Baby Aliens Got My Teacher! (4 page)

Glow-in-the-Dark Milkshake

So we waited for Maisie to wake up. Then we went through to the living room to use Jodi’s mum’s computer to do research about aliens. We found lots of information and pictures of aliens. But some of the pictures were a bit scary and Maisie was starting to
get a bit wobbly again so Jodi’s mum said that it was time to stop using the internet and that it was time for cakes instead. So we had cakes and the really good strawberry milkshake that only Jodi’s mum can make.

Maisie had never had Jodi’s mum’s milkshake before. At first she was scared of it because it’s
REALLY
pink (like, glow-in-the-dark pink). But then when she tried it, she liked it and had five glasses.

Since we couldn’t use the computer to research, Zach said maybe we could
interview people like they do on TV. Jodi said that was a
BRILLIANT
idea. But I said that I was the one who was in charge of the research, so it was up to me what we did next. But luckily I thought doing an interview was a
BRILLIANT
idea too so that’s what we did.

We interviewed Jodi’s mum because she was the only one around to interview. We asked her what she could tell us about
ALIENS
and she told us to all sit down and listen.

I had to get Maisie to help me do the notes because Jodi’s mum talks a lot. But this is
what we found out:

At the end of the interview we asked Jodi’s mum if she had ever met an alien before. And she said, “Not yet. But I’d love to!”

So we thanked her for the interview and went back into the bedroom. We all agreed that it looked like Miss Jones really
WAS
an alien because she was being really nice to us all of a sudden (number 1). And not moaning at us like she usually did (number 2). She was also going
OUT
for lunch now instead of staying in her room with her smelly Cup a Soup on her own (so maybe that was number 3).

And then Maisie got scared that Miss
Jones was going to start doing number 5. But then I said, “Forget number five! What about number four! If Miss Jones can read our minds then
SHE
knows that
WE
know that she’s an
ALIEN!
”

So we came up with a plan. The plan was that when Miss Jones looked at us we would all sing,
“LA LA LA LA LA,”
really loud in our heads. So if she tried to read our minds she wouldn’t be able to hear anything (except for
“LA LA LA LA LA”
).

Then Jodi said, “What about what the office ladies said? About Miss Jones’s teddy being a time bomb! What are we going to
do?” And then Zach said, and we all jumped and Maisie did a little yelp. And he said that if the office ladies knew Miss Jones was an alien, they must be aliens too! And then Maisie got so scared she was pink-sick everywhere.

 
“WAIT!”

Plans, Diversions and Smelly Toes!

On Friday, me and Zach left for school extra early to make a plan to find out if the office ladies were aliens too. But when we got to The Den, Jodi was already there and she said she had
“BEEN UP ALL NIGHT”
. And then she said, “We’ve got twenty minutes
until the first bell so
LISTEN UP!
”

Zach asked where Maisie was and Jodi said that her mum said that Maisie’s mum was taking her to the doctor’s today after all the vomit. Maisie’s mum said that Maisie must have an ear infection now too because she kept screaming,
“MY EARS ARE BURNING!”
in the middle of the night.

So we listened to Jodi’s plan and looked at all the drawings and lists she had made in her bed last night when her mum went to sleep. And then Jodi said, “Any questions?” and Zach said, “What if the office ladies catch us?” And Jodi said, “That is
NOT
an
option!” And we agreed.

When we got to class Miss Jones was back. And so was her teddy. I hadn’t noticed it before, but the teddy looked a bit weird. It had a wonky smile and its eyes looked far too shiny.

We still didn’t know what Miss Jones was going to do with her teddy, but we knew that it was definitely some sort of
TIME BOMB
.

Jodi stared at the teddy. Her eyes were really wide and she wasn’t really blinking. She looked scared, and Jodi never gets scared about anything! Not even the time we crawled inside her gran’s attic and found a huge snakeskin cocoon at the back (which meant there was a huge snake up there!). I jumped back down but Jodi stayed up there for ages with a mop saying,
“HSSSSS HSSSSSS,”
to try and get the snake to come out of its hiding place. But then Jodi’s gran came upstairs and said, “What on God’s green Earth are you doing up there?” And so I told her about the snakeskin cocoon and
she said, “Jodi! Come down before you’re eaten alive!” and then she phoned the
EXTERMINATOR
. Then the exterminator came in his green and red van. But after his investigation he said that it wasn’t a snakeskin cocoon and that it was just one of Jodi’s gran’s old stockings.

Anyway, Miss Jones was being all nice again today so we waited until after break and then we started the plan.

