A Knight for Nurse Hart (7 page)

She gathered her scattered thoughts. “There are support groups, however. Other young women like yourself, who've been through the same thing.” Raine had attended one of the support group meetings, but hadn't found it particularly helpful. She offered the option though, because everyone coped differently.

And she was hardly the expert in coping strategies. She'd thought she was doing so well.

Only to fall completely apart, tonight.

“I'm afraid to go home,” Helen admitted in a low voice. “He knows where I live. What if he comes back?”

Raine understood. She'd experienced the exact same fear. In fact, she hoped to move once her lease was up. And she'd been sleeping on the sofa with Spice, unable to face her bed. “Do you have someone to stay with you?”

“I could ask my sister.”

Raine gave a nod of encouragement. “I think that's a good idea. And add a deadbolt lock to your door if you don't have one already. Literature shows that date-rape perpetrators don't go back to the same victims, but it doesn't hurt to be extra-careful.”

“I will, thanks.”

She leaned over and covered the woman's hand with hers. “Remember, Helen, you're not alone. Try the support group, or talking to a therapist. Unfortunately, date rape is more common than the average person realizes.”

Helen lifted her head to meet her gaze. “Sounds like you've had some experience with this,” she said.

For a moment Raine longed to blurt out the truth. But she was supposed to be the nurse, helping and supporting the patient, not the other way around. The words stuck in her throat. “I—I've cared for other patient's in similar circumstances,” she murmured evasively. “And I can imagine what you're going through. Please take care of yourself, okay?”

“Okay.”

Raine walked with her outside to the parking lot where she'd left her car. She stared after Helen for a long moment, before turning to head back inside to swipe out. She couldn't wait to get out of there.

Caleb stood behind her and she caught herself just in time to prevent herself from smacking into him.

“Did you need something?” she asked testily. She wasn't in the mood for a confrontation. Not now. She wanted to go home.

“Yeah. Do you have a minute?”

“Not really. I need to go inside to swipe out.” She tried to sidestep him, but Caleb didn't take the hint, turning and following her inside to the nearest time clock where she could swipe her ID badge, formally ending her shift.

She suppressed a sigh and faced him. “Caleb, couldn't we do this some other time? I really don't feel well. I've been sick to my stomach. I think I'm catching some flu bug or something.”

“Stop it, Raine. I know the truth.”

Her jaw dropped and she stared at him. He knew? How was that possible? No one knew. Except her boss, and Theresa had promised not to say a word.

Had she inadvertently said something when she'd passed out?

“You do?”

“Yes.” He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. “And I'm not letting you go until you agree to talk to me about it.”

R
AINE
stared at him in shock. To hear him blurt out so bluntly that he knew the truth was staggering. “No. I…can't talk about it. I'm sorry.” She turned away, heading for the employee parking lot, wanting nothing more than to go home, to recover from her emotionally draining shift.

But once again Caleb followed her outside. She tried to think of something to say to make him go away. But her mind was blank. And one glimpse at the stubborn set of his features told her he wasn't going to let her go easily.

“You shouldn't drive when you're this upset.” He took her arm, steering her towards where his car was parked.

For a moment she tensed beneath his touch, wanting to pull away, but then her shoulders slumped with exhaustion. She simply didn't have the energy to fight. Going along with him was easier than arguing. He opened the passenger door of his car and gestured for her to get inside.

She did, without uttering a single protest.

He slid behind the wheel, glancing at her, but not saying anything. The silence should have been oppressive but, oddly enough, she took comfort in his
presence. Maybe because taking care of Helen had brought her suppressed fears to the surface.

He pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards his house, without bothering to ask if she was okay with his decision.

She didn't protest. She was secretly glad he hadn't taken her back to her apartment. Her imagination tended to work overtime there.

“How's your father doing?” she asked when he pulled into the driveway.

He glanced at her. “Better. Still in pain, but overall much better.”

“I'm glad,” she murmured.

After parking the car, he headed up to his house and unlocked the door. She followed him inside, smiling a bit when Grizzly greeted her enthusiastically.

For a moment she buried her face against his silky fur, hanging onto her self-control by a thin thread. She'd been in Caleb's house often while they'd dated. After her emotionally draining shift, the welcome familiarity of Caleb's house soothed her soul.

She'd missed him. Desperately. They'd shared some very good times, before she'd realized the extent of his inability to trust. And then it was too late. She'd made a terrible mistake.

“Grizz likes you,” Caleb said, watching her pet the dog as he made a pot of coffee. “He's not that excited when I come home, more like disappointed that I'm not my father.”

