Aligned (19 page)

CHAPTER

TWENTY-FOUR

Even though I only get about two and a half hours of sleep I am still up with the sun. I don’t need as much sleep as most people, and on average I get about four hours a night at most. I have too much trouble turning off my brain to even think about sleeping for more than that.

After going through my morning rituals I head downstairs for breakfast. I am eating my bowl of oatmeal and apple slices when two tiny hands cover my eyes from behind. I instantly jump up. “Grace, when is the last time you washed your grimy little paws? Sink now, twenty seconds at least, but since you probably can’t count that high, wash until I tell you to stop.”

Dex chuckles behind me.

“You know how many germs kids carry?” I practically screech.

“No, nor do I care. Consider this payback for our little 3:00 a.m. chat,” Dex says with a cocky grin.

“You put her up to that didn’t you?”

“Me? Never,” he says with a smirk. “Are you going to tell her she’s done?”

I pretend to think about it while Grace keeps scrubbing away.

“All right, munchkin, that’s enough for now.”

She dries her hands and sits at the table next to me, waiting for her breakfast.

I can’t help but smile at the cute little pixie. She is so small for her age, and she reminds me so much of my sister. I secretly miss that little troublemaker. Where Lily is loud and always on the move, Grace has a quiet presence that I find much more tolerable. Speaking of…

“Grace, have you been practicing those signs I taught you?”

She nods.

“All right, show me ‘eat.’”

She puts her hand to her mouth.

“Very good. How about ‘all done’?”

She puts both hands out and shakes them.

“Wonderful!”

Dex sets a bowl of oatmeal in front of her. “She’s taken to it all right. Too bad nobody but you has a clue what any of it means.”

“Well you need to learn, Dexter. So does her teacher. I’d be happy to send you some links.”

“How did you come up with the idea of sign language anyway?” he asks between bites.

“Research. How else? It’s proven that signing can help kids who can’t or choose not to speak. It’s simply another tool for them to communicate. I think all children should use it. It would be much more peaceful that way.”

Dex rolls his eyes. “You will be teaching all of your kids no doubt?”

It’s a harmless comment but I stiffen. Dex picks up on how tense I am and raises an eyebrow.

“I won’t be reproducing, Dexter.” I stand and take my bowl to the sink.

“Yeah, he’d actually have to touch someone for that to happen.”

I groan. Of course Molly would pick this moment to walk in.

“I’m going for a walk.” I grab a water canteen and leave before I have to deal with anymore nonsense.

I’ve taken to long walks and sitting by the creek every weekend. I’ve run into Masters and Natasha more times than I can count. Masters is outdoorsy and is always hiking, canoeing, or something of the sort. I was surprised to see Natasha enjoy the outdoors. She doesn’t strike me as the type, but there must be more to her than what she appears.

Of course a morning when I need time to myself to process everything that’s going on is the morning where not only Natasha and Masters are canoeing in the creek, but Andi is sitting on the shore on a blanket reading a book.

I take a moment to observe her while she is reading. Most people might not find her attractive, but I find her looks to be appealing. She has soft features, her face pleasant and welcoming. Her hair is down and reaches the middle of her back, and I have the odd desire to run my hand through it to see if it is as soft as it looks. What craziness. I start walking again and clear my throat when I am a few feet away as to not startle her.

Andi looks up in surprise, a wide smile spreading across her face. “Wes, what a wonderful surprise. What are you doing here?”

“Just coming to sit by the creek after my morning walk. I can come back later.” Andi laughs. “Don’t be silly. Come sit with me. Natasha packed a picnic enough to feed an army, and it doesn’t look like they are coming in anytime soon. I’d enjoy the company.”

She looks at me with those sweet, expectant brown eyes and I can’t help but agree.

“All right then.” I sit down a good distance away from her. “Who broke your heart?” I blurt out.

I never learned the art of casual conversation. I always thought it was a waste of time. If I want to know something I ask. Judging from the look on Andi’s face right now I’m guessing I could have eased my way into it a bit.

“Well? Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“I’m trying to figure out if you are for real? Wes, you can’t ask people stuff like that out of nowhere!” Andi says, looking at me like I am from a different planet. Maybe I am…that would explain a lot.

“I don’t see why not. People spend so much time talking around subjects and making idle chit chat, wasting everyone’s time when really they are just as curious as I am to get to the real stuff. I decide to go the most efficient route and save everyone time by losing the pretense and getting down to it and I’m the one ridiculed?”

