America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 1: Feeling Lucky (8 page)

Suddenly, there were bright flashes coming
from space. It was a spider counterattack. Nukes were going off on
the horizon and getting closer. We jumped into the spider hole. It
quickly took us deep below the surface of New Colorado. And a good
thing too, because a nuke crashed down on our old campsite. The
hole was sealed shut, so we kept going. We walked for miles. The
radio was dead. It wouldn’t work below ground. Or maybe Kool broke
it. I don’t know. I hate the dark. It gives me the creeps.

* * * * *

#64, habitat tunnel company
guard, and his two companions saw the humans approach way too late
for an effective ambush. That was the price for not being alert on
a boring do-nothing post. There must have been twenty of the human
pestilence. They would flash a red strobe light every ten seconds
to light their way. #64 pressed himself as flat as he could against
a nook in the side of the rock wall. #88 did the same at the
opposite wall. #89 pressed flat to the ceiling. The human
pestilence on point passed by. If only the other humans would pass,
too, #64 would shoot them from behind as he radioed for help.
However, the humans stopped a claw’s length away.
Come on, just go by
,
thought #64.
God, they are so hideous
looking.
Monsters!

* * * * *

I stopped. The hairs raised
on the back of my neck. Total darkness. I could smell the spiders.
Just like the one we killed earlier. Smelled like earwigs when you
step on them, bitter and pungent. The others smelled it too, but no
one made a sound. I clutched my rifle, waiting for the next flick
of the red strobe light.
Now!
I shot the spider on the ceiling, then crashed
sideways into another spider to my left. The spider clawed at me as
I hit it with my rifle butt and kicked it in the leg. I could hear
its leg snap as the spider fell to the ground, its rifle clattering
to the side. Bullets ricocheted as Private Williams tore another
spider apart. My spider hissed and clawed at me from the ground as
I crushed its head with a stomp of my boot. It was all over almost
as soon as it started. Then silence. And stench.

“
Anyone hurt?” I called out.
Flashlights lit up the area as we checked ourselves and the dead
spiders.

“
Just shit my pants is all,”
answered Private Green. I hoped he was joking.

“
Got slime and spider guts
all over me,” said Private Williams.

“
More Mamelukes,” said
Lopez, holding up another diamond on a gold chain. “I think they
all wear these diamonds and gold chains.”

I snatched the two other diamonds. “We might
get rich yet,” I said. “Got to love this war.”

“
These spiders just wait
here in the dark?” asked Private Ceausescu. “It’s
unnatural.”

“
I’ll protect you, sweetie,”
leered Private Kool.

“
You can’t even protect
yourself,” snapped Private Ceausescu.

“
Check them for food and
water,” I ordered. “I’m getting hungry.”

“
Tell me about it,” said
Private Kool. “I’m all out.”

“
There’s no food here,”
complained Corporal Lopez. “I don’t think spiders eat much. You
know, some spiders on Old Earth can go a whole year without
eating.”

“
Yeah well, that fat little
spider we killed earlier had enough food with him,” I said. “Keep
looking.”

* * * * *

We didn’t find anything to eat, so we moved
on. Walked for a couple more days. Found some water dripping from
the tunnel ceiling. Private Williams ate a cricket. Said it was
almost as good as back home (Tennessee). Finally we found light at
the end of the tunnel, but it was a spider habitat – a huge cavern
filled with spiders. Spiders were crawling around everywhere.
Others were motionless, doing their spider-in-the-dark thing. There
was even a waterfall and swimming pool with spiders swimming and
splashing about without a care in the world.

Everything happened fast. The platoon spread
out. Private Williams opened up with the machine gun. The rest of
us fired mini-grenades. Surprise was complete. Most of the spiders
were unarmed, or had set their weapons aside in stacks. Maybe by
instinct, the spiders clustered together in one corner. That just
made it easier to mow them down. Just when we thought we had killed
them all, half-sized spiders started dropping down on us from the
ceiling. One bit Sergeant Lopez on the arm. Using our rifles like
baseball bats, we swatted them out of the air and then crushed them
under our boots. We chased a few up the walls until the last of
them was dead. When the shooting stopped, the cavern was a bloody
mess. We killed maybe 300 of them. The spiders were all shapes,
sizes, and colors. Not one legionnaire was injured, except Corporal
Lopez. And even his arm bite wound didn’t stop him from racing
about, looting diamond chains from dead spiders. Even the
half-sized spiders wore the jewelry.

