Awaken (34 page)

“It’s about time,” Justin said.

“Justin,” Elaine said, “when are you going to tell Madeline the good news?”

I looked over at Justin and raised my eyebrows. He took a bite of his waffles, obviously in no hurry to tell me anything. Clare tapped her foot on the floor next to me.

“It’s almost time. Aren’t you going to tell her?” Clare asked.

I looked around at a table of grinning faces. It appeared everyone was in on this
except
me.

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Tell me what?”

A corner of Justin’s lips curled up.

“What are you two plotting?” I asked.

“Justin’s been working on it for a few weeks,” Clare said.

He stood up and motioned for me to follow him. I scooted my chair back and Clare and I both walked through the pantry door and headed downstairs, to the corner of the basement. He picked up a flipscreen off the table and typed something into it.

“What’s the surprise?” I asked. Clare sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to her.

“You’ll see,” she said. I creased my eyebrows and sat down. Clare clasped her hand in mine and her wide eyes focused on the wall screen. Justin pressed a few more buttons on the computer and suddenly the giant screen turned on and cast a blue glow across the room.

“Somebody wants to talk to you,” Justin said. He stood up and walked over to the wall screen and pressed a code into a panel on the wall.

“Can you hear me?” he asked, and a voice responded.

“Loud and clear.”

Justin nodded and pressed another button and my brother’s face filled the screen.

“Joe!” I said. I jumped off the couch until I was kneeling on the floor, in front of the screen.

He smiled back at me. His face was a perfect mix of my mom and dad – he had my dad’s dark hair, which he spiked at the top, and he had my mom’s light blue eyes and smile.

“Hey, little sister. Or, convict should I say?”

I rolled my eyes and decided to ignore his comment, since he could always beat me at the insult game.

“I can’t believe it’s you,” I said. I hadn’t web-chatted him since Christmas. But, no matter how long we went without talking, we naturally bounced back to a joking rhythm.

I studied his spiky hair. “You’re so Hollywood now,” I said.

“You think?” he asked.

“You look good,” I said.

Joe looked down at his shirt and nodded. “I know.” He grinned back at me for a second but then his face fell and his eyes turned serious. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine,” I said, which was my programmed response to everything. It was still taking time to remember I didn’t always have to react that way.

“You left quite a big mess for us to clean up,” he said.

“Has Dad announced my prison sentence yet?” I asked, not entirely joking.

He shook his head. “You’re lucky. Dad’s connections always pay off.”

“What connections?”

“You might not be as bad off as you think. Since the only people that know you ran off were Paul and Damon, and since they happen to worship Dad like he’s a man-god, they’re willing to negotiate keeping your escape private.”

“What? Youm ean – ”

“You’re not off the hook yet.” Joe fought a smile. “You broke probation, and then you managed to escape and run away from your parole officer. That’s a big no-no. Then you left Paul to get his ass kicked by two hillbillies.”

“He pushed me down on the ground,” I pointed out.

“You probably had it coming,” Joe replied.

I frowned at this. “Sorry I wasn’t more submissive about being hauled off to a detention center.”

My brother shook his head. A small smile curved on his lips. “I can see the repentance you feel for what you did. Anyway,” he continued, “Dad and the Thompsons worked out a deal, probably involving a little money under the table. Conveniently for you, there’s a detention center in Los Angeles. Dad and Damon worked it out so you’ve been reassigned here.”

I thought over what he said and frowned. “So, I’m supposed to agree to live in a detention center in L.A.? How is that any better than Iowa? What, will there be celebrities at this one?”

Joe leaned forward. “Just listen. Since when did you get so feisty?”

Since forever, I wanted to say.

“We’re only going to make it look like you’re at the detention center. You can appear to be anyone, anywhere these days with Dad’s contacts. But what’s really going to happen is you’ll come down to L.A. and live with me. You can finish DS and even look for an internship down here. As far as the law goes, you’ll be in L.A. in case they need to track you down. You just won’t be in the detention center, exactly.”

