After Ben (38 page)

“That must have been… awkward?”

“Oh, yes. But what could I do?” Robyn shrugged. “Chris was the loneliest man I’d ever met. He used to come into my bookstore looking for things to read aloud to Yves. His illness was a terrible, terrible thing. Chris wasn’t even sure if Yves could hear him. Sometimes he came in every day for a week; some weeks I wouldn’t see Chris at all. Then, when he turned up again, he looked so fucking tired and thin.” He took a sip of his drink. “Toward the end, he would come and buy books, but I think he knew he was just reading them to himself. I only sold him stories with happy endings. When Yves died, he came in to thank me. I asked him out, and that was that.”

“Wow.”

“What’s ‘wow’?” Theo asked, squeezing in next to Morgan, then reaching over to take his empty cup.

“Robyn was just telling me about his bookstore, and about Yves.”

“Oh?” Theo winked before assuming a dreamy expression. “Did he tell you about Yves’s accent?” Morgan smiled as Theo dodged Robyn’s punch.

“There’s nothing special about having a French accent.” Robyn’s mock anger melted as Morgan began to tease him by snatching up a newspaper and reading the headlines in French that practically dripped with sex. Theo didn’t know how he kept a straight face. By the time Morgan was done, Chris was practically trying to sit on his lap, and even Robyn agreed that maybe—just maybe—it did sound kind of hot.

Theo whispered, “I thought you said that people didn’t like you?” Morgan’s smile was warm, relaxed, and looked just right.

“They only want me for my voice box.” His fingers found Theo’s hand under the newspaper, and they held hands for a moment before Theo pushed to his feet.

“Now that you three have bonded, I’ll get some more drinks. Try to behave.”

He headed to the far side of the coffeehouse, watching out for obstacles and toddlers, concentrating hard. He was so absorbed that he didn’t notice that Peter had entered and was standing by the doorway, scanning the tables. The moment he’d placed his order and turned away from the counter, Theo saw him. It would have been hard not to—Peter was a striking-looking man, especially in his EMT uniform.

Theo was just about to call out to him when he saw Morgan approach. He watched him walk right up to Peter and start talking as if he knew him.

Theo was too far away to hear their conversation. From where he stood it took just a few moments to realize that Morgan was introducing himself, reminding Peter, maybe, by pointing to his still so-short hair. Peter’s expression changed once he recognized Morgan.

Theo had no idea that they knew each other.

None at all.

They shook hands, then Peter struck the same pose with Morgan as he had with Theo the night before. He placed his palms on Morgan’s shoulders, holding him still while his eyes searched his face. They were locked in conversation. Peter asked questions, and at one point, Morgan hung his head until the other man rubbed his arms a little. Peter lifted Morgan’s chin with a finger, then talked seriously again. Morgan nodded. It was weird watching Morgan this way, even weirder seeing him with Peter. Add in the way that Peter encouraged Morgan to rotate one shoulder forward and back, then slid his fingers along his collarbone, and it was all more than a little bizarre.

By the time Theo added another coffee to his order and turned again, he’d figured it out.

Theo had broken his collarbone playing football, and Morgan had a similar lump. The crunch had been sickening and the recovery a complete bore, Theo remembered. He had no idea how Morgan’s had broken, but he guessed Peter must have attended to him. As his confusion cleared, he felt a little better about inviting Peter along. Then he felt a little weird. Taking a breath, he walked toward the two men.

Morgan’s eyes widened as soon as he saw him approach.

Theo said, “Peter, I didn’t know you knew each other already,” and smiled in greeting, but Peter responded with confusion.

“I’m sorry?”

Theo slipped his arm around Morgan, who looked at him, mirroring Peter’s confusion.

“Morgan, this is my friend Peter from the gym. Remember I said he came by last night?” Morgan nodded slowly before answering. When he spoke, he looked directly at Peter.

“I never found out your name.”

“That’s pain and adrenaline for you. They wipe out all the social niceties.” Peter smiled as he spoke, but his expression was troubled. “So this is your boyfriend, Theo? How long did you say you’d been together?”

“I didn’t say. We’ve known each other for a while,” Theo replied. Peter frowned at his answer, then pulled his shoulders back and asked again.

“How long have you been together?”

