Authors: Nancy Hopper
“
Tasha?” he asked quietly. There was no reply, but he thought he felt her presence.
He went toward the French doors, and saw a photo portrait of a man, hanging on the wall to the left. There was a second photo with Tasha smiling brilliantly from the warmth of the man’s arms.
Tim stood and looked at the man, shocked and perplexed, for a long moment. The man had been Tasha's husband, obviously. The portrait shone with their love and happiness.
Now, he knew what he’d sensed earlier that had caused him to feel so troubled. The understanding he’d been waiting for had come. He sighed, and shook his head in wonder. Then, he went on out to the tub.
The water felt wonderful, but he still felt eyes on him. He scanned the windows of the house, and found that there was a window next to Tasha’s suite that seemed to be ancillary – perhaps a dressing room. He put his head back, and chuckled. It was an interesting feeling to know that she was watching him so closely, after all. It had to be a very good sign.
He shut his eyes, and very nearly went to sleep. Twenty minutes later, he stretched his arms behind his head; then raised his arms overhead, to stretch out his back. He turned off the motor, and climbed out of the tub. From the corner of his eye, he saw Tasha’s slim shadow dart through her suite and out into the hallway.
He stopped in her room, and lifted his eyes to the portraits once again. Then, he looked toward the door to his right where he felt the window might be. Following his suspicions with a half-smile, he pushed open the door and found a dressing room, and a walk-in closet of massive proportions filled with clothes unmistakably Tasha’s; and a lovely, full bath. Below the window he’d seen from outside, sat a little velvet bench. His fingers found the seat still warm.
With a low chuckle, he went out of the dressing room and looked at the pictures of Tasha and her deceased husband yet again.
“
My brother,” he said quietly, “I don’t know why the Lord called you home. I don’t know if I can fill your shoes, buddy, but I’m gonna try. I trust it won’t make any difference to you anymore, but I’m going after your woman. And I’ll take good care of her and those little angels of yours.”
"I know that what happened last night, was the Lord. It humbled me, and it broke my heart. I doubted it a hundred times after it happened; now, I couldn’t be more sure.” he said in a whisper. “I’m going to make her my wife.”
Maybe it was his imagination, but Tim felt sure that the smile in the portrait got a little wider – and the sparkle in Gary’s eyes became a bit brighter.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Tasha studiously avoided him when he went down for dinner, to the extent that she could. Though she was polite, she kept as much distance as etiquette would allow.
Tim followed her with inquisitive eyes, but he let her run.
Meanwhile, Lucinda pampered him almost to the point of embarrassment. “I made Chocolate Torte just in case you might come again.” she admitted with a giggle.
Tim smiled at her, and shook his head. “Lucinda, Lucinda.” he said, “you’re too much. Here I am again, wondering what I’m going to do, when I have to go home and fend for myself.”
“
Well, perhaps you’ll just have to stay with us and let me continue to take care of you.” she said enthusiastically.
Tim laughed. “I’m sure the master of the house might have something to say about that.”
“
He would fall in love with you, sir.” Lucinda predicted.
Tasha was silent through the meal, but Lucinda more than made up for it. So, Tim talked to the housekeeper and continued to let Tasha observe, which she did not fail to do.
The children were becoming curious about him, and began asking him tentative questions.
“
Where do you live?” Naomi asked politely.
“
Jackson Hole, Wyoming.” he answered.
“
In Wyoming? Wow. Do you have a ranch?” Lucas asked with big eyes.
“
Matter of fact, I do.” Tim answered with a grin.
“
Wow. And horses and cows?”
“
Yep.”
“
And dogs and cats?”
“
Yep. And pigs.”
Lucas’ eyes got really big. “Pigs?” he asked incredulously.
“
Yep.”
“
Whaddaya want with pigs?” Lucas asked suspiciously.
Tim gave him an uncertain look. He wasn't sure Lucas was ready to hear the answer. “Well, Lucas, they make powerful good eating.” he said calmly. He smiled, and raised one eyebrow.
Lucas looked bewildered. “Why would ya wanna eat a
pig
?”
“
How do you feel about bacon in the morning?” Tim asked with a bit of a drawl in his voice.
“
Oh, yeah. I love bacon.” Lucas agreed immediately.
“
What about a good ham?”
“
Sure. I love ham.” Lucas admitted.
“
Well, guess where they come from?” Tim teased with a grin.
“
Pigs? No way!” Lucas immediately shot back.
“
Yes, way.” Tim insisted.
“
Mom, is it really?” Lucas demanded.
Tasha shot a teasing look at Tim. “Mr. Rain says so.” she said noncommittally.
“
Mommy, we gotta
go
there and see them
pigs
.” Lucas decided emphatically.
