All I Have to Give (24 page)

The teacups landed on the dresser with a slam as Ada dropped them and ran onto the landing. ‘Bill, Bill, we need the doctor, urgently!’

Forgetting that Beryl and Bill had a telephone, she ran down the stairs, grabbed her coat from the hooks behind the door and was about to go out, when Bill said, ‘Stop! It will be quicker
to phone him. What’s going on? Is Beryl going to be all right?’

There was fear and concern in his voice, which registered with Ada. This brother-in-law of hers was lost. She realized it now. He’d been hurt beyond his own endurance and had used whatever
method he could to muster some dignity and to lash out and hurt back. Sympathy for him made her talk to Bill as she’d never intended to again. ‘Make the call, Bill, love. That’s
the best thing we can do for our Beryl at the moment. Get the doctor here, and quick.’

The baby snuggled into Ada, its little mouth trying to suckle on her breast and wetting her blouse in the process. But she didn’t mind. The little lad had the look of
Paddy, even had his black curly hair, and he had wriggled into her heart the moment she’d held him. Putting her finger into his mouth soothed him. His gentle sucking took her back down the
years. But this time to a happy place, where her memories sat well in her and brought her a little peace.

Beryl lay like a little doll, shrunken in size and with pinched features that expressed the pain she had been through. She was clinging onto what little life-force she had left. Ada prayed she
wouldn’t let go. The doctor had stemmed the flow of blood, but had said that Beryl was critically ill and needed to go to hospital. They were waiting for the ambulance.

Bill paced up and down the hallway below.

Going to the landing, Ada looked down on him. Unsure whether to take the babby to him or not, she swayed gently, a natural movement when holding a child.

As if he sensed she was there, Bill lifted his head. ‘What will happen? Is he all right?’

She hadn’t expected this. ‘Aye, he’s bonny. Do you want to take a look at him?’

‘No, I’m not ready for that.’

She understood.

It had been two weeks since the birth. Ada sat by Beryl’s hospital bed, worrying about her sister’s state of mind. Since the birth Beryl had been a different
person. Weak in body, yes, that was to be expected, but weak in her mind, too. She babbled a lot about things that had happened in the past, but her memories and thoughts were all mixed up. She
seemed to think that Bill had murdered their dad, when he’d died of the consumption when they were just children, and she kept asking for Mam. Their mam had been dead this good while since.
She’d had a bloating illness of some kind, which made her body swell with water.

Telling Beryl these things distressed her further.

‘This kind of confusion is often the case after such a trauma,’ the doctor had said, ’and her weakness will improve. The blood transfusion was successful and her blood count is
normal now. Give it time, and you will have your sister back as she used to be.’

But that had been over a week ago and now they were talking of psychiatric treatment.
Oh, dear God, how much more can you send us?

Beryl’s pitiful voice broke into this prayer. ‘Mam, mam, don’t go . . .’

‘It’s not Mam, it’s Ada. I have to go – your son needs feeding. Beryl, please try to get better. Your little one hasn’t got a name yet. He needs to be registered
and baptized. Try to think about what you want to call him.’

‘I haven’t got a son. Don’t want one. Bill can’t give me a child. What are you talking of?’

‘Eeh, Beryl, love, it’s pitiful to see thee like this. Get some rest. I’ll be back later.’

On her return to the house, Ada felt her stomach tighten as she heard Bill doing something in the kitchen when she opened the door. He was getting hard to handle, with his
persistent advances, but what could she do? She had nowhere to go and couldn’t leave the babby.

Hitching the huge pram up the step disturbed the child and his squeal told of his annoyance and his hunger. Agatha had minded him while Ada went to the hospital, but had shied away from doing
anything other than rocking the pram if he cried. It was too painful for her. Ada knew that feeling.

Agatha and Mabel had recovered well from the explosion that had ripped their worlds apart. Both back at work, after suffering bruising and eardrum problems, they had each managed to get back
into their homes and were picking up the pieces of their lives, as much as they could. At least they were trying to get back to normality. They were an inspiration to all.

‘Is that you, Ada? I’m just making a sandwich. Do you want anything?’

‘No, ta, Bill. I have to see to young ’un.’ Walking through to the kitchen with the babby in her arms made her realize that the child was acting like some sort of shield. Bill
didn’t like going near him, and so he left her alone if she was seeing to him.

