All That I Need (Secret Desires) (11 page)

I stood drying my hair, daydreaming about our date and flashing back to days gone by, remembering the way we’d make love all day. We were so in love, eager to explore and experiment together. Over the years, we’d lost our passion, though there was still love.

The kids were growing so fast, and with Caroline here, I realized what a blessing it was to have people around that loved them. They adored their Grammy, and as much as we’d gotten off on the wrong foot all those years ago, she was now living with us and part of our family.

Tracing my eyes with charcoal liner, I put the pencil down and chose a soft brown shadow for my lids. Sweeping on a coat of mascara, and then a second, my mind drifted to the future wondering what it would hold for us. The one thing I was certain of was that Austin and I would get there together. I smiled at myself realizing how far we’d come. I love that man. Finishing up, I slicked a dab of lip gloss on.

I chose a burgundy dress that allowed for the extra pounds I’d gained over time. It hugged me in all the right places and allowed for a few flaws. Picking a pair of spiked black heels, I stepped into them. Sifting through my jewelry box, I pulled out a gold necklace, slipping it around my neck.

We were leaving in less than an hour, and I still had to finish packing our overnight bag. Austin would be home from work shortly, and would want to grab a shower. Gathering our things, I quickly finished up so I could spend some time with the kids before heading out.

I had Ryan choose a book so that we could share a story together. I cuddled next to him, and sat Brianna on my lap. Caroline was in the kitchen making dinner for herself and the children. Sitting on the sofa, we flipped through the book, reading it the first time. The second time, I had Ryan make up a story as we went along. He liked to tell me his own version, and had done it since he was small. I sat and listened as he explained what was happening in each picture to his little sister and me. I usually preferred his version, because they were so full of colorful characters and crazy happenings. His stories were full of imagination, and always had me smiling.

Brianna was laughing, and with an unexpected burp, Brianna got sick all over my dress and the book! I called out for Caroline, “I need a towel, Bri is sick.” It happened so fast that it caught me off guard. My dress took the brunt of it.

Caroline held Brianna so I could clean up. Running upstairs, I stripped my sexy dress off, trying to rinse it in the sink. There was no saving it tonight; it would have to go through the wash. I hoped it wasn’t ruined. Coming back down in a baggy sweatshirt and pajama pants, I took Brianna and sat on the rocking chair.

“She was sick,” Ryan said, stating the obvious, his eyes wide.

“Yes she was,” I sighed.

There goes our night. I’d rather stay here with her anyway, I’d just worry. When Austin walked in and saw me on the rocking chair holding our daughter, he was confused. He wasn’t expecting my latest outfit.

“Sweetie, we have reservations,” he nudged. “You need to get changed.”

“Brianna is sick.”

“Aww baby, what’s the matter?” He said, coming over to see her. Feeling her forehead, “She doesn’t feel warm.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. She’s not lethargic, doesn’t have a fever. Maybe it’s a little tummy bug. I don’t want to leave her tonight,” I added.

“I’ll see if I can move our reservation,” he said, heading to find the phone book so he could call the restaurant.

Coming back into the living room, “They’ve got an early dinner tomorrow night, but I think we’re going to lose the hotel reservation. I can book us for five. I’ll see if I can move the hotel room too. Is that okay with you,” he said, turning to his mother.

“Why don’t you kids go tonight, I’ll be here with her,” Caroline suggested.

“I just wouldn’t feel right,” I started. “Did you book the reservation for tomorrow?” I looked over at Austin.

“No, but I will if that’s what you want to do.”

“Yeah, I think so. I appreciate it Caroline, but I’d feel awful if she got sick again and I wasn’t here.”

After changing our plans, we’d try again. I felt a little let down, after thinking about it all day, but what’s one more day? Thankfully, Brianna didn’t get sick again, and seemed no worse for the wear.

Chapter Thirteen

When Saturday rolled around, we started the process of getting ready again. I wasn’t expecting the doorbell to ring. I didn’t know anybody that was planning on stopping by.