After they all had a chuckle, Tim stroked his chin and pondered the opening.
"Lucas, I’d like that. You know, I’ve got a horse that you could get on, and ride all day. She’ll take you way up into the mountains and not bring you back until supper time. In the summer, you can camp out up there all night, and catch fresh fish in the morning for breakfast.”
“
Wow.” Lucas sighed. “You mean you’ve got extra horses? Whose horse would I ride?”
Tim bit his lip. “Well, Lucas, we do have quite a few extras, that aren’t anybody’s special friends. In fact, I have a couple of ponies that are pretty darn lonesome. You see, my little sister Dana and my little sister Angela used to ride them, but both girls are all past that, now. So, these two ponies are used to having special attention; but now, there’s no one to pay any attention to them, at all.”
"There’s something about a pony. Every pony I’ve ever known, wanted really badly to be
special
. Wanted its own child to be with, like a partner. They get mighty attached to one special friend, in my experience.” He said thoughtfully.
Lucas looked up at Tim with big eyes. He seemed to have trouble comprehending such a state of affairs. Ponies without kids?
“
Do you have kittens, ever?” Naomi asked hesitantly.
“
Yeah, we do. We keep a couple of them in every barn. That way, the mice don’t eat me out of house and home.”
Naomi looked skeptical, but nodded politely.
“
I don’t suppose you like horses and ponies and such, do you?” he asked her.
Naomi looked up at him with haunting eyes. “I do.” she answered softly. “My greatest wish is to have a pony, someday.” she admitted, shooting a hesitant look in her mother's direction.
“
Really?” Tim asked with a smile. “Well, that’s a coincidence.” he said lightly, and shot an amused look at Tasha. “Maybe your mama will bring you down to see us, sometime.”
“
Us
?” Lucas queried immediately.
Tim grinned. This sharp little guy didn’t miss anything. “Oh, yeah. I've got a resident grandma and grandpa, too.”
“
Really? Where’d you get ‘em?” Lucas asked innocently, his brow wrinkled, his big eyes full of wonder.
Tim chuckled. “Well, they’ve just always kind of been there.” he said. “They were there when I was born, I think, and they just kind of keep on hangin’ around.”
“
Then, they must be your parents.” Naomi decided sensibly.
“
That’s right.” Tim admitted. "We even have a few buffalo."
"Real buffaloes? Do you got Indians there, too?"
"Actually, a lot of my friends are Indians." Tim assured him.
“
Wow! Real Indians!” Lucas gasped.
“
You have sisters? Do either of them live on the ranch?” Naomi asked curiously.
A shadow seemed to pass over Tim's face. “Yes; one of them does.” he answered gravely.
“
We’d probably better get going, Tim, or you’ll be late.” Tasha intervened.
Tim smiled at her. “I suppose so.” he agreed, although he had a little time to spare. He guessed correctly that she’d about reached her limit on this particular line of questioning.
Lucinda excused herself and bustled out to the kitchen. Naomi and Lucas said goodnight to Tim, and went upstairs.
Tim smiled down at Tasha and said, “I’ll just go up and get my things.”
Tasha put her hand on his arm. “Tim, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like it sounded. It’s just that I don’t want them to get too excited about visiting you. I don’t know that it will ever happen.”
Tim turned her face up to his. He was so close that he towered over her. “Never fear. It will happen.” he assured her quietly. He looked at her lips, then forced himself to look into her eyes. “I’d never hurt them or lead them on, in any way.” he promised in a husky voice. Then, he turned and went up the stairs, leaving Tasha wringing her hands. She growled in frustration and followed him up, at a safe distance.
Tasha found Tim a few minutes later in the kitchen, with Lucinda. Lucinda was weeping into a hanky and Tim was bent over her, with a hand on her shoulder.
“
What’s wrong?” Tasha asked worriedly.
“
Oh, glory to God in the highest! Oh, glory to God, nothing is wrong!” Lucinda cried. “Everything is … it is just perfect!”
Tasha looked at Tim, who shrugged. “She asked me if I could help make Jesus real to her. I just prayed, that’s all.”
Tasha rolled her eyes, and turned away.
“
Scares you half to death, doesn’t it?” he asked in her ear. “Better get going, shall we?” His low voice and his hand on her back did nothing to ease her discomfort.
Tasha expelled a harsh sigh and followed him toward the garage. She didn’t talk to him all the way to the Cedars, and shifted gears almost violently as she drove. At one time, she started to skid, and Tim covered his eyes with a hand and tried to stifle his smile.
“
Stop it.” she snapped.
“
Sorry.” he said immediately, trying to sound sincere.
