And Playing the Role of Herself... (13 page)

"Of course." He literally jumped to the door to open it for her. Then he stopped, and turned to me. "I'll probably just head to my room…you'll be okay?"
I smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'll be fine, thanks. See you in the morning."
"'Kay." He opened the door for Liz, who paused before going through it.
"It's good to see you, Caid. I'm glad you're okay."
I nodded and smiled at her, trying to convey my gratitude. "Thanks, Liz."
I watched the door close behind them and just stood for a moment, taking a few deep breaths to try and still the fluttering in my stomach at the thought of seeing Robyn. Robyn was here. I wondered what that meant, and forced myself not to read too much into it.
I busied myself with straightening out the pillows where Perry had been and calling the front desk to request a wakeup call for seven. At the knock on the door, the fluttering in my stomach came back full force, and I paused to take a few more deep breaths before walking to the door and pulling it open.
Her hair was pulled back from her face in a messy, loose ponytail and she wore faded jeans, loafers, and a black, short-sleeved mock turtleneck blouse. Her face was drawn, and she looked at me guardedly, fidgeting with the large black purse slung over her shoulder.
"Hi," she said finally, her voice a near whisper.
She looked so good I nearly cried.
"Hi," I responded quietly, and stepped back, gesturing for her to enter.
She did so hesitantly, sliding the bag from her shoulder and depositing it near the door before turning to watch me as I closed the door softly. We looked at each other for several long moments, and then she stepped forward and raised a hand to brush my cheek with her knuckles and stroke lightly with her thumb. I stood still as she ran her other hand through my hair and down my arm, tilting her chin up to kiss my forehead.
I closed my eyes at the contact, not moving, but when she tugged me forward into her body and wrapped her arms around me, I let my arms drift up around her waist and held on tightly. We both sighed at the same time and she kissed my hair, whispering in my ear, "God, I'm so glad you're safe."
I tightened my arms briefly, then stepped back, missing her warmth instantly. "I'm sorry I worried everyone."
She smiled slightly, brushing my cheek again. "It was quite a bit more than worry, Caid." The smile faded and her face took on a haunted look. "We though you…" She dropped her hand abruptly and turned away, walking a few paces towards the window before turning around.
"Do you remember the first time we met? When they told you I'd be sharing your trailer?"
I remembered it well. The first time I'd looked into those eyes and lost my breath, the first time that voice and flowed through me like honey, the first time another person's presence had left me completely and utterly befuddled. I nodded slowly, confused at the turn the conversation had taken.
"I wanted you from the first second I saw you." She smiled in remembrance. "I'd seen you in pictures, and on TV of course, and knew you were attractive, but something about meeting you in person…I think it was the eyes," she mused, tilting her head, "or maybe that mouth…" her eyes dropped to my mouth, and then looked back up to meet my startled gaze.
"I remember thinking it would be fun to try and get you into bed." She smiled wryly, adding honestly, "I'm something of a pig when it comes to sex…or at least I have been in the past."
"Robyn," I said, "I don't…"
She shook her head and held up a hand. "No, please. Let me finish this. And then you can kick me out, or tell me I'm a bitch, or whatever." When I stayed quiet, she continued. "After a few months, I decided that maybe getting you into my bed wasn't such a good idea after all; it wasn't worth the risk when we were working together and hell, I could barely get you to talk to me anyway - you just giggled a lot and occasionally said really bizarre things."
I stuck my hands in my pockets defensively, embarrassed to know that I had appeared just as stupid as I always felt around her.
"Then one day you started talking to me. You were funny, and smart, and sweet…and I started to really like you, and I was still crazy attracted to you…it scared me, I guess. I have friends, and I have lovers, and I haven't wanted both of those things from one person in a long time." She paused, pushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I lied to you about going out of town that weekend because I was scared. When you told me you hadn't been with a woman, I used it as an excuse to push you away because I was scared. What I did last weekend at the party…treating you that way," she looked at me sadly, "was because I was scared, and it was easier to be an asshole than to admit how much I care about you."
She stopped, and took a deep breath before continuing. "But being scared of how I felt about you was nothing…
nothing
," she repeated intensely, "compared to how fucking scared I've been for the past three days. The thought of losing you," she shook her head, "it terrified me.
