Baby Aliens Got My Teacher! (8 page)

Something's Not Quite Right

So on Monday, we all went to see Miss Jones before class started to say sorry and to give her the five-pack of Bounty Bars Mum had made me bring (even though I told her that Cup a Soups were Miss Jones's favourite).

We told Miss Jones that we were sorry
for trying to decapitate her teddy and for running out of the classroom and for thinking that she was an alien planning an
ALIEN INVASION
of the school.

Miss Jones started laughing. And then she said, “Yes, your mum did mention the ‘alien' thing.” And then she started laughing again, and she wouldn't stop laughing for ages!

Then when she eventually stopped she said, “Why on earth would you think I was an alien?” So we told her about how it was weird when she started being nice to us all of a sudden and letting us do fun things and giving us treats and smiling and putting a
weird teddy on her desk. And she said, “Oh. I see,” and then she looked a bit sad. So Jodi nudged me and I gave Miss Jones the five-pack of Bounty Bars and that made her cry a little bit, but not hysterically like before. She was crying because of happiness.

Jodi said that she must
REALLY
like Bounty Bars. But I think she was so happy because we were probably the only pupils who had ever given her a gift before.

I was just about to ask if I could have one of the Bounty Bars when I realised something. There was still one thing that hadn't been explained. Why did the teddy move? The teddy hadn't been an ordinary teddy … it had moved! It definitely had something inside it, and
I DEFINITELY
felt it move!

So I said that we had all better go and put our coats in the lockers before class started. But I said it in my secret,
“I'M PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHING'S FINE VOICE BUT IT'S REALLY NOT!”
And Jodi understood right away and she gave Zach a look and I
started pulling Maisie out the door by her hood.

And that's when Miss Jones said, “Izzy, where
IS
my teddy?” And Zach started to tell her so I screamed,
“NOWHERE!”
and Jodi shouted,
“RUN!”
So we did. Again!

We rushed to the girls' toilets and all squashed into the end cubicle and Zach didn't even moan this time, he just kept saying, “What?
WHAT?
” And so I told them about how there was
NO EXPLANATION
for why the teddy had
MOVED!
And then Jodi said, “The whole thing's a cover!” And I explained that the teachers
MUST
be aliens
and that we were right all along! And how they had just made up the story about the Head Teacher and the office ladies so they wouldn't get caught!

Then Jodi said we should take the teddy to the police station right away for evidence. But I said that they wouldn't believe us and that there probably wasn't any time and that we needed to decapitate the teddy,
“ONCE AND FOR ALL!”
and flush the baby aliens away.

And then someone knocked on the cubicle door and it opened because we had forgotten to lock it. And it was Miss Jones!

It's All Over!

We were completely trapped. I was on top of the toilet holding the teddy and Jodi and Maisie were squashed against me and Zach was trying to slide under the gap into the next toilet.

Miss Jones just stood there staring at
us. That's when I thought we were
ALIEN MEAT
. But then all of a sudden I felt really brave and so I said, “You're not going to get away with this, Miss Jones! We know what you
REALLY
are! And we know what's inside your teddy!”

That made Miss Jones's eyes go really big and then she did a little smirk. Then she pointed to the teddy and said, “Hold it tight.” And so I did because I didn't want her to have it. And then she grabbed its head and ripped it off with one big pull! Then she shoved her hand into its neck hole and pulled something out. And it wasn't a bag
of baby aliens. It was a little plastic heart like the ones you get in the Teddy Factory!

Miss Jones held it out in her hand and told me to press it. So I did. And the heart started beating. And Miss Jones burst out laughing again.

But then Zach said, “What's that?” and pointed to something that was poking out of the teddy's neck ribbon. And I looked and saw a little piece of folded-up paper. And then Miss Jones pulled it out and looked at it, and then she fainted!

When Miss Jones woke up, she was pleased
that Maisie had put her in the Recovery Position, and that she wasn't hurt, but mostly she was pleased about what the piece of paper had said.

Miss Jones told us that the piece of paper was a note. And that the note had been a
MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
, and that her new boyfriend must have tucked it into the teddy's neck
ribbon when he gave it to her because they were
IN LOVE
, and that she was getting married. And we all knew that meant she was getting married to the Head Teacher because
HE
had been the one who had given her the teddy with the
PROPOSAL
. But we didn't say anything, because it was a bit disgusting and we didn't really want to think about it, even if it did explain why she had started being so nice to us. So we just said congratulations. And Zach asked if he could be the best man at the wedding and Miss Jones said she would think about it.

So everything went back to normal after that. Miss Jones wasn't an alien. There were no exploding teddies, no baby aliens and there was definitely
NO ALIEN INVASION
.

So, just like before everything happened, Miss Jones made us all sit quietly and do our work until lunch.

But then in the afternoon when we came back, the classroom didn't smell like Cup a Soup, it smelled like chocolate milk! And it didn't look
ANYTHING
like our normal classroom!

All the tables and chairs were piled up at the back and there was a
HUGE SPACESHIP 
made out of cardboard boxes in the middle of the room! And Miss Jones was dressed up like an alien!

Her face was painted green and she was wearing a long tin-foil dress! And then she said,
“WELCOME, 4J!”
in a really weird voice.

Everyone ran inside and started to put on the costumes that Miss Jones had made. We couldn't believe it! Then Miss Jones smiled at me and handed
me a tin-foil hat.

It was the best school day
EVER!
I learned loads of stuff about aliens. Like that
UFO
means
UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT
. And that some people believe that aliens landed in a place called Roswell in America in 1947.

But then Maisie turned to me and she had a weird look on her face. And I thought she was going to be sick because she'd had four alien milkshakes already. And then she said, “Miss Jones
DOES
seem to know an awful lot about aliens, doesn't she?”

And we all looked at Miss Jones and she
winked at us. And that's when Maisie fainted again.