Authors: Nancy Hopper
CHAPTER NINE
Tasha tried to hold her tongue as they drove through the narrow road to the resort; but she just could not. "Tim, I'm very concerned about you. Are you going to be able to get through tonight?" she asked.
He sighed, and stretched. "Sure. I'm just kind of out of it." he explained. "Slept too much, I think. But I'm still tired. I'll perk up a little when we get there, I'm sure."
Still, the grim silence persisted. When they got to the Cedars, they parked in the garage and as always, Tim put an arm around her shoulders as they went inside. Still, he seemed so distant that Tasha's feelings were a bit stung. She felt tears smarting in her eyes. It felt as though she was with someone else, another man that she didn't know. A man who didn't care. It was absolutely wretched!
When they were seated, she simply couldn't stand it anymore. She put her hand over his; and looked up into his shocked, burning eyes. His reaction made her feel as though she'd done the unforgivable, but she had to go on.
"Timothy; please tell me what's wrong. What is bothering you today? Have I done something wrong, somehow offended you?" she asked worriedly.
Timothy felt a crush of desire pour through his veins at the touch of her hand on his, the soft entreaty in her eyes. He closed his eyes and shook his head.
"No. Tasha, I'm sorry. It's nothing you've done. I'm just struggling. I don't know why. I don't want you worrying about it."
"I can't help it." She protested. She searched his eyes, but couldn't seem to touch him. He was very withdrawn at the moment.
From Tim's perspective, nothing could have been further from the truth. Every kind word, every gentle touch of her hand, every tender look, affected him deeply, cut his heart open even wider.
He was deeply dismayed, as he felt sure that tonight was the time for her to be ministered to. He didn't know yet what to say, and he wasn't sure he'd be able to say it if he did know, or could figure it out. He was a mess, and he didn't understand any of it.
“Don’t be so sweet to me. I can’t stand it. Can’t you say
something ornery?”
She chuckled. “No. I don’t believe that I can.” She said, smiling sweetly up at him. “God has given me a quite considerable appreciation for you, Timothy Rain. I believe He wants me to be kind to you.”
Timothy groaned, and rolled his eyes. It got even tougher for him as the music started, and Timothy's spirit opened to the Lord. Every look at Tasha was excruciating. He was simply flooded with new love for her – overcome by her, every time he'd try to look at her and ask the Lord for help. Suddenly, tonight, he could not seem to separate his awareness of this woman, from his awareness of the Lord. Whenever he opened his heart and spirit at all, Tasha flooded in. It was simply bizarre!
"Be still, Timothy. Wait and see." He felt the Lord instruct him. Peace slowly came to Tim, as he allowed the Holy Spirit to take control. Suddenly, he understood that he'd been trying to resist not only his sudden, strong feelings for Tasha, but that he'd also been resisting the moving of the Holy Spirit within him.
He repented, and sank to his knees immediately. The Holy Spirit fell on him there, and covered him with the cloak of comfort and blessing as he humbled himself.
Tim felt tears slip down his face as he began to sense the unrequited love that the Father, and that Jesus had for the girl sitting next to him. He'd had just a taste today of how it felt to love and have it be unrecognized. He understood now that he could only reach Tasha from a place where his own heart was broken and humble.
She would not be able to resist his heart when he was humble, gentle and broken. It was this breaking that the Lord had been working in Timothy – that would open Tasha's heart to receive what Timothy was about to minister. He could feel the word coming, and he waited quietly.
He could feel Tasha's eyes on him, shocked yet tender. To see him humble himself this way, with tears on his face, was something Tasha had never imagined she'd see. Yet here he, was, unashamedly tearful and on his knees before hundreds of people.
She could tell that this man was no stranger to humility, and she could tell that he didn't mind, whether he was alone with the Lord, or with ten thousand watching.
Timothy knew then what had to be done, and he fell on his face in intercession. He cried out to the Lord in his spirit for her. He felt that he was to become like a great vat, a storehouse for the Love of God to be released upon this woman. He relented and obeyed, allowing the love to fill him until he thought he'd burst, or die.
It was a good thing that Timothy was not scheduled to speak that night, for he surely would not have been able. He was truly broken, and there was no way that he was able to function, for some time. Only when the message was nearing its end, was he able to sit up and find his chair. He pulled himself together with great effort, knowing that the Lord had need of him tonight.
Tasha sat helplessly, worried sick. "Tim?" she whispered earnestly, putting her hand on his arm and searching his eyes.
He covered her hand with his, and let his eyes turn to her tenderly. "I've never been better. Don't be afraid." He encouraged her.
Although she was a bit taken back by his response, she was relieved to see that he'd been transformed. He was filled with the Presence of the Lord. He was reeling, sloshing, full of the Holy Spirit. And somehow, that did not frighten her, anymore.
"The resistance has been broken, and the Lord of Hosts will have His way." Tim assured her with burning eyes.
"You were resisting Him?" she asked incredulously.
"It would seem so." He admitted. "I sometimes still get in his way, despite my best efforts. I didn't intend it, that's for sure. Tasha, you won't leave me here tonight, will you?" he asked quietly. "Please don't run out on me."