Andi throws her head back and starts laughing. I wasn’t expecting that. Girls! I will never understand them. She is laughing so hard now she has tears rolling down her face.

“You know, that’s one of my favorite things about you, Wes. I never have to guess what you think or where I stand or if you are going to change your mind. I must admit, sometimes you can be a little off putting, but only because we have set social norms. Otherwise, I find you refreshing.”

And look at that, finally someone who gets it. Social norms are stupid anyway. And I made Andi laugh, which I must admit increases her attractiveness exponentially.

“Well, are you going to answer the question?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.

Her smile fades. She looks up into the sky for a moment like it has all the answers, then she looks into my eyes. I see a sadness there that I’ve never seen before. Then again, I don’t think I ever looked.

“Nobody broke my heart, Wes. Not in a romantic way, anyway.”

That wasn’t the answer I was expecting. The look on her face says there is more to it. For the first time in my life I find myself caring and wanting to know personal details. Maybe Masters was right.

“Who broke your heart, Andi?”

She sighs, stands up, and starts to pace. I’ve never seen Andi this agitated; it’s fascinating how quickly she changes once I bring the subject up.

“Obviously it’s a sensitive subject, Wes. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Do you want to talk about your mom?”

Instantly it feels like she slapped me in the face. It probably would have hurt less if she had. No, I don’t want to talk about my mom because I never talk about my mom. This is why I don’t have personal conversations. They always go where you don’t want them to, and relationships always lead to fighting. I stand now too and face her.

“My mom has nothing to do with what we’re talking about! It’s not the same. You are deflecting, Andi, so forget I even asked.” I turn to leave and she catches my arm. The sadness in her eyes is so intense I can feel my anger fading.

“You’re right, Wes, it’s not the same at all. Your mom sacrificed her life for you, where my mom sacrificed me for her life. I’m sorry if I hurt you, I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.” With that she turns and walks away while I stand there with my mouth hanging open trying to figure out what happened. What did she mean her mom sacrificed her for a life? Gah! This isn’t going at all how I pictured.

I take off after her, thankful for my long legs, and catch up to her in no time.

“Andi, I’m sorry. You know I’m horrible with people; this is why I keep to myself. And you don’t have to tell me anything, all right? I’m sorry.”

She sighs and shakes her head a bit then gives me a slight smile. “It’s okay, Wes. I guess I should be flattered you even care enough to want to know.”

“You know you really should be. I never ask personal questions, obviously for a good reason.”

She catches me off guard by reaching up and pushing a stray curl out of my eye. Usually when Roz does that I flinch and yell at her, but with Andi it’s different, I don’t mind it so much.

“How about we take a walk and I’ll tell you a little bit okay?”

We start at a slow pace. Andi doesn’t start talking right away but I find myself waiting, curious what she has to say. Wonder of wonders, I even forget to count our steps.

“This is hard for me, Wes. I don’t ever talk about it, not even to my uncle. He knows everything of course, but it’s just known between us and remains unspoken.”

She is silent again for a few moments then stops walking and looks at me. “My dad and Kevin were brothers. They were in the same career field. My dad started out as a tracker and, as you know, they can’t marry or have a family. After meeting my mom one day he knew he wanted to marry her. He said it was love at first sight.” She has a smile on her face and a faraway look in her eye like she is remembering them telling her the story.

“He asked to be transferred to a different unit so he could have a family. He was put as a prison guard, which isn’t a relished spot, but he never minded it. He said he loved his job because he could serve his country and love his family at the same time.”

One tear slowly trickles down her check. I can’t help myself; I brush it away with my thumb.

“He was killed on duty. That’s all we were told. I was ten when it happened and my mother was never the same after that. She blamed the Ministry. She used to go on full blown rants about how it was the Ministry’s fault my dad was killed. She slowly started to lose her mind. She wasn’t eating or sleeping. She would get angry and then in the next instant be sobbing. She would push me away, and hold me close. I never knew what to expect. After living this way for two years I guess she couldn’t take it anymore. She told me to pack a bag; that we were going to visit my uncle. Only we weren’t visiting. She left me with Kevin and went to the O.C. It’s been six years and we haven’t heard a word. I’m pretty sure Kevin has been keeping tabs on her, but I’ve never asked about her and he’s never brought it up.”

