“
Listen; when I left I was
an idiot. I should have told you then that I’m still, I’m….I love
you Abby.” I swallow hard, processing his words. He said it. I
couldn’t believe he just confirmed the very thing I was struggling
with.
If he only knew.
“I just wasn’t sure if you were feeling the same way so I
didn’t want to spring this on you and make things uncomfortable
between us. But I figured I had to get it out regardless of your
reaction. We’ve always been honest with each other. It’s better to
know than always wonder ‘what if’. I..”
“
Lucas.” I gesture him to
sit down on my bed. I have to be honest too, I owe him that much.
It’s been eating me alive. He sits down next to me, his legs
dangling over the side of the bed. I look at him and speak. “You’re
not the only one feeling this way. The night before you and Sarah
got together.” I cringe at the memory and what I went through that
day. I clench my hand for a minute releasing it slowly, remembering
the almost shattered glass and broken hand. We are too close. I
move back a little, putting some distance between us and I continue
my confession. His eyes are weary but focused intently on mine.
They sparkle like diamonds, so beautiful. Through his eyes, Lucas
would show understanding, longing and love of all kinds. I suddenly
want him on top of me, expressing his deepest feelings of love and
I too would show him how I felt. I push that thought aside…for
now.
“
Sarah and I got into it.
She had plans to try and entice you, to make you want her. She went
through my closet to find an outfit that would show off her legs. I
warned her to stay away from you. I don’t trust her. She always
uses guys and throws them away like trash. I didn’t want you to get
hurt. But when I approached you, hoping I could warn you before she
got to you first, it was too late. I saw you two together and I
lost it. I don’t know, I guess I never stopped loving
you.”
He is stunned. He grabs my hand and caresses
my palm, which probably felt as if it was on fire. My face flushes,
feeling like an overheated oven. I pull my hand out of his grasp
and start touching my bedspread like there is a visible piece of
flint there, to keep myself from looking at him. “Look we can’t be
together. We both know that. And I’m with Brady. I just can’t…”
He grabs my face in his hands, forcing me to
look at him. Caught off guard, I gasp and hold my breath for what
feels like an eternity before letting it out slowly. “Abby, I love
you. I want us to be together. We can try it again. I know we can
make it work. Don’t give up on us.” Once those words are out of his
mouth, I find myself on top of him; searching his mouth with my own
to keep him from talking. At first the urgency is unbearable. I
can’t get enough of him. He flips me over so he’s on top, pressing
in on me. My hands are running through his hair. His hands are
gently caressing my back in a soft motion against my skin. It feels
so sensual and electric. It feels so good. I’m enticed to act on my
feelings and I become more forceful, aggressive. I slip my tongue
in his mouth, searching for his and I match his swirls. He tastes
so sweet, like honey, and our teeth clumsily clank together, but we
think nothing of it, too caught up in the moment to care.
Don’t stop!
I think to myself as my hands explore every inch
of his body. Wanting more, needing more of him. It could be like
this all the time and I would be happy. Being together would be my
dream. If only it were that simple. His hands slip under my shirt,
grazing every part of my bare skin, moving upward. I let out a loud
moan, urging him on. His fingertips lightly run up under my
bra…up…up caressing my breasts. My heart rate accelerates at a
rapid pace. I pull off his shirt and explore his lean toned chest.
Damn, he must work out. He’s got a nicer body than Brady and he
plays football. I chide myself for ruining my moment. I mumble
against his lips “Take me Lucas. All of me.” He stops kissing me
and looks at me seriously.
His image slowly fades out, as I open my
eyes. I’m drenched in sweat. Oh my God. I look around my room and
suddenly realize…it was just a dream.
Chapter 7
I sit up, looking around
my dark room, tears stinging my eyes. I get out of bed and head out
into the kitchen for a drink of water.
That was some wild dream
I think to
myself. I open the fridge for a snack when I hear footsteps coming
toward me.
“
Abby? You awake honey?”
She takes one look at me over the door to the fridge and gasps. “Oh
my goodness sweetie, are you okay? You look affright.” She has no
idea. I debate on whether I should tell her about my very explicit
and sensual dream of Lucas. But, the look on her face, tells me I
don’t have a choice. I shut the door and sit down at our round
wooden kitchen table. She pulls out a chair and sits down also,
never taking her eyes off me. “Are you gonna start or do I have to
pry?” I shake my head and swallow.
