Authors: Jessica Mastorakos
Chapter
Eighteen
Spencer
I couldn’t
concentrate on the movie at all. After the way Ellie’s
friend
carried on like his entire mission in life was to get us to
like him, I was feeling pretty sick to my stomach. You would think it was
because I didn’t like the guy. Unfortunately, it was because I did. I found
myself genuinely amused by a lot of his stories. Eric was the kind of guy that
could fit in with any crowd. You wanted to hate him because he seemed to have
it all going for him, but you couldn’t help but like him. He was just that
cool.
It pissed me off
like nobody’s business.
I snuck a glance
to my left. Ellie was sitting cross-legged in the seat like she always did,
face relaxed as she watched the movie. Eric had his arm on the armrest between
them, palm slightly open. It looked like he was just keeping his hand in the
perfect position in case she decided to put hers in it. I hoped to God that she
wouldn’t. I faced forward again, feeling tense and helpless. This was such a bad
idea.
I risked a glace
to my right. Mills had flipped up the armrest between him and Olivia, so she
was snuggled up against him. At least they weren’t making out. That would be
just too much. No sooner than I turned back to the screen, I heard the sound of
sweet nothings being whispered to both the left
and
the right of me.
Okay, enough was
enough. Whose bright idea was it for me to sit in the middle of the two pairs
of lovebirds? I had to get out of there. Just because I said that I wanted my
friendship with Ellie back, didn’t mean that I wanted to be the third wheel (or
in this case, fifth wheel) on her dates with other guys anymore. Things would
never be that way again. You can’t un-ring the bell, and all that.
I stood, and with
as much grace as I could manage in the dark, I headed for the exit. I guessed
that my friends would probably just assume that I was going to the bathroom.
They wouldn’t know that I had actually gone home for at least a few minutes.
The fact that I didn’t have a car didn’t bother me at all as I strolled out of
the theatre and into the lobby. I’d call a cab if need be. Hell, I could even
walk. The distance from the theatre to my house was probably shorter than some
of our hikes in MCT. I only knew that I couldn’t sit there for a moment longer.
On my way out the
door, I decided to make a pit stop to the men’s room. It must not have been a
time when a movie was letting out, because the expansive bathroom was
completely empty. I walked up to a urinal and began to do my business. I
straightened when I heard the door open behind me. The squeaking of the hinges
was loud in the severe silence of the tiled room.
As I was zipping
up my fly, it occurred to me that whomever entered the bathroom hadn’t
approached the urinals. I turned slowly. Eric was standing at the sink, leaning
nonchalantly against it with him arms crossed. He didn’t seem aggressive, but I
narrowed my eyes at him anyway. Who approaches another dude in an empty
bathroom, anyway?
“What’s up?” I
asked, trying for a casual tone as I headed to the sink.
“I just wanted to
check in.”
I furrowed my
brow. “Check in?”
“Yeah,” he nodded,
shifting his weight. “You seemed pretty uncomfortable in there. At least,
that’s how it came across to me, judging by how many times your head whipped
back and forth at the couples on either side of you.”
I didn’t know what
to say to his wild exaggeration. Rather, I hoped it was an exaggeration. I
hadn’t thought that I was doing it that frequently, but I wasn’t sure. Either
way, I had no clue where he was going with this so I just stayed quiet. Had I
misjudged this clown? Was he only putting on a show earlier, and he was going
to try to start shit with me now?
“Look, Spencer, I
know this thing with you and Ellie is pretty fresh.”
I dried my clean
hands on a paper towel, and then threw it in the trash under the sink. I turned
to face him, looking him square in the eyes. Was he going to ask me about my
feelings? I didn’t see a campfire or hear “
kumbaya
”
in this bathroom.
“You seem like the type of guy who would
kill anyone who hurt someone that you cared about. So, I wanted to offer up my
intentions now, and let you know that I’m fully aware of what will happen if I
hurt her in any way.”
