Aligned (11 page)

Dex sounds strong but I can hear the slight waver in his voice. It isn’t fair for Vaughn to put him through anything else. I break free from Adams and go stand by Dex to show him I am with him in this. Vaughn starts ranting about how I ruined his life and now I turned his son against him. Before I know what is happening, he raises a gun. It all happens so fast but it also seems like everything freezes at the same time. The next thing I know there is a loud sound and I am on the floor. My head hits so hard everything goes black for a moment, then I feel horrible pain all over my body. I’m not sure where it is coming from or why; the only thing I can think of is that I have been shot. I feel the blood, sticky and pooling on the floor underneath me. I try to move, to scream, anything, but it feels as though I am crushed and can’t get a deep breath. That’s when I realize someone is laying on top me. I try to push him off of me but can’t; he’s too heavy.

“Green?” I whisper in his ear.

Dex rolls him off me and Adams is frantically checking me out, trying to find where I was shot. It’s not my blood. I look down at Green, who isn’t moving. I shove Adams off me and go to Green, running my hands down his body when I find the bullet hole, the wound gushing blood.

I scream over and over for someone to get help, then Green opens his glassy eyes and looks right into mine.

“Roz, you okay?” He coughs, barely able to get a breath, blood spurting out of his mouth and the hole in his chest. This can’t be good.

“Shhhh, I’m fine, Sebastian. You rest, and everything is going to be fine. You saved my life.” I choke that last part out. This should be me laying on the floor in a pool of blood, not my friend.

“It’s an…honor…to help a beautiful…lady.” He can hardly talk and his body is starting to shake. I can tell he is losing too much blood and that he is shivering. I take off my jacket and lay it over him, then rip off my shirt and try to stop the blood. There’s so much, it’s soaked within seconds. I’m screaming at someone, anyone to give me clothes. Someone hands me a few jackets and I place them on him, but it’s not helping.

“Ssssoooo cccold…”

“I know, Sebastian, I’m going to warm you up, okay? We are going to stop the bleeding and I’m going to get you warm.”

I’m trying too hard to keep my voice light, although I know nothing can help him now. We aren’t trained to deal with bullet wounds here. Nobody has even seen a gun in the Zones, much less knows how to treat the aftermath. I know body heat is the best way to warm someone so my goal now is to try to make him as warm as I can. I half lay on top of Sebastian skin to skin, and place the jackets on his shoulders and legs.

“How’s that? Better? I’m going to keep you warm, okay?”

A small smile plays across his pale lips. “I knnnnew yyyou cccouldn’t resist me for llllong.” A joke? He’s lying here in a puddle of blood and he’s making a joke? If he wants to make this light I am going to try my best to follow along.

“Some guys will do anything to get a lady undressed, won’t they?” I try to sound light but I start to cry; I can’t hold the tears back.

“Shhh…” Now he’s consoling me.

“We fiiiight, Roz, We fiii—”

“We fight,” I say for him.

He’s fading fast and his eyes drift shut.

“Open your eyes, Sebastian. Look at me! We fight, we don’t give up. I know you’re cold but you open those beautiful eyes and you look at me you hear? Look at me!”

I’m yelling at him now. He slowly opens his eyes and looks right at me. The shaking is getting much worse and the blood is pouring at a rapid pace from his mouth as well as the hole in his chest. I play with his hair with one hand, rubbing the other up and down his arm.

“You told me you don’t know how to love, that it isn’t for you, but you were so wrong! You do know how, Sebastian. I love you too, do you hear me? You are much loved.” His eyes slowly lift to mine again and he smiles slightly once more, then starts choking on his blood. I roll his head to the side, trying to clear his mouth so he can breathe, when I feel it…all the breath leaving his body. He’s gone, he died…for me. I can’t move, can’t breathe. I feel someone tugging on my arm and calling my name but nothing matters. My friend just died, because of me. I literally have his blood on my hands.

Someone picks me up and carries me away. I don’t even care who it is. I can’t stop sobbing, can’t catch my breath, and the pain in my head is so sharp. The blackness starts to come and I allow it to overtake me. Blackness, numbness, that’s all I want right now.

***

When I wake up and open my eyes I immediately regret it. The throbbing in my head returns and a bright light stabs my eyes. I put a hand over my eyes and groan. I hear someone moving beside me and the light is dimmed, thank God. I feel someone rubbing my hair and whoever closed the blinds comes back over to my other side.

“There, there honey. It’s all right. You’re going to have a pretty bad headache but you’re going to be fine.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, sweetie, your father and I are here.”

“Hi there, sugar bean. I’m going to go let the doctor know you’re awake now. I’ll be right back.”