She pulled up at the front entrance to the Cedars and let the car idle.
“
Just like that, huh?” he asked evenly.
“
Just like that.” she agreed coldly.
“
Thanks for everything.” Tim said. He put a warm hand on her upper arm. “See ya.”
Tasha pressed her lips together and lifted her chin. “Bye.” she said tightly.
She sped away from the hotel and started back down the mountain. The further she went, the more agitated she became.
She had to go back. God, she didn’t want to! But she’d been so rude, without reason. Tim didn’t deserve that, he hadn’t done anything wrong!
Finally, her heart was so convicted that she had to turn around. It wasn’t right that he had to go into a time of ministry so tired and distraught; and just look at how she’d left him, with everything on such a tense note. Cursing, she spun the Bronco around and went back.
She went into the Cedars lobby and down the stairs, to where the convention lobby was. “Can I help you?” a man asked.
“
I want to see Tim Rain.” she said resolutely.
“
Don’t everybody? Sorry, lady, there’s a service going on.”
Tasha was astounded. She had never considered that she wouldn’t be able to get to him. “I ... I know. But you see, I’m a friend. I want to join him. I drove him up here, he had dinner at my house, and I’ve changed my mind.”
The man lifted an eyebrow. “Tell you what. I’ll go see if I can find him. And if he says you’re in, then you’re in. But if your story don't match his, ma'am, you can't go in. We're filled up, and then some.”
“
Thank you.” Tasha sighed.
“
What’s your name?”
“
Tasha.” she snapped.
“
Okay, Tasha, you just hang out here, and I’ll be back in a minute. Better yet, let me see if I can get Bud on the line.” He pulled out a walkie-talkie and spoke into it. “Bud? You see Tim Rain in there? Well, ask him if he’s got room for a Tasha. She says she’s his friend and she’s changed her mind ... All right.”
The man looked her over, and smiled. “We’ll see what he says, then.”
“
Thank you.” Tasha answered.
“
Hey, Dolan. Mr. Rain says for her to come on down.” a scratchy voice came over the walkie-talkie. "She's on the list."
“
All right, then. Sorry, I didn’t think to check that. Come and get her, would ya, Bud?”
“
Sure thing.” the voice said.
And so, Bud led her down through the throngs of people to the front, where the speakers were seated. All around them, people were singing, shouting, dancing and bringing praises before God.
The music was loud. Tasha forced herself to walk tall and not cringe at the wall of sound coming at them. Then, she was next to Tim.
He turned at Bud’s tap on his shoulder, and looked at Tasha. Then his arm was drawing her in, and he smiled down at her. She was being sucked into his warmth, enveloped in love. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from his crinkled, smiling ones.
Her heart started pounding. He was wooing her, and she was responding. She couldn’t help it. He looked at her mouth, and she felt her heart leap. But he wouldn’t kiss her here – he wouldn’t dare – would he?
She was off balance; and if they’d been alone, Tasha knew that Tim would have pressed his advantage. And there would have been no resistance.
She reached up on her toes, her hands against his shoulders, to speak into his ear. “Tim, I’m sorry. I was so rude. I had to come back and apologize. You just seem to bring it out in me.” she said. Her eyes were wide and almost fearful, he noticed.
He chuckled, and hugged her tightly. “That’s all right, darlin’. I can see how it is for you.” he assured her. “Just don’t expect me to run off with my tail between my legs.” he warned with a grin. “I’m not that kind.”
She looked up at him suspiciously, and his eyes glittered back at her. He was actually enjoying the challenge, a bit. He kissed her cheek, threatening to drown her in the sweetness of it, and then held her against him, tightly.
Tasha was sure that her cheeks were burning. They were surrounded by people. Surely a million people had seen what he'd done! He put her in front of him. His arms were around her, and her back was against him. He put his chin on her head and she heard -- no, more than that, she felt him chuckle.
This time, Tim didn’t fall during worship like a dead man. Some of the time, he joined in and shouted. Sometimes, he just soaked it in. Then, he sang from his heart in a way that Tasha found incredibly beautiful; intimate, and sweet. But, his arms stayed solidly around her. He wasn’t going to let her have any distance from him, at all.
Then, his lips were next to her ear. She could feel his body against her back. “Tasha, there’s something I have to tell you. I didn’t want to; but I have to, now. You need to know. You know the portrait of your husband that hangs in your room?”
Her shoulders stiffened, and she silently nodded.
“
Well; I saw it today when I used your spa. Honey, this is kind of hard. You see, I knew Gary.”
Tasha swiveled in his arms, and stared at him in horrified fascination.