Petrified
me. It still does. But it made me realize that what you said the other night, at my house, was true. It's worth the risk. This," she gestured between us, moving towards me. "This is worth the risk. You," she came to a stop in front of me and laid a hand on my chest. "You are worth the risk. I don't want to lose you again, and I'll do whatever you want, take whatever you're willing to give. I know I've probably fucked things up royally, but I hope that we can at least be friends, and maybe, someday, something more."
I stared at her stupidly. She'd taken my breath away again - this time with words.
When I didn't respond right away, she gave me a pained smile. "Ah, well." She cupped my cheek. "At least now you know. Would you at least think about what I said? I'd like to be friends at least, if nothing else." She trailed her hand down my arm and squeezed my hand.
I still hadn't said anything, and she smiled sadly. Finally, when she moved towards the door, I managed to say something.
"Stay," I whispered. I held tightly to her hand, not letting her move any closer to the door. "That's what I want."
"What?"
"You said you'd do anything I want," I said, louder now. "I want you to stay. I want to hold you…I want to fall asleep with you…when I wake up tomorrow morning, I want you to be the first thing I see." I pulled gently at her hand, bringing our bodies back together. "That's what I want." I looked into her eyes. "For starters."
The tenseness in her face slowly faded and she raised an eyebrow, a smile twitching at her lips. "For starters?" Her thumb absently stroked across the back of my hand, raising goose bumps on my arm.
"For starters," I agreed. "Tomorrow, we'll see what happens." I took her hand and placed it on my hip. "Deal?"
She smiled, warm and content. "Deal."
##
The strident ringing near my head tore me out of deep sleep and I slapped at the noise, thinking it was my alarm clock and puzzled when the noise didn't stop. I blinked a few times, noticing a flashing red light, attached to a phone.
Ah. Phone. Ringing. Right.
Pleased to have solved the first puzzle of the day, I frowned when the noise continued, finally realizing I needed to
answer
the phone. I grabbed at the receiver, snagging it with clumsy fingers on my third try, and brought it to my ear as I rolled onto my back.
Or at least tried to roll onto my back.
"
This is a Mountain Inn courtesy wakeup call
," a pre-recorded voice said in my ear, but I was too busy remembering why there was a warm, soft body at my back and a gentle hand rubbing circles under my shirt to pay much attention. "
Thank you for staying with us at the Mountain Inn, and have a great day.
"
"Uh-huh," I mumbled absently and replaced the receiver carefully, torn between staying where I was and allowing the soft caresses to continue and rolling over to verify that Robyn was actually here.
"Good morning," a low voice murmured in my ear and I closed my eyes at the rough, husky sound. I'd wondered for ages what that voice would sound like in the morning; it was much, much better than I'd ever imagined. She dropped a kiss on a very sensitive place behind my ear, sending shivers through my body, and tightened her arm around me.
I stroked the skin of her arm, lacing our fingers together and squeezing her hand tightly to my body before releasing it and slowly rolling over. She shifted a little to allow me some room, and I finally settled with my head on her bicep with our faces just inches apart.
"Good morning," I said softly, lifting a hand to trace the features of her face in wonder - her eyebrows, her cheeks, her jaw, her lips… "I can't believe you're here," I whispered in amazement, rubbing the pad of my thumb along her lower lip.
She kissed my thumb and leaned in to brush her lips across mine gently, lingering for just a moment before pulling back. She smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkling. "Thank you for letting me stay."
I leaned in and brought our lips together softly as she had done, sucking gently on her lower lip, swiping lightly with my tongue. "You're welcome," I answered after I'd pulled back, pleased at the quick intake of breath I had caused and warmed by the lazy desire I saw on her face.
She closed her eyes and gathered me closer, slipping a hand under my shirt and tracing languid patterns on the skin of my back with her fingernails.
"Mmmm…that feels good," I murmured, and snuggled into her neck, breathing in her scent. We had fallen asleep fully clothed, and I found myself wishing she had worn a different shirt; the mock turtleneck covered far too much of her long neck. Parts I wanted to explore.
