All Falls Down (35 page)

I press a final kiss to his lips and then pull away reluctantly.

I don't turn back around, instead hurrying down the hall. If I look, I'll stop. Go back. And I'll never get home before the girls begin to suspect I'm not out bowling with Chris. While I wait for the elevator, I touch the ring hanging from a chain around my neck. My initials are engraved inside. So is the date Jared and I went on our first date – to the Gardens.

"Close your eyes," he whispers, holding me tightly against his chest.

I'm a sticky, sweaty mess. Everything tingles as if the way he just made love to me still lingers, humming along my skin. I instantly obey his soft command.

Jared pulls me up into a sitting position, his hands gentle vises around my arms. He settles me on his lap, facing him, and brushes my hair to the side. And then something cold falls between my breasts.

"Open your eyes." He presses kisses into my skin, all over my neck.

I hum, my eyes fluttering open.

A ring hangs between my breasts.

"Oh," I whisper, lifting it up. A beautiful flower adorns the band. Little diamonds dust the petals, causing it to shine and sparkle. My initials are etched on the inside. So is a date.

"Our first date," Jared whispers. "The day I realized I was already falling in love with you."

"Oh." I throw my arms around him and kiss him hard. I don't stop kissing him until little spots swim behind my closed lids and we're both gasping for air.

"I'm going to marry you some day," he whispers when I break our kiss.

I meet his gaze. See the truth shining in those green pools. He means it.

One day, he's going to be mine forever.

A smile dances at my lips the entire way down in the elevator. I'm still smiling when I make my way through the lobby. I want to jump up and down and scream to the world that I get to keep my prince. Instead, I wave to the doorman and step outside.

The night air is cool, a spring storm preparing to blow in from the Bay.

I peer up and down the street for Chris, but his Jeep isn't here.

Pacing up and down the sidewalk to stay warm while I wait for him, I twist the ring between my fingers.

Five minutes pass. Ten. My smile slips, fading away as worry creeps in.

Twenty minutes later, I'm getting cold and Chris still isn't here. I've left my cellphone at home so I can't call him. Or anyone actually. I turn and start back toward the hotel, hoping Jared hasn't left yet. He can figure out what's taking Chris so long.

Someone honks.

I spin around and my heart sinks. I flounder mid-step as Kit's car pulls up to the curb.

She flings the passenger side door open. Tears make streaks down her face.

"Get in," she says.

I stand there for a long moment, hoping if I'm still enough, the situation will change. Kit will magically turn into Chris. But it's after midnight. The magic is over. And Kit isn't going to miraculously morph into Chris just because I want her to. The world – my world – doesn't work that way.

And I have to find some way to explain to Kit that I'm not sleeping with Jared behind Lexi's back.

How the hell am I supposed to do that when I've promised I won't tell her the truth?

I take a deep breath and walk on wooden legs toward her. Climb inside the car.

Kit stares straight ahead while I fasten my seatbelt.

When we pull away from the curb and she still hasn't spoken, I can't take the silence anymore.

"It's not what you think it is," I say. "I'm not sleeping with him behind Lexi's back."

Kit whips her head in my direction. She opens her mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. No sound comes out. And I realize she didn't know. She had no clue I was here with Jared. I can't take the words back now though. It's far too late for that.

"You and Jared?" she says. "You're
sleeping
with
Jared
?"

"I–" There's nothing I can say, so I nod.

Silence hangs between us for so long, I think I'm going to scream.

"I'm in love with him."

"Is he in love with you, too?"

"Yes," I whisper.

Kit looks so angry, so disgusted. She's never been this mad at me before, and I don't know what to do now that she is. I hate it though. I feel about two inches tall, and there's nothing I can say or do to make her forgive me for this. Even if I tell her the truth… I still lied for weeks. I still started falling for Jared before I knew he wasn't with Lexi. I still let him kiss me and touch me. It doesn't matter that we didn't sleep together until after he told me the truth. That doesn't justify what we've done – what
I've
done. Because, even after I knew Lexi was in love with him, I kept doing it.

"I can't believe you." Kit's tone is rife with accusation.

"Please don't hate me."

"I can't even deal with this right now," she says, slamming on the brakes at a red light. Tears trickle down her cheeks.

Then and only then do I realize she's shaking.

"Kit, what's wrong?"

"Maddi," she says. And then she's sobbing, great big sobs wrack her body as if she's falling apart. "S–she was on t–t–the swing, and the branch fell on her."

For a second, everything stops.

"Is she okay?"

Kit sobs louder. "I-it's bad."

Terror crashes through me, choking the breath from my lungs. I sway in my seat. Black washes through me, stealing the sight from my eyes and the sound from my ears before it slowly clears.

"Y-you k-knew!"

The urge to throw up hits. I swallow back bile, choke it down.

Don’t fall apart.

Don't fall apart.

I gasp, drawing air into my starving lungs.

Car horns blare behind us.

The light's green.

It barely registers.