This guy just blew
my mind. Here he was, approaching me in the men’s room of all places, telling
me his intentions towards Ellie? What the hell was I supposed to do with that?
Besides, the way he said the part about hurting her almost seemed like he
wanted to finish with, “like you did.” That might have been my guilty conscious
talking, but it infuriated me either way.
I crossed my arms
over my chest and stood a little straighter, fully aware of the unspoken
language of posture. He frowned slightly, like he was disappointed in my
actions. What a piece of work. I knew I should say something. I just couldn’t
figure out what.
Before I could get
a word out, Eric sighed and shook his head slightly. I watched stonily as he
walked back out the way he came without another word. What was he so
disappointed about? Did he expect me to stand here and give him my blessing to
date her? I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be that self-sacrificing. Baby steps
were important in a lot of situations. This was definitely one of them. Hell, I
was about to sneak away from this little play date without telling anyone. I
wasn’t exactly acting like the mature gentleman that this lawyer was looking
for. Was twenty-five really that different from nineteen?
***
I turned the key
in my front door and stepped inside, grateful for the familiar sounds of
baseball coming from the living room TV. I wasn’t sure why, but someone else
being in the house was a comfort to me right then. When I rounded the corner
from the foyer, my dad called out to me. He was sitting in his recliner, beer
in hand.
“Want a beer?” My
old man asked.
I raised a brow.
“I’ve never had a beer with you before.”
He chuckled.
“You’re a trained killing machine. Have a beer.”
“I don’t think I’d
go that far, Dad. I’m a Private.” I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the
beer from the fridge, popping it open and taking a long pull.
“Yeah, I know. You
don’t know shit about anything, yet. But I’ve always agreed with that ‘old
enough to die for your country, old enough for a beer’ rule.”
I couldn’t help
but smile slightly at that. My dad hadn’t been this conversational in years, so
I plopped down on the couch and set my eyes on the game. I was interested to
see if our relationship was somehow magically fixed now that I was a Marine. If
so, that was pretty messed up.
“Where were you?”
He asked. His tone wasn’t accusatory, more like curious. He was showing
interest in my social life now? What a strange night this had turned out to be.
“I went to a movie
with some friends.”
He swallowed the
gulp of beer he had just taken. “Ellie, I’m assuming.”
“Yeah.”
“What movie was
it?”
I paused. They had
picked out the movie ahead of time, and Mills had bought my ticket because he
owed me money. Apparently, Eric was right. I must have spent a pretty decent
amount of time distracted by everyone else if I couldn’t even name the movie
I’d just sat through.
My dad glanced
over at me. “You know, I was just
askin
’. If you
weren’t at the movies, it’s not like I’m
gonna
ground
you or something for wherever you were.”
“No,” I shook my
head and leaned forward on the couch, resting my elbows on my knees. “I was at
the movies. But I didn’t stay for the whole thing.”
I could tell he
wanted to ask me why, but he wasn’t sure if that would be too nosey. He must
have figured it didn’t matter, because he asked anyway. “Was it that bad?”
“No, I just couldn’t
sit in there as the fifth wheel. I sat in the middle of two couples, like an
idiot. It got on my nerves.”
Dad got up from
the recliner and went to the fridge. “Need another beer?”
I shook my head
and took another drink from my still half-full bottle. It didn’t feel as
awkward as I would have thought to talk to my dad about this stuff. Maybe
having common ground did kind of make us closer. Part of me was really bitter
about that, and wanted to take some beer upstairs and be alone. But the bigger
part of me was sick of running away from people that I used to be close with.
“I’ve never liked
that kid that Ellie’s dating.”
I frowned. He must
be talking about Tim. “I broke Tim’s nose during MCT. They haven’t been
together since then.”
Dad raised his
eyebrows in approval. “Good for you.”
“Thanks.”
“She was out with
someone else tonight then?”
I nodded.
“Does it bother
you that she’s always got a boyfriend?”
“Why would it?” I
finished the rest of my beer as I awaited his answer. He was much more
perceptive than I gave him credit for. It was starting to make me nervous.
