She nods.
"Now this thing with Daniel..."
She interrupts me, "This thing with Daniel? It's a thing now? The other day it was nothing. Now it's a thing? Dear Lord, woman. It's more than a thing. That hot and heavy make-out session you told me about on your date or whatever the hell it was made my vibrator run out of batteries after you described the play-by-play."
I smack her arm. "Ew, you masturbated to my make-out session? Jesus, Willow. I’m like your sister."
"Oh pish-posh. So what. It was hot. Call me a freak. Truth won't hurt me none."
I sigh and tuck my hand under my pillow and face Willow who is facing me.
"Truth is, I really, really like Daniel. I mean really like. If I see him in the halls of school, I blush. I know I do. I can't help it. We talk every day and every night. The other day he stuck Henry in some kind of jogging stroller and ran over to my house. He said he was just going for a run but Henry was holding a bouquet of flowers, so I know it was intentional.
"Oh, shit. He lives like fifteen minutes from you and that like by car. How many miles could that be?"
"I have no idea, I never counted. Doesn't matter. He was there."
She chuckles. "That was so intentional. I see the way he looks at you in the teachers’ lounge. It's like you are the only person in the room.”
Wills is encouraging me to enjoy one man on the off chance that I won’t remember what I had with another man. Is that fair to either man? Is it fair to me? What if I fall in love with Daniel? How would I react if I recall my love for Cruz? This is why I am confused I think. The dream validated one very important thing to me. I felt safe with and cherished by Cruz.
"But it confuses me and I don't want to be confused."
Willow brushes my hair away from my face and closes her eyes.
"Then don't let it. You have the control, Har. You have the control of your destiny."
She falls asleep fast and I’m left with that thought. I can control my destiny. I have to control my confusion, but what happens if memories start to come in unexpected. Then what do I do?
I'll think about it tomorrow. For now, I need sleep.
***
My new favorite spot is the teachers’ lounge. Not because it's a break from my classroom but because of the amber-colored eyes of one science teacher.
Daniel and I, we flirt. I didn't think I had it in me, flirting I mean. Down to taking his sandwich out of his plastic baggie and offering me half of it, the man is sexy as hell. He eats peanut butter and jelly almost every day. He told me Henry and he make them every morning together so they can eat the same thing. His athletic build and his tall lean legs can turn me on at a moment’s notice. We haven't kissed again since that night at his house. Not that I don't want to, because, my God, I think about that night all the time. And I think he knows it. When he eats his sandwich, he always manages to get a spot of peanut butter on the corner of his mouth, he darts out his tongue to lick it off and I swear he does it on purpose to drive me crazy.
Truth? It does.
All he has to do is speak and I get shivers. He could be talking about how Henry clogged his toilet with Legos and how he had to plunge it and I swear my body goes into a three-alarm fire. Nothing can put it out either.
At this table, it seems like it's our own little world. The glances, the occasional rubbing of our knees under the table, the softness of his voice when he speaks - I hate when our time is up.
"Harlow, I don't know if you have plans for the weekend, but Ally is taking Henry to an amusement park on Saturday with a friend of Henry's and his mother and they won't be returning till Sunday so I was..." He takes another bite of his sandwich and looks as though he has no idea what to say next. His eyes are focused on the table and no longer on me.
"Daniel? Did you want to ask me something?"
He takes a swig of his water and clears his throat. He wants to ask me out. I know it but he's afraid. Again. He carries himself with such confidence but when it comes to me, he acts like a school boy. Shy, quiet, and dear mother of God, sexy.
He breathes out, "Yes."
"So what is it?"
"I would like to take you out, like on a real date. Not pizza and a game of Memory at my house. I want it to be just us and I’m, well..." He dips his head and scoots in his chair a little closer to mine so no one else hears us.
"I’m having a difficult time getting you out of my head to be honest with you and it may seem inappropriate to discuss this here with you, but I needed you to know that."
Holy shit!
I look at him and wink, using my new found flirting abilities to their fullest.
I scoot my chair just an inch closer and lean over like I dropped something on the floor, but I allow myself to move close to his ear so he can hear what I say and not miss what my words are.
