“
Your skin is incredible,
so soft and smooth.” I look over my shoulder at him and smile.
“Thanks.” I just want to melt into him.
“
My turn.” I take the
towel from him and add more body wash, and begin to explore his
well toned body, from front to back. I notice a few marks on his
lower back and gently run my finger over it. He
flinches.
“
What’s that?” I ask as he
turns around.
“
Nothing, part of my
past.” He turns back around and I continue to caress the cloth
around the marks. Something seems off about these marks, and I
can’t help but feel sad. There is something he is not telling me
and this bothers me.
“
Lucas, what
happened?”
“
Abby, it’s nothing
really. I hurt myself some time ago. But it doesn’t hurt anymore
and I’m fine. Can we drop it?”
“
Sure, sorry.”
After we are done cleansing each other, we
step out of the shower and he grabs a towel to wrap around me. He
wraps one around his waist and we walk into his bedroom. I lay on
his bed exhausted. He paces back and forth and I wonder why he’s so
nervous. He stops in front of his bed and leans over me, his hands
on each side of my hips.
“
I’m sorry for snapping at
you Abby. It’s just that, well that cut you saw on my back. My
father cut me during one of his drunken stupors right before my mom
kicked him out.” My eyes widen in shock. I knew his dad was an
alcoholic but I had no idea he would ever hurt him. He kneels in
front of me so we are face to face. I wrap my arms around his neck.
I feel the sudden need to protect him. “I’m so sorry Lucas. Why
didn’t you ever tell me?” He looks shameful.
“
I’m sorry; I guess I just
didn’t want anyone to know. It’s not like it’s something I was
proud of. We knew what an asshole he was but it was always the
alcohol. That’s what made my mom pull the plug. I was just at the
wrong place at the wrong time.” He gives a faraway look and my
heart hurts for him.
My father may have cheated
on my mom and left Sarah and me for another family but he never
once laid a hand on us. Even if it was an accident. I’m just happy
his mom found a man that treats them right. If I ever saw that
jackass again I may not be able to control my anger towards him. We
lie on the bed side by side holding each other. He leans over my
shoulder and kisses my neck. I run my hands through his damp hair.
The heat radiating off of us is palpable. Then I find myself being
flipped on my back. Lucas, edging his way over my body and hovers
just above me, leans down on his elbows. He begins by gently
kissing my ear, then working his way down my throat, just stopping
at my chest. He lifts himself back up to find lips and stops,
looking at me with his searching eyes. I suddenly know what he’s
looking for. He’s looking for permission to continue.
This is it! This is it!
I nod my head, YES. “Are you sure?” I smile,
and he gets up to retrieve a condom from his sock drawer and gently
sits back down beside me. His eyes are a deep green, and full of so
much compassion and love.
“
Are you sure Abby? We
don’t have to.” He asks one last time in a whisper. I lift myself
up, so I am sitting near him, grab his face in my hands and kiss
him deeply, reassuringly.
“
I’m sure.”
Chapter 16
“
Abby, wake up!!” I hear
Lucas’s voice. My eyes flutter open and I roll over onto my back,
feeling a little stiff and sore. The events from the night before
come rushing back to me and I smile. Lucas sits down next to me and
places his hand on my arm.
“
Good morning beautiful.”
He smiles. I remember the shower we took together. I remember the
scar I never knew he had and the reason it’s there in the first
place. My heart aches a little for him. I remember lying on his bed
afterwards. And I also remember the sex. Oh the sex. I lost my
virginity. I actually did it and it was so wonderful!! Lucas lifts
his hand to my face and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, a
twinkle in his eyes.
“
Hey. You know everyone is
going to suspect something right? I can’t keep a good secret like
this to myself.” He thinks about it for a minute and says. “You can
tell me about it, just pretend I’m one of them, until you decide to
tell. It could work. Oh, pretend I’m Brooke. I can talk like a
chick.” I laugh at his silliness. He kisses my forehead.
