Authors: Adrienne Torrisi
It
is everything I’ve wanted to hear, but I can’t really get excited. The bottom line is he is still dating her and I have a much bigger problem I need to solve first. I am torn over whether I should share any of my news, but I decide that I can’t. I can’t do it to Ryan, or Blythe or even Gretchen. This is too big. It isn’t gossip, it is a problem; I need to talk to my brother before I talk to anyone else and it has to be tonight.
I watch Gretchen and Brian really closely during practice; they
are pretty good at hiding what they didn’t hold back at The Quad. I can also tell Todd is keeping an extra eye on Brian; he keeps him occupied so he doesn’t have time to even think about talking to Gretchen. Luckily, it seems like Ryan is clueless. On every water break he is with Gretchen and everything seems normal.
As I’m watching the team by the fence,
I could swear Todd glances up here in our direction. He never does that. Ever. Maybe he is playing the part of overly-protective brother again and he wants to make sure Sid isn’t near Simon? Then he smiles and waves, I instinctively look behind us, but no one is there. I look at Sid and Shane and neither of them have even noticed. They are deep in conversation and aren’t even looking toward the field, so I smile back and give a small wave. That is odd. Great, but odd.
He
smiles back again and I’m captured by his remarkable smile; it is perfectly crooked and his teeth glisten. What makes him so attractive is that he never tries, he is just naturally beautiful inside and out. I’m now sure of that. I smile back quicker this time. Then he jogs over and says something to Ryan. I wish I could hear what he’s saying. I’m sure it has nothing to do with me, but a girl can dream. Like, “
Wow, Ryan, your sister’s really growing into a beautiful woman
."
Or
“
Ryan, would you mind if I asked your sister out on a date?
”
During practice, Gretchen
is doing a lot of whispering to her girls, especially RTS and I’m not the only one to notice.
"Is there anything you'd like to share with the entire team, Gretchen and Rebecca?" their coach
shouts over the bullhorn. It sends high-pitched, electronic feedback ringing through the field, it’s so loud, it makes everyone jump and now all eyes are on them.
"No, Coach. Sorry," they both
say, humiliated. That puts an end to the whispering for now.
With all this deep concentration on Brian and Gretchen's non-verbal communication, practice
flies by. The one positive is, this is the best I’ve seen Ryan and Brian play in a long time. I can’t stop thinking about how I’m going to bring the Blythe thing up to Ryan tonight. I’m not sure if it’s the right time; maybe I should wait until after the big game.
As always, at the end of practice we all
head over to the fence outside the locker room to wait for the guys to come out. Either Ryan or Todd give Shane a ride home every afternoon so he waits with us and he usually goes home with whoever leaves first. This time Todd comes out first, he looks even cuter when he’s freshly showered. He is wearing jeans and an old, beat-up, grey EHS Football t-shirt. His hair is still wet, making his eyelashes really stand out; he has the most beautiful long, black eyelashes, they help accentuate his crystal blue eyes. Instead of walking right past us and yelling, “let’s go!” to Sid like he always does, he looks right at me and my stomach starts flipping over itself. First, because he is so perfect, and second, because he is actually looking at ME; this time I’m sure.
“Hey, Ash, can I talk to you for a sec?” he
asks as he runs his fingers through his wet hair and gestures for me to come toward the fence. I dart a quick look at Shane since he is the only human on earth that knows how I feel, but he shrugs his shoulders like he has no clue what is happening.
“Sure,” I
say and feel my face burning. I know I’m turning red and the more I think about it, the brighter red I am getting. I try to calm myself down.
Keep breathing,
I repeat over and over in my head. “Hey,” I say once I get close enough.
“Hey, Ash. I wanted to talk to you about Ryan, but not here. Can I call you later?” I
can barely contain my excitement, but I need to play this cool.
“Sure
.” I keep it short because:
1.)
Less is more.
2.)
If I say any more, I might vomit.
“Cool. I’ll get your cell number from Sid tonight.” He
lowers his head so it’s closer to mine and whispers, “I don’t want Ryan to know.” Todd then smiles his perfect smile just for me. His hair seems longer because it is wet and it’s hanging in his eyes a little, but you can still see how blue they are. “Come on, Sid, let’s go,” he shouts down the field since she is now talking to Simon on the other end. “Shane, you coming with us?” he asks and it looks like he gives Shane a wink. That’s strange, too. There are so many strange things happening I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone.
“Hey, Ash, you ready?” I hear before I
have time to process what has just happened. I look back at Ryan, who is also freshly showered and holding hands with Gretchen. For the first time, this actually makes me happy. Gretchen is a pretty good actress; if she really does believe Brian, she’s hiding it well.
“Bye,
Gretch. I’ll call you later,” he says as he gives her a kiss on the cheek. Sometimes he is considerate of the fact that I am standing right there. Sometimes he isn’t. Although today, I wish he would really kiss her just to prove there is nothing going on with Blythe.
“Bye, Ry. Love you,” she
says back.
“Love you, too,” he
responds. I almost want to cry knowing what Brian told Gretchen earlier. I’m sure that’s what Todd wants to talk about and I am so excited to be able to tell him that I know what is going on because maybe he’ll know the best way to handle telling Ryan.
That night, I wait and wait and
wait for my phone to ring. I carry it with me literally everywhere, even the bathroom! As much as I want it to ring, though, I say a silent prayer every time I am in the bathroom that it doesn’t choose that moment to ring. After what feels like days, my phone vibrates.
Finally!
However, when I look down, it’s only a text from Sid.
Todd just asked me for your number. WTF?
He wants to talk about Ryan.
I text back.
Yeah, that’s what he said. Odd. He’s calling u.
