Annabella's Oblivion (Hard World Tour #1) (15 page)

“
Bella, you are afraid to play. We can do it together, and the minute you feel something suffocating you, you can let me know.” My voice was gentle but firm. She needed to understand what we had to do. After a moment of hesitation, she nodded her head and picked up the guitar.

“
What do you want to play?” Either something from her own repertoire or…

“
Beatles.” Or not. I just raised my brows but said nothing. I knew she loved rock, but never knew she appreciated the famous band from the ‘60s. I gestured for her to start playing, and with a deep breath, she started to strum a few notes. I recognized the music right from the start. The notes sounded off key because her hands kept shaking and she couldn’t press hard enough, as though she had no strength.

Finally, with a frustrated sound, she let go of it and looked to the side.

“
Go on.” She glared at me.

“
Seriously? Weren’t you here just now? I can’t even keep up one tune.”

“
You are out of practice, and the guitar wasn’t your thing to begin with. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s not unfixable.”

“
Right.” She opened her mouth as though she wanted to say something more, but then snapped it shut. She started to play the song again, and had the same problems.

Each time when she gave up, I kept on telling her to pick up the damned instrument and do it again.

After ten attempts, she stood up abruptly, but not before she put the guitar gently aside.

It seemed like she was in love with the thing, and I couldn’t believe I was jealous.

Just like she had when she’d seen me after Rose had tried her poor attempt at seducing me. I had told her to get lost, but did she listen? She’d grabbed my shirt and put her mouth on mine. I pushed her aside before anything happened, but not before she left the damned lipstick of hers on my cheek. I was afraid of her timing as well; I knew Bella was coming soon, and the last thing I wanted was for her to think I went around kissing everyone every fucking day.

Rose needed to go. I didn’t need her unprofessional behavior causing problems between me and Bella.

“
Come back to it and play.”

“
No,” she said stubbornly, and ran her hands through her ponytail, glaring at me. “I can’t! I just can’t!” Here we go again with the hysterics.

“
Why can’t you?”

“
My hands shake!”

“
They are out of practice!” Damn it, now my voice was rising too, and that was not helping the matter at all.

“
It’s about Nick, and not practice,” she finally said, and everything inside me froze. “He is the one who bought me this guitar, and made sure I could play. The minute I take it, all the memories of him and me are alive in my head and I just can’t make it right.” She looked so lost and vulnerable that I couldn’t help but comfort her.

“
Come here,” I said, but she just shook her head. “Bella, come here.” I patted the place on the sofa next to me, and after a few seconds of silence, she sat. Her spine was straight as she gazed ahead, her body as tense as it could possibly be. I put my arm behind her shoulders and guided her to lean on me. She struggled at first, trying to get out of my hold, but I didn’t let her.

Finally, she relaxed into my hold and let me comfort her. She smelled like vanilla and lavender, and I wanted nothing more than to get lost in her scent. It was what had hounded me all those years. I put my hand on her head and ran my fingers through her hair as she moaned slightly, and shit if that didn’t do things to my dick. That wasn’t what it was about though.

“
I miss him,” she whispered, and I closed my eyes.

I missed him too, a lot. He was one of my closest friends, but she didn’t know that.

Didn’t need to know that.

“
I know.”

“
It’s been almost a year. I still wait for him to come to me and tell me all this was a joke. Funny, right?” she asked self-mockingly, and that made me squeeze her tighter.

“
It’s normal.” She didn’t believe me; her silence was an indicator of that.

“
I can’t play, or sing. It was okay to sing when I had to pretend because I didn’t want anyone to see there was something wrong with me. I just can’t anymore.” She was devastated, and who wouldn’t be? It was the thing she loved to do, and she probably felt like God took had taken everything away from her, even her talent.

I leaned down and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and looked into her eyes, which held confusion, sadness, and surprise all at the same time.

“
We will find a way to fix it, okay? I promise.” She nodded and then hid her face in my neck. I felt the hot wetness of her tears and let her silently cry on my shoulder.

She needed me to be her friend right now.

I would always be what she needed me to be.

Annabella

After my incident with Nate, I decided to go back to my room and gather my thoughts.

The memory of his mouth on my skin; it was hot and soft at the same time. Nate had no business doing it, or for that matter, I shouldn’t pay so much attention to him, but I did. I went to the bathroom and turned on the light to look at my expression in the mirror. The dark circles under my eyes were slowly fading, and I’d gained some weight. My skin color was healthier-looking, but still I looked like shit.

What could a hot, and in-control guy see in a mess like me that would actually make him want to kiss me? I had no answer for that, and to be completely honest, I didn’t want to know. I had no business starting something with him. I wasn’t ready, and it wasn’t my purpose. I didn’t do relationships. I preferred casual sex, and I didn’t care for the slut shaming out there. If I wanted to have a bit of fun, who’s to say I couldn’t? And what was wrong about it exactly? Sex with him was out of the question. I didn’t want to sleep with anyone right then. I would just have to avoid him, and that sounded like a good idea. Not to mention, I had no idea what the hell was going on with him and Rose.