I can see her visibly pulling herself together. She has let only a few tears escape and I can tell she’s refused to allow any more. As sad as I am for her I can’t help but be a little amazed as well. When Rosaline cries it can go on for hours or days. Her heart is so easily broken and she feels with everything in her. I can see the strength in Andi; I can tell she refuses to give in to her grief and it amazes me.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Andi.”

She gives me another sad smile.

“Now that the borders are open, are you going to see her?” As soon as I say it I wish I can take it back. The smile instantly vanishes and she crumples a bit.

“No, I don’t think so. It was almost easier with the borders closed, you know? She wasn’t allowed to leave or communicate, so I could blame it on that. I kept telling myself that she wanted to see me but wasn’t able. Once the borders opened I couldn’t say that any longer. I secretly hope she will come, I expect it…but she hasn’t.”

“It’s still early. It’s only been a few months, she might still come.”

“It’s okay, Wes. The truth is I’m fine without her. I don’t even know what I would say if she did come. I have Kevin, and now Natasha, so I don’t really need her.”

I don’t believe that for a second, but I wisely keep that to myself. Growth!

“You have me too, you know.” I take her hand.

She looks down at our hands and then smiles at me, a true Andi smile.

“Do I?”

I nod, unable to talk.

“Good.”

We continue on our walk in silence, hand in hand. I never thought I would enjoy holding hands with anyone, but with Andi it is different. Masters was right, and I’m glad I listened to him. I have a connection with her now that she has opened up to me. Maybe I can have an emotional connection after all, who knows?

CHAPTER

TWENTY-FIVE

Roz,

I have a girlfriend now, sort of. Aren’t you proud of me? I am evolving. Also, I started training for the Council. I haven’t made any final decisions but I’m feeling good about it. All it took was for you to leave me high and dry! ;)

How is it in no man’s land?

Wes

Wes,

What? Are you kidding me? You asked Andi to be your girlfriend? What exactly did you say? What exactly did she say? It is Andi right, not Aspen? DETAILS man, I need details! We will talk more about “No man’s land” later. Great news on the Council by the way.

Details!

Roz

Roz,

What do you mean what did I say, what did she say? We talk, we hang out, she shared a story about her life and we held hands. That means she’s my girlfriend right? And yes I’m talking about Andi. Aspen gives me the heebee jeebees.

Wes

Wes,

Omg! Wesley Anderson Sanders! You didn’t even ask her if she wanted to be your girlfriend? Just because you talk and hold hands doesn’t exactly make her your girlfriend you know!

Roz

Roz,

No I didn’t know that! How am I supposed to know that! You never told me this! You and Dex started talking and stuff and you were together! So I just assumed.

Wes

Wes,

Wesley, Dex and I never were officially boyfriend and girlfriend! It isn’t always assumed, you know! You have to ask her to make it official. I just assumed you knew this, but I guess you most likely tuned everything relationship-wise out. So listen up, you have to ask her! And don’t demand anything, Wesley, ask. Like it’s a question.

Roz

Roz,

I told you she was my girlfriend. I asked and she said yes! I told you so!

Wes

Wes,

Please tell me you didn’t go over there in the middle of the night and wake her up again demanding to know if she was your girlfriend!

Roz

Roz,

Okay. I won’t tell you! ;)

Wes

Wes,

Gah! You will never learn
!
But really I am super happy for you! I miss you so much! Things are really coming along here. Now that we have appointed leadership and people have taken on roles it’s made it much easier. The buildings are coming together nicely, and soon we will be able to start planting crops. It’s been so lonely without you. I love you!

Roz

The next week goes by in a blur. I start Council training and I am surprised with how much I thoroughly enjoy it. It isn’t anything like I was expecting. There is a lot of history and all the laws to memorize which is a breeze, but there are also facts, data, and other things that pleasantly surprise me. I can’t understand why they were having such a hard time finding an adequate replacement. The training is enjoyable and easy. For me, anyway. The more I discover, the more I find myself intrigued with the idea of becoming a Council member after all.

I also worried about the declaration of relationship, that things will become weird between Andi and me, but I am pleasantly surprised with that as well. Nothing has really changed, which I am immensely pleased about. We still eat lunch together every day, we go on walks or hikes on the weekend, but we don’t feel the need to talk or see each other every moment of the day.

