Annabella's Oblivion (Hard World Tour #1) (11 page)

My voice was hoarse and it would be hard for me to pull off the high notes like I used to.

I still woke up from vivid dreams of Nicky, all sweaty, and sometimes imagined drugs would take me away from all this, but knew it was not the solution and hated myself for even thinking about it again. I had no contact with the outside world, and I thought it was for the best. I wasn’t ready to deal with my friends, Jeremy, or the press.

Nate being my sobriety coach wasn’t exactly the highlight of my day either. That man bothered me. He made me see him, and that was dangerous. Not to mention the feeling I always had around him, like I used to know him. The thought was always nagging inside my head, and I didn’t know what to do with it.

I had no idea what was going on with him and Rose. They were quite cozy the last time I’d seen them together in the study. She wasn’t here all the time, but came twice a week to check on me, and I really disliked the girl.

I didn’t like the way she looked at him and, jeez, where was my head? Why did I even care?

I wasn’t ready for anything like that in my life.

I didn’t feel ready to face Dr. Drake, either, but here I had no fucking choice.

I was waiting in one of the study rooms. He was invited to come here, and Nate thought it was the best place to do it.

It was quite homey with two massive windows that bathed it in sunlight, a desk, sofa, and chair. There was a sense of calm within the room that eased my mind.

The door opened and a man in his twenties—tall, lean, dirty-blond hair, and mysterious blue eyes behind black glasses—looked at me and smiled. He was good-looking in this sophisticated kind of way. He had an aura of peace and tranquility around him.

“
Annabella, right? My name is Drake.” He shook my hand, and I tried to smile, but he probably sensed my uneasiness.

He sat down across from me on the chair and grabbed his notepad while looking directly into my eyes. This whole thing was making me uncomfortable, so without thinking, I blurted out, “I don’t like it.” There was amusement in his eyes, and he didn’t seem to be that surprised with my words. He just nodded.

Maybe none of his clients liked this shit.

“
I can see that. Let’s start?” Now it was my turn to nod, and I dreaded his next question.

“
So you’ve been here for the last month. How do you like it?” The question was a bit different from what I’d expected, but it was a nice one nevertheless. Maybe he wouldn’t mention Nicky in our first session?

“
It’s nice. People here are pleasant. Well, Nate, not so much.” That made him chuckle. “But Jeremy trusts him, so I don’t really have much of a choice.”

“
Jeremy?”

“
Yes, Jeremy is, or rather was, my band’s manager. He was the one who believed in us and made sure our CDs reached those who are now our fans.” Something flashed in his eyes, but it was hard for me to understand what it was.

He made some notes, and then asked in his soothing voice again, “You said he is, and then changed it to was. Why is that?” I swallowed past the lump in my throat and tried to clear it.

“
Yes, I’m not sure they will want me in the band after what I did.”

“
What did you do?” I grabbed the glass of water that was in front of me and drank, because suddenly my throat was too dry to speak. Here it was, the important stuff.

“
I started using drugs.” His expression didn’t change one bit; he just made notes to himself.

What did you expect? He is a shrink. He is familiar with crazy.

“
Why did you start using?” Shit, he was going to cover everything in one session, wasn’t he?

“
Because of Nick.”

“
Who is Nick?”

“
My brother.” He nodded.

“
What happened to Nick that made you want to turn to drugs? Have you tried them before?”

“
No, I never did. I found them disgusting. My parents were drunks, and any form of addiction was a no-no to me and Nicky. He…he was in an accident eight months ago.”

“
I see. Was he injured?” I shook my head in denial, and didn’t know how to answer that. I knew I had to admit that he was gone, that he was dead, but I’d run away from this for so long, I didn’t know how to face it. How to say it out loud? It would make it impossibly real, though I knew it was real deep in my bones. I had to say it; I knew I did. Drake was sitting silently, waiting for me to finish, and not pushing me forward. Finally, I raised my eyes at him and I knew there were tears in them, but I didn’t let them break through.

“
I can’t say it,” I whispered and his face gentled slightly, though it still stayed expressionless.

“
It’s okay. Nothing happens in one day, Annabella. You have pushed it away for so long, you can’t handle it all in one day.” Maybe he was right, but what if he wasn’t? I didn’t want to fall back on the whole drug usage; I knew it was wrong. “Let’s go back to your band. How did they react to the drugs?”

“
Not good.” The memories of their faces when they’d found me in my house flashed through my mind and brought me pain and shame. “Jeremy was livid. Ariel and Jane…they just didn’t know what to do, and Sam…well, she was angry with me, and probably will never talk to me ever again.” Which sucked, but I knew her well enough to know I spoke the truth.

“
The way you describe it, Sam took it the hardest. Do you know why?”

