“
No Sarah, that’s
ridiculous! Dad hasn’t been there for us and you want to just leave
mom like that? Didn’t you think about her feelings? She’s already
been left. Why the Hell are you being so selfish?” I start raising
my voice and pace my room.
“
Well it’s not any
different than if she sent me to some private school or whatever.
I’d be leaving her then. Besides she thinks it’s a good idea.” I
stop mid pace and look at her surprised.
“
She does?” Sarah nods her
head and I sit back down on the bed, totally in my own zone. She
wraps an arm around me and lays her head on my shoulder.
“
It will work out Abby.
And we will still see each other at school and I will come and
visit you and mom. We still need to figure out what you’re gonna do
about your future, where you’re going to go and
whatnot.”
Still in my own zone, not in control of my
mouth or what comes out I blurt. “I slept with Lucas.” Sarah gasps
for a split second, her eyes are wide and she is clearly in
shock.
“
Are you serious?” I nod,
unsure why I told her, but glad I did.
“
I’m sorry Sarah, you’re
right I still love him. I know it was wrong and I was-“
“
It’s fine Abby, I’m not
mad. To be honest I’m relieved it finally happened.”
“
You are?” I am taken
aback and a little relieved, myself at her comment.
“
Wait, does that mean my
big sister is no longer a fucking virgin?” I laugh and nod with a
big grin on my face feeling a huge weight lifted.
“
Yes, I’m finally a big
girl.” We both laugh and hug each other.
“
So how was it? Did it
hurt? Was he gentle? How many times did y’all do it?” I should have
known once I revealed my secret she’d be bombarding me with twenty
questions. I slap her on the shoulder playfully.
“
Yeah, I’m not going into
detail right now. That convo can be saved for a rainy day. By the
way, why are you not mad at me about this?”
“
Are you serious? You
really thought I would be mad?” She asks, with a hint of surprise
in her voice. I lie back on my bed and prop one knee up and bend my
arm behind my head.
“
Well yeah, I mean you
liked him.” She shakes her head with a grin. I must be missing
something. I raise my brow at her in confusion.
“
Abby, I never liked him
that way. I did it because I knew eventually it would get you all
riled up enough to go after him. Please, I wouldn’t ever do that to
you and mean it. I mean I was jealous and all that but I know you
don’t love Brady the way you love Lucas. It’s not possible.” She
pauses thinking about it for a minute then continues.
“
Speaking of which, what
are you going to do about that?” She lies down next to me and lays
one arm over her stomach; we both stare at the ceiling.
“
I don’t really know. I
mean I have to tell him. Soon.”
“
Wait, so you weren’t
really at Brooke’s house were you?” It took her long enough to
figure that out.
“
No I wasn’t.” We’re both
silent for awhile and I start to think she fell asleep but then she
sighs loudly and shakes her head.
“
So does Brooke
know?”
“
Nope. No one does. I will
tell them this week. I really love him Sarah.” She turns on her
side and props up on her elbow leaning her head on her hand and,
looking at me.
“
I know you do. He was
always better for you. When we were all younger, I always thought
you two would end up together when we got older. You just fit so
well like a puzzle.” I laugh a little and then lay on my side
looking at her.
“
Thank you Sarah. I’m glad
I shared this with you. It was eating me up inside. And to answer
one of your questions, it was amazing! And he was very
gentle.”
“
That’s two questions. But
who’s counting?” We laugh again and I reach over and give her a
hug.
“
Well, isn’t this a
wonderful sight to see? My two girls hugging and getting along so
well, it’s beautiful.” We break apart at the sound of my mom’s
voice. She sits on the bed with us, her eyes sparkling with a
smile.
“
Hey mom. We’re just
catching up and whatnot.”
“
Well I’m happy you two
are getting along.” She gives me a hug and gets up ready to leave
the room, then turns around at the door and looks at me.
“
Abby, I hope you’re not
upset about Sarah moving in with your dad. It’s not a permanent
thing; we’re just testing it out.” She smiles at me and I can’t
help but smile back even if I feel like crud. My mother’s smile has
that affect on me.
“
I’m not in favor of it at
all, but I guess there’s nothing I can do about it. But if I
suspect any mistreatment, I will intervene. I promise you that.” My
mother nods and walks up to me, putting her hands on my
shoulders.
“
Believe me; you will have
to get to me first. I’ll kick his ass.” We all start laughing again
and soon I’m by myself, lying on my bed. I retrieve my phone from
my bag and charge it.
After an hour, I turn my phone on and check
any missed calls or texts. None. Well that’s a little suspicious
that neither Brooke nor Brady has tried getting a hold of me. I
send a quick text to Lucas telling him about my conversation with
Sarah. I get an immediate response.
“
So she’s not mad? What a
relief!”
“
I know! One down and
three more to go!”
“
I miss you! I hope it
goes well, but no pressure.”
I smile and
realize how much I want his arms around me. My smile fades,
replaced by a frown. This sucks!
“
I miss you too, so
much!”
After talking to Lucas a little
longer, I text Brady asking what he’s done all weekend. As I’m
about to put my phone down, I get a text from him.
“
Hey, babe. I’ve been
sick. I miss you. How have you been?”
Liar, I want to say. But I don’t, instead I just play
along.
“
I’ve been good! I spent
the night with Brooke, we had girl time. It was fun.”
No response. Hmm, well maybe I shouldn’t feel too
guilty for what I’ve done. It seems he’s done the same
thing.
“
Abby!” I hear Sarah’s
voice from the hallway. I put my phone down and leave the
room.
“
Yes?” I find her in the
kitchen and my mouth turns sour.
“
What are you doing here?”
I cross my arms over chest and ask the man in front of me, who’s my
father. He stiffens; a look of remorse crosses his face.