“
Lucas came over this
afternoon.”
“
Okay…” She drags out the
word, pressing me on.
“
He came over to talk to
me. He apologized for his behavior and the fact that he didn’t
think about my feelings and how their being together would affect
me. He said he missed me and wanted his best friend back. We hugged
and he asked me if I wanted to go down by the river like we used to
do before things got so complicated between us. You know, and skip
rocks. I wanted to but I knew I wasn’t ready for that yet. So I
told him I had homework to do instead. So he left. I called Brooke
and told her everything; she gave me advice then had to go. I lay
my phone down and the next thing I know, I’m making out with Lucas
in my bed almost going all the way….” She gives me a skeptical
look, eyes wide. I think she’s thinking the wrong thing
here.
“
Mom, it was a dream. I
woke up drenched in sweat. I had a sex dream, or it may as well
have been. I told him I wanted him and to take all of
me.”
“
Wow, I..I mean. I’m not
surprised yet I’m shocked at the same time. Does that make any
sense?” She stands up looking out into nothing, hand over her
forehead. I can’t tell if she’s mad or thrilled at the idea. Surely
that’s not the case, though my mother and I were always open with
each other about everything. I knew I could tell her my biggest
secret and she wouldn’t tell anyone. Even now, sitting here waiting
for her to say something I still feel good about telling her. I
mean geez, the dream felt so real. I thought it was actually
happening. Should have known it was only a dream. Maybe he doesn’t
feel that way. A part of me is relieved that it was only a dream,
yet another part, which I am inclined to say is more dominant, is
disappointed at the prospect.
I close my eyes, remembering every detail of
that dream as a tear escapes my right eye. My mother stops pacing
and I hear her sigh, she comes over to wrap her strong arms around
me and rests her head upon mine, massaging my arm with her thumb.
We stay like that for a few minutes, quiet. It’s a comfortable
silence and I breathe in her lilac perfume.
“
Listen, I told you it
wasn’t going to last between Lucas and Sarah. But I do have a
question. When did he come in? I never saw him or heard the door.”
I break our embrace and look at her, wiping my face. “He came to my
window. We hung outside, or actually we sat on my window sill. He
didn’t want to disturb anyone or risk running into Sarah and making
her think he’s there to see her. So I guess they weren’t together
since he didn’t realize she was out.”
“
Ah, I see. Well how was
your dream? I’m guessing by the looks of it, it was pretty intense
‘ay?” She chuckles and I play punch her in the arm. “Seriously mom,
this is not a conversation I want to reveal details of, especially
with my mother. But honestly? You hit it dead on. It was pretty
intense. Okay imagine this, I’m still…you know..a virgin. But I
could see it changing with Lucas. I can’t with Brady. That’s a
little messed up isn’t it.”
She sits back down in the chair next to me
and holds my hand.
“
It’s actually not Abby.
It shows that you’re not ready to give yourself to Brady, at least
not all of you. Now, the other thing with Lucas, yeah that’s quite
a predicament you got yourself in there. But maybe you should talk
to him. See if he’s in that same place. It’s the only way you will
know which step to take. That’s what I would do. I know when I was
in high school; before I met your father I had a boyfriend that was
very persistent about sex. He wouldn’t shut up. I cared for him,
but I wasn’t in that place. I wasn’t ready to give all of myself to
him. And the thing is Abby, you will know when you’re ready. Your
body, mind and soul will be in sync and there will be no doubts
about whether to take it to the next level. But I will warn you, I
want you to use protection.”
I give her an ‘are you kidding me?’ look and
shake my head in disbelief. I didn’t expect this out of her right
now. It’s like she’s condoning my having sex only if I use
protection. Wow, where did my mother go? “Honey, I’m not stupid. I
wasn’t born yesterday. I’ve been around a lot longer than you and
though I prefer you stay a virgin until you’re married or in your
thirties, I know things happen. You can never be too careful
though. Just please promise me, you will be careful.” I smile and
lay my head on her shoulder.
“
Yes, I will be careful.
But what do I do about Lucas? And Brady? How do I choose?” My mom
sighs and smoothes her fingers through my hair.