My mouth fell open. “I’m going to live with you? In Los Angeles?”

“I know, sibling rivalry rears its ugly head. If you’d prefer the detention center, I totally understand.”

“Joe, I’d love it. Do you have room?”

He shrugged. “Sure, I have a two-bedroom.”

“And you’re okay with this?”

“Well.” He thought this over and rubbed his chin between his fingers. “You might have to clean my apartment every day and do all my laundry and run all my errands. But I’m willing to let you crash as long as you vow to be my personal slave.”

“Done!” I agreed. He raised an eyebrow.

“Maddie, I’m kidding.”

I looked over at Justin. He stood against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest watching me.

“You better have a couch for me to crash on,” Clare suddenly spoke up.

He nodded at her and looked back at me. “If you can manage to behave until you’re eighteen, you’re a free woman. Then you can go wherever you want.”

My heart was hammering in my chest. “When can I come?”

Joe smiled. “Is tomorrow too soon?”

I clasped my hands over my mouth.

“Tomorrow?”

He nodded. “You’re supposed to already be in the detention center, so we can’t have you swiping your fingerprint on any public transportation. I’m meeting you halfway to pick you up.”

I dropped my hands to the floor. “Joe, thank you so much. I can’t believe you arranged all this.”

Joe frowned. “I didn’t do anything. No offense, but fixing your yearly felony charges isn’t my top priority. This was all set up by Mom and Justin. I got a phone call two weeks ago and had to say yes or no.”

“What?”

“Justin called Mom the day after you escaped. We always knew you were safe.”

“Dad knew where I was?”

Joe shook his head. “He didn’t know where. He just knew you were all right. Believe it or not, he does care about you.”

“But he was banishing me – ”

“Yeah, and he probably would banish you again if you show up at his doorstep. He’d lose his job if he didn’t. But Mom and Justin worked out a way around it.” Joe’s face turned serious again. “Personally, I think Dad’s relieved you’re not going to a detention center and I swear Mom’s proud of you. Even though she’d never admit it. Dad would flip out. Do you ever wonder how they stay married?”

I looked down at the ground and shook my head.

“Joe, I don’t know what to say.”

“Say I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nodded.

“Try and stay out of trouble until then.” His eyes flickered over to Justin for a moment and his image disappeared from the screen. Clare joined me on the floor and I wrapped my arms around her. All the heavy thoughts in my head evaporated knowing I’d be with my brother, I’d be safe again, and that there was a chance my parents forgave me. Justin stood against the wall, his arms still crossed. He was staring at the screen, where the image of my brother had been seconds before. Clare looked between the two of us and stood up, making the excuse that she had to call Noah to tell him the news. She went upstairs and left us alone. I stood in front of the couch and stared at Justin.

He finally spoke. “So this sounds okay?” he asked.

“Okay? Thisi s – ”

I threw my hands up in the air because it was too good to be true. I was getting a second chance. I was being handed my life back.

“I can’t believe you called my mom.”

Justin nodded as if I should have expected this. “I wanted your parents to know you were safe.”

“And my dad went along with all of this? He doesn’t negotiate with anyone.”

“Well,” Justin said. “Technically your dad can’t prove I assisted in your escape. As far as he knows, I’m innocent on that end. He thinks you’re the one that came to us that night. And it helps that your mom’s the one that did the talking. I never spoke to your dad.”

“What about yesterday?”

He shrugged. “I honestly don’t think he knew you were at the rally. There were no cameras around the security gates. No one got your picture or scanned your fingerprint. You dropped the gun in the ocean. You’re a natural, I guess.”

“But your fingerprint was scanned, Justin. My dad’s going to find out you were there.”

He took a step toward me. “Let me worry about that. I have a few connections of my own. My record will be cleared before people trace anything back to me.”

I nodded. “That’s right, your dad.”

He nodded. “He’s a good person to know.”

I took a step closer to him but his eyes quickly narrowed with an edge that was too familiar. He was being cautious again.