She didn't know how to respond, worried she'd burst into tears if she tried. Back when things had started to
get more intense between them, she'd wondered what it might be like to share Caleb's home with him. She glanced around, liking the way Caleb's kitchen overlooked the living area, the cathedral ceiling providing a spacious feel. She took a seat on the butter-soft deep blue leather sofa. Grizzly followed her, sitting on his haunches in front of her and placing his big head on her lap. His soulful eyes stared up at her adoringly, wordlessly begging for attention. She pressed her face to the silky fur on the top of his head.

The sharp stab of regret pierced deep.

Caleb brought in two mugs of steaming coffee. She could smell the enticing scent of the vanilla creamer she loved. With a guilty start, she realized he must have bought it with her in mind, anticipating a night in the not-too-distant future when she might stay over.

And if things had been different, they might have spent the night together. More than once.

Her stomach churned. The nausea surged up with full force. Desperately, she swallowed hard.

There was no point in wishing for something she couldn't have. Caleb hadn't really trusted her before, there was no way that would change now.

And, really, she couldn't blame him.

He settled into the easy chair across from her, as if he didn't dare risk getting too close. She wrapped her hands around the coffee mug, seeking warmth despite the humid summer evening, wondering why he'd brought her here.

His gaze bored into hers. “Raine, I'm sure you'd feel better if you talked about it.”

The hot coffee scalded her tongue. She stared into the
depths of her mug, not wanting to admit he was right. “I doubt it.”

“Raine, what can I say to convince you? You stayed with me when my father was having surgery—at least let me help you now. As a friend.”

She sighed, knowing he was right but somehow unable to find the words to tell him what had happened. She was afraid, so very afraid of seeing the same flare of disgust in his eyes.

“Did you meet someone else? Is that it? Is that what you're afraid to tell me? What happened? Did he move too fast for you?”

She blinked. Another guy? Was that really what he thought?

“I know you, Raine,” he continued, obviously on a roll. “You're a passionate woman, but you're also sweetly innocent. He's a rat bastard for taking advantage of you. I can imagine exactly how it happened. A goodnight kiss went too far, and he pushed you into a level of intimacy you weren't ready for.”

Dear God. He didn't know the truth.
He didn't know
.

Her mind whirling, Raine wasn't sure how to respond. Slowly, she shook her head.

“Come on. I know something happened.” He set his coffee mug aside, untouched. “That's why you acted so strangely with our sexual assault patient. Because you were close to experiencing the same thing. Isn't that right? Dammit, tell me.” The pure agony in his tone hit hard.

“No. You've got it all wrong,” she said, sinking further into the sofa cushions, wishing she could close her eyes and disappear.

He let out a harsh laugh. “Yeah, right. That's why you have that haunted expression in your eyes. Don't protect the bastard.”

Suddenly she couldn't take the pretence. Couldn't continue acting as if everything was fine when it was anything but. Unfortunately, the scenario he'd described might be closer to the truth than he realized. Except for one important fact.

“I'm not protecting anyone,” she said finally. “I don't even know who he is.”

“What do you mean?” Caleb frowned in confusion. “How can you not know?”

“Because I was given Rohypnol.” She forced the truth out past the lump in her throat. “You were right, Caleb. Is that what you want to hear? You were right not to trust me. I flirted with a stranger and I paid the price.”

Caleb stared at her, his eyes full of horror.

She forced herself to finish. “You want to know what happened? I'll tell you. I was sexually assaulted by a man I can't remember.”

 

Raine's confession stabbed him in the chest, ripping away his ability to breathe. He'd known she was holding something back, but this was worse. So much worse than what he'd imagined. His mind could barely comprehend what she was telling him.

Raine had been assaulted. By a stranger.

Appalled, he jumped to his feet, unable to sit still. “My God. I…didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?” he asked in a strangled tone.

She hunched her shoulders and shivered. He wanted
to cross over to her, to put his arms around her and hold her tight, but obviously that was the last thing she'd want.

No wonder he'd seen the same shattered expression in her eyes that had been mirrored in their patient's eyes. He'd suspected some guy had pushed her into something, but he hadn't imagined this. Not that she'd been given Rohypnol and raped. He still could hardly believe it. The confession shimmered in the air between them, forcing him to keep his distance, even though it pained him.

“I couldn't,” she whispered. “I haven't told anyone.”

She hadn't told anyone? Why in heaven's name not? He paced the length of the great room, jamming his fingers helplessly through his hair. He needed to remain calm when all he wanted was to wrap his hands around the bastard's throat, squeezing until he begged for mercy. He was so angry he could barely see. How on earth had she managed? Especially all alone?

Raine shivered again, the uncontrollable movement capturing his gaze. He swallowed a curse and went into his bedroom. He grabbed the blanket off his bed and carried it into the living room. Wordlessly, he draped it around her slim shoulders, trying not to touch her.

“Thank you,” she murmured, pulling the blanket close.

