Awaken (28 page)

I kneeled down on the ground and ran my fingers through it, taking in its unusual shape. Some spots of the grass were fuller, some blades shorter, some greener. It had its own personality. It was softer than the turf grass and more giving under my fingers. Justin leaned against a tree and watched me and that’s when I looked up to study it. First, the smell of the tree was so much more intense. This one carried a musty, earthy smell. The branches and leaves swayed and sounded more like soft rain when they moved, more like a whisper than the clatter plastic leaves made. The plastic leaves cackled and chattered but these hushed and sighed. I stood up and rubbed a leaf between my fingers, feeling its smooth, velvety surface. Tiny veins ran through the leaves that looked as real and alive as the veins under my skin.

“Pretty amazing, isn’t it?”

I nodded, overwhelmed. I pressed my palm on the trunk as if I’d be able to feel a pulse underneath it.

“It puts things in perspective,” he said.

I looked over at Justin. “What do you mean?”

He studied the tree trunk. “This planet will outlive us all. People are just lucky enough to pass through. But we’re so self-absorbed – we don’t get it. People are deluded enough to think we can conquer the planet. Or that we’re powerful enough to destroy it.” Justin shook his head and stepped back. “But we’ll never have that kind of power. Humans are like every other species. We’ll come and go. We’re just passing through.”

I rubbed my fingers along the jagged bark.

“It’s hard to believe your parents can live here so freely. It’s like they break the law and their punishment is to go on vacation the rest of their lives.”

“Maddie, there’s something you need to know,” he said, his face serious. “Your dad thinks my parents are dead.”

My eyes narrowed skeptically. “What? Why would he think that?”

“Because he was part of the team that prosecuted their case four years ago. When my parents broke parole and were convicted, your dad requested the death sentence. His word carries a lot of weight.”

I stared at him. My own father would order for someone to be killed? I backed away and shook my head.

“I wasn’t going to tell you, but there’s no point in keeping anything from you. My parents have such a long criminal record fighting digital school they qualified as terrorists,” he said, laughing to himself. “And these days most terrorists are executed.”

“I can’t believe my dad would do that.”

“I don’t think you understand how powerful he is,” Justin said. “He designed the most influential program in our country. I mean, the president calls your dad to ask him for advice.”

“How did your parents escape?” I asked.

“They never told me the whole story. But they obviously knew someone inside that helped them break out. They were released the night before their execution but their deaths were recorded. Someone signed off as witnessing it. For all your dad knows, they were killed.”

I lowered my head. “And you can allow yourself to care about me? The daughter of the man who tried to kill your parents?”

His eyes were sincere. “I’ve never thought of you that way. And my parents worship you for what you did.”

“Because they didn’t know who I was,” I pointed out. “When they found out it was Kevin Freeman’s daughter, what did they think then?”

“You can use power for good or bad, for control or freedom. You grew up watching your dad abuse it one way and it made you take the opposite direction. That’s what we all think. Everything’s about balance. That’s what sustains life. Maybe your role is to keep your dad in check?”

I grinned at him. “You’re still just using me for my connections, aren’t you?” I joked. Justin frowned.

“Do you honestly think that?” he asked. I looked down at the ground and shook my head. I finally was allowing that doubt to shake off.

“Are you ready to keep going?” he asked. I nodded and followed him back to the car.

Justin described his parents’ beach house while we drove down the end of the main street of town and headed up a gradually ascending hill to a cluster of homes. He explained it’s more like a hotel, always open to people. It’s a block from the ocean, built up on a sandy ridge overlooking the sea. It’s in walking distance to downtown. His parents get everywhere on bikes and shoes. He told me Edgewater was picking up on tourism. A few DS colleges even offer field trips to the town to study ecology.

The wheels of the car came to a stop in front of a spacious two-story Victorian home. The house looked ancient, even though the yellow paint gave it a fresh, restored glow. A white porch wrapped around the first level of the house and hanging baskets overflowing with pink and orange flowers and ivy lined the rafters. I took a deep breath of relief. I could definitely handle this. Bikes cluttered the front lawn and a narrow trail of flat rocks carved a path to the house.