"I think about you all the time too and I want nothing more than to see you again."
When my head comes up our eyes are met in the middle, we survey each other and I feel that hunger in my belly. The need and want for him to touch me. I want to feel his touch again like I did in that kitchen.
He smiles at me and the bell rings at that moment but our gazes don't waiver. He just crosses his arms on the table, our elbows touching. "Let's make a day of it. Pick you up at noon?"
I nod. He gets up and I stay glued to my chair. I suddenly can’t move. Possibly because I choose to watch him walk away; his swagger, his posture, the gracefulness of his moves. So agile. He gathers the uneaten portion of his lunch and sticks it back in his bag. When he exits the room, he says nothing and doesn't look back. He leaves this girl at this table with thoughts of his lips, tongue, and hands all over her.
I think I’m in big trouble.
***
The end of the day is here but I know I have loose ends to tie up before the weekend begins. Normally I would bring home things to work on that I didn't accomplish during the week, but I think mentally preparing myself for a date with a hot, sexy, British teacher trumps grading book reports all weekend on
The Lord of the Flies.
Screw Piggy and his problems.
Willow and Craw knock on my door to ask if I’m ready to leave for the day. They come in and stand at my desk as I finish reading over one of my student’s reports.
"Yeah, give me a sec."
"Max's band is playing downtown tonight and did you know Porter is home?"
I nod concentrating on my task and not really on what Craw just said to me.
"Hello, earth to Harlow." I look up at him as he waves a hand across my face.
"Oh, sorry. I just want to get as many of these reports graded as I can."
Willow flings her hand out. "Just do them over the weekend and come out tonight."
I shake my head, "No, I’m staying in tonight to finish these because I have plans tomorrow."
They look at each other and I’m pretty sure Willow knows what the deal is.
Craw doesn't though.
"What the hell do you have to do tomorrow? Dinner at mom and dad's isn't till Sunday."
I push myself up from my chair and start to pack up my stuff.
"I have a date. An early one, and I’m not sure what time I'll be over."
Their eyes widen and they smirk at me.
"Well maybe it'll be an all day and all night date." Willow winks at me and goes to high-five me. Not a chance. I just roll my eyes at her and leave her hanging with the high-five.
Craw covers his ears.
"Fucking gross, Willow."
She crosses her arms at him. "You know what, Craw? Your sister needs to get laid just like the rest of us, so if that happens tomorrow, so be it. Girl power!"
In unison Craw and I ask, "Girl power?"
"Oh, please, you know I love the Spice Girls. Whatever. Listen, all that aside, come out tonight. I haven't seen my cousin since August."
As I hook my work bag over my shoulder and retrieve my crutch, I ask, "And Max. You haven't seen him since Labor Day."
She blushes. Freaking Willow Taylor blushes. Crimson. Hmm...
She brushes my comment off like what I said doesn't mean a damn thing.
"Oh, yeah, him too...I guess. Okay, say you'll come and I'll help you grade those things Sunday."
I give in, wanting to see Max and Porter, and I haven't seen Thea in a few weeks, either, and she will be there. Since graduating from school and securing a job as a legal assistant at my dad's new firm, he's been monopolizing all her free time with a huge case they are working on.
"Okay, sounds fun."
I pick up Willow and Thea a few hours after the school day ends and we head downtown to a place that showcases live bands. When we get in the doors we maneuver through the crowd and Willow spots Porter by one of the main bars near the stage.
She takes off and Thea suddenly grabs my arms.
"Oh, crap. Wait, Har. Give me a sec."
She looks flushed and hangs her head down.
"What's wrong? You feeling okay?"
She nods, takes a deep breath, and we walk toward the bar.
Willow is in conversation with Porter when we stroll up. Porter sees me and smiles. He wraps his arms around me, lifts me up, and hugs me.
When he sets me down, he holds out his arms and looks at me.
"Wow, Har! You look fantastic. How are you feeling?"
Before I have a chance to speak, Willow, as usual speaks for me.
"She's awesome. Has a date tomorrow night with a guy." She winks at me.
Porter has a blank look on his face and blinks. "Really? Who's the guy?"
