Authors: Adrienne Torrisi
"Me, too," I jump in before my mom and dad
can volunteer my leaving like Sid's parents.
"Ashley?" my mom
says, questioning this decision.
"Please, Mom, I need to stay." She
knows I've been through a lot tonight and I can almost see her weighing both sides.
"Okay. Ryan, please keep an eye out for your sister. Dad and I are just a phone call away. Keep us updated;
we'll see you in the morning." My mom and dad hug us goodbye.
Gretchen's mom and dad stay
, of course, and both sets of parents take turns in the rooms for as long as possible. Gretchen's parents really love Ryan and they know how much Gretch cares about him, so they let him stay in her room for a while, too. This may be the worst and most wonderful night of my life all in one. I am here with Todd and it feels so perfect, but when I look at his bruised face and hear the sounds of beeping machines fill the air, I’m reminded why we are here and it feels so imperfect.
At one point,
Todd and I are finally all alone in the waiting area and he comes to sit next to me on the uncomfortable, wooden love seat. You don’t realize how great padding is on chairs until you don't have any; the bones in my butt hurt from sitting for so long. Our clothes are finally dry, yet they still feel really stiff and uncomfortable from being soaked in the rain. I hadn’t really noticed until now. For some reason, I am so hyper sensitive to everything whenever Todd is close to me.
He
grabs my hand and intertwines his fingers into mine so our hands become one. It is strange how right it feels. It might be wishful thinking, but I could swear he feels the same way. He looks deep into my eyes as if he is really seeing me. I'm not sure if it's because he's tired or because he’s been crying, but his eyes look like an even brighter, more beautiful, bluish-green than usual.
"I'm sorry, Ash," he
says really sincerely.
"For what?" I
ask as my heart sinks a little. Here's where he is going to let me down lightly and remind me that I'm just a freshman and he has a girlfriend.
"For kissing you before. I knew you were vulnerable and I took advantage of you."
"
What
?" I blurt out; that is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. If I were drinking something at that moment, I would have spit it out all over him. "Please don't think you took advantage of me. I wanted that to happen more than you know." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize what I have just said. I was feeling so comfortable that I let the truth slip out. I quickly cover my mouth with my hands as if I could catch the words, but it’s too late, they are out in the ether for Todd to hear loud and clear.
"Really?" H
e seems surprised and much happier than I expected and then there it is, his perfectly crooked smile. It melts my heart every time, and this time it is just for me. He leans in and he’s so close to me I feel his breath on my lips and then he kisses me. His hands move up to my jawline and he gently cradles my head in his hands. It is a long, deep kiss. This one is magical because I’m not caught by surprise and I’m not forcing myself on him as if this is the only chance I'll ever get. It is soft, slow and perfect. It’s just right, the Goldilocks of kisses.
We both finally pull away and he
is still cradling my face in his hands. "Wow." He smiles again and our eyes lock. The room could have been filled with people, but it is as if we are the only ones on the entire fourth floor. He runs his fingers through my hair and gently grabs the back of my head. We don’t say anything—we don’t need to—he pulls me close and we kiss again. It is as if each kiss is better than the one before. In-between kisses we start talking.
"What about Rebecca?" I
ask. I can't help it, I need to know. I can't bear to go to school on Monday and see them together again.
"I need to break up with her. Although, it
’s never really felt like we were dating. We were always more friends, it never felt right to me. It was just easy. Not like this. Ashley, I never would have guessed. I mean, you were always Ryan's kid sister, but something changed these last few weeks."
"I know; for me, too. Well, maybe a little longer than the last few weeks." I
feel my cheeks getting hot.
"It feels
completely different with you. Like it's the real thing. I never realized how funny and smart you are. No wonder Sid likes you so much." He is rambling. It is almost as if he is just as nervous as me. I've never seen Todd ramble. I start to giggle without realizing.
"What's so funny?" he
asks.
"You,” I answer honestly. “I've always known
you
were smart and funny."
He
brushes the hair out of my eyes and pats down my halo of frizz with his big hands. "You know, when I saw you and Shane kissing at the dance, I was jealous. I didn't believe him when he told me you two were just friends and when he said you might like me… I thought,
there's no way
." He shakes his head.
All I hear
is “and when he said you might like me.“ I don’t really hear the rest. "Shane what?" I ask, pulling away from him.
Todd
can tell from the look on my face that I had no idea Shane said anything and he might have just made a big mistake. He quickly kisses me again, the kiss is incredible but all I can think is,
I'm going to kill Shane!
Then again, I am kissing Todd right now, so maybe I should thank Shane. There are so many questions I need answers to—when, how, why?—but before I can ask any of them, we are interrupted by a loud noise that sounds very close. Someone is over-exaggeratedly clearing their throat right next to us. We both stop to look in the direction of the sound and there is Ryan, his face is only inches from ours.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?" He
is full of sarcasm.
"Oh, hey, Ryan," we both
say, immediately separating to opposite sides of the wood bench.
"So much for watching you," Ryan
says to me, remembering what our parents said before they left. Todd and I are wiping our mouths as if we’re trying to erase any residual evidence.
"You've got a lot of
explainin’ to do," Ryan says to both of us, doing his best Ricky Ricardo impression. For some reason, my brother loves classic TV sitcoms.
Todd and I
start to laugh. "Sorry, man, I should have told you first. It just happened. I mean we sort of have you to thank." Todd tries to awkwardly explain.
"Oh, really?" Ryan
continues with the sarcastic tone.
"Yeah, we got to know each other better when we were trying to keep everything from you," Todd
says with a smile.
"Oh, that makes me feel so much better." Ryan
smiles as he crosses his arms over his chest.
