a deep breath, I finally realized that this was the moment of truth. “We’ve been together for four years. Within months we’ll be going our separate ways. You’re off to Michigan State, and I will be going to Yale.” Ok, so I lied. No one but Keiffer knew that I’d chosen to not attend college at Yale. However, with how fast rumors get spread at the school, it was best to keep my decision to myself.
“But we’ve already talked about this,” he interrupted. “I can get a flight out to see you every other weekend. You don’t have to worry about any kind of expenses. I’ve got everything covered.”
“I know. But then what? What if we do go our separate ways? That’s bound to happen, you know? I just don’t want to get my heart broken.”
“I won’t break your heart,” he said quickly. “Jenna, you have to trust me. You’re the light of my life…”
“Brad, I can’t be with you…”
“I’ll do anything,” he begged. “You want a ring? You’ve got it! You want a house? You’ve got it. Jenna…” His own eyes were starting to tear up. “Losing you would be like losing half my body. You’re everything to me.”
I snorted. “Everything? Was I everything when you were screwing Brenda behind my back?” Honestly, I had no idea if what Brenda had said was true or not. Obviously, she made things up about what happened between her and Keiffer, but Brad was a different story.
“We were broken up. Besides, that’s in the past. And didn’t you have sex with Keiffer?” He asked. My eyes quickly shifted to the ground and then back up to him. “Keiffer…that’s what this is about, isn’t it?”
“Brad –“
“No, it’s been Keiffer all along, hasn’t it?” He backed away from me, hurt filling his eyes. I didn’t know why I felt so guilty. “You love him, don’t you? You love Keiffer.” His words were coming out more like statements, though I knew he was asking me.
“I do love him,” I admitted. Admitting that after all these months, it felt like a weight had been lifted directly off my shoulders. “I love him so much, Brad. He understands me.”
“More than I understand you?” He asked. Now his sadness was turning into anger. “More than me? We dated for four years and you tell me that some guy you met in January knows you better than me?”
“We just get each other, okay?”
“No! No, not okay! He’s scum, Jenna! Have you looked at him? He’s not mentally stable. I could give you the world, and the best he could come up with is….a stick.”
“A stick?” I laughed. “He can give me his heart.”
“I’ll give you my heart.” Now he was bent down on one knee. He held my hand, trying to make me fall for him. “And I’ll marry you. Right now if that’s what it takes. I’ll marry you.”
“I don’t want to marry you –“
“I’ll buy you a huge diamond ring-“
“I’m pregnant!” I finally shouted over his stupid blabbering. He stopped talking and just stared up at me in disbelief.
“Did I just hear you correctly? I thought you said you were pregnant…” He stood to his feet, analyzing me.
“Yes, you heard me correctly. And, obviously, it’s not your child. I’m pregnant with Keiffer’s baby and I need to do what’s best for the child.”
“I’ll pay for an abortion –“ Brad started. “Come’on, the procedure only lasts thirty minutes. I heard of a place in Mexico that does it real cheap. I watched a documentary on abortions in health class last year. I’ll talk to my dad about it, I’m sure he’ll be cool with taking us there. No one even needs to know –“
I felt myself become numb. Brad was actually telling me about how he wanted me to get an abortion. How could this be? My mind slowly started to shut down as he talked aimlessly about the stupid procedure. I had been so excited for the baby, and yet, my own boyfriend wanted me to abort it. My palms grew sweaty as I listened to him go on and on about the procedure.
Right when I thought I was going to black out, the front door swung open. My dad was standing in his flannel pajamas, his expression was fierce. “I think it’s time for you to run on home, son.”
“May I just have a few more minutes with her, sir?” Brad asked as politely as he could, but his voice was enriched with anger. He had always been really welcomed by my dad so he knew that he was going to be granted those extra minutes. However, my dad had a different agenda.
“I think you said enough to her tonight.”
Brad got the hint and he stepped down the porch. “So this is it?” Brad asked, obviously not being embarrassed by having my dad around.
“This is it,” I answered.
“Four years washed down the drain. You won’t even give me a chance?” He was still trying to fight it as he walked back to his car.
“No, Brad. I can’t.”
“But-“ He started again.
“Goodnight, Brad.” My dad called. Without another word, Brad got into his car and drove away. I sidestepped around my dad, waiting in the hallway until he finally said something to me. Much to my surprise, he kept his mouth quiet before retreating to the kitchen.
He sat down at his usual spot at the dining room table, where two glasses of milk and a plate of cookies sat. Without asking, I sat down next to him and started to snack on the cookies with him. This was what he and I used to do when I was young. After a nightmare, he would eat cookies with me until I was finally ready to go back to sleep. They helped me forget about the bad and move on with a clean slate.
“You were brave out there,” dad finally said.
“You heard?” I asked. Dad nodded his head. “I’m not in love with him. I thought I was…well, until I felt what true love was like.”
“Indigo and I had a long talk after you left today.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not disappointed…with you…with him…I’m just tired. I’m tired mentally. Jenna, you became so distant within these past months. You pushed me away when all I wanted to do was help. I could have helped you.”
“I didn’t need help,” I admitted. “I love him. I love a guy with a disease. A disease that’s going to kill him if he doesn’t get it under control. And that scares me more than anything. Being pushed away is not fun…I’m sorry I did that to you.”
“I know, honey. Indigo also said that you were…were…” He couldn’t get the words out.
“That I’m…pregnant?” I finally finished for him. He put his elbows up on the table and placed his forehead into his hands. I waited to hear him say something back, but all I heard were sniffles coming from under his hands. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he grasped them tightly.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. He kept repeating it over and over. “I should have been there for you. I should have stayed with your mom. Jenna, you make me proud no matter what. You didn’t need be valedictorian in order to receive my love.”
“Dad, I did it for myself also. Please don’t cry.”
“I let you down,” he sobbed. Looking up at me, he studied my face carefully. “You need to promise me that you’ll take good care of your child. Raise them knowing that they don’t have to be perfect in order to receive your love. Don’t put pressure on them. Let them grow. Let them learn. But don’t always be in their business.”
“I promise,” I whispered.
Chapter 17
“Okay, class.” Mr. Thomas stood in front of the class. “This Friday is when the papers are due. Does everyone understand that?”
“Yes, Mr. Thomas,” we all said in unison.
I sat next to Keiffer in the back of the classroom. We had pushed our two desks close together, which annoyed the rest of the class. In fact, since I broke up with Brad, people became more obsessed with me. Everyone wanted to get the inside scoop about my relationship with Keiffer so they had something to gossip about.