“What happened? Why am I here?” I know I wasn’t shot, so I don’t understand why I’m lying in the hospital. I wasn’t shot because Sebastian was, and he never made it to the hospital.

I start crying again and whisper “I got him killed.” I am crying harder, but the more I cry the worse my head hurts. I moan and cradle my head with both hands. I’m shaking so bad and gasping for breath. I’ve always been emotional but I’ve never gotten to this point. The panic is seizing me and I can’t stop the sobs.

“Shhh, calm down now, baby. You need to calm down. The more you cry the worse your head is going to feel. Take a few deep breaths for me okay?”

I will myself to stop crying and try to breathe slowly, but I’m not able.

My mother takes out a syringe and injects me with something that makes my eyelids feel heavy.

“Good, that’s good. Just breathe, honey. I gave you something to calm you down.”

My father walks back in with the doctor.

“President Thatcher, I’m glad to see you are awake. I know this is going to be uncomfortable but I need you to look right here for me.” He shines a light in my eyes and I wince.

“Do you know where you are?” he asks while he takes my vitals.

“I’m assuming in the hospital.”

“Can you tell me the last thing you remember?”

I’m at the end of my rope; even though I know he’s only doing his job and he needs to make sure I’m okay, the last thing I want to do is remember what happened. I answer more harshly than I should.

“The last thing I remember is my friend dying in my arms from taking the bullet meant for me.” The room instantly stills and the doctor looks shocked and well-reprimanded. I feel horrible since he is only doing his job. “I’m sorry, I—”

“Never you mind, you’re right. I’m sorry this happened; I just need to make sure you understand what’s going on and that you don’t have any missing memories.”

“I understand. No, I don’t think anything is missing. Last thing I remember is being carried out and then I must have blacked out.”

“Yes. You were out for a long time and started worrying us. Everything appears to be all right now. You have a pretty bad concussion from where you hit your head on the floor. We’re going to do a few more tests, but I think you will be fine. You’ll have a nasty headache for a few days, though. I don’t like how long you were out so we’re going to keep you here and monitored for a few days if that’s all right with you.”

“That’s fine, Doctor,” my mother says and he smiles at her.

“All right, you get some rest. We’ll have someone in and out to check on you. I know your mother’s a nurse so I’m comfortable with her staying, but I’m putting you on a no visitors list. The less upset you are the better.”

The doctor leaves and my parents resume their positions on either side of me.

My dad stands up. “I’m going to go call Wes; he has been beside himself.”

“Call Dex too, dear, will you?”

My dad leaves and my mom runs her hands through my hair.

“You’ve talked to Dex?”

“Briefly. He’s the one who called us and told us to come.”

“Did he tell you what happened?”

Mom doesn’t answer for a moment, obviously trying to figure out what to say that won’t upset me. “He gave the basic details, then he…he was too upset to say much. Only that you were okay and needed us here. Molly filled in most of the blanks while you were having tests run.”

Leave it to Molly to be good in a crisis. I really want to talk to Masters, but he has a million and one things to do right now I’m sure, not to mention he just lost his best friend. My eyes are heavy and my mom can tell I am fighting to stay awake.

“Close your eyes now and sleep. I’ll wake you in an hour.”

I am instantly pulled under again.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Several days have gone by and the blinding headaches are now a slight throbbing. After several tests to make sure I am not seriously damaged, and once the swelling in my brain is completely gone, the doctor declares me ready to go home. I am under strict orders not to go back to work for at least a week, which I am completely fine with. Normally I’d want to go back and start helping and making things better. Right now, however, I want to be as far away from the Ministry as possible. My parents agree the best thing for me is to return home with them and rest for the week.

After several days of lying around and reading a few messages from Wes and Molly, I become restless. I take walks every day and sit on our log by our pond, but it isn’t the same without Wes.

One afternoon while I am out looking at the water, someone comes and sits next to me. I expect to find my father or Jasper, or even Wes, but I am completely shocked to look up and see Samuel sitting next to me.

He takes in the shocked expression on my face and laughs. “Not who you were expecting?” he asks in amusement.

“The very last person,” I answer. I can’t even muster up a smile for one of my favorite Council members. It’s been over a week since I last smiled or ate. Every time I try to eat, the knot in my stomach rises to my throat. My mother tries everything she can think of to get me to eat. I can keep a few spoonfuls of soup down, or sometimes a smoothie, but that’s about it. I can tell Samuel is taking in my appearance and noting the circles under my puffy eyes and my sunken cheeks.

“How are you, Roz? And before you answer with ‘fine,’ I want to know the truth. Are you going to make it through this?” I am both surprised and relieved at his bluntness.

He isn’t looking at me with pity, and the worry in his eyes is for more than me. He worries for the country, as he should, because so am I.