One-handed, she went through the motions of making up the feed, but pouring the milk into the banana-shaped bottle wasn’t something that could be done with just one hand. Knowing it was
useless asking Bill, she didn’t even attempt to. ‘Come on, my little babby. I’ll have to put you back in your pram while I sort your bottle.’

Going back into the kitchen, she held her breath.
Please don’t let him start his tricks.
Trying a distraction, she said, ‘Well, aren’t you going to ask after your
wife?’

‘What wife? Oh, you mean Beryl. She forfeited the right to be my wife when she took your Paddy to our bed.’

‘Eeh, give over. That’s yesterday’s news. Forget it, and get on with your life and help Beryl to get on with hers. She talks about you all the time, you know.’

‘Ha! I’ll believe that when I hear it – not that I will. As far as I’m concerned, she can rot in some institution. I like things as they are. You and me—’

‘There is no “you and me”, Bill. When are you going to get that into your head? No, don’t come near me. I’m warning you. Bill . . .’

He moved across the kitchen towards her as if he was an athlete. Trying to get out of his way, Ada bumped into a chair, sending it flying. Tripping over it, she landed on the floor. Winded and
feeling the pain of her still-bruised ribs, she could do nothing to stop him coming down on top of her. His weight crushed her. His voice, low and deep, said her name over and over again. It
disgusted her.

‘No. Please don’t, Bill. I’m begging you, don’t do this.’

‘You want it – you know you do. Well, now you’re going to have it.’

‘I don’t. I don’t . . . Nooooo!’

Her frock was above her knees, his hand probing her while his body weight was across her, trapping one of her arms. With her other hand she hit out at him, but the pain in her ribs was too much
to bear.

Her begging went unheeded. The wailing of the babby made no difference to him as he struggled to undo his trousers.

Hot tears ran down Ada’s face. Sobs racked her body. ‘Don’t, Bill. Don’t!’

As her last plea died, she felt him enter her. ‘Oh, Ada, Ada, you know you want it. Let me . . . ooh. I love you, my Ada.’

His movements were those of someone inexperienced, thrusting and thrusting, slipping out and having to enter her again. Each time she struggled he lost his grip, and then it happened. He could
no longer enter her as his erection folded. Flopping down on her, his sobs heaved his whole body. But she had no sympathy for him.

‘You bastard! Get off me.’ Pushing him, she rolled from underneath him. As she rose, a temptation came to her to kick him where it would hurt, but she didn’t. Making it to the
sink, she turned on the tap and swilled her head and face, whilst flushing her vomit away. The babby continued to cry and cry. She had to see to him, though all she wanted to do was go to the
bathroom and scrub herself clean.

The house was in semi-darkness. Not long after he’d raped her, Bill had gone to the bathroom and then disappeared out somewhere. Having settled the babby, Ada lay in the
bath, allowing her sobs to come out, as she longed for Joe and an end to the difficult situation she found herself in.

It was then that the idea came to her. She would ring Rene at the hospital.

The quietness gave her the courage to dial the number Rene had given her to use, if she ever needed help. The voice at the other end told her to wait. The line crackled. Ada prayed she would
stay connected. Then Rene’s lovely voice came to her. ‘Hello, Ada.’

‘Eeh, Rene, help me.’ Telling her what had happened was easy; as a nurse, Rene had a kind and understanding manner. Ada wouldn’t have been able to tell Lady Eloise.

‘Don’t worry, Ada. We’ll get you out of there. Get some things together and try to catch the last train to Leeds. I’ll be at the station, as I’m off-duty in ten
minutes. You can stay with me at my cottage.’

‘What about the babby? I can’t leave him.’

‘Bring him along. Bring his things. I have a deep drawer I can make into a cot, but nothing else, so bring the essentials for him that you can carry.’

‘Oh, ta, Rene. I don’t know how to thank you. I know there’s a train just before ten, as I used to catch it to go to work.’

‘Can you catch that one?’

‘Aye, if I hurry. Though hurrying isn’t something I can do, given that he’s bruised me. I’ll do me best, though.’

‘Good. And don’t worry; you can stay with me permanently, if you have to. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.’

Ada couldn’t answer this. Instead she just said, ‘Ta, Rene,’ and hung the telephone back on the wall.