"And then tonight really brought us together." Todd
slides closer to me on the bench. I don’t say a word, I can't. I must be bright red because it sure feels like I’m burning up with embarrassment. I just keep staring down at the floor, unable to look up or move. Todd is so calm and collected while I am dying inside.
"Ashley, do you have anything to add? Why are you turning so red?" Ryan
asks with a big smile. I could kill him! I just start to laugh and bury my face in my hands.
"Nope, nothing to add," I
say with my face still buried.
"So, this is real?" Ryan
asks without a trace of sarcasm. "It's not like an after effect of witnessing two of your friends in a horrible accident?" Okay, a little of the sarcasm is back.
"Pretty sure it's real. I felt it before the accident and tonight just made me realize how real it is." Todd
is so calm, so sure.
Wow! My heart
starts to flutter with excitement. This can't really be happening. Stuff like this doesn't happen to me. Ever!
"Well then, I'm happy for you guys, I guess? I don't know, actually it's a little weird," Ryan
admits.
I still
have my face buried and I keep thinking,
pull it together, Ashley!
After what feels like an hour, I look up and words finally come out. "You can't say anything, Ryan. Rebecca can't know," I say, looking at Todd.
Ryan
smiles a devious sort of smile. "Oh yeah, I forgot about Rebecca." The sarcasm is definitely back.
"Nice, Ryan," Todd
says, joining in on the sarcasm.
"Listen, your secret is safe with me. Just try not to make out in front of me," Ryan
says, smiling. If nothing else, I'm glad he is enjoying this so much. It is good to see him smile.
Just then, shouting
starts coming from Brian's room and we hear an announcement over the hospital loud speaker. "Code Blue, room 407." We all look at each other, our smiles quickly wipe away. We don’t know what that means, but it doesn’t sound good.
"What's going on?" Ryan
looks frantic.
"Let's go," Todd
says, getting up and we both immediately follow.
Everything
is a blur. Doctors and nurses are rushing into Brian's room as loud, continuous beeping spills out into the hallway. One of them is pushing in a big machine at the same time that Nurse Ratched is escorting Brian's mom out into the hall. There is so much activity happening around his bed that I can't even see him. The doctors are shouting and nothing they are saying really makes sense. Their voices are echoing in my head. It is happening so fast, but it feels like I am watching it from a hundred miles away.
"Let's go over here." Todd's voice
snaps me back to the moment. He is guiding Mrs. Johnson back to the waiting area and she is in such shock that she almost seems calm.
Ryan
joins right in and takes Brian's mom's other arm. "Where is Mr. Johnson?" Ryan asks.
"He went to get coffee downstairs."
Ryan mouths to me, "Go get him."
As I
run to the elevators, a million things are going through my head. What do I say to him? How do you tell someone your son might be dying? By some miracle, he is in the elevator when the doors open.
"You have to come with me." I
grab him by the arm. "We don't know what's happening, but there are a lot of doctors rushing into Brian's room." I'll never forget the look on his face. He loses all color as he begins running down the hall to his wife.
"What happened?"
"I don't know," she says, still in shock. "I was there and then all of his machine's started beeping and a nurse came running in and pushed this button and she started shouting, ‘code blue’ and she took me out of the room. He looked the same. I don't understand!" she says, shaking her head while she continues holding onto Ryan and Todd's arms.
We all just
look at one another and then glance down the hall toward Brian's room. There is still a lot of activity going on down there. This can't be good. I feel like I am going to throw up. No one says anything other than Brian's dad who just keeps saying, "He's going to be fine," out loud to everyone and to no one.
Finally, we
see Brian's doctor come out of the room and speak to the nurse who points toward our direction. I’m trying to read his face, but it is impossible, he has the perfect poker face.
"Mr
. and Mrs. Johnson. We had a bit of a scare, but we were able to stabilize him."
There
is a huge sigh of relief from all of us; I think we all take our first breath at the same time. "His blood pressure dropped rapidly and we thought there was a chance of cardiac arrest, but we were able to stabilize him before he went into full arrest. As I said before, the next twenty-four hours is touch and go. His body went through a lot tonight and he's in shock. His brain activity is still good, which is most important. He's also strong, so I think things are really positive. We further sedated him to reduce any stress and allow his brain and body to truly rest. Because his heart rate was responding to you, we think he was trying too hard to communicate. He was fighting too hard and we don't think his body was ready for that tonight. You should still talk to him, but keep it light."
"Was this our fault?" Brian's mom
asks, her hands shaking.
"No, no. His body is in shock and it's trying to regulate itself because of this, his blood pressure dropped too quickly. We're further sedating him and monitoring all of his vitals. We can see how he pulls through the night and make any next step decisions tomorrow morning. If we think we can start pulling back sedation in the morning, we will. However, if we have any more rapid drops like we just did, we may have to discuss putting him in a medically-induced coma just while his body heals.”
Brian’s mom starts to cry and the doctor senses he needs to hold back a little. “But let's not get too ahead of ourselves. One hour at a time is our motto tonight. I know none of this seems like good news, but it really is. He's stable and fighting, that's just where we want him to be. You can go back in now."
The doctor
isn’t kidding when he uses the word scare. I think whatever level of comfort we had earlier has been eradicated. We are all anxious and no one knows what to say, so no one speaks at all. We simply keep watching the clock tick and wait for the minutes to turn into hours. With each passing hour without another “scare” we feel better, but the lack of guarantee is too much for all of us. Brian's parents are like a revolving door, taking turns going in and out of his room. Everyone is afraid to leave the fourth floor. It’s like there is a ticking bomb in room 407. You don’t want to move because it might go off, or even worse, it might go off and you won’t be there when it happens.