“I don’t know, Samuel. I’m not good, I can tell you that. I’m conflicted, depressed, pissed off, grateful, guilty. I’m so many things at once, and I don’t know where to go from here.”

He sits quietly for a while. “I guess you have questions?”

I have so many questions I can’t sleep at night, but I can’t ask them. I can only nod.

“Do you want to hear the facts of what happened?”

Do I? I’m not sure. Part of me wants to block everything out for good, but the other part will never rest, never understand until I know why Vaughan did it. Why would a man who already ruined his family and his own life take someone else’s? I can’t open my mouth to ask these questions so I nod again.

“I’m going to start with Vaughn, who was apprehended and has been taken care of,” Samuel says. “He won’t be a problem again.”

I don’t want to know what that means but I’m glad he can’t hurt anyone else.

“He didn’t get far before Masters caught up to him and was able to…persuade him to talk. He had left for a neighboring country like he was told, but instead of turning his life around like we hoped, he used his time to stew and plot revenge. He had delusional ideas his life would all be fine and normal if you had never been selected to replace him. Of course he is wrong in that; he ruined his own life. His wife couldn’t handle it any longer and took her life; that had nothing to do with you. Grace wasn’t born to his version of perfection so he abandoned her and that had nothing to do with you. He destroyed his relationship with his son singlehandedly and again, you weren’t a factor. However, it is always easier to place blame on others than take responsibility. Blaming you was a way to do that.”

“Vaughn had a relationship with a few of the troopers who, let’s say, ride the fence when it comes to morals. He was able to get them to recruit a few new men and sneak him back into the country along with weapons.”

I gasp at hearing this news. My own people turned on their country so easily, the people who vowed to protect it. I want to vomit. I lean over and take a few deep breaths. Once I am able to talk, I only get out one word. “Who?”

Samuel sighs and I can tell he doesn’t want to give me names. I don’t think he is going to answer me at all when he takes a deep breath and looks me in the eyes.

“The only one you know is Tristan. The others are off books, only known by Masters, who unnecessarily takes full responsibility for their actions.”

“Tristan? The Tristan from my Zone?”

Samuel nods. I can’t believe it. How could someone plan anything so heinous against a stranger, let alone someone they grew up with? We were never friends, but we weren’t enemies either.

“Did he plan to assassinate me?”

“That’s where the details get a little murky. The men say they were doing Vaughn a favor and weren’t aware of his actions. I find it hard to believe that to be true since these men are insightful and cunning as part of their job. They have all been tried for treason. Tristan was the man on the inside. Once the other men got Vaughn safely over the border, he was the one who let him into the Ministry.”

“Tristan swears he thought Vaughn was only going to shake things up and try to get his position back. Tristan looked completely terrified and honestly didn’t appear to know what he was doing. However, his actions resulted in Sebastian’s death so he was still tried and punished for treason. We hope it will send a message to all new recruits to be careful who you trust.”

While I can’t find any sympathy for Tristan, I do feel bad for his family. What shame and sorrow they now have to live with. But he made that decision on his own.

“According to Vaughn, the plan was to kill you. He wanted to get back at the Council for choosing you over him. He wanted to hurt us and make us weak. The only thing he regretted was missing.”

I know Samuel is only trying to be honest with me, which I do appreciate. I’m sick of everyone walking on eggshells around me, but his words burn like acid. It’s me who should have died, and if Green hadn’t protected me, he’d still be alive. And who did he die for? A scared teenage girl who doesn’t even really know how to run a country.

I gasp for breath. I’ve had these panic attacks since the shooting. Samuel places my head in between my legs and rubs my back until my breathing returns to normal.

“I didn’t tell you this to upset you, Roz. Sebastian was the best at his job. He lived the job, he
was
the job, and he died doing what he did best. His one goal in life was to protect you and this country, and he did that. I guarantee he would do it again, even knowing the outcome. So would Masters, and so would I. We believe in you that much. But the question is—do you believe in yourself?”

That comment also cuts because he knows I don’t. I question everything now. “Dex would have my head if he knew I came here to see you because he doesn’t think you are ready. And maybe you aren’t. I don’t want to make things worse, but Roz, I believe in you with everything I am. Everyone in the Ministry believes in you. I truly believe you are the one to save our country and keep its legacy strong. However, our believing in you can only go so far; you have to believe also. You need to prove to them they didn’t break you. All that pain and confusion and anger—take it and use it. Don’t let it crush you because then he wins. You will be giving Vaughn exactly what he wants. Don’t let Green’s sacrifice be for nothing.”

That
is
what Vaughn wanted, and I am playing right into his hands. At Samuel’s words I can feel some of my drive returning.