“
Well, I can try but the
thought of you being Brooke is too funny, and I’d have a hard time
keeping a straight face.” He laughs and lightly runs his fingertips
over my bare arm causing me to shudder from the electrical heat
passing through my body. I close my eyes for a minute.
“
What time is it
anyway?”
“
Nine.” I stretch my body,
my arms over my head.
“
How do you
feel?”
“
Like the happiest girl in
the world.” I smile, because I am the happiest girl in the
world.
“
Well, I’m glad but I was
asking if you’re, you know, sore.”
“
Yeah, a little. I’ll be
fine though.” He hovers above me teasing me with his sexy eyes. I
stare at his mouth, wanting it on my body. The images of last
night, yet again, reminding me of how blissful I am come back to
me.
“
You were incredible.” He
kisses my eyebrow, then my nose and finally my lips. My brain shuts
off and I can’t think straight. I remember the gentleness of his
body against mine. He was patient and tender and gentle. It was
sensual and glorious. I had never felt so close to him. It was my
first time, and it was perfect. Our bodies meshed well together,
like they were made for each other. A perfect fit.
“
Well, you were amazing as
well. It was perfect. My first time was perfect Lucas. Thank you.”
And then, I knew at that moment that there was a reason as to why I
never went all the way with Brady. Something was stopping me. I
wasn’t supposed to have my first time with him. It was always meant
to be with Lucas. I sit up and pull my knees to my chest, wrapping
my arms across my legs and stare into his eyes.
“
I love you Lucas. I’ve
waited for last night to happen for so long. I always thought
something was wrong with me, why I never had sex with Brady. Why I
always stopped it before it got too far. But now I know, I
understand. You’ve always had my heart, my soul and now you have
all of me too. I want us to be together, no matter where our
futures take us. I want you, always.” He smiles so wide, and it
melts my heart. There are tears in my eyes, which are fighting to
be released. I blink them back and look away, so he doesn’t see. I
think about what I’ve done and suddenly a wave of guilt crashes
over me, suffocating me. I’ve betrayed Brady and lied to
everyone.
“
Abby, what are you
thinking? What’s wrong?” Concern fills his voice.
“
Do you regret anything?
Us?” I whip my head around and look at him.
“
Regret us? No, never.” I
look away for a brief second then back at him.
“
I just feel guilty. I’ve
actually cheated on Brady. Cheated like in the literal sense.
Cheated the way my father did to my mother. Not that making out and
feeling each other up isn’t cheating. I just wish I’d told everyone
the truth about us instead of hiding it. I should be happy. I
should be able to shout out to the world how happy you make me and
how much you mean to me. But more importantly, that I finally gave
myself the chance to love and be loved, like the way we deserve. I
can’t even tell my best friend about it without being condemned.
What am I going to do Lucas?” He runs his long slender finger over
my jaw line, and this sends shivers down my spine. It’s amazing how
one touch from Lucas affects me so much. I never felt that way with
Brady. It’s sad and I feel horrible. He is a great guy, he’s just
not who I’ve always wanted. I rest my chin on my knees.
“
It will be okay Abby. We
will figure something out. I will back off until you decide to tell
everyone about us, if that’s what you want. I will wait for you,
whatever it takes.” He has a sad look on his face and it breaks my
heart. Do I want that? Can I go back to just being his friend?
Seeing him in the halls at school and not touching him or holding
his hand or kissing him? That would be torture. I just don’t know.
My heart is heavy, and filled with so much emotion. I’m totally
confused. He loves me enough to let me go until I’m ready. I need
to set things right. I need to tell everyone the truth. I can’t lie
anymore. Lying about Lucas is like denying my love for him. I
couldn’t do that to him. I look at him and bite my lower lip. I
grasp his hand in mine.
“
I love you. No matter
what happens, I will come back to you. I need to set things
straight so we can be together the right way.” He nods his head in
understanding and my heart sinks. He takes my face in his hands and
kisses me softly. I close my eyes as tears escape down my cheeks,
kissing him back with all I have.
