“
Abby?” Sarah’s voice
calls me, and then her body emerges standing over my
bed.
“
Abby?” She calls again. I
grow slightly annoyed my sister doesn’t know when to shut her mouth
or leave me alone.
“
What do you want?” I ask
not even bothering to mask my hostility in my tone.
“
I thought you were doing
your homework.” I said I had homework to do, but it was only an
excuse to get away from the fighting. It seems we can never have a
peaceful meal without bickering and I’m tired of it. I am tired of
Sarah lashing out at school; I am tired of my mother threatening to
send her to a private school; and tired of being in the middle of
every argument.
“
I’m tired and want to
sleep. What are you doing?” I ask as Sarah starts going through my
closet.
“
I need to borrow a cute
outfit. I want Lucas to notice me tomorrow. I wanna show him I’m
all legs. Where is that-“
“
That’s it.” I jump off
the bed and stalk over to her and get in her face.
“
Right now boys are the
last thing you need to worry about. First of all, you’re 15 and
secondly, Lucas is not interested in you like that.” I spit words
out with no care of hurting her feelings. Lucas is my other best
friend, we dated but it didn’t work out. I love him more as friend.
But Sarah uses guys and plays with their emotions. He is the one I
don’t want her hurting.
“
Why? Because you still
love him? Get over yourself Abby. You’ve moved on to Dickweed
remember? You had your chance. It’s someone else’s turn.” I fume at
her retort. How dare she treat this like a damn game!
“
Leave Brady out of this.
And if you can’t say his actual name, keep your mouth shut. And for
the record, I do love Lucas just not in that way. He is still my
best friend and I don’t want you screwing him over. So stay away
from him!”
“
What in Sam Hell is going
on in here girls?” My mother stands in the doorway, arms crossed
over her chest. She has a mixture of amusement and hostility in her
stance. I am done with this.
“
I’m going to Brooke’s for
the night.” I grab my backpack and clothes for tomorrow and saunter
out to my car.
“
Abby wait. Please talk to
me.” My mother walks out and stands on the porch with a pleading
look in her eyes. I hate leaving angry but I can’t stay another
minute. I get in the car and take off.
Chapter 2
“So, let me get this straight, you almost
had sex with Brady in your car?” Brooke asks me as I am popping
popcorn in her kitchen. “Can we please focus on the real problem
here?” Of course after I tell Brooke everything that’s happened
today, the one thing she focuses on is the one thing I’d like to
avoid most of all. Okay so I almost had sex with my boyfriend. Who
hasn’t? I’ve got bigger problems to deal with, like a sister that
does nothing but cause trouble and a mother who threatens so often
I feel like I’m living some other life. It wasn’t always like this.
At least not before my father walked out on us after having an
affair with his client. He’s a lawyer, whoop di-fucking-do. He’s
still an asshole. He asked me to come live with him before he moved
out. I just couldn’t live with a man who would spout out vows in
front of God and then throw them away like a piece of trash.
Doesn’t anyone believe in the sanctity of marriage anymore? Guess
not.
“
Well Abby, this is a big
deal. I mean huge.” Right because losing your virginity to your
boyfriend of 2 years is different than losing your virginity at 15.
Makes sense. Not. She stops in her tracks and turns to me in
seriousness. I avoid eye contact, it doesn’t work. She grabs my
arms and turns me toward her leaving me no choice but to look at
her.
“
Look Brooke, it isn’t a
big deal. I stopped it, it’s over. Can we please leave it alone and
watch our movie now?” I turn away from her. Truth is, I don’t feel
like watching a movie. But I promised her we’d watch one weeks ago,
but never did. At this point, I’d rather watch a movie than hear
her continuously questioning my sex life.
“
Do you love him Abby?
Like really love him? Is that why you can’t go through with it?” Is
she fucking kidding me? Does she love every guy she sleeps with? I
think right now is Luke Hall. Hell I can’t keep up with her these
days. I think about her question for a minute. I do love him but is
it enough to give up my dreams, or my innocence for? Now I’m
confused.
“
I do love him. I’m just
not ready yet to give myself to him completely. Is there something
wrong with that?” I ask suddenly feeling like a piece of shit. Why
can’t I just do it already? I am probably the only senior who is
still a virgin.