Just the idea of them together made me see red.

Yeah, Bella. Not jealous at all.

All this needed to be ignored and I had to concentrate on the task at hand. I loved that I had played better today. Maybe soon I would have my voice back. Nicky would love to hear that from me and—

Once I realized what I was thinking I had to shut that down fast. I acted as though he was here and I could share it with him.

But I couldn’t. Because he would never be back.

I sat down on the bed and took my head in my hands, willing myself not to cry. Since I was able to be out of the room now, I sometimes I forgot about the fact that he had died and the pain numbed away. But in moments like these, when I remembered it, the hurt was almost as much, if not more, than when I had first found out and seen his body.

God, how did people do this? How did they normally deal with this kind of pain? I had a shameful, deep desire to take the drugs and see him again.

I’m proud of you, baby girl.

No, he wasn’t. Wherever he was right now, he would be horrified with what I had done. He was my rock. He was the one who was strong, not me. I didn’t know how to be strong on my own, or how to live alone and not have my big brother helping me out with everything.

Where was the fairness in all this? I never wished death for anyone, but seriously, why were the good guys usually taken first? This pain, it had to be numbed with something, but I had no idea what I could do to ease it right now. There was no booze or drugs or company, for that matter, here. I couldn’t exactly run there and announce that I want some. I didn’t want to be locked up again and smell my own vomit. So I did the next best thing; I grabbed my book and tried to concentrate on what I was reading. But when I closed my eyes for a second, Nate’s face and the feel of his lips on mine came to mind.

I wanted to escape thoughts of him, and especially thoughts like that.

But it seemed it was the only thing that kept me from going crazy.

And how fucking crazy was that?

“
Nick Hastings.” The audience applauded and whistled; no wonder, my brother was a star of the school, after all.

He’d finished with a high GPA and had several college offers. I hoped he would take one of them because it would provide him with a good future and many possibilities.

Our parents weren’t there, and it wasn’t like either of us wanted them to be. They stayed away from us, and that was good. Nicky even made them clean their own shit. I didn’t have to scrub the floors anymore after their get-togethers with drunken buddies.

I played all the time now. It had been two years since I had received my own guitar, and Megan had taught me how to play well. After their initial fake date, Nicky was charmed and had asked her out again, and then again and again, and here they were, a couple who graduated together. Lots of people were giving them a hard time, but they didn’t care, and that’s what love was all about, in my opinion.

Not that I knew anything in that department. There wasn’t a guy I was interested in or who wanted me, but I was too young and wanted to focus on music anyway. There was plenty of time for dating.

Not love though, never love.

Finally, when everything was done and Megan had given the valedictorian’s speech, we all met for hugs and pictures. Megan’s parents were very friendly, and for some strange reason, never minded the fact their perfect daughter dated the town’s drunks’ son. And they always were kind to us, and me especially. We stayed at their house a lot, and her parents made sure we ate well.

Even now, they hugged us close and took pictures with us, announcing we were family no matter what. Those kind of feelings brought tears to my eyes, but I held them in.

There was no room for crying today, even for happy tears.

I was chatting with Mrs. Jameson, who was the housekeeper in the Maverick’s house and a nanny to Megan, when I felt arms circle my waist from behind and giggled.

“
Hey there, baby girl.” I turned around and smiled, hugging him tighter. The last time I had done that was earlier that morning, but now it was different. He was a graduate, no longer a kid.

The end of an era, as they say, not that I understood what it meant.

What I did know was that school would suck big time without Nick there to protect me, because those school kids were vicious and hated that I had a big brother to look out for me. Sometimes they spat on my food when he couldn’t see, or pushed me in the hallways so that I ended up on the floor. I wasn’t really afraid for myself, because compared to Dad, their hits were nothing. But I was afraid my guitar would break. Aside from Nicky and Megan, music was the only passion I had in life.

I would survive when Nick left. I had to learn to be on my own. It wasn’t like I would have him to protect me forever; it wasn’t right.

“
Hey,” I said back, and he just kept on smiling.

“
I have good news for you.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I looked up at him.

“
You do?” I wasn’t sure what that could be. He had already told me he had spoken with the owner of the diner where he worked at and he had agreed to take me as Nick’s replacement, so I would have a job and wouldn’t have to worry about money.

Maybe some would think it was odd to be happy about such things, but not me. I didn’t take anything for granted in life.

“
Yeah. How do you like New York?”

“
Um…it’s great.” His eyes sparkled and it hit me. “OMG, you decided to go to Columbia?” It was Megan’s choice as well, but he was still deciding, because he received other offers as well. Not only was he a promising football player, he had good grades along with it.

“
Yep. So, do you like New York?” Who wouldn’t like it? I mean, I saw the city only from pictures, but it was magnificent. I wanted to visit it badly, and thanks to Nicky, now I could!