The fury he'd buried threatened to break loose. He didn't know how she could sit there so calmly. He wanted to rant and rave, to throw things. He curled his fingers into fists and he began pacing again, still reeling at the news.

He felt sick, realizing she'd gone through the horror all alone rather than seeking comfort from him. And he understood exactly why.

Because he hadn't believed her when she'd called to apologize after he'd seen her with Jake. And she'd assumed he wouldn't believe her about this as well.

He wanted to smack his head against the wall for being so stupid. For not listening to her when she'd called him the next day. Why had he believed Jake, when he hadn't believed Raine?

Grizz must have realized something was wrong, because the black Lab whined and then abruptly jumped up on the sofa, settling against Raine and placing his large head in her lap. He almost told the dog to get down from the furniture.

But when Raine hugged Grizz close, seemingly grateful for the comfort of the dog's presence, he couldn't bear to yell at Grizz to get down. The dog wasn't a threat to her, not in the way a man might be.

The way he would be? He remembered the way she'd tended to keep distance between them the first few times they'd worked together.

But not afterwards. Not when they'd sat in the waiting room together, waiting for news about his father.

He couldn't stand the thought that she might be afraid of him.

“Raine.” He stared at her, hating feeling so helpless. “I don't know what to say.”

“You don't have to say anything,” she said, her voice muffled by Grizzly's fur. “It's enough that you know the truth.”

He clenched his jaw and swung away, so she wouldn't see the simmering anger in his eyes. It wasn't enough to know the truth, not by a long shot. He
wouldn't be satisfied until the bastard was caught. Helpless guilt grabbed him by the throat.

If he hadn't let his mistrust get the better of him, maybe he could have handled things differently. He knew now he should have given her the benefit of doubt.

And now it was too late to go back, to fix the mistakes he'd made.

The last thing he wanted right now was to do or say anything that could possibly hurt her. Or scare her.

Control. He needed to maintain control. He couldn't think about how she must have gone into the hospital, seeking help. Being examined. Talking to the police.

No wonder she'd fainted.

His imagination was worse than knowing the truth. How was she coping when he couldn't keep the awful images out of his mind? Another man's hands on her. Forcing her to have sex. Taking what she hadn't freely given.

Ruthlessly, he shoved the horrible images away.

“I'm sorry,” he said finally. “I should have been there with you. You shouldn't have had to go through that alone.”

She didn't answer. When he glanced back at her he could only see her face, the rest of her body was buried beneath the blanket and Grizz. Her eyes had closed, her mouth had relaxed and her lips were slightly parted in sleep.

Caleb let out a deep breath and collapsed in the chair opposite. He scrubbed his hands over his face.

He tried to tell himself he must not have handled things too badly if Raine was comfortable enough to fall
asleep on his living-room sofa. Either that or he'd underestimated the comfort provided by Grizz.

Hell, he'd convince his dad to give her the dog if only she'd smile again.

Smile. Yeah, right. He didn't know how in the world she'd recover from this. How did any woman put something like this behind them?

Broodingly, he watched her sleep, his gaze caressing the curve of her cheek, the silkiness of her hair. He remembered with aching clarity, their last embrace. Their last kiss.

He grimaced and closed his eyes, drowning in the bitter-sweet memories. The sexual chemistry between them had sizzled. During their kisses goodnight, it had taken every ounce of willpower he'd possessed to slow things down. Each night the heat had grown more passionate between them. And he couldn't deny that he'd always been the one to pull back, before either of them had got too carried away.

Even though they'd only dated for two months, he'd suspected he was falling for her. And that had caused him to overreact to everything she'd done. He hadn't been able to find a way to stop himself from constantly questioning her.

His selfish fears had pushed her away at the moment she'd probably needed him most.

He opened his eyes and looked at Raine, mourning the loss. His fault. What had happened to Raine was largely his fault. And now there was no going back.

Whatever feelings she might have had toward him were likely gone. What he hadn't destroyed had likely been demolished by her assailant.

Picking up his mug of coffee, he took a sip, grimacing at the cold temperature. His gaze burned with deep regret as he watched her sleep.

 

Raine opened her eyes, momentarily confused for a moment about where she was. Grizzly let out a deep sigh beside her. She blinked, realizing she was still on Caleb's sofa, suffocatingly warm as a result of being sandwiched between the blanket and the large dog.

She might be sweltering, but she'd also slept the entire night through without waking up. For the first time since the night of the assault.

She'd felt safe with Caleb. And Grizzly.

Feeling better than she had in a long time, she gingerly sat up, surprised to find Caleb asleep in the easy-chair across from her. So both the man and the dog had watched over her. She winced a bit, realizing that the way Caleb's head lay at such an awkward angle he would probably wake up with a severe crick in his neck.