“
No sweetheart, there’s
nothing wrong with that. I’m just surprised he hasn’t strayed. Most
guys would have by now. He must really care for you.” I think about
her words and realize she’s right. Most guys in high school are all
about sex. It’s in their DNA. So why isn’t Brady? This thought
concerns me and kind of offends me.
“
Do you think he’s ever
cheated on me?” I ask sitting on her couch in her bedroom, remote
in hand, ready to start our movie. I am starting to rethink our
choice in The Notebook since it’s kind of depressing, even though
it’s the best romantic movie ever made.
“
Honestly? I don’t think
so. But I’m not a hundred percent sure. I’m not his watcher. But I
would hope that he hasn’t.”
“
Okay well do you think
I’m an idiot for wanting to be a singer?” She looks at me with
warmth and love in her eyes. We didn’t used to be so close. In
fact, we started as enemies.
It was our
9
th
grade year. We were sitting in History, which we both hated.
“So, I heard rumors going around that you’re dating Abby. Is it
true?” Brooke asked Lucas. He was my best friend but at that time
we were dating. “Actually we are.” He replied. She winced, jealousy
showed on her features. “Well, I am having a party tonight at my
house. You should come. And bring Abby I guess.” He gave her a
wicked grin and nodded his head. “We’ll be there. Thanks.” After
the bell rang, he met me at my locker. “What was that all about?” I
asked him, not hiding my hostility. “Relax. She was just inviting
us to a party at her house.” Uh, like I’m going to fall for that.
“Um, you know a party is a great way to try something, you know and
get you to sleep with her. I am not falling for that.” He kissed my
cheek. “Come on, it will be fun. We need fun in our life.” I did
need fun in my life. My father had just left us for a client he
screwed around with. My sister started rebelling. Life had become a
nightmare. “Fine.” I give in reluctantly. “I’ll go, but she better
not try anything or I swear, I’ll hang her by her toes and you
won’t be far behind.” He smiles and kisses me. “You rock babe. Pick
you up at 7.” And he takes off.
“Are you seriously going to this party at
Brooke’s? She is such a slut.” My sister says as I’m getting ready.
It’s almost 7 and I’m almost ready to go. “Well, good for her. I’m
doing this for Lucas. I can care less about Brooke.” Sarah laughs
at me and walks out of the room. I am suddenly regretting my
decision to go, as the sound of a car horn fills my ears. I look
out the window and Lucas is sitting in his mustang, in my driveway.
Ugh. I wish I could fake sick. I suck it up and walk downstairs and
out the door. Lucas is looking hot. He’s got on khaki pants and a
red and blue striped shirt which shows off his arms. I stand there
smiling, looking dumb struck. “Are you just gonna stand there or
are you gonna get it?” He’s grinning, probably laughing at me on
the inside. “Oh, sorry. I guess I lost my head there for a minute.
But might I say, you look hot.” I get in the car and he pats my leg
softly. “So do you.” He says. I am grinning from ear to ear. “Okay
let’s get this over with.”
We arrive at a house, a huge white house
with red shutters. It looks like something that came out of a
magazine. “Good God, this place is huge.” I say flabbergasted. I
never thought of Brooke as being rich. Just a bitch. Now she’s a
rich bitch. I giggle to myself, obviously amused with my theory.
“Well, I guess her parents are pretty well off.” It appears that
way genius. I don’t say that but it’s obvious I want to. We get out
of the car and head up the walkway, I look around to see a really
nice yard with flowers and green grass, greener than a sprite
bottle. People are milling around with cups of what I could only
assume is alcohol. Great, just what I need. This is gonna be
fun.
“
Abby!” Brooke’s voice
jolts me back to the present. I blink and glance at her with a
puzzled expression. “What?” I ask feeling horrible for not hearing
a word she said.
“
Are you okay?”
“
Yes, sorry. I just zoned
out for a minute.” I relax on the couch and turn to look at the
television.
“
So what are you gonna do
about Sarah?” She asks as she grabs a handful of popcorn then grabs
the remote off the coffee table and pushes play. I forget what we
are watching.
“
I’m not sure. She’s a
real pistol.” I remember her wanting to go through my closet for
something hot to wear which will show off her bare legs to attract
Lucas, my best friend and ex. It makes me sick. Suddenly I’m
furious.