"I won't. Lucinda made me promise I'd bring you back, so she can put some chicken soup in you. She's convinced that you're very ill."
He chuckled. "Well, she's not far from wrong. I'll be back after a bit, then, and I hope you don't get bored."
"Not when you're ministering, Mr. Rain." She assured him heartily.
She was intrigued tonight, though. Tim was keeping a very low profile. He wasn't praying for anybody much, and she wondered at it. He seemed to team up with his friend Tom, and stay in the background. It was very un-Timothy-like.
When the room had finally begun to clear out, she saw Tim put an arm around his friend, Tom. They walked in her direction. They came toward her with the Presence of the Lord like a heavy cloud about them. Tasha felt her senses reeling and her knees growing weak as they approached her. It was a powerful anointing they carried together. And then, she could feel that her time had come.
“
Help me out, Tom. I do have a word from the Lord for the lovely Tasha.” Tim said wearily. He turned to Tasha and put his hands on her shoulders. "With your permission?" he asked steadily.
Tasha slowly nodded. She couldn't seem to do anything else.
Hands on fire. Hands on fire! She felt like she was being scorched; and breathing in fire. His eyes were filled with holy fire, as he stared into her soul. She knew that whatever God had brought her to this conference to hear, was coming at her – right now. She slowly turned her eyes up to Tim's.
She was shocked to find herself looking into eyes filled with tears. She felt as though they were the very eyes of the Lord.
“
I want you back.” he whispered in anguish. The tenderness and suffering in his voice cut her heart to the quick. “Don’t you know that I love you desperately? Don’t you know how much you mean to me?” he asked raggedly. “Can’t you trust me, Tasha?” he asked, his eyes pleading. “I want you back, so much. You’re mine, you’re my lovely one. I’ll make it all up to you, I promise.”
"The end of one thing is not the end of all things, my love. You just didn’t understand. But I want you back, now. I allowed you to run, I knew you had to do that, at the time. I knew you didn’t understand. But now, you must be healed and go on to find your destiny in Me. It is time.”
Timothy squeezed back the tears that were making it hard to talk. He was going to have to back out of the intimacy that was flowing from God through his own heart to Tasha, or he wouldn’t be able to deliver the whole word. He would be overcome by the emotion he felt; and that was totally unlike Tim.
But, he felt as though the heart of the Lord was killing him. He wanted to fall on his knees and keen at the tender love and wooing he felt from the Lord for Tasha!
He stepped back a step, hoping the space would act as a small barrier. He drew a deep breath, and put a hand on her shoulder while he tried to regain some composure. He didn’t dare to look at her.
“
Honey, you can run, but you can’t hide forever.” Tim said in a low voice. “He wants to restore you to Himself. He wants to restore his beloved to His side. He wants to restore your relationship with Him. He wants you back, so badly.”
“
He just wants to heal your heart, honey. He’s wooing you back. He knows you’re hurt. He knows you’ve given up. But He can do it for you. Come on, now. Give in. Come on back to Him. Taste, and see that the Lord is good. Yes, He feels your pain. Yes, He feels your sorrow. Yes, He knows you think He let you down.”
"Listen to me. That’s not the heart of the Lord. It’s not the heart of our Father. He loves you. He loves you so much, honey.”
Tim paused and seemed to be fighting once again for composure. His eyes were tightly shut; and he shook his head as if feeling the pain that was being unleashed in Tasha’s heart as he spoke the words. Tom just watched with a keen eye and kept silent.
“
He’s going to make it all up to you. He’s going to restore everything that was taken from you. He’s going to turn your sorrow into joy. He’s going to raise you up and put you in the place He intended for you. So don’t wait, now. Don’t you hinder what He wants to do. He made you come here so that He could get through to you. Come on, now. That’s it. That’s all you gotta do, just give in.”
“
Tell Him you love Him. Tell Him you need Him. That’s all you have to do, is come home. Come back to Him. It’s all over, honey. It’s going to be okay, now.”
Tears were streaming down Tasha’s face. She couldn’t help it, her heart was breaking. He knew.
He knew!
He’d made her come here so He could break her will down, and make her come back.
Oh, she didn’t want to! She wanted to stay in her cocoon and live her simple life! But it was no good. It was no good, it was obvious. Her heart was breaking wide open, despite her will to keep it tightly closed.
“
Let Him do it, Tasha. Let Him open the wounds. I know you’ve been shattered, honey. I can feel the devastation. But, He never meant it to end this way. He’d have spared you so much, if you’d been able to stay open to Him. He loves you. You’re so important to Him. He’s been yearning over you. He’s so excited that you’ve come to the conference, that you’re opening up again.”
“
Let Him back in, honey. Let Him finish the work He started so long ago, in your heart. And you’ll begin to live again. He wants to give you a fresh, new start. Let Him be your healer, now.”
Tasha shook her head, as if trying to numbly ward off the onslaught. Her eyes were filled with misery and pain. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She dropped her tired head, and wished she could just stop breathing.
Tim closed his arms about her, and pulled her gently against his breast. He put his hand over her head as she wept bitterly. She felt the heat and the jolt of power from his hand go through her head to her heart, and on down to her toes. She wept so hard that she was shaking with sobs, and she felt as if she’d die.