“
Medic,” I yelled. “Attend
to Lopez. He got bit. Green! There’s a bunch of spiders still
twitching. Take a detail and finish them off.” I looked about.
Spiders were floating in the pool. “And Green, clean out that pool.
I want to take a bath.”

“
Yes sir,” said Private
Green.

“
Everyone, keep looking for
food!” I ordered, as I went around collecting diamond chains from
the spider debris. “I’m starving.”

“
What do you think a spider
tastes like?” asked Corporal Lopez, holding up a detached spider
leg as Private Ceausescu attempted to put a dressing on his wound.
“Crab legs?”

“
I don’t know. Maybe,” I
answered. “Williams! I want you to cook us up some crab legs. Or
maybe boil them like a lobster or something.”

“
Do I look like a cook?”
complained Private Williams. “I am not eating spider.”

“
Don’t you give me no crap
about cooking up some bugs,” I snapped. “You told me you cooked up
lots of bugs back in Tennessee. And I saw you eat a raw cricket
earlier in the tunnel.”

“
That was crawdads I ate
back home, not bugs,” corrected Private Williams. “Besides, isn’t
it unethical to be eating the enemy? Aren’t there rules or
something against that sort of thing?”

“
You will be remembered for
the rules you break,” said Corporal Lopez. “But Williams might be
right.”

“
Does everyone in Tennessee
eat bugs?” asked Private Green. “Is that why you are so
odd?”

“
Crawdads. Not bugs,”
repeated Private Williams.

“
I’ve been to Tennessee,”
said Private Green. “I didn’t see anyone there eating bugs or
crawdads. What part of Tennessee do you come from?”

“
Erwin, Tennessee,” said
Private Williams. “It’s in the eastern part of the
state.”

“
And they eat bugs there?”
taunted Private Green, laughing.

“
You better stop,” warned
Private Williams.

“
All of us learn to write in
the second grade,” said Private Green. “Most of us go on to greater
things. But you went on to eat bugs?”

“
What?” asked Private
Williams. “The Legion is enough for me.”

“
I’m sorry,” said Private
Green, still laughing. “Seriously, tell me about Erwin. What is
Erwin’s claim to fame? Does Erwin have a statue of General Lee in
front of the Court House?”

“
Who? I don’t know. A long
time ago they hung an elephant in Erwin,” said Private Williams, in
a low voice.

“
No way,” said Private
Green.

“
An elephant in a traveling
circus killed its trainer. No one in town had a gun big enough to
put the elephant down humanely, so they hung the elephant from a
railroad crane.”

“
Lynched an elephant?”
commented Private Green, shaking his head. “Only in the
South.”

“
The townsfolk aren’t all
that proud of it,” said Private Williams. “There is still a plaque
describing the hanging of Big Mary at the railroad
station.”

“
Life is tough,” said
Private Green. “It’s even tougher when you are stupid.”

“
Enough!” I said. “I’m so
hungry I could eat an elephant. Either find some food, or start
cooking spiders.” Looking up at the ceiling, I saw some vents.
“Private Kool! Run an antenna up that vent and try to make contact
with the Seventh Fleet. Download all our video camera data and send
that out too. Maybe the military intelligence geeks can use
it.”

We had a feast that evening. Spider meat was
a bit salty, like sea food. There were lots of leftovers, so we
stowed meat in our backpacks for the hike out. I took a shower
under the waterfall and felt like a new man. Private Kool finally
contacted Seventh Fleet. They were glad to hear from us. I talked
to Captain McGee first.

“
Where the hell have you
been?” he asked. “I thought you were dead a long time
ago.”