I run up to my room as quickly as possible because I don’t want Ryan or my parents to hear this phone conversation. My ring tone is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard when it finally rings. I take a deep breath and answer it.
“Hello.” I
try to sound as laid back as I possibly can at this moment.
“Hey, Ash, it's Todd.” His voice
sounds even deeper over the phone.
“Hey, Todd. How’s it going?” I
try to sound normal even though I am ready to hyperventilate at any second. I look at myself in the mirror as we are talking and I mouth, “OH MY GOD”. My face is bright red and I am incredibly grateful he can’t see me.
“It’s good, well sort of… I just wanted to talk to you about Ryan. I’m kind of worried about him. I wanted to see if you
’ve noticed anything different going on.” He is skirting around the issue, but then again, he has no idea I overheard Brian and Gretchen’s conversation and I know exactly what is going on. “Has he been hanging out with Blythe more than usual?” Okay, maybe he isn’t skirting around it. I decide I have to tell him what I know.
“Todd, I know what’s going on. I saw Brian and Gretchen at The Quad today.”
“You did?”
"Yeah, I know Brian wants Gretchen to believe Ryan is with Blythe behind her back," I
say very matter of factly. Luckily, this conversation is about something I really care about so it makes it so much easier to just talk to him after getting over the initial shock.
"You do? Well, is it true?"
I can hear it in his voice that he is almost scared to hear the answer.
"No. Brian is totally lying!" I
say getting a little angry and a little louder than I intended. Shoot, I have to keep my voice down.
"He is? Good. I thought so. How do you know for sure?" I
can hear the relief in his voice.
"I talked to Blythe and I asked her."
"Wow. You did all this today?" He sounds impressed.
"Well, some of us don't currently have any extra-curricular activities after school."
Other than watching you
, is what I want to say, but I figure I should leave that out.
"What did she say?"
"She said she told Brian she just wanted to be friends and he pushed her for the truth over and over until finally she admitted she likes Ryan." It’s really nice getting this off my chest.
"I knew it," Todd
says, getting angrier. "Do you believe Blythe? Does Ryan know?"
"I'm pretty sure Ryan has no clue and I totally believe Blythe, why would she lie?
Besides, Ryan didn't talk to her all weekend. He was too busy talking to Gretchen." I say with sarcastic sweetness and Todd laughs. This is going well. "Do you think we should tell him? At first, I was going to tell him tonight, but practice went really well today, so I was thinking maybe I should wait until after the game?"
“Yeah, I know. I was going to tell him tonight, too, but I wasn't sure if it was true. I wanted to give Brian the benefit of the doubt, but I had a feeling something was up. I kind of ran into him and Gretchen and she looked really upset. Brian played it off like he was just comforting her, but I could tell something wasn’t right.”
"Yeah, he was in the middle of lying to her. He told her Blythe and Ryan were together and so they should be together." I
keep talking, I can't stop at this point and I have been dying to talk to someone, full disclosure.
"He went that far? Man, I didn't realize. What is he doing?" He
is more talking to himself at this point. "Yeah, Ash, I think you're right. Don't say anything to Ryan until after the game. I'll figure out how to deal with Brian. He's just heartbroken for the first time in his life and he doesn't know how to deal with it; it's not a feeling he's used to."
"He doesn't like to lose, that's for sure." I
try to lighten the mood. All of a sudden my mom opens my bedroom door "Ashley, dinner. I've been shouting from downstairs for the last five minutes."
"Sorry, Mom," I quickly respond in a whisper. How embarrassing, she
has terrible timing. Plus, she is so loud, I know Todd must have heard her.
"I better let you go. Mrs. Taylor doesn't sound happy. Tell her I said hi."
"I think I'll pass on that one... Okay, talk to you later." I’m careful not to say his name since my mom is standing right there and she has that look like she isn’t going anywhere until I hang up and go with her.
"Bye, Ash, and thanks! See you tomorrow." I so desperately
want to continue talking to him. I could kill my mom.
"Bye," I
say and painfully push the end button. I’ve been waiting for so long and then it was over so quickly; cut short for Shake and Bake Chicken.
I barely
say a word at dinner; I just keep replaying every word of my conversation with Todd. No one really notices my silence, though, because my dad and Ryan are deep in conversation about the scouts coming to the game this Friday. There are some big schools, but Ryan seems unfazed. My dad, on the other hand, is on cloud nine and has already started biting his nails.
After dinner, I desperately
try to concentrate on my homework, but I can't stop thinking about everything else. Plus, I keep getting texts from Sid asking what is going on. I tell her I am slammed with my English paper and I’ll have to talk to her tomorrow. Unfortunately, I am only going to be able to avoid her questions for so long, though.
***
The next morning, my heart
is pounding. Is it going to be different now that Todd and I talked and we share a secret? Luckily, I don’t have to wait long to find out because I’m only at my locker for exactly one minute when I see Todd down the hall at his locker.
Shoot!
He catches me looking in his direction. He smiles and then goes back to talking to Ryan, my heart begins pounding at double speed.
Gretchen
comes walking up to their lockers with Brian, and normally, I wouldn’t think anything of it, but knowing what I now know, it makes me suspicious. Yet, Gretchen grabs Ryan's hand as soon as she walks up and from an outsider’s perspective it seems like all is good. I instantly look at Brian who is smiling, laughing and high-fiving his friends passing in the hall. Everyone is commenting on the big game this Friday, since football players are the closest thing we have to celebrities. It is as if Brian doesn’t have a care in the world. You would never know he is trying to steal his best friend’s girlfriend. The more I watch him interact with their group, the angrier I get.
As my eyes travel back over to Todd, I see
RTS has her hand in his back jean pocket, clearly marking her territory. He leans down to whisper something in her ear and then I realize he is walking away from her and walking right toward
me
.