“
Hey, don’t cry. I will be
here when you’re ready. I promise.” He wipes my tears away and I
wrap my arms around him in a hug.
He walks me out to my car. I turn around and
smile.
“
Thanks for everything.” I
get in and shut my door. He walks up to my window and reaches in
touching my cheek lightly. His expression is unreadable, like he’s
trying to hide his pain. Why are we so sad? We’re gonna be together
in the end. I just know it. I hate to leave him though.
I kiss him briefly before
I drive off. I wave to him and leave, a tear sliding down my cheek.
I hastily wipe it away before the rest flow like a stream.
Shit!
I think to myself,
forgetting about my cell phone. I fish for it in my bag with one
hand on the steering wheel. As I find it, I pull it out and look at
the screen.
Dead.
Of course I should have figured that out since I didn’t
charge it. I silently pray no one called or left frantic messages
afraid I got kidnapped or something. I pull over to a gas station
to fill up, before heading home. Suddenly I spot something
peculiar. I squint my eyes and move closer to get a better look. I
wish my phone wasn’t dead because from position I see Brooke and
Brady together across the way. It would have been the perfect time
to call him and see what he’s doing today. When the pump stops,
telling me I’ve topped it off and I put it back up. As soon as I
turn back around to take another glance at Brooke and Brady,
they’re gone. Damn, it was only like two seconds. I pay and then
leave for home.
Once I’m home, I head straight to my room
hoping no one notices my late entrance.
“
Well look who made it
home. I thought you got lost or just forgot you had a family.” I
guess it was too good to be true. I turn around and face my mother
in the hall way and smile.
“
Hey ma! How’s it going?
Did ya miss me?”
“
Apparently more than you
missed me. How was your night with Brooke?”
“
It was great, so fun! I
did miss you! My phone was dead all night, sorry I didn’t call
today.” She gives me a sweet grin and tucks my hair behind my ear.
It reminds me of how Lucas did that too and my heart sinks. I give
my mom a quick hug and head for my room. I walk in and set my stuff
down on my desk and plop on my bed, exhausted.
“
Hey, it’s the absent
sister!” Jesus I can’t catch a break!
“
What do you want?” I ask
annoyed and tired.
“
Just want to see how your
night went with Brookie pooh, is that a crime?”
“
Well, considering you
don’t give a shit usually about my life, yeah, I’ll say it’s a
crime or that there’s something you want from me.” She sits down on
my bed and I move over to give her more room.
“
Well, I just wanted to
say I’m sorry for being a bitch about my getting in trouble. I know
you didn’t tell mom about the drugs.” Wow, Sarah apologizing?
That’s a change.
“
So Haley told
you?”
“
No Chelsea did. She told
me she told her parents and they told mom. I’m sorry I blamed you.
And I’m sorry about Lucas too. I know I’ve been a real screw up
lately Abby. I’ve let you down.” Now I’m in sitting position,
totally awake and in tuned to what she’s saying. This isn’t Sarah’s
style, and quite frankly, it’s freaking me out, but in a good way.
Guilt settles in the pit of my stomach and I want to tell her about
Lucas and me so bad. Maybe I was hard on her and should have been
supportive instead of bitchy.
“
Look, I’m going to move
in with dad in a couple of weeks and I will be out of your hair and
mom won’t have to worry about me getting to trouble. I just wanted
to tell you I love you and I’m sorry.” At that my eyes go wide and
rage builds inside of me. That’s her solution to this problem?
Moving in with our dad, the one who left us for someone else? Oh
Hell no!
“
Sarah, that’s not the
answer! Don’t move in with dad! We can work out our problems
together. I know I’ve been hard on you and I’m sorry. But please
don’t do this. I will back off and quit being a bitch!” She raises
her hand to silence me which infuriates me more.
“
No, Abby you’re right I
need guidance. I need someone who’s gonna keep my ass in line so I
don’t end up in jail or something. I just want to live with him for
awhile and see how it works.”