Zach put his hand up and asked if he could go to the toilet and Miss Jones said yes and gave him a note. Then two minutes later Jodi rubbed white chalk on her face that we
found in The Den from the old days. And I said, “Miss,
LOOK!
I think Jodi’s going to be sick!” And Jodi said, “I must have what Maisie Miller has.” And Miss Jones took one look at Jodi and said that I should take her to the nurse right away. So we left, and Jodi was all hunched over like she was going to be sick until we got into the corridor and then we started to run.

We met Zach at the stairs just before the school office. The plan was to get the office ladies out of the office and then search the office for
ALIEN EVIDENCE
. We knew that aliens would probably eat alien food, not
normal food like ham sandwiches or pizza. So if we found any alien food we’d know for sure that the office ladies were aliens too.

So Zach said we needed to create a
DIVERSION
, which meant we had to come up with an idea to get all the office ladies out of the office so we could do our search. That’s when I remembered the time 6S did their cake sale in the staff room. That time I remember having to wait at the office for
AGES
until the office ladies eventually came back with all their cakes and cups of tea. So we told Zach he had to go up and knock on the glass window and say that 6S were selling
cakes again in the staff room. But he said he didn’t want to because that was telling a lie. So Jodi said that telling Miss Jones he needed to go to the toilet when he didn’t was a lie too. And Zach said, “That not a
real
lie because Miss Jones isn’t a person, she’s an alien!” And then he said that it was OK to lie to aliens.

So I said that if the office ladies were aliens then it was OK to lie to them too. And if we found out that the office ladies weren’t aliens then Jodi would get her mum to give them a big box of cakes from the bakery to say sorry for telling the lie.

So Zach said OK and walked over and knocked on the glass window and told the lady the lie about the cakes. And it worked! Loads of them came out! I never realised how many office ladies there were before. That’s because you can’t really see much when you’re standing at the office because the glass window is a bit high and you can only really see the lady that comes to the window and sometimes you can even see all the way up her nose if she sticks her head right out.

So as soon as the office ladies were gone, we climbed through the glass window and
into the office. Jodi kept saying, “This is it. No turning back!” and I looked at her and nodded because this was
SERIOUS
. And then she told Zach to be the look-out but he was already looking in the filing cabinet for
ALIEN EVIDENCE
so I said I would be the look-out. So I sat on the chair at the glass window and made sure no one was coming and that’s when I saw the name on the Sign-In Sheet.

That’s the sheet at the window in the office that the office ladies make you sign if you’re even
ONE SECOND
late for school. They even make you sign it if it’s because you
stopped to help a terrapin who had gone the wrong way and couldn’t get back to the pond in the park. And you were just helping it not to die on the pavement. Like the time that happened to me. And then when I got my school report and Mum saw it had two
LATES
on it she said, “What is
THIS
all about, Isabella?”

So I told her about the terrapin one, but I couldn’t tell her about the other one because it was Dad’s fault and he had said not to tell Mum. So I said that the other one was a terrapin too and then she sent me to my room.

So, anyway, I said, “Look!” and Jodi said,
“SSSHHHHHH!”
and Zach said, “Is it them? Is it
THEM?
” and I said no and held up the Sign-In Sheet. And this is what it said:

And then Zach said, “But we just left the classroom and she wasn’t there! Why would
she sign in but not come to class?” And then I had a terrible thought. And I said, “What if the office ladies have got her?” And Jodi’s eyes went even wider and Zach said we had to find her right away before they could put a baby alien in her ear.

But then we heard shoes going clip-clop in the corridor and I peeked out and saw one of the office ladies coming back. “It’s too late to climb out!” said Jodi.
“HIDE!”
And then she hid behind the curtain. But me and Zach didn’t know where to hide. And we couldn’t fit behind the curtain too, so we both squashed under one of the desks.

We held our breaths when the office lady came in and shut the door. We were trapped! I was just about to whisper to Zach that we needed to create another
DIVERSION
but then the office lady sat down at the desk we were hiding under! We had to squash ourselves against the back as much as we could so her legs didn’t touch us. Then the office lady kicked off her high heels and one of them hit Zach on the head so I quickly covered his mouth like they do on the TV to stop him from shouting,
“OUCH!”
and it worked.

The office lady started wriggling her toes
loads and we could hear her typing on her keyboard. I didn’t know what was going to happen if we got caught. I thought maybe we would get sent to the Head Teacher. But then I remembered that the Head Teacher was probably an alien too! So she might not send us to the Head Teacher. She might just zap us with her eye-beams or eat us or put baby aliens in our ears like what probably happened to poor Maisie.