“I’ll get it,” I yelled over my shoulder, heading for the foyer.

Answering the door, I was met with an unpleasant surprise. “Maggie?”

To my dismay she had two suitcases.

“Hey Kate, I need a place to stay for a bit, you don’t mind, right?” She walked right past me and dropped her bags. “Where are Austin and Mom?”

I stood looking at the girl who had just invited herself to stay. “Stay here? For how long,” I barely got out before Austin showed up. The tension went straight to my shoulders. I took a deep breath to calm myself.

“Mom, Maggie’s here,” he shouted to the kitchen. “Hey baby sister, what brings you here?” He reached in and hugged her.

Shrugging her shoulders, “I sort of need a place to stay.”

“Maggie!” Caroline rushed over and hugged her daughter. “It’s so good to see you. You never call enough,” she started.

“We can catch up; I’ll be here for a while.”

“How long are you staying, exactly?” I seemed to be the only one distressed by this news.

“Where should I put my bags?” She asked, as if I had a spare room just waiting for her. “And do you mind if I grab a shower?”

“We’re about to go out, but you’re welcome to stay and talk to mom. You can sleep on the sofa,” Austin added.

Rolling my eyes, realizing I was out numbered, I smiled as graciously as I could. “Towels are in the linen hallway closet, upstairs,” I forced out.

“Thanks,” she said, skipping up the stairs.

“Wait!” Austin hollered for her.

“What?” She said spinning around, and then tumbling down a step. “Oh, shit.”

“Are you kidding me?” I couldn’t hold it. I tried to, but I couldn’t.

“Are you okay?” Austin was running to her side.

“I think so, it hurts, probably just twisted it,” she said. “I’ll prop it up for a day or two.”

“”How long are you staying? What happened?” Austin asked, trying to get us back on topic.

“Bobby threw me out,” she said sheepishly. “He caught me in bed with his buddy.” Looking around, she avoided her mom’s eye contact. “Anyway, I’ll just be here for a few weeks until I get back on my feet.”

“A few weeks,” I shot out. My mind was spinning - no way, no how. This wasn’t happening. I couldn’t do this.

Austin chimed in. “We’ll discuss this tomorrow. Kate and I have plans tonight, but let’s think days, not weeks.”

“Whatever, bro,” she said, and hopped up the stairs all gimpy.

I turned to stare at Austin, he saw my displeasure.

“We’ll talk about it in the car,” he said.

Gathering our things, we gave out hugs and kisses to the kids, and made sure Caroline had the name and number of the hotel we’d be staying at. She has our cell numbers, but you can never be too careful.

“We’ll be fine, and I’ll talk to Maggie and see what’s going on,” she said. I wondered if Caroline was happy about Maggie staying here, or if she was feeling crowded herself.

Getting into the car, I took a deep breath, ready to unload on my husband.

“Not yet,” he said, his hand coming up. “Please, just give me a minute to absorb what just happened.”

“I can tell you what happened, your family is taking over my house, and I don’t like it,” I bit my cheek before I said something I might regret.

“I had no idea she’d show up like that,” he stated, trying to make sure I didn’t put the blame on him.

A deep sigh, “Austin, I don’t know if I can deal with your sister living with us too. It’s not fair to ask me.”

“A few days, that’s all I’m asking. If it’s more than a week, she’s out, okay? We can help put her up at a hotel, or she can find a friend to stay with.”

“A week tops, I mean it. A week is even more than I can deal with right now.”

“Just a week,” he said, taking my hand and kissing it. “Don’t let her spoil our night.”

I looked at him and said nothing. Turning to look out the window, I swallowed my pride and answered, “Fine, a week.”

Turning the key in the ignition, Austin started the car and backed out of the driveway. We escaped our house just in time, but with this weighing on my mind I didn’t see how our romantic night would be very romantic. Everything had just tilted in a new direction – again. I was getting tired of change and constant turmoil.