“
I wanted to talk to you
for a minute, unless you have other plans.” Any plan would be a
better plan than talking to this jerk.
“
Abby, please don’t start
anything. Just hear what he has to say.” My mother says to me,
pleadingly. I look at her and soften a little. Damn I hate when she
puts a guilt trip on me.
“
Fine, you’ve got ten
minutes to try and suck up to me.”
Chapter 17
We go for a walk around the neighborhood,
after arguing for ages about not getting in a car with him to save
my life. He’d have to do some serious groveling for that to happen
and even then it will take a lot to convince me that he’s
changed.
“
So how’s Lucas doing?” He
asks, trying to make small talk. I don’t bite. This isn’t about me
and I will not let him trick me into small talk.
“
What do you want?” I
almost call him Dad but that would be acknowledging that he is, and
I’m not ready for it.
“
Look kid, you’ve got a
lot to learn about life.” I interrupt him hastily.
“
Kid? I’m not a kid
anymore. But wait I guess I can’t expect you to understand since
you’ve never been around.”
“
That’s not fair Abby,
I.”
“
Fair? Was it fair when
you left mom to raise two kids on her own? Was it fair that Sarah
and I never had a father who loved us enough to stay around and
watch us grow up? Don’t talk to me about fair.” I snap. I kick
pebbles on the ground not looking at him.
“
Look, I’m sorry I wasn’t
there for you girls. Things were complicated. I wasn’t really a
good man then.”
“
So you’re a good man now?
Nice timing. I’m a senior in high school and about to go off to
some far away school where you’ll never have to see me and you come
crawling back to mom because it didn’t work out with your previous
family. I must say that’s a sneaky plan.” He stops midstride and I
keep walking like I don’t notice.
“
Abby please. I didn’t
come here to fight. I just wanted to make sure you were okay about
my taking Sarah to live with me. I’m going to watch out for her.”
At that I turn around and stalk back to him, just inches from him,
hands shaking and fury building inside of me.
“
Of course I’m not okay
about this. Why the fuck would I be happy about you taking Sarah?
This isn’t the answer. She’s better off at a boarding school than
in your care. You can’t just barge back into our lives like you
never left. It doesn’t work that way.” His eyes go wide as I’m
spitting venom from my every word. I stalk back to the house. He
catches up to me.
“
I will prove to you that
I’m a decent man Abby. I will.”
Whatever.
I slam the front door in
his face and storm into my room. I grab my phone and keys up from
my desk and leave the house, before my mother asks me about my
visit with so called dad. I text Lucas to meet me as I head out and
away from here.
“I just don’t understand. Why would they
give him the time of day? It’s so insane.” I say to Lucas as we lie
on the hood of his car, at our spot by the river. He rests his head
on his arm and holds my hand with the other.
“
I know it may seem crazy
and maybe it is. But maybe Sarah needs this. She needs a male
figure around and if he’s willing to be a dad to her, maybe you
need to let it be. Just see what happens.” I glare at him and he
shrugs.
“
I’m just saying. It could
be for the best.” Even though I know he’s right and it’s not like
my opinion will change a thing, I don’t relent. My stubbornness
wins out every time.
“
I don’t see how it can be
for the best. He was never there for me, so why all of a sudden a
change of heart? Was I not good enough for him?” I realize as I say
the words that I’m jealous. I’m jealous that he never cared to pay
attention to me. I’m jealous that he wants her to live with him.
Even though he did ask me when he first moved out but I thought it
was more like an obligation that he felt he had to ask, not that he
really wanted me to.
“
So have you told Brooke
or Brady yet?” I hadn’t thought about them since I got home earlier
and I remember I still hadn’t received a text from Brady
yet.
“
Can we not talk about
them please?” I cringe at my own tone, sounding a little
bitter.
“
Sorry, I didn’t mean to
bring that up. I know you have enough to deal with.”
“
No, it’s not that. I
think I saw them together when I was leaving your house. I stopped
to get gas and I could have sworn I saw them across the lot but
when I turned around for a second then turned back, they were gone.
I think they’re sneaking around. I sent a text to Brady but he was
short and I got the vibe he was lying.”
“
Oh, well why don’t you
just go to his house and surprise him? Then you can catch him in
the act, if he is indeed doing something wrong.”
“
Yeah, cause I should
really talk after what I’ve done.” Lucas sits up and looks at me
seriously.
“
Abby you have to stop
this. If you’re having second thoughts or regretting anything, tell
me now. I’m not going to be strung along, feeling like crap.. I
love you but I don’t regret anything. Maybe you should have been
honest about us from the beginning but you weren’t. It’s over and
done with. You can’t change it. Now it’s up to you what happens
next. You make the call. I’m here for you but I’m going to back off
until you tell everyone.”
He gets off the hood and I’m frozen in
place, stunned at his harshness. I appreciate his honesty, but I
was not expecting that. I love him all the more for it, and he’s
right. I don’t regret anything either, but I hate being dishonest
to those I am supposed to love and care for, especially Brady. I
get down and walk over to where Lucas is standing, looking out at
the water. I revel in the beauty of nature. I bend down to pick up
a rock and toss it in. I wrap my arms around Lucas’s middle and
close my eyes.
“
I’m sorry Lucas. I don’t
regret anything and I’m not having second thoughts.” I pause before
continuing. “I will fix this. I just need a break from all this
drama. But I promise, I will tell them.” We both stand there
together, overlooking the view and hoping for a better
tomorrow.
At home I sit at my desk attempting my
homework but my pen is midair not moving. I can’t concentrate. I
put my pen down and lean back in my chair. I hear a knock at my
door. “Come in” I say as I move to my bed.
“
Hey, how you doing?”
Sarah asks shutting the door behind her.