“
I can’t tell you that.
You have to make the decision yourself. You don’t have to make any
sudden decisions now. But soon enough, you will need to. Either
way, I’ll back you one hundred percent. Now, I love you, but I also
love my beauty sleep. We can’t all be as naturally beautiful as you
are.” She tapped me on the nose lightly with her finger. I hugged
her, thinking to myself how lucky I was to have my mom’s support.
How could my dad give this woman up? He was an idiot, a
fool.
“
Thank you mom. What would
I do without you?” She laughs as I stand up, ready to flee the
room, even though I’m not that tired.
“
I guess you’d get by
somehow. But I’m glad you’re stuck with me. It’d be a bit lonely
without you being a pest every now and then. Go to sleep now. I
love you. And no more crazy wild Lucas dreams.” I second that. I
walk into my room and crawl into bed, getting comfy and cozy under
my comforter. I look out the window once before turning over and
drifting off to sleep once more.
“
Abby, honey. It’s time to
get up.” My eyes flutter open. My mom is standing over my bed. I
sit up and rub my sleepy eyes and glance out my window at the
pretty white sight. There’s snow on the ground. Of course it’s
typical April weather for Green Acres, Colorado. I kick off my
covers and get a better glimpse of the beauty. Snow has always been
my favorite. I used to go skiing every year in Keystone. They have
one of the best ski resorts in the state, at least in my opinion.
My dad took me and Sarah there when were younger, obviously before
he ditched us.
I walk away from the window to my dresser
and take out a pair of pink lace panties and socks then browse
through my closet and find a pair of skinny jeans and a long
sleeved shirt. I walk into my bathroom and brush my teeth and wash
my face. Then I finish up with my make up and head to the
kitchen.
“
Mmm, that smells
delicious mom.” I find her standing over the stove cooking bacon,
eggs and pancakes. I sit down in the chair and put my socks and
shoes on.
“
Why thank you sweetheart.
Did you sleep well? Or at least dream free?” She gives me a smile,
flipping over the bacon. I grab a glass out of the cabinet and
orange juice out of the fridge. “Yes, at least I don’t remember any
dreams this time. You’re not going to let me live this down are
you? Maybe I should have kept my intimate moment to myself.” I
tease. She doesn’t miss a beat. “Yes, maybe you should have. But
I’m glad you told me. At least I have one daughter that is honest
with me. It seems your sister is doing drugs or something. Do you
know about this?” I freeze in place and set my glass down,
swallowing. I didn’t tell her.
“
Don’t worry, I found out
from an anonymous source. But if you knew, and didn’t tell me,
shows you still care for Sarah. However, she’s in a lot of trouble.
I’m not sure what her punishment will be yet but I’m sure I will
come up with something.” Hmm, this is interesting. “You can forbid
her to see Lucas again.” I advise.
“
I thought they were over?
Well, either way I wouldn’t do that because it would look
suspicious to her and she’ll think you had something to do with me
finding out even if I told her it wasn’t you. It might not be wise.
I will think of something else.”
“
Honestly, he didn’t say
either way so I don’t really know if they’re over or not. But I
guess it doesn’t matter right now. I’ve gotta figure out my own
stuff first.” My mother grabs the plate of bacon and sets it on the
table and does the same with the eggs as well.
I take a plate and start getting my
breakfast. We eat in pleasant silence for a while. Then my mother
starts in. “You know, I always liked Lucas. He was there when you
found out about your father. He comforted you and helped you
through such a big traumatic time in your life. I mean, the divorce
was a difficult thing for a young girl to go through. Especially at
that age when you needed your father the most. All girls need their
fathers when they’re going through such difficult changes,
physically and emotionally. I’ll never forgive him for abandoning
you and Sarah. So keep that in mind when you make your decision.
I’m not saying choose Lucas but remember everything he did for you
and what you two went through. Maybe this could be your second
chance. Brady’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong. I just think Lucas
was always your biggest support, even when you talked about
singing. He seemed ecstatic and was willing to help get you lessons
and everything. A best friend doesn’t do that if they don’t have
something more they want. Well, okay maybe they do but he’s
something special. Plus, he’s pretty good looking. I mean if I was
younger…” I couldn’t take it anymore, she put an image in my head
that would traumatize me for the rest of my life.