Pulling up the restaurant, we had to circle the block a few times to find a parking spot. That’s the problem with city living, parking. I missed suburbia and restaurants that had a lot full of parking spaces – not to mention my inability to parallel park in tight spots. Thankfully, Austin was much better at it, and pulled in without a problem.

Walking to Dino’s we were greeted with amazing aromas, and before we were even seated I knew I’d be getting the lasagna. I saw it on another customer’s table, and it looked incredible, all cheesy, yum!

Looking over the wine list, Austin laughed, “I can never tell the difference between them. I mean, I know red is red, and white is white – but all the names mean nothing to me.”

I smiled, “Let’s see what they recommend. They don’t have the one we usually get.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he said. And then after a pause, “Kate, you look beautiful tonight, by the way. I love that perfume you’re wearing, is that your usual? It smells different.”

“It’s my regular one, it’s just so rare that I put it on these days,” I shrugged. “Not much occasion these days.”

“Well, you look lovely and smell delicious.”

“Thanks,” I blushed, looking at my husband. “You don’t clean up so badly yourself.” Sometimes I forgot how handsome he was. He had boyish good looks, a great body, and the most beautiful face. When he first spiraled into his depression he’d let himself go a bit, but now that he was back to himself, his strong, firm body was back. I took it for granted at times with the lack of sex we had, but when I took a second to really look at Austin, I realized how lucky I was to be with such a handsome man. I felt plain compared to him at times.

When our food came, we laughed and talked, trying to put Maggie out of the picture, but her presence was hard to ignore.

Finishing his Penne Vodka, “This was amazing, but I think I ate too much,” he grinned, wiping up the last of his sauce with a piece of garlic bread.

“Remember that time when we were dating, and I wanted to get romantic. I made lasagna, and neither of us wanted sex because we were stuffed?” I laughed thinking back.

“We’ll go for a walk,” he winked. “We can get rid of the sluggish feel, and then…”

“And then,” I arched an eyebrow, “get lucky?”

“God, I hope,” he admitted.

We both laughed.

“Austin, I know we weren’t going to talk about it, but can we please just discuss it a little bit. I promise I won’t let it ruin our night.”

He nodded, “We can try.”

“Listen, I’ll be okay if it’s just temporary, but I can’t take in somebody else. She can’t move in with us.”

“We don’t have room, besides she’s an adult. She needs to make it on her own,” he agreed.

“Promise me you’ll stick to that.”

“I promise,” he said.

I swallowed and nodded my head. “Okay, thank you.” I was terrified she’d worm her way in, and soon it would be both his mom and sister living with us. I’d done what I could to welcome his mom, and made her a part of the family, but I didn’t want to be crowded out of my own house. To be honest, I’d be just as happy if Caroline would move out too, but that didn’t seem to be a reality – unless…I smiled at the thought. Caroline and Maggie could room somewhere, get an apartment, and then I could have my place back to myself.

Okay, so it was a daydream, sue me.

Paying the bill, we wandered out onto the street. Strolling hand in hand, we walked around the block a couple of times, before finally getting in the car. Heading to the hotel, I was ready to spend more quality time with my husband – naked.

As we walked into the lobby, there was a gorgeous stone fireplace. It was so inviting, and I asked Austin if he minded if we sat by the fire for a bit. After checking in, he brought the bags up to our room, and then returned. Sitting arm in arm, I leaned into my husband.

Tonight was going to be a great night, I could feel it. I was content pressed against him, and sitting there not needing to speak, we were in sync. A quiet comfort wrapped around us as we listened to the crackle of the burning logs.

When I looked up at him, I knew. We both smiled and stood up. “Let’s go upstairs,” he whispered.

Austin wrapped his arm around me as we walked to the elevator. We walked as the lovers we used to be, no hang ups, no pressure. Being with him never got old; I loved him more deeply than I ever had. We had history and survived so many different things, and yet here we were together and still in love. I don’t know why it amazed me, but I guess I kept thinking we’d fall out of love, or something bad would happen. Only when the bad stuff happened, we came out of it stronger, side by side.