“
Yes. Her sister, she used to be a drug addict and died of an overdose when Sam was ten. She hates drugs and made us all promise when we started off our band that none of us would ever try it, and if anyone was tempted, we should bring it up and we would discuss it.” Thinking and talking about it brought me back to the day when we made that pact.

New York, Loft Apartment, Summer 2010

“
Let’s fucking party!” I shouted, and the girls laughed and danced with me to the beat of the music playing from the speakers of our shared apartment.

It was just us four there; our first single had just gone number one, and we had signed a major record deal after all those years of hustling for money. Nicky was supposed to be there as well, but he had a date and I didn’t mind, as long as he was happy.

We decided to buy some beer, snacks, and pizza to celebrate. Ariel was moving with every beat of the song; she was the best dancer out of us all. Every move she made was sensual and erotic; she didn’t even have to try. Next to her was Jane, who made rather awkward movements with her hands and just kept on moving her feet. She didn’t like the music much, but went along with it because we loved it. That girl didn’t feel ashamed to dance even though she had no clue how to do it, and we loved her for that. No matter what, we shared all of our experiences together. It didn’t feel right to leave anyone out. We had come into this together, and we wanted to stay that way. I laughed at the scene and hugged them both from behind. Since neither expected it, they lost their balance and we ended up on the floor, which made us crack up even more.

“
Love you, girls!” I said, and Ariel removed her red hair from her face and smiled at me.

“
Girl, we love you too.” Suddenly the music was cut off by Sam, who held a pen and a piece of paper. She sat next to us as we formed a small circle.

“
Sam, what’s going on?” She looked serious and determined, and we all knew that face. She wanted to have some important conversation, so we all sobered up and listened.

“
We are becoming famous.”

“
Fuck yeah!” Jane said, and we shared a high five.

“
With fame comes the money.”

“
Well, I sure as hell hope so. I could use some new equipment,” Ariel murmured, and popped some potato chips in her mouth.

“
Yeah, it’s all good. But there is also the bad side to this.” We all frowned and looked at each other, confused.

What was bad about fame? It was our goal, something we moved toward. We wanted to make it big, and it looked like we were finally there, almost to the top. Sam acted as though we’d just entered the danger zone.

“
Drugs, partying, and all that.” We grew silent because we all knew drugs were a serious subject to Sam since her sister had died of an overdose. Sam hated everything about them, and the people who took them. She had no mercy for them, and there was no way to convince her to feel anything but rage and anger at them.

She never talked much about Melanie, and we learned to stay away from the subject.

“
Honey, we know how sensitive and important that subject is to you—” Ariel started, but was cut off.

“
It has nothing to do with it. I love you guys, and you are like family to me. I don’t want any of this shit to ruin our band, our bond, or us. That’s why I brought a pen and paper. I want each one of us to write one point that is important to her in that we would respect and follow. Mine is drugs, and I already wrote that down. Choose yours.” She gave me the pen and I took it, not really knowing what to write down. It wasn’t like I wanted something banned, unless…

“
No guys allowed inside the tour bus or any work-related places unless they are serious boyfriends. I don’t want any drama with some fuck-ups who won’t stay for long.” The girls nodded, because I knew they hated it too, and I wrote it down and gave the pen to Ariel, who looked confused as fuck. She probably didn’t have a serious matter as well.

“
Well…shit. I have nothing. Like, really, guys, I grew up with hippies as parents. I don’t have anything.” She looked adorably confused, and I just patted her on the shoulder.

“
Don’t worry, mine was stupid too. Come up with something. You know it’s important to her. She’ll feel better if she thinks we’re on the same ground.” I spoke quietly because I didn’t want Sam, who went up to get us drinks, to hear. She would never admit it, but she wanted everything fair and square, and for that, she needed us to come up with something as well, even if it was ridiculous.

Ariel nodded and thought of something, then wrote it down once Sam made it back to us.

“
I don’t want any fights over contracts. I mean, if someone is offered to do a frontal nude in a magazine, we support the decision. We do not judge.” We all agreed, and finally she gave the pen to Jane, who took it quite quickly and wrote down what she wanted without hesitation. We all looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“
I want us to come to each other with every problem and ask for help. Not being afraid to express what we feel.” Well, yeah, that one was good, too. We nodded and raised our drinks in the air.

“
Let’s drink to the amazing new girl rock band!” Ariel said.

“
To the million-dollar contracts and record deals!” Jane added.

“
To the amazing audiences and the chance to create music and make it big!” Sam put her two cents in, and I had the final word. Looking around, at them and the paper, and thinking about how far we’d come, there were only a few words left for me to say.

“
To the amazing friendship and sisterhood.” The sound of our drinks clinking was like an important stamp on our contract.

Those kinds of things were forever.