"He's a—"
Willow answers over me, "He's a hot new teacher from our school and they hooked up once and he's taking her out tomorrow night. How cool is that?"
Porter isn't sure what to say and I know why. Most likely he's surprised because I know he's used to seeing me with Cruz. I’m not stupid.
"I, um, I think that's good, Har. Good luck with that." His excitement is controlled, but that's okay. He's just shocked. I step aside and he looks up, staring, and I realize Thea is behind me.
He walks toward her. Thea's feet are planted on the ground and she fiddles with her hands.
"Thea," he says and just gives her a simple kiss on the cheek and turns back to the bar.
When I look at Thea, her eyes are shut and she swallows hard. I go over to her and place my arm around her shoulder. "Let's get a drink, girlie."
A little while later, I’m engaged in a conversation with Thea about how she loves her job at my dad's firm, but right now, because of the big case, she's busy as Dad’s right-hand girl right now. Willow and Porter catch up and we wait for the band to go on and I wonder where the hell my brother is.
"So, Daniel. Tell me more about him."
I tell Thea about how he moved here from Britain, about Henry, and his wife. She looks shocked and saddened. I tell her about the night in his kitchen, and how attracted I am to him. How I feel when I’m near him and the way my body hums when he's near. The beer is going a bit to my head and I feel like spewing all the dirty details, which is good because when I do, her jaw hangs open.
"Harlow Hannum. Look at you. I’m happy for you."
"You look different. I can't put my finger on it but you looked so relaxed and so unfazed by everything. Phyiscal therapy going well? And Dr. Goldberg’s sessions?"
"All is good, T." She leans over and gives me a hug.
"I miss you, Thea. I'll have to yell at my dad for keeping you from us."
She smiles. "No way! It's a great job and your dad takes great care of me. I’m grateful he has the confidence in me to do the job. It’s challenging but the experience has been so great.”
"I’m so glad." I pat her hand. "Now, any new guy news I should know about or is my dad taking so much of your time up that you have no time to find the right one?"
She looks to her left. I’m not sure what she's looking at, then she motions for the bartender to bring her a shot. "Fireball, please."
I sit straight on my barstool. "Cinnamon Whisky, Thea? What in the hell?"
He serves her shot and she downs it.
She coughs out, "Oh my God, that burns."
I laugh at her and she looks at me and giggles in her soft way.
"So I’m guessing there's no one special? Maybe? Yes, no?" I move my head around getting her to giggle again.
"It's complicated, Har. I’m way too busy with work and my mom hasn't been feeling all that good so we have to take her back for some more testing."
Thea's mom had breast cancer when we were sixteen and had a double mastectomy. Her dad passed a few years after that. She hasn't had it easy.
"Well, let's pray it's nothing." She nods, agreeing. She looks over my shoulder toward the door.
"Craw's here."
I turn and look and see my baby brother, and behind him...the man in my dreams.
***
As I see Craw and Cruz approach, being totally shocked and hoping he doesn't notice the way my face looks, I put on a pretend smile. I mask the way I start to feel anxious and I don't know why. It was a dream, and yes, I remembered something about us in my dream so why does it make me feel like this? Like I’m guilty of something.
Craw reaches us with Cruz in tow. He leans in and gives me a kiss on the cheek and goes and grabs Thea for a hug and lingers with his arms around her for an over exuberant amount of time.
"Thea, baby. Long time no see. The old man working you hard at the office?"
Porter stands at Craw's side in a flash.
"Craw, how are you?" He takes his arms and pulls it away from Thea to shake it. He realizes Cruz is behind him and goes in for the bro hug. It's a love fest in here and I’m still perched on my bar stool, not making eye contact with him, or at least trying not to.
Still hugging him, Porter laughs. "Cruz, buddy. It's so great to see you. Congrats on the new job and with school and everything. I’m proud of you, man."
I have to greet him. I have to say hi. I can't make this situation awkward for either of us. I shimmy off my stool and jump with my feet hitting the floor and he stands right in my line of sight.
"Hey, Harlow. How are you?"
That's it? No hug, no hi, Turnip? Wait, get a grip Harlow. The man needs to move on. Not keep calling you by a silly nickname.