“
Well for one thing, she
wants to dress like a skank so Lucas will notice her. Can you
believe that?” Brooke takes one look at me and pauses the movie
that I was paying no attention to. She puts her hand on mine and I
look at her.
“
Abby, honey are you
jealous? Is that why you are freaking out?” I am taken aback by the
accusation. I glare at her with the intent to make her squirm. Me,
jealous of my sister? That’s preposterous. I care about Lucas and
know the intentions of my sister. But maybe there is a little
jealousy hanging around in the back of my mind. She’s 15 and has
had more sex than I have and I’m in a relationship. I shove those
thoughts aside and tell myself that I’m just a responsible and
careful person. If she wants to get pregnant at 15, that’s her
prerogative.
“
No, I’m not jealous
Brooke. I just don’t want her using him the way she does with every
other guy. Maybe a part of me will never get over him.
But we are better as friends. That’s what
friends do, they look out for each other.” Then as an after thought
I add “I’m not in the mood for a movie now. I’m gonna head to bed.”
I get up and leave Brooke staring after me as I go to her room and
lie in her bed. I’m not sure why I was so adamant about Sarah
staying away from Lucas, but I know I will stop at nothing to make
sure she does. As I lie in bed, which is so comfy I could crash I
hear the door creak open and see Brooke’s head pop in. I’m still
annoyed with her but I guess I can’t stay mad forever. “Hey.” I say
and turn over on my left side looking at her. “Hey, look I’m sorry
for what I said. I didn’t mean it.” She walks over to the side of
the bed and wraps her arms around me. “Yes you did. But that’s why
I love you. You’re not afraid to speak your mind, even if I’m
afraid to admit the truth.” She releases her hold on me and looks
at me with glossy eyes. “I know, but I was out of line. I’m just
worried about you. You have a lot on your plate. I don’t want to
make it worse.” I smile and hold her hand, giving it a gentle
squeeze for reassurance. “I’m just confused about life…and love
right now.”
She nods in understanding and crosses her
legs as I pull the comforter up to my neck. “Well you need a break.
Your life is pretty hectic and you’re only 17. You shouldn’t have
to endure so much bull shit. This should be the best year. We’re
seniors and we should be excited to get out of here.”
I’m struck by her words. This should be the
best year of my life and so far it’s a total disaster. I should be
thinking about my future and what I want to do. I need to get away
from this place. “Yeah, I need a break. That’s why I want to go to
New York and maybe study theatre or something. You know, make my
way up to maybe Broadway. How cool would that be, to watch me on
stage in New York, singing my heart out?” I smile at the thought.
It’s such a far fetched dream but it could happen. Anything is
possible.
“
I think that would be
awesome! I’d be your number one fan, sitting front row!!” She gets
all giddy like a kid in a candy store. Suddenly my eyes feel heavy
and they start close. I feel the bed start moving as I realize
Brooke is getting up. “Where are you going?” I ask a little
groggily. This is her comfy bed which I’ve taken over. But I feel
too comfortable to really care. Besides we used to share beds all
the time during many slumber parties. “I’ll be right back. Go to
sleep.” She leaves the room and I bury myself in the comfort and
warmth of her queen size bed and drift off to dreamland.
Chapter 3
“Rise and shine sleepy head!” I open my
eyes, the morning sun blinds me. I blink a few times before fully
waking up. “Do I have to?” I glance at the clock that reads
7:00.
“
Yes unless you want to
play hooky.” That is tempting. I consider this for a minute before
sitting up and pulling the covers to my shoulders. “Are you trying
to get me in trouble? The temptation is too great to pass up.” She
laughs and applies her makeup in front of her vanity. She has long
black hair and big brown eyes. She is taller than me at a whopping
five feet seven inches to my five feet five inches. We used to play
basketball. I got out to concentrate on choir. Brooke was the only
person besides Lucas who understood my passion for singing and not
finding it lame. And Sarah, but I think it was more of an act. She
doesn’t really care much about anyone. I suddenly remember the
argument. Then Lucas comes to mind. What is wrong with me? I have a
boyfriend. I should be thinking about Brady. The way we almost had
sex in my car yesterday. I still wonder why I stopped it. What if
I’m never ready to have sex with him? Then an appalling thought
enters my cluttered brain. It’s me and Lucas in my car instead. If
it were him, would I have had sex then? Oh God, I’ve got to get out
of here!