They stood in a tense triangle as people moved around them. Theo heard his name being called impatiently from the counter and took a step in that direction. “We’ve been together for a week, Peter, but we’ve known each other since the end of the summer.” He motioned toward Robyn and Chris and asked, “Will you come sit with us?” He was a little confused by Peter’s insistent tone, and by the way he had stepped forward, putting himself in front of Morgan. The moment passed as Peter nodded slowly, then followed Morgan to their spot.

Overall, the next half hour was very pleasant. Once Peter’s easygoing nature reappeared, he was very entertaining, and Theo was glad he had accepted his invitation. Peter talked with Robyn and Chris, explained that he was covering a shift that started in the next hour, so they swapped cell numbers before he left, promising to meet up again. He shook Theo’s hand, then patted Morgan on the shoulder gently as he left. Before he took many steps away, he turned sharply, returning to speak quietly with Morgan, who shook his head quickly—adamant, emphatic. Peter’s sigh was loud.

The conversation moved on, but Theo noticed the crease between Morgan’s brows had deepened again. When he asked Morgan if he was done, his quick nod was all he’d offer.

They drove home in silence.

T
HE
next few days were a blur of last-minute arrangements for Theo’s trip to Italy while trying to tie up as many loose ends at work as he could. He was surprised at how much easier the arrangements seemed now that he had someone to talk them through with. Morgan was a good listener. He found Theo sitting at his desk at home after Skyping with Marco, holding an ornately carved wooden box.

“Where’s that from?” Morgan settled on the floor next to his chair, fingers tracing the swirls etched deeply into the sides of the box.

“Ben bought it at Greenwich Market, in London. I wanted to sleep in. We had the worst turbulence ever on the flight in, but no, sleeping in would waste a day. Ben heard that it was a great market, so off we went.”

“It sounds like you really hated that shit. Why did you go with him?”

“I guess you had to know him. I’m not saying that to shut you down. Really I’m not. Ben was obsessed with things and with people, and I guess that he saw markets as the ideal combination of his two favorite pastimes. He wouldn’t ever just buy something; he’d interrogate the merchant about its provenance, how long they had owned it, what they thought about it…. Before you knew it he’d have their life story, and he’d make new friends everywhere.” Theo snorted a little. “This time he got stung. He spent a long time discussing this extremely rare, one-of-a-kind box, then paid far too much for it, telling me that it was an investment. When we walked up the street, there were boxes just like it, at half the price. Lots of them.”

“Oh, were you mad?”

“Nope, I laughed my fucking head off. I laughed until I nearly puked. He was so pissed. I told him to take it back, but he insisted that he’d get his money’s worth in the end. He told me that if he died before me, I should keep his ashes in it.” Theo’s face creased.

Morgan rested his cheek on Theo’s knee, arms wrapped around his leg.

“So it did turn out to be precious?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Theo’s voice was thick.

“I wish I could come with you.”

Theo wished he could too. Part of him was so looking forward to seeing Ben’s family again. Part of him was dreading their reunion. It was time, though. Yeah, it was time, and he figured it was important for his parents too. They had their own issues, and taking Ben home was something they could do as a family. There were things he wanted his mother, in particular, to see. He figured it wouldn’t be fair to put Morgan in the middle of that.

“You’re my fresh start.” He trailed his fingers through Morgan’s short, soft ink-black hair, then bent and kissed his temple, his cheek, the side of his mouth. “The whole time I’m away I’ll be thinking about coming home.” He felt Morgan’s head turn, pressing kisses into his thigh. “I need to take Ben home, then I can come home to you. Once it’s done, I guess I’ll really have moved on.” He shrugged, but he felt Morgan’s nod. “I need to let him go.”

Morgan pushed himself up on his knees between Theo’s legs, saying, “It’s hard though, right? Letting shit go. You don’t have to do that for me. I don’t feel like I’m competing with Ben at all.” He leaned in, asking silently for a kiss, pressing forward until Theo could feel the tickle of his stubble against his lip as well as the edge of the box pressing into his stomach. When Morgan took it and placed it carefully on the desk before kissing him again, Theo let him.

“I’m doing it for me, and for my parents, but mostly for his mom. It’s just something that needs to happen. Also, I need to apologize to them for cutting them out of my life. That was a terrible thing to do. I really don’t know what I was thinking.”