Justin grabbed my duffel bag out of the trunk just as the front door swung open, and a woman nearly sprinted down the porch steps.

“Justin!” she yelled. I could instantly tell it was his mom; she had the same smile and dimples. Her long dark hair had some streaks of gray in it. She wore red-rimmed glasses and she was small, a few inches shorter than me. She grabbed Justin around the chest and he had to duck down to hug her back. He towered over her.

She leaned away and stared up at her son. “Did you get your father’s birthday present?” she asked.

Justin nodded. “It was uplifting.”

She waved her hand in the air. “I don’t even want to hear about it,” she told him. “It would be nice if he’d give you a present on your birthday that didn’t endanger your life.”

She turned to greet me.

“You must be Madeline,” she said. I nodded and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me in for a tight hug. She let me go and studied my face. Her eyes widened with surprise.

“Well, aren’t you beautiful!” she said.

I felt my face flush with embarrassment. I looked down at my shoes and shook my head.

“Justin, you didn’t tell me what a doll she is.”

“Probably because I don’t use the word
doll
very often,” he said.

“Well,” she continued, and her bright eyes fell on mine. “You never know these days, with all the crap people eat and nobody gets enough sun or exercise anymore. People are getting uglier by the second. And not just physically, emotionally, mentally. People are turning into pasty computer zombies.”

I tried not to laugh. I could see where Justin got his cynicism from. I had a feeling my mom would love Elaine. Too bad that was a family gathering that would never happen.

“What did you imagine?” Justin asked her.

Elaine glanced back at me. “Oh, I don’t know. It’s just so good to finally meet you, Madeline. We’ve been looking for you for a long time.”

I nodded. “About three years,” I said.

She wrapped her fingers around my arm like we were old friends and guided me to the porch. Justin followed behind us. “You’re welcome to anything here, so please don’t ever feel like you need to ask.”

“Thanks,” I said sincerely. I glanced around at the porch, full of benches and blooming with flowers. “It’s gorgeous here.”

She inhaled deeply and nodded. “We love it.”

“Where’s Thomas?” I was surprised how casually Justin said his father’s name. I’d never used my dad’s first name. It sounded too impersonal.

“Who knows. He’s hiking somewhere on the coast. Rough life.”

He looked down at his mom. “You guys earned it, Mom. Stop being so hard on him.”

“He’ll be back tomorrow. We weren’t sure when you’d be getting here.” She paused and looked between the two of us as we stood next to each other on the porch. Justin held my duffel bag, swung over his shoulder.

Her face fell with concern. “You both look awfully tired. Did you two sleep at all these past few days?”

Justin turned his mom’s shoulders and steered her through the front door before she caught my blush. His eyes found mine for a split second and he grinned. It was a little awkward walking behind his mom when, about eight hours ago, I had been rolling around on the floor with her son with my shirt pulled halfway up my back.

We entered a small foyer and I wiped my shoes off on a sandy rug. A small table against the wall was piled with books and boxes. A row of hooks along the wall was heaped with jackets and hats, and random pairs of shoes were piled by the door. I already loved the cluttered look of the place. Her house, unlike mine, looked lived in.

“I apologize for the mess,” she said, and giggled to herself. “But who has time to clean these days? There are far better things to be doing with your life.”

“My mom has a saying,” Justin began, and waited for her to finish.

She blinked back at him. “I do?” Justin rolled his eyes. “Oh,” she said. “Justin, I don’t want Madeline to think I’m too critical.”

“But you are,” he said. I watched her with my eyebrows raised and waited. She glanced over at me and threw her hands up.

“Oh, I just think a neat house is the sign of an extremely boring person, that’s all. And I don’t really like to associate with boring people if I can help it.”

“I can live with that,” I said.

She looked over at me. “People come and go so often here, Madeline, it’s hard to keep anything neat. It’s one big free-for-all. But,” she added, “I have rooms upstairs ready for you both.” She slapped a hand over her mouth suddenly. “Oh, you two must be starving. It’s a good thing Erica brought over some leftovers.”