He just shrugged, and looked at her sadly. “When I walked through your room today, and saw my buddy staring out from that photo at me, and you in his arms … and then to realize that he’s … gone home to be with the Lord; especially, that way. It was kind of a shock for me. I had to go through a few emotions, as I realized all those things at once.”
“
How could you possibly have known him?” she gasped.
“
We went through Bible College together. Matter of fact, we were extremely close friends. We shared a dorm room for a couple of years. We spent holidays together, at each other's house sometimes.”
Tasha covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe it.” she sobbed.
Tim turned her against his breast, held her to him, and let her sob. She moaned, as the grief began to pour out of her heart. She was almost angry that the wound had been opened.
It hurt
so
badly! How carefully she’d shielded herself for so long! And now, just Tim’s few words had torn her defenses down to nothing. She felt like she was raw and bleeding inside.
And Tim just held her. And held her. And held her. It was confusing, and it made her angry to discover that she wanted and needed his comfort. It would have been unbearable if he’d taken his arms away, deprived her of his protection.
She clung to him in desperation, her long hair hiding her face from any curious eyes. Now, he shared her pain; even her loss of Gary! And she found to her chagrin, that she couldn’t see herself going through this alone, now that Tim knew about Gary. She held to Tim all the more, because now he was suffering, too.
Yet, it was equally terrifying to cling to him, to admit to herself that she needed him. She actually wanted his arms around her, in this moment.
Finally, she began to regain control of her emotions. Tim just went on holding her, until at last she felt she could hold herself together, and sat down. With her face in her hands, no one could see. No one disturbed her. She did not know that several people approached, but Tim sent them scurrying on by, with just a look.
He sat down beside her, and held her hand until he was introduced, and had to go. He squeezed her hand, reluctantly let go, and walked up onto the stage. It got very quiet in the auditorium. Tim walked back and forth thoughtfully for a few moments.
Tasha wiped her eyes and looked over her fingers at him. She could feel intensity pouring off the stage, and knew his message was going to be an experience she wouldn’t forget.
Finally, he stopped pacing, and stood in the center of the stage. “My beloved.” he said in a whisper. “My beloved. Where are you? What are you doing? I told you ... if you love me, feed my sheep. If you love me, feed my sheep. You have to be the provision of God in this day. You have to be the answer to the needs in the world, all around you!”
“
The harvest is rotting in the fields. Are you reaching out? Are you clothing and feeding the poor? Are you taking people into your hearts and blessing them? Are you reaching out to the lost? Are you teaching the children what the love of God is?”
"My beloved, how long before you begin to move? How long before you quit planning and bickering, and begin to act? How long before you take a simple step of faith and reach out your hand to someone standing next to you?”
“
Did I not say, ‘greater works than these shall ye do’? You cannot do the greater works until you take that first step. Beloved, I come not to chasten, but to encourage. Not to whip, but to give you a vision – to refocus you. To remind you. What have I called you to do?"
Tim turned and walked to the other end of the stage. “We must begin to do the work of the gospel. Before every joint can supply, it must find its place. Before the blood of the Lord can flow through the body of Christ and empower it, we must be a body in unity.” he insisted.
“
What are we doing? We’re still fighting about doctrines and gifts and we can’t even minister the love of God. For heaven’s sake, don’t break relationship with one another. Don’t get offended and hurt, don’t wound one another. He said that they will know us by our Love. But, Love hasn’t been our yardstick.” He sighed and looked across the auditorium. “It hasn’t even been in the equation much of the time.”
Tim urged the people to search their hearts, to rid themselves of wounds and offenses, to begin to seek God for the grace to love the unlovable, to love their enemies. And before he was done, he prophesied to them and had the entire house on their faces before the Lord.
It was so different than anything Tasha had ever seen before. Because it went so deep; because it was so real; and yet his final words were so encouraging:
“
Seek your place. Seek your place. Find out what God made you to do, and do it. No one else can do what He's called you to do! Only you!"
"Seek your place. Find it now. And learn how to love the least. Learn how to love the unlovable. All you have to do, is see through His eyes. Seek vision from God, tap into His infinite love; and then minister His heart, His will to the people. And reach out beyond the walls of your church. Take His Love to the people who don't have it yet.
Then
you will have begun to obey the gospel.”
After the meeting, Tasha took Tim to the cafe in the Cedars. They sat for a long time without saying much. Tim had a cup of coffee, and she had a Black Russian. Then, she had another. And another. When she signaled the waiter for a fourth, Tim put a concerned hand on her arm.
“
Tasha, honey ...” he protested worriedly.
“
Listen to me, Timothy Rain.” she insisted tipsily. “I am my own woman! If I want to get dead drunk, I’ll get dead drunk. If you don’t like it, you can leave.”