arbitrate (daynight) (46 page)

Blake and Ethan knew how to say the words but didn’t follow through with the corresponding actions. Blake’s actions told me he loved the cause more than me. Ethan’s actions—from keeping parts of his life from me, to moving on so quickly after my “death,” to not telling Alexa about me, to treating me as a possession—didn’t scream “love.”
 

Jax anticipates my needs before I do. And I want to put him first. I need to give him as much as he has given me because Jax is who I wake up at night thinking about and fall asleep at day thinking about. And it is his arms I want to be wrapped in between.

Jax rubs the back of his hand along my cheek. “I’m not perfect, love. I wasn’t innocent in this. What I did to Ethan…I don’t feel good about it. I want you to know that. It has been haunting me. I knew how he felt about you. So, I tried to stay away, to not act upon my feelings, but I failed. And I…I knew things. I knew about you being a Genitor, about your real parents, and I didn’t tell you…couldn’t tell you. I understand if you can’t forgive me for all my many mistakes and shortcomings.”

I run my hand through Jax’s silky hair, playing with the strands and massaging the back of his head. “Ethan will be okay. I went to him before I came here. We talked everything through. It was good…and a long time coming. As you said…when you know,
you know
. Ethan just hasn’t been around for me to tell him it wasn’t him. He was off on his wild goose chase. Besides, I didn’t say you were perfect. And I don’t expect you to be. But you are perfect
for me
.”

He swallows hard. “And you kept me waiting all this time? Do you know how miserable I was without you?”

I press a kiss to each of his eyes. “I wanted to be whole when I told you how I felt about you. I was so broken. You deserved better.”

“You don’t need to ever change for me, love. I’ll take you however I can have you as long as I get all of you, forever. Because every single piece of you, broken or not, makes you
you
and is precious to me.”

Jax lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around him. In a flash, we’re gone. A moment later, we arrive at a small cabin. There’s a roaring fire in the fireplace, a lambskin rug on the floor, and a comfortable looking couch. Simple and homey.
 

Jax pushes me up against the wall, thrusts his leg between mine, and presses his entire body against me. “Now, where were we?”

“Something about you delivering a kiss that would be so all consuming, so mind-blowing, and so permanent that I’d be yours from that day forward. And I do believe it came with a promise that it would be the first kiss in a long, unbreakable chain of kisses from the beginning until the end of time.”

“Wow, that sounds like a pretty high bar,” he jokes.

“I’m ready for you to deliver.”

He starts at my ear and whispers, “I love you. I don’t deserve you, but I love you.” He nibbles my lobe and then trails his lips towards mine until they’re brushing against them. Each of us applies a little more pressure and then we’re each teasing each other with our lips and tongues. Our bodies move closer together, our moans grow louder. I bury my hand in his hair, and he runs his up my back, pulling me towards him. Give and take, the perfect dance, ebbing and flowing and building in intensity.
 

Every particle of my body is involved in the kiss.
 

His kiss delivers as advertised.

And I never want it to end.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Ethan

My legs dangle over the side of a steep canyon, and I stare out at the ocean.
I know I should get back to Thera to pay tribute to Blake in some way, but I’m not ready yet. I’m not ready to face
her
.
 

“Ethan.” Kira appears out of nowhere and sits down beside me. She leans her head on my shoulder. I look over and her face is stained with tears.

“How’d you know where to find me? No one knew I was coming here.”

“New trick. Long story. I needed to talk to you.”

I know it’s over. It has been over for a while…ever since I kissed her at the Clean Slate Complex, I knew we were done. I could
feel
her affection, but it wasn’t a passion-filled love, a long-lasting love. It felt
friendly
. It felt
final.
Despite this, I still don’t think I can handle hearing the words spoken.

In my mind I hear, “I’m sorry. I will always love you and want you in Zander’s life. But…”

Arbiter?

She shakes her head, and her long hair drapes over her face, shielding it from view. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you, but I trust you to keep it to yourself. I’m apparently a Genitor.”