Maddi's hurt and all I can think is that it's my fault. Had it not been for me, Jared would have been home. He would have been focused on the case, on keeping the girls safe. And now they aren't safe. Sweet little Madeline may–

I can't even think the word.

I want to curl up in a ball and cry, but I can't do that either.

Kit needs me.

I focus on that. On reaching over to slam the car into park. On fumbling for the emergency flashers. On dragging Kit out of the driver's seat so I can take her place. She's crying so hard, she can barely move. I have to push and pull and tug until she's in my seat, half on top of me. And then I begin inching over, trying to get into the driver's seat in her place.

Cars fly past us, their drivers screaming insults.

I can't hear the words over the sound of Kit's cries, but I don't need to hear them. I can just imagine what they're yelling at us. As if our world falling apart is somehow an inconvenience to them. As if Madeline doesn't matter in the least so long as they get where they need to go.

Well, screw them.

"Kit, where is she?"

"B-Benioff."

She's at the hospital.

Oh, God.

By the time I manage to get into the driver's seat, the light has cycled from green to red and back again. I turn the flashers off and put the car in drive. I'm nervous – I haven't drive in months. Toby rarely let me. If I wanted to go anywhere, I had to rely on him. But operating a car is like riding a bicycle. I manage to stay between the lanes, keeping the car on the right side of the road. I want to hit the gas and fly toward the hospital outside the city, but I don't. I drive the speed limit, trying to shush Kit at the same time.

If she hears me, she doesn't respond. She just curls into a ball in the passenger seat and sobs.

We're halfway to the hospital before she speaks to me again.

"You knew," she says, choking on the words. "You knew Maddi wasn't safe."

I want so badly to go back to the day she asked me for the truth. To the day I lied to her. I want to tell her everything – that Matthew really was murdered, that someone has tried to kill Lexi twice, that they're attacking T.I. convoys in Africa, that she and Maddi aren't safe, and that Jared and Chris and Demetri are their own personal bodyguards. Hell, even Stewart who has been with the Talbots for five years now is trying to help keep a murderer away. But even if I tell her everything now, it's too late.

Maddi's hurt, and Kit is never going to forgive me for that.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, my throat raw and my heart bleeding. "I'm so, so sorry."

Kit turns her back on me.

When we get to the hospital, I expect to see police cars everywhere. It takes me a minute to realize there aren't any. Not even one. Chris's Jeep and Demetri's Explorer sit in the emergency room parking lot. Jared's car is here, too. He's parked haphazardly, as if he dove out the second he found an empty spot. I don't know how he made it here before us.

The double doors to the emergency room open. A lady steps out with an infant in her arms. I see Demetri inside the doors, standing with his arms crossed like a bouncer.

I pull in beside Jared, and put the car in park.

"Kit–"

Before I can say anything else, she throws the door open and stumbles out.

I sit for a moment, fighting the urge to cry.

My fingers are numb, and I realize I've been gripping the steering wheel so tight, I've cut off circulation. I unclench my hands, open and close them several times, and climb from the car.

Kit's already weaving toward the double doors.

She disappears inside before I manage to pull myself together.

I follow behind her, my heart pounding nervously.

I am so scared.

By the time I make it inside, Kit's already passing through the metal detector, a visitor's sticker on her shirt. She flicks her gaze in my direction, and then a woman in scrubs motions for her to come. The stricken expression on her face when she slips through the doors to the patient area will haunt me for the rest of my life.

The waiting room is packed with stressed out parents and screaming kids. Jared and Chris stand in the middle of the chaos. Chris's arms are crossed over his chest, a glare on his face. Jared's shoulders are slumped, his head bowed. He looks defeated, like he's in hell.

If he is, it's my fault.

He was supposed to be protecting the girls, not making love to me in a hotel clear across town.

I distracted him, just like Lexi was afraid I would.

I glance away, lava burns in my stomach, guilt boiling me alive.

"Hi," I whisper to Demetri when he offers me a grim smile. "How is she?"

"I don't know," he says. "They haven't told us anything."

"H–how–?"

"It happened about an hour ago," he says, guessing what I'm trying to ask. Anger radiates in his voice, like maybe he blames me for pulling Jared away, blames me for what happened. "She couldn't sleep so Lexi let her go swing. Once she got going, the branch collapsed."

"Oh," I whisper.

The security guard at the desk motions for me to step forward and empty my pockets into the little blue bin. I don't have much – lip gloss and my ID. His eyes catch on the ring hanging from the chain around my neck. I reach up and cover it with my hand, shielding it from his view. I can't take it off. Jared just gave it to me.

The guard opens his mouth, then shakes his head and closes it again. "Step through," he mutters.

My left eye twitches again, tears threatening to choke me. I take a deep breath and step through the metal detector. Of course it goes off, a loud screech echoing through the room.

Chris and Jared both turn to face me.

Jared's jade eyes meet mine.

He looks so sad… I want to race across the room and fling myself against his chest.

"Lift your arms," the security guard says, holding out the black detector wand.

I do as instructed, my gaze still locked on Jared.