“I understand if you need time to heal; take that time and heal your wounds. Find whatever peace you need to help you get through. But, Roz, you need to
get through
. I know I’m asking a lot of you, and it may be rather insensitive of me to do so, but I’m only asking because we need you.”

“This is between us. I could be thrown off the Council if anyone finds out I’ve told you this. They have taken it to a vote. Some of the members are worried you won’t be able to handle your duties now. They are afraid of how the pain will eat at you and affect your ability to think straight. The vote was split, which means you are safe for now. But if you do want to fight, if you do want to rise above the pain, you need to pull it together somehow and find the strength, because you know as well as I do the vote was tabled and it doesn’t take much to sway a vote.”

Instantly, my determination is back. One of the last things Green said to me was to fight, and I am going to fight. I am going to prove to the Council and to Vaughn that they should have more faith in me. I have to know one thing first though.

“What was Dex’s vote?” I can tell Samuel isn’t going to tell me. It’s bad enough he told me what he did; telling me the vote is forbidden.

“I need to know, Samuel. It will make a difference in how I deal with this.” As much as I wish it didn’t, his opinion on the matter means everything to me. I need to know I have his support going forward.

“I can’t tell you the outcome of a tabled vote, Roz, I’m so sorry. I will say Dexter and I have always agreed on things and our views on most matters, especially on this, are very similar.” I understand why he can’t tell me the vote, but in his own way he told me Dex didn’t vote against me; he wants me to continue on as president.

“Thank you, Samuel. I appreciate you putting yourself on the line for me. I’m going to step it up and try to find peace. I don’t know how, but I’m going to make Sebastian’s sacrifice worth it.”

Samuel gives me a hug and leaves with my promise of returning as soon as my week is up.

***

After a few more days it’s finally time to go back. I thank my parents and tell them how much I love them. Before I put my destination in the train, there is one more stop I need to make before I return to the Ministry. When I get there I go straight to his house and knock. Luckily he’s home and I don’t have to go searching for him.

“Roz, what a wonderful surprise, come in child!” Malik wraps his arms around me and gives me a tight hug before leading me to his sitting area.

“I was so worried when I heard what happened. Are you all right?”

“You heard, then?”

“Yes, Dex came out here for a few days and left Grace with Zara. He didn’t want her anywhere Conner could see her. He filled me in.” Malik’s normally sparkling eyes look dulled by sadness. “I’m so sorry about Sebastian; he was a good man and will be sorely missed.”

I can’t stop the tears from flowing. “Yes he will.”

Malik has always been too perceptive for my liking.

“It’s not your fault, little one. It was his time to go, and he went out as a sacrifice. There is no better way to go.”

“I feel so guilty, and I can’t stop playing everything over and over in my mind. If only I’d allowed Adams to keep me back, maybe Green wouldn’t have had to jump in front of me.”

“Then Adams would have, or Dex. No matter how you try to spin it, Vaughn made the decision to take a life, nobody else, and the guilt is on him and those who helped him.”

Deep down I know he is right, though knowing and feeling are very different things.

“Malik, you are the only one I can talk to about this, the only one who understands the pressure and what it’s like to be president. I don’t know what to do; I need you to tell me what to do.”

Malik shakes his head. “You do know, Rosaline; you have always known what is right, and you let your conscience be your guide. You are forgetting I also knew, and I ran away. I didn’t stay and fight like I should have. You know what needs to be done and I know you will see it through. That fight is still in you.”

“What if I make the wrong decision? It will affect everyone, Malik. I don’t want that hanging over my head. I tried to make a perfect country; I want that for my people and for my children, but if I learned anything these past few weeks, it’s that no matter how hard we try, no matter how many rules we put in place, or how many people we have to shelter, or observe, no matter how hard we try to keep evil out, it will always come in.”

“We ban guns and weapons to keep people safe from harm, and people still find a way to obtain and use them for evil. No matter how hard I try to make our country perfect, it can never be because people aren’t perfect, Malik. Some people are bad, they are evil and they thrive on hurting others and making chaos. What is the point of trying when there is literally no way to ever win?”

I am trying with all my might to hold back the tears that are threatening once again.

“You’re right, my child. There is no way to keep the bad out. We have tried for years and as a whole have done a pretty good job. Bad will always exist, and the only way to fight darkness is with light. Turning on a light won’t get rid of darkness completely; it just lights up a path. You have to spread the light. You, Rosaline, are the light. Everything about you brings hope and joy. You can infect people with it, make it contagious. It won’t always get rid of the dark, but a little light is so much better than full darkness. I let myself become overwhelmed by the dark, the unknown, the ‘what ifs.’ I don’t want to see you make that same mistake. I know you said your father was a history man and big on quotes. Let me share one of my favorites with you now; may I?”