Like the scary kid?

“Yeah. He’s my son. Or will be.”

He looks just like Jax used to…except the eyes.

“I’m so, so sorry. I…uh…wanted to return this.” She pulls out the ring I placed on her hand at our Cleaving ceremony and sets it in the palm of my hand. I’d taken mine off after her “death” and kept it on a chain around my neck. I reach up and unfasten my chain and add her ring to mine.

I stare at the pair of rings and all they were supposed to symbolize but no longer do. “Can I?” I ask, pointing to the water crashing against the rocks far below. It seems fitting to “bury” the rings along with our relationship in the stormy sea.
 

“Yes.” I throw them out as far as I can, and we watch them descend, the light catching at the perfect angle to simulate a fiery glow.
Down in flames.

“Tell me about Blake…about what happened. I wish I could have been there…done something.”
I wish I could take his place.

“Don’t say that. Never say that.”

She tells me about his death and how she came to find out what she is. We talk and cry for hours, mourning Blake’s loss and the death of our relationship. There is so much we’d kept from each other. I had never taken the time to open up to her about my childhood. Nor had I let her tell me the details about everything that she endured during our yearlong break. It was hard for her to work through it all and regain her strength.
 

Kira had no idea about the depths that I’d sunk to when I thought she’d died. I’d had to claw my way out, inch by inch. I give her the details of my journey to find Alexa and Joshua and tell her about their appearance at Henry’s inauguration. I explain that I’m conflicted over their actions. Should I hate them or admire them for taking a definitive stand against the SCI?

We bare our souls to each other, and it is cathartic. It doesn’t fix
us
. Kira’s right. It’s too late for that. But I do think…down the road…that we will be able to be friends. To raise Zander as loving parents instead of broken, bitter ex-lovers.

“When’s the funeral?” I finally ask.

“There’s not really going to be one. Who would we invite? The SCI hated him. Brad used him. The Exilers and Bailey betrayed him. Besides the Exilers, his only friend was Joshua—and from what you tell me—he’s on the run. Blake’s parents are dead. His sister doesn’t remember him. And Madison died with her arms wrapped around him,” she responds before standing up and backing away from the edge of the cliff. Tears have returned to her eyes. “I’ve got someplace I need to go.”

I clamp down hard on my lip and rub my fingernail across my thumb. Then I stand and walk towards her, stuffing my hands in my pockets, and rolling back on to my heels. “To Jax? Have you told him yet?”

Her head turns from side to side and her cheeks flush with color. “No. I haven’t. I wanted to talk to you first. Are you going to be okay?”

“I…just need time. I think that I need to do the same exercise in self-discovery you did. I’ve been in a bad place the last couple months. But I’ll recover…eventually. Don’t worry about me.”

She wraps her arms around me and holds tight. I let my teardrops fall on her head as I fold in to her, returning the hug.
 

“That night we met at the party…I really did think we’d have lots of children and grow old together,” I whisper.

In my head she tells me, “Well, we did that first part right. And we’ll both be there for Zander as he grows old, so, in a sense, we’ll all grow old together.”

So not the same.

“No, I suppose it isn’t. Yet you’re going to have to trust me when I tell you that I
know
that you have great things coming. And for you, those things will be so much better than me.”

Arbiters can’t lie. Can Genitors?

She gives me a gentle shove and then pulls back and winks at me. “Great things, Ethan.”

And then she’s gone.

I return to sit at the cliff’s edge and ponder my life.
 

How do I move on?

The sun begins to set over the ocean, a chapter closing on this day just as a chapter is closing in my life. The sun will rise again tomorrow, and I’ve got to decide how I’m going to open the next chapter of my life. Do I keep my seat on the Ten? Help Henry? The Arbiters? Do I focus on building a relationship with my son? Will there ever be anyone else who can fill the giant hole Kira has left in my heart?