“Well, it’d bother
me if somebody I felt so strongly about was always with another man.”
There it was. He
might have seemed like an absentee father, but I always thought that there was
something in his eyes that told me he knew a lot more than he let on. All this
time, as I was resenting him for not caring about me, he was paying enough
attention to have seen my feelings for Ellie. He might have even recognized it
before I did. I used to think that it had started around the time I left for
boot camp, but lately I’d been thinking that maybe there was never a time that
I didn’t love Ellie. It just took me a long time to get the balls to admit it
to myself.
“Son?”
I blinked. “Yeah?”
“Struck a nerve, there?”
“Guess so.” I got
up and tossed my empty bottle in the recycle bin before getting a new beer from
the fridge. “We dated, or something, for a minute.”
“I would have
thought it would have lasted longer than a minute once you two finally got
together.”
I let out a harsh
laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Your mother told
me once, right before she died, that you and Ellie were made for each other. I
laughed at her at the time, told her she couldn’t possibly know that. But there
was a part of me that always wondered if she was right.”
This new
revelation had me reeling. My mom thought we were made for each other? Are you
fucking kidding me?
No pressure or
anything, Mom.
I gulped down more of my beer while I processed that. Not
only was I shocked to have heard what my mom thought about Ellie and me, but
also hearing my dad mention her was kind of a big deal. He hadn’t so much as
said her name in years, let alone
tell
a story
involving her. It was a strange night, indeed.
“So, what
happened?”
“I fucked it up.”
He laughed out
loud. “Of course you did.”
I felt an angry
heat rise in my cheeks. “Thanks.”
“You’re a teenage
boy. That’s what you do. You fuck shit up.”
“Well, anyway, we
finally talked about how we felt, or whatever, when she and Tim split up. Then,
when I left for Florida, we were talking all the time and it was kind of just
like it’s always been. I mean, since we were only talking on the phone and
stuff. It didn’t seem that different from being just friends.”
Dad nodded
contemplatively. “When did you fuck it up? You’ve only been in Florida since
the beginning of November.”
“Pretty much two
weeks into it. I got too drunk one night and hooked up with some other girls.”
He choked on the
sip of beer he’d just taken. “Girls? As in, more than one?”
I shrugged,
sheepishly.
“Wow. You really
did fuck up.”
“That helps, Dad.”
“So, why’d you do
it?”
That was the
million-dollar question. Why had I done it? I’d been asking myself the same
question since the morning after. I knew that it was just a self-destructive
thing, but that was just a pathetic excuse all on its own.
“I guess I just
started to feel like she deserved better. The more down on myself I got about
that, the more I drank. Before I knew it, I woke up the next morning and found
out that not only had I fucked two girls, but I’d also talked to Ellie while I
was still with them and told her about it.”
Dad let out a low
whistle. “Damn.”
“Tell me about
it.”
“I’ll say this
once, and then I’ll let you continue to beat yourself up. From where I’m
sitting, you’re doing a hell of a job all by yourself. I didn’t raise you to be
like that kind of man, Spencer. I’m disappointed.”
For some reason,
even after everything that had happened between my dad and me over the last few
years, that one word still had a very powerful effect on me. It was worse than
if he were to yell at me, or even ignore me. Him being disappointed in me meant
that he cared enough to want me to act a certain way, and I’d let him down.
“Anyway,” he
continued, “why were you telling yourself you weren’t good enough for her?”
I sighed. “The
answer to that is going to be kind of touchy.”
He waited,
silently.
“I’m going to make
a career out of the military. Ellie has always dreamed of a stable life. A life
that includes her dream wedding, and a nice house by the beach with a
white-picket fence, and a husband that has a good job like her dad does. Most
importantly, she wants kids. I can’t give her any of that, so I don’t see the
point in us starting something now only to have to end it eventually.”
Dad shook his
head. “I must have really messed you up, boy.”
“What do you
mean?” I tilted my head at him in confusion.