“
We had to go underground
when we got nuked,” I explained. “We just fought a big battle with
the spiders. No one killed. Finally found a vent to run an antenna
up to contact Fleet and send data.”

“
Right, we’ve been reviewing
your video. God damn, I’ve never seen anything quite like what you
have been through,” said Captain McGee. “You want to talk to the
press about your experiences? Of course you do. I’m connecting you
now.”

“
Sure,” I said, slumping
down to sit on the cave floor. “Why the hell not?”

“
Sergeant Czerinski, this is
Phil Coen, Channel Five World News. We meet again. Do you realize
the news sensation you have caused? The galaxy has been worried
sick about you being missing in action after you were nuked. Now
our viewers are seeing your battle video as we speak.”

“
Oh?” I said. “How
nice.”

“
For a week the world feared
you were dead,” explained Coen. “Now, like a phoenix rising from
the nuclear wastes of New Colorado, the Hero of East L.A. fights
his way through enemy territory and survives! For now, anyway. This
is just the good news needed for public moral amongst what has
otherwise been a lot of heartache. The world follows your every
move, now. You are the Scourge of New Colorado.”

“
Heartache?” I asked.
“What’s been happening up there?”

“
A second spider fleet took
Sixth and Seventh Fleet by surprise. It was a bloody mess with both
sides taking heavy casualties. Both sides have withdrawn, and there
is an unofficial truce in place,” said Coen. “We’re waiting for
reinforcements.”

“
I want to get the hell out
of here,” I demanded. “Put someone on who can get a shuttle down
here now!”

“
Sure thing. General
Kalipetsis just walked in and wants to talk to you,” advised
Coen.

“
Czerinski! You’re doing a
hell of a job down there,” radioed General Kalipetsis. “I’ve been
viewing your video camera and computer downloads. You do the Legion
proud.”

“
General, can you get us out
of here?” I asked.

“
Well, you may be cut off
for a while. Our fleets had to pull back Your Sergeant Wilson and
Headquarters Company of Third Battalion got nuked. The rest of
Third Battalion was evacuated. Don’t worry, we’ll get you out, too.
Strategically, we are winning. The spiders don’t have a chance.
When Tenth Fleet gets here, the remnants of the spider fleets will
be crushed, and an invasion of their home world planets will begin.
Tell your legionnaires the Tenth Fleet is coming. The spiders are
doomed,” assured General Kalipetsis. “Meanwhile, I’m awarding you a
battlefield commission to second lieutenant. Promote legionnaires
you trust to sergeant and corporal. And one more thing. Listen
carefully. When you leave that spider habitat, nuke it. I want it
completely destroyed. Set off more than one nuke if you have to.
Understand?”

“
Yes sir. Nuke it all. And
thank you sir.”

“
We’ll try to send in some
commandos to get you out when you get to the surface.”

“
Yes sir.”

After we disconnected, I turned to Lopez and
said, “General Kalipetsis says nuke the place. You know, I don’t
really like the idea of nuking this hole until after I get
out.”

“
How come gringos always get
promoted to officer?” asked Lopez, indignantly.

“
Nothing personal. It’s a
Legion tradition,” I explained, enjoying getting Lopez’ goat. “Why,
you want to be an officer?”

“
No, but I don’t like
injustice either,” griped Corporal Lopez.

“
OK, Zorro,” I countered. “I
love you , too. So go forth and fight injustice.”

“
What do you mean by that?”
asked Lopez, getting more agitated. “You aren’t even North
American. What is a name like Czerinski anyway? You Polish or
something?”

“
Czerinski is more North
American than Lopez,” I said, getting upset. “My people landed on
the coast of Texas in 1854, marched 500 miles to the central Texas
hills of Karnes County, and built cities. Their old world churches
still stand today.”

“
The conquistadors beat that
by hundreds of years,” said Corporal Lopez triumphantly. “My
ancestors were in Florida, up and down the Mississippi, and across
the Southwest all the way to the California coast.”

“
That’s because they were
lost on a pipe dream searching for the Cities of Gold and the
Fountain of Youth,” I countered. “And I got more bad news, Lopez.
You are promoted to sergeant.”