“I need to do some work, but plan on leaving early tomorrow.”

His face was emotionless as he turned away. The shields were back up. I could already feel him distancing himself. Maybe seeing me so happy hurt Justin. Or maybe he was starting to distance himself already, to avoid hurting me.

The rest of the day Justin was nowhere to be seen. I got through the hours in a daze, the idea of moving to L.A. still a dream. I went through the motions of thanking Elaine and Thomas for their hospitality, of saying goodbye to Clare and promising to call her as soon as I got to L.A. But it all felt scripted, as if this wasn’t really my life. I went up to my bedroom but it only took a few minutes to pack. I shook my head at what little possessions I had, shocked that what I thought was so necessary only months ago was now a lifetime away. It was the people in my life, the real, physical presence of people that I needed, so much more than material things. I couldn’t believe I had settled for so long being satisfied with a partial existence.

When the house quieted down from motion and people and noise, I sat next to the window and looked out at the ocean. I noticed my journal on the bed and stared down at it. I was starting to see it as a friend, like someone I could always open up to without being judged or questioned. I sat down in bed and curled up, turning to a blank page.

My life has become consistently inconsistent. And I’m okay with that because my one consistency is how I feel about you. All you need is one safe anchor to keep you grounded when the rest of your life spins out of control.

But are you right? Can love really expand so you can always carry it with you? Because I don’t want to leave you behind.

You make me want to get my fingernails dirty. You make me want to see life raw, for what it is, not the digital makeup we paint over life to make it what we want it to be. You make me want to be freezing cold and blazing hot. You make me want to feel.

You make my dangerous ideas sound better than my rational ones. You make me want to think for myself.

You make me want to open myself up and abolish the slavery of wires. You make me want to disengage. You make me want to live.

So what happens now? Without you, I feel like I might trip and fall. I don’t want to resurface without you. I’ve always had fantasies about falling in love. Like castles in the sky that you think are all just a fairy tale. But you helped me tour those castles. Now I want to live inside them.

I’m not safe anymore. I’m no longer hiding in a digital world where I can choose my own ending and never mess up. I know I can’t learn anything worthwhile without leaving this safe place. But what does L.A. have in store for me?

Do you have to turn in your old life to start a new one? Is Justin right, that our souls are scattered and life is about searching for all the missing pieces? Is that what makes us whole?

I tapped my pen on the bedspread and looked at the clock. It was 2:30 a.m. I was miles from sleep. I tossed my journal aside and leaned against the wall. I could feel him on the other side. That’s where I wanted to be. On his side. And I was wasting precious time.

I shoved my covers off and tiptoed down the cold hardwood floor in my bare feet. I opened his bedroom door and could feel the energy inside meet my skin like a gust.

I heard Justin move on the bed and as soon as I closed the door behind me I felt a warm hand grab my arm and another hand pulled me down on the sheets. His arms wove their way around me and pulled me against him.

“You’ve been ignoring me,” I whispered.

He shook his head. “I wanted you to get some sleep.”

I rubbed my fingertips against the scars I knew were under his T-shirt.

“Are you mad at me?” he said in the darkness. I could feel his eyes studying me.

“Mad isn’t the word for how you make me feel,” I said honestly.

His hand traced the edge of my face.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“For what, exactly?” I asked. “For avoiding me our last night together, or for never calling the last three weeks while you were away?”

He leaned forward until his lips were in my hair and he sighed. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to fall for you,” he said.

“It’s a little late for that.”

His dark eyes could smolder even in the dark. “You mean more to me than you realize. Do you know the day I met you how hard it was to keep a level head when I was around you? I’d love to have you in my life every day, but I started something I have to finish. I can’t be there for you, Maddie. And you deserve that. You deserve someone that can live for you, every day. But I can never put you first. And I don’t want you getting involved in my life. It’s too dangerous. What happened in Portland was only a taste.”

My mouth tightened stubbornly. “Just so you know, it’s okay to invest in yourself once in a while.”