I am on my way to Masters’ house to do some training and am wondering if Andi will be there. She has been spending more time over there lately and part of me wonders if she is secretly waiting for her mom to show up. While I suspect she would never admit to that fact, I know it has to be eating at her. I’ve never gotten over my mom leaving me, and that wasn’t even her choice.

I knock on the door and I’m surprised to find Natasha open it with a panicked look on her face.

“Hi. Is everything okay Natasha?”

“Hi, Wes, um…” her eyes keep shifting.

Masters comes to the door looking upset. “Now’s not a good time, Wes.”

“Oh…uh, okay, then I’ll…uh…”

Andi comes up behind him and puts her hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Uncle Kevin, I want him here.”

It’s clear she’s been crying. Her face is puffy and red. I know Andi doesn’t cry easily and I am immediately alarmed.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Are you all right?”

“Everything is okay, Wes. Can we go for a walk?”

“Of course.”

She shuts the door behind her and we start walking. I’ve learned that she is similar to me where she likes to think out her problems, so I don’t push her. When she is ready she will talk to me. After a few minutes she pulls me over to a fallen log to sit.

“She’s sick, Wes.”

She said “she” not “I’m”, and Natasha looked nervous but not sick, so then it must be…“Your mom?” I ask.

She lays her head on my shoulder. Normally I would push her off. I hate contact I don’t initiate, but I know she needs comfort and not my idiosyncrasies right now. I start rubbing her head trying to ease her pain. Roz told me one time that there wasn’t anything as comforting as someone rubbing your head when you’re upset, so I figure it can’t hurt to try. It must work because Andi lets out a sigh and burrows into my shoulder.

“She’s been sick for a while now, and she refuses to go to a hospital. They don’t even know what’s wrong with her.”

I have a hard time computing what she is saying. How can you be sick and refuse to see a doctor? Illness isn’t rare, and so many things can be easily treated with medicine and the proper care. I can’t imagine someone refusing treatment.

“Why?”

“Nobody knows. She stopped talking last year apparently. Just shut down mentally, and now her body is following. Masters didn’t know what to do, so he finally told me.”

“What does he expect you to do?”

“I’m not sure. He didn’t want her to die without me knowing she was even sick, which I understand, but part of me wishes I never knew. I’m not sure what I should do now.”

She angles her head to look into my eyes. “Do you think I should go see her?”

“I don’t know, Andi. It’s hard to know without the correct data. We don’t know why she’s sick, why she even really left, if she wants to see you, if it could change anything. There are too many unknown variables.”

“What if it was your mom who was sick after she purposely left you? Would you go to her?”

“Andi, you know that’s different. Of course I would want to see my mom, but she left in a different way.”

“I know, and I’ve been thinking about it. In a way it seems as though my mom died too. The day my dad died, so did she. Physically she was there, but the person who loved and cared for me my whole life was gone. Masters doesn’t think I should go, he doesn’t think my last memory should be of her sick, but is being abandoned really a better one?”

I have no answer for her. I have never been good at these types of conversations, which is exactly why nobody ever comes to me for this kind of advice. While I want to be here for Andi, I’m going to mess this up.

“Andi, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m horrible at this kind of stuff. If it’s a problem that we can solve, I’m your guy, but when feelings and emotions come into play, I’m out.”

I hope she understands and doesn’t get upset. I want to help her, but I’m completely inadequate. She surprises me by kissing my cheek and smiling at me.

“I know, which is why I’m talking to you. Not many people want advice, they just want to get it off their chest and then do what they think is best and have someone back them up. Will you back me up with whatever I decide?”

Still reeling from the fact that she kissed me, I am able to breathe enough to say, “Of course.”

“You are a good boyfriend, you know that, Wesley?”

“Hmmm, and everyone always said I would suck at it.”

She laughs. “Nah, you’re pretty fantastic, as long as I don’t get offended too easily…which I don’t.”

I grin at her, because that’s pretty right on.

“Do you need to decide soon?”

“Pretty soon. The reason Masters told me is because she stopped eating last week. People are forcing fluids in her, but he doesn’t think she’s going to last long.”

“I see.”

It’s worse than I thought. Without proper nutrition it can be only a matter of hours. Looking at Andi, I know she will want to see her mom. Even if she does feel abandoned, she will put that aside because that’s the kind of person she is.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “You would do that?”

“I would do anything for you, Andi.” And I realize at that moment it’s true, I really would.

“I would like that very much. Thank you, Wes!”