My arms were pinned between our bodies, but I wiggled one hand free and hooked the collar of her shirt with a finger. I tugged it down, trailing kisses along her neck, lingering at the hollow of her throat, then back up and along the underside of her jaw.
She took a shuddering breath and the fingernails on my back stopped. "Caid…"
"Mm-hmm?" I answered vaguely, intent on my exploration.
Her arms tightened and we rolled until Robyn was lying on top of me, our mouths close together. "You're killing me," she said softly, leaning in to flick her tongue along my lower lip, and then my upper lip. I opened my mouth in response and she took advantage, kissing me slowly and thoroughly until my head swam.
She pulled back with a groan and one final nip on my lip; I looked up at her, dazed. She smiled in sympathy. "We don't have time to do this properly…" She dipped down to nuzzle my ear, her voice sending tremors through my already aroused body. "And I really want to do this properly…" She pulled back a little and kissed the tip of my nose, "so I'm going to roll back over and just hold you for a little while longer, and you're going to behave yourself, okay?"
I nodded mutely, panting, my head still swimming in a Robyn-induced haze. Good God. It was insane what one kiss from this woman could do to me.
She rolled onto her back and patted her shoulder invitingly. "Come 'ere."
I moved over, then paused and looked up at her hesitantly. "Could I…could I hold you?"
She smiled slowly and nodded. "I'd like that."
She scooted down a bit and tucked her body against my side, laying her head on my shoulder and her arm across my stomach. I let her settle in then put my arms around her and kissed her hair, sighing. "This is nice."
"Mm-hmmm…" she mumbled, wiggling a little to get closer.
I kissed her hair again, and stroked the bare skin of her arm. "Whenever I've been with…" I paused, wondering if this was proper snuggling conversation, "…guys…they always did the holding…"
"Ah…" she gave a low laugh. "One of the many perks of being with a woman." She put her hand on my stomach and rubbed lightly. "And it's okay to talk about, you know," she added, reading my pause correctly. "I know you haven't been with a woman, but I'm assuming you're not a virgin…" She stopped and lifted her head quickly to look at me. "You're not, are you?"
I laughed at the trace of panic in her voice. "No, I'm not." I stole a quick kiss while her lips were so close. "It's safe to say I've got the mechanics down fairly well."
She relaxed back onto my shoulder with a chuckle, and we were quiet for several moments before she asked, "How long…" she paused, and I could feel the slight shake of her head. "I'm sorry - it's none of my business."
"How long since I was with someone last?"
I felt her nod. "Do you mind me asking? You don't need to tell me…"
"Well, I suppose, if we're going to do this properly," I said, using her phrase from earlier, "then it sort of is your business, isn't it?" I thought for a bit, remembering the two-week fling that had been a last ditch effort to convince myself that I wasn't gay. "I guess Christmas, year before last."
She raised her head again, staring at me in surprise. "But that's…" she frowned as she calculated, "that's over a year and a half ago. Surely it can't have been that long?"
I raised my eyebrows at her incredulous tone. "I'm afraid so." She shook her head in disbelief, and I asked hesitantly, not sure I wanted to know the answer, "I gather it hasn't been quite that long for you?"
She dropped her gaze from mine and lowered her head back on to my shoulder. "No," she said quietly, making circles on my t-shirt with her finger. "Last month." She paused. "The weekend I told you I was going out of town."
"Ah." was all I could think of to say.
Ouch. That one stung more than I expected it to. And brought a bit of reality into my idyllic morning.
I kissed her hair one last time and gently moved my arm from under her head, then sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed, running a hand through my hair.
"Caid?" she asked worriedly, placing a hand on my back.
I looked over my shoulder at her and smiled reassuringly. "It's okay - just brought to mind some realities that I didn't think about last night."
"Realities?" she repeated, sitting up slowly, looking tousled and beautiful and all I wanted to do was to lay back down with her; to feel her against me again, but instead I was going to ask for something that might keep me from ever doing that again.
"I've learned lots of things about myself over the years, Robyn," I said quietly, turning on the bed to face her. "And one of those things is that I'm not very good at sharing. I know that maybe you're used to something…different…but I know from experience that I don't work that way." I took a breath. "So if that's not something you want as well, then maybe we should just…stop." I looked down at my hands, afraid of what she would say.