Someone appears behind me, and—silly me—I hope Kira has changed her mind and come back. Of course, she isn’t there. She has gone off to be with my brother…forever. Instead, it is Daddy Christo. He looks like he has no desire to get close to the edge of a cliff, so I stand up and walk over to see what he wants. His glow has dulled, his eyes are sallow, and his cheeks pinched.

“Your vacation time is up. You need to immediately return to take care of Ten business. Things are in shambles, and they need your leadership. You’ll be able to take on a more senior role. The Exilers have taken over Garden City, which is a coup for them even if the SCI had already moved the Ten to Military City. On Earth, the SCI has taken a huge hit to their reputation. There has never been a better time to sway the SCI back to their original charter.”

I consider his counsel as both my father and member of the Arbiter Council. I square my jaw and stand immovable. “I don’t think so. I’m not taking any more orders—from anyone. Not the SCI and not you. I’ve been taking care of other people’s crap my entire life. Well…no more. I’m done.”

He removes his glasses and rubs his tired eyes. “I highly recommend you reconsider.”

I clench my teeth and rock back on to my heels. “That won’t happen.”

“I anticipated you would react this way.” Of course he had. He’s a full-blooded Arbiter. I only inherited a portion of his abilities, making me not good enough to do real Arbiter work. Truthfully, I’m not good enough for anything or anyone. “I have somebody you are going to want to meet.”
 

“Doubtful.” A girl appears by my father’s side. She’s somewhere between Kira and Alexa’s height, with shoulder-length, straight, striped hair. I mean, seriously—I see black, blonde, red, and brown.
Who does that?
Her eyes are huge and hazel, with as many variations of color as her hair, and surrounded by obscenely thick lashes that rival my own. She’s trim but extremely muscular. What does my father think he can do? Ship in a replacement a few hours after Kira dumps me?
 

“Let me rephrase. Since you have willfully chosen to disobey the edicts given to you, the Arbiter Council is assigning you a shadow. Olivia will be with you at all times and inform you of any and all violations you commit of Arbiter code…and report them back to us as well, of course.”
 

“Olivia” thrusts her hand out toward me. “You can call me Liv if you earn it.”

I keep my hands at my sides and scowl at her. There is no way I’m letting another girl into my life. Particularly some leech that works for the Arbiter Council. “I don’t think so. I’m not interested in having a shadow.”
 

She snarls at me in return.
 

My father says, “Olivia, I wish you the very best in your dealings with my son. Hopefully, you can teach him a lesson or two that might actually stick.”
 

She chuckles. “I’d be happy to use a stick on him.” My father laughs. He thinks it is
funny
that he is sicking this whack-job on me. She adds, “I can’t think of anything that I like less than abject disobedience.”
 

She leans toward me and whispers. “Actually, I
can
think of something I like less than disobedience. And that would be babysitting some half-blood who has gone off the deep end over a girl. I plan to eliminate every sappy emo bone from your pathetic body.”

My mouth hangs open. I mentally calculate whether I’d be more likely to get life in prison or the death penalty if I killed her right now. “You can go to hell,
Butch
. If I’m not willing to obey my dearest Daddy here, I’m certainly not going to take orders from you. If you intend on following me, I’m going to take you right off the deep end.”

Now she’s the one who looks shocked.
 

Time to ditch this broad.

I sprint to the edge of the cliff, and I leap.

For a second, it feels like I’m falling and my stomach takes up residence in my throat.

And then a bout of wind lifts me.

Now I’m floating…

Flying…

Soaring…

It’s liberating.

“Free at last,” I yell. My voice echoes off the canyon wall..

Of course, I don’t intend to die. I’m simply making a point…a rather poignant one.

Hopefully, my father has been sufficiently chastised.

I wish I could see the look on his and Shadow Barbie’s face.

My fall hastens, as if I’m chained to a large boulder.

Right before impact…just as I can feel the spray of the waves on my face…I picture where I want to go in my head.

And I go.

THE END

The story will continue in 2014 with
generate.

Author’s note

If you enjoyed this book, please leave a spoiler-free review on
Amazon.com
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The third book in the
daynight
series,
generate,
will be released in 2014.