What Rene called a cottage turned out to be bigger than any cottage Ada had ever seen! It was a double-fronted, bay-windowed detached house in its own grounds, and grander even
than Beryl’s. It stood among other similar properties, all imposing and all seeming to ask what the likes of her thought she was doing on their street.

‘Come on. Annie will have the supper on and a fire lit. Oh, by the way, Annie’s my maid – you haven’t met her yet.’

It didn’t take long to do so, as the door was opened by a round-faced woman that Ada judged to be in her late forties. Plain, yet with jolly features and twinkling eyes, Annie had a
rounded figure that gave the impression she scurried rather than walked, as she led the way along the wide entrance hall.

At the bottom of the stairs Rene said, ‘Annie, will you get Ada a nice hot drink? Make yourself at home, Ada, I’ll be with you soon. I didn’t have time to change, before
picking you up, and was only able to come back here to inform Annie about what was happening. I need to wash off the smell of the hospital. I love it when I am at work, but not in my own
home.’

Rene ran up the stairs facing the front door and disappeared.

‘Let’s ’ave a look then.’ Annie pulled the blanket from around the babby. ‘Lawd love us, ’e looks a laverly chap. What’s ’is name?’

She nearly said ‘Jimmy’, but the name caught in her throat.

‘Cat got yer tongue? Oh well, there’s nothing to be frightened of ’ere. Make yerself comfy in that little sitting room there. It’s where Miss Rene likes to sit in the
evenings. I’ll get you a cup of Rosie Lee.’

‘A what?’

‘Oh, don’t mind me. I’m from Landon, the East End. We ’ave our rhyming slang. Rosie Lee – a cup of tea!’

Annie’s laughter was infectious. Giggling with her eased some of the tension inside Ada. ‘Eeh, I’ve never met anyone from London before. And if they’re all like you, then
I’ve missed a treat. Nice to meet you, Annie.’

‘And you, love. I won’t be a mo. Take a pew.’

The fire crackled in a homely way and sent warmth around the room. Ada would call this room cosy. Four wooden-armed chairs were placed around the fire and the central occasional table. There
were two sideboards holding knick-knacks; one stood against the back wall, and the other on the only other wall that didn’t have a window. Lamps and a bookshelf completed the furnishings. The
rust-coloured upholstery was complemented and lightened by the bright cushions in yellows and reds. It was a warm and lovely room, Ada thought, and began to feel relaxed as she trod the soft ivory,
red and gold patterned carpet to seat herself on the chair nearest the fire.

At least the babby had slept through it all and, though awake now, was still undisturbed, despite the noisy, draughty train carriage, the car journey and, now, entering a home he wasn’t
familiar with.

Looking down at him, she thought his eyes would be a beautiful blue colour, as they lightened every day. And this, together with his sweeping eyelashes, made Ada see Paddy in him more than she
had in any of her own.

‘As no one else is going to name thee, lad, I think I’ll have to. Well, your dad was baptized Patrick Brendan, and that will be your name – only I’m going to reverse it,
so no one can shorten it to Paddy. Brendan Patrick O’Flynn. Eeh, I wish you could have another surname, as that one isn’t a lucky one, but Paddy O’Flynn fathered you, so you are
stuck with it. Aye, and you might be stuck with me an’ all. But I’ll do me best for thee, lad. Me little Brendan. I love you as if you were me own. At least no war can take you away
from me, as this is the war to end all wars.’

Excitement squeezed the muscles of Ada’s belly as she waited on the platform for the train. Not even the bitter cold could dampen her spirits. So much had happened in the
last six weeks since she’d landed on her feet at Rene’s. On top of that, Lady Eloise had offered her a job! She was to coordinate the charity work needed in Low Moor.
And by, there
was a lot of that needed!
There were still folk camped out in the school rooms, unable to get back into their own homes after the munitions explosion, poor things. And it looked like it would
be years before all the houses were made safe, or pulled down to make way for new ones to be built. Her first job would be to provide some sort of Christmas for these folk, and to that end she had
already set up a delivery of food parcels and toys to the school as well as to those who had managed to stay in their homes. It had been a mammoth task, but Eloise had been on hand to advise her
and so it had all gone smoothly. Next she would concentrate on providing decent shelter in the interim period before proper homes could be found for those left homeless.