Justin leaned in to whisper to me. “She doesn’t really cook either. That’s my dad’s job,” he told me.

“I heard that!” she yelled over her shoulder.

We walked through the foyer and down the hall. The house smelled like wood and coffee. Our house didn’t have any smells. I also wasn’t used to this much color in a house. The foyer walls were a bright citrus yellow and the walls in the hallway were a bright ocean blue, almost turquoise, but weathered looking and cracked in places. I studied the color as I passed. In our house, fireproof beige carpeting or laminate floors covered every square inch of it, and most of the walls were stark white.

I wasn’t very hungry, more tired than anything, but Elaine poured me a bowl of soup and set a plate in front of me stacked with biscuits. The warm chicken broth was salty and thick and I sat at the table and drank it down. It started to fill me up, which just made me more tired.

“Justin, this poor girl’s exhausted. What have you done to her?”

I tried not to blush again and Justin looked indifferent as he rummaged through the pantry shelves.

“Haven’t you been feeding her? She’s so thin,” she scolded him.

“I haven’t been able to sleep much,” I said, which was partly true. I just didn’t go into why, exactly, I hadn’t slept last night.

“Well, you can relax here. Maybe you should turn in early tonight, both of you, and get a good night’s sleep.” After another helping of soup, Justin walked me back toward the foyer. I said good night to Elaine and thanked her for dinner. She gave me another tight hug before I followed Justin up the stairs and down the hallway. He led me to a room in the corner of the house. I walked inside and it was small, with a slanting ceiling and a large window that looked out at the ocean. He threw my bag down on the bed.

“If you need anything, let me know,” he said. I nodded and walked over to the window and peered out. The night was calm and clear and a cool breeze swept in that smelled like the ocean. I stared at him and he stared back at me and it felt like we were both fighting something. He hesitated, like he was going to take a step forward but he backed up instead. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, making it wild.

“Good night, Maddie,” he said, and turned away without another word. I stared at the empty space across my room. He hardly touched me today. He kept a polite, friendly distance. And I was worried. I wanted to crawl inside his mind and open up all the doors and windows that I was afraid he was trying to close again.

I rolled over in bed and gazed out at the moon, visible through the thin white curtains that were stirring from the breeze. My mind was exhausted, but my body wasn’t and there was one person to blame. Just as I was about to throw my sheets off and find him, I heard my door tap open. I could feel his energy pass through the room before I could make out his tall presence in the darkness and I propped my head up on my elbow, glaring at him. He leaned against the door until it clicked closed. He moved closer and I could smell his soapy skin and hair. I pulled the sheets back.

“Is this all right?” he asked as he crawled into bed with me. Our eyes met in the shadowy darkness and his hand found my face and his lips found my mouth.

“What took you so long?” I whined when he started to kiss me.

“I had to wait for my mom to fall asleep,” he complained, sounding as annoyed as I had felt.

“You didn’t even kiss me good night,” I mumbled, our lips still attached. He lifted his head back and stared into my eyes.

“You think I could have stopped with one kiss?” he asked like I was insane. He touched my lips with one finger and shook his head. He leaned back into me.

I didn’t want to think. I could barely breathe. All I could do was feel. I traced my hand over his arm and up to his face because I couldn’t get enough of that feeling, of the warmth that came off of his skin, and we just hid inside the darkness. The more I kissed him the more I needed to kiss him, like his lips were a drug. I tasted his mouth with my tongue. He grabbed one of my legs and pulled me on top of him.

It was safe, with all the lights off and no one around to point and stare. In the night it’s easy to indulge. It was just the two of us – we didn’t have to think about who we were or what this meant or where it was going. It was like an escape. It’s easy to forget at this moment billions of people exist and far-off galaxies are being born and stars collide. Kissing is its own kind of collision, it produces its own planetarium of lights inside your head. For me, it was like seeing colors for the first time after living in a black-and-white world. A single person can be just as wide and vast and spellbinding as any sky full of stars. They can make you think the world stops and night can last forever. I laced my fingers around his and squeezed his hand and he squeezed mine back and it made something ache in my chest.