Morgan slid his fingers over Theo’s mouth. “Quit it. Bad things happen, and nobody knows how they’ll react. It doesn’t matter how you’ve always seen yourself. Sometimes situations get… overwhelming?”

Theo nodded. Overwhelming was right.

Morgan continued. “Trust me, people do the strangest things—unbelievable things—when they’re off-center. That time’s over. You can’t judge yourself forever for something that happened to you. You didn’t ask for it, did you? You didn’t ask for any of it. You just dealt with it the best way you could.” He wrapped his arms around Theo’s neck so that his final comments were muffled. “You do what you do to survive, even if that seems crazy to other people. It’s not just obvious shit, like broken bones, that takes time to heal.”

“I love you.” Theo couldn’t help it. The words slipped out, and they were true.

Morgan loosened his grip around Theo’s neck, pulling back a little until his wide dark eyes were all Theo could see.

“Yeah?”

Theo didn’t get a chance to answer. Morgan’s kisses were deep and driven, stealing his breath, leaving him wanting more. He tipped his head back as Morgan clambered up onto the chair with him, licking and sucking at his neck before sliding down his body again and settling between his legs. Morgan’s fingers at his belt and fly were fast, and Theo already recognized the determined jut of his jaw.

“Oh, yeah.” Theo lifted his ass when Morgan yanked on his pants, pulling them down along with his boxer-briefs just enough to free his cock and balls. When Morgan buried his face into the crease where his body met his thigh, licking and kissing and huffing in huge breaths, Theo scooted forward, closing his eyes. The wonderful warm, wet suction—first on one ball, sucking it in and rolling it against Morgan’s tongue, then on the other—left him groaning. Morgan mouthed his sac, then sucked some more while his fingers pushed under Theo’s shirt.

He was still only half hard when he felt a flat, wet tongue lap all along his dick. Having his nipples stroked until they were tight while Morgan licked his way around the head of Theo’s cock, flicking at it with the curled tip of his tongue, was far too much and nowhere near enough, all at the same time.

“Come here.” He hauled Morgan up, hands under his armpits, dragging him until the chair tilted wildly and they both clung to each other. It took some wriggling, and Theo shucking his pants off completely, but eventually they rocked together as they kissed and undid shirt buttons.

Morgan shifted against him while Theo hung onto two firm handfuls of ass, grinding up as Morgan bore down. The chair tilted again, and that time Morgan clutched him and yelped before laughing at himself. Theo watched him shake his head, his cheeks flushed and scruff-scraped, his lips kiss-bruised and shiny, and couldn’t keep the words in again.

“I love you.” This time they were a whisper. Morgan stared, all huge dark eyes, almost smiling before he sank to his knees again and started to blow Theo like he meant it.

“Oh, God. Oh, God. So good.” And it was. Once Morgan had a steady rhythm established, he let go of Theo’s dick and quickly unfastened his own pants, groaning with his mouth full as he unzipped his pants.

“Are you going to stroke yourself off?”

Morgan looked up, lips stretched around Theo, and nodded.

“Yeah? Good.”

Morgan took him in deeper, slower than slow, pushing up with his tongue so that Theo felt every single ridge in the roof of his mouth. As he nudged against Morgan’s soft palate, then pushed in a little farther, Theo’s strangled, “Stroke it faster, babe,” earned him another nod.

Theo closed his eyes and lost himself to the sensation of hot sucking mouth, along with the tight pulse of Morgan’s deeper swallows. When Morgan almost pulled off, then concentrated all of his attention on the sensitive head of Theo’s cock, jacking the slick length of dick he’d left exposed to the cooler air of the study, Theo’s eyes blinked open.

“So close, babe.”

Morgan released him with a pop, and wiped his mouth quickly with the back of his hand before he pushed himself up to lean over Theo, jacking both of them quickly. Theo came first, hanging onto the armrests, knuckles white. His stripes of come were soon joined by Morgan’s splashes. Morgan sagged, and ended up sitting on Theo’s knee as he rested his head on Theo’s shoulder, breathing hard against his throat.

The third time Theo told Morgan that he loved him, he felt Morgan’s sleepy nod against his neck.

“I
F
YOU
need anything, call Maggie. She has a key, and she knows how everything works.”