Authors: Portia MacIntosh
As I stroll along the corridor towards my bedroom I begin to loosen my bikini top with one hand, safe in the knowledge that the house is empty apart from Dan who is stuck in his bed. My iPad and towel prove too much for my other hand to hold and as they fall towards the floor my priority switches from keeping my top on to catching my iPad before it smashes. I clap my hands together, catching it seconds before it hits the ground but the same can’t be said for my bikini top – which lands on my feet.
For a second I giggle to myself, because I know how bad this would look if my sister were to come home right now – I’d no doubt be in trouble for going topless in a public part of the house, even though Dan is stuck in bed and couldn’t possibly see me. My amusement is cut short because, as I am crouched down on the floor, I hear someone moving around behind me.
‘Hello,’ I hear an amused and unfamiliar man’s voice say.
‘Hi,’ I say cautiously, still staring straight ahead. I have never felt more topless in my life.
‘Mia, I presume,’ the man behind me chuckles.
‘My reputation precedes me.’
For a moment, there is silence. The stranger doesn’t say anything, and while I am mighty proud of my natural boobs I am not about to wiggle them at this random man.
‘Do you need any help?’ he asks. The fact that he has a Kent accent is encouraging, it suggests that he is meant to be here and not a burglar or something.
‘If you could grab my iPad that would be great, thank you.’ I’m too scared to try and put my top on, lest I flash a little sideboob at this perfect stranger. Instead I cup my boobs in my hands before slowly standing up. ‘And my top,’ I add as I turn around to face him.
For a moment I simply stare at the stranger, because he’s not just any stranger… he’s the most jaw-droppingly gorgeous stranger I have ever laid eyes on. Standing in front of me, smiling widely, is a tall, dark and handsome man. He’s probably about my age, and I can tell by his posture alone that he is effortlessly cool. The blue jeans and skinny-fit navy T-shirt that he is wearing don’t leave much to the imagination about his figure – the boy is buff, and if he’s got more than fifteen percent body fat I’ll eat my bikini. His dark brown hair is blown back in a way not unlike I saw the TOWIE boys rocking in the copy of Starstruck magazine I read on the train, and his eyes… wow! Like me, handsome stranger has green eyes. They’re honest eyes but with a touch of mischief… I can’t help but stare deep into them.
‘I’m Leo,’ he says, offering me a hand to shake. ‘Dan’s best man.’
Before I go to shake his hand it occurs to me that my hand bra is the only thing protecting my modesty right now, and cheeky Leo knows this.
‘Nice try,’ I laugh. ‘And you’re right, I am Mia.’
Leo laughs, only making his smile even more irresistible.
‘How come I haven’t met you before?’ he asks.
‘I could say the same.’ Full-on flirting mode: activated.
‘I’m a fireman,’ he offers by way of an explanation.
‘Well I tend to avoid fires, so mystery solved,’ I reply before he has the chance to elaborate.
Leo walks over to me slowly, bends over and picks up my bikini top from by my feet. He ties it around my neck before turning his back to me.
‘I suppose I should let you put that back on,’ he says cheekily, so while his back is turned I do as instructed.
‘Thank you,’ I reply when I’m done.
‘So,’ Leo opens his bedroom door, ‘do you want to hang out for a bit? Dan is sleeping and I probably shouldn’t wake the patient up, and my mum has gone to her room for a snooze. I’m bored already. Weddings,’ he muses. We have so much in common already.
‘Don’t think that just because you wear a sexy uniform for a living that I will forget about stranger danger,’ I tease.
‘I’ll wear it,’ he jokes with a wink.
‘Deal.’
I follow Leo into his bedroom and take a seat on his bed. As he tidies up the things he has unpacked so far I can’t help but stare at him. If I were writing a movie I couldn’t write Leo any more perfect – he even has a sexy job, but he looks more like a stripper version of a fireman than an actual fireman which makes him even better.
‘So, you’re the one who writes love stories,’ Leo teases.
‘Yes, but don’t be under any illusions, I’m not very romantic.’
‘Neither am I,’ he admits. ‘So no boyfriend then?’
Leo takes a seat next to me on the bed.
‘Nope. I’m not really a boyfriend kind of girl. Do you have a girlfriend?’
‘No, no girlfriend,’ Leo admits. ‘I’m too busy, what with saving people’s lives for a living.’
‘Subtle,’ I laugh.
I have only known Leo a matter of minutes but I can tell that we’re going to get on just fine – like a house on fire, if you’ll pardon the pun. It sounds like we have a lot in common: he puts his job before silly weddings, he isn’t committed to a girlfriend and, with a body like he’s got, I imagine his eating and exercising habits aren’t too different to mine. This is exactly what I need to get me through the next few days – someone just like me who has to endure all this wedding crap too.
For a moment, we just stare into each other’s green eyes. Perhaps Leo is thinking the same as me, thanking the weddings gods for providing him with an ally.
Before I have a chance to break the silence, Leo takes my chin in between his thumb and index finger and brings my mouth to his for a kiss. It is only a brief kiss, but as our lips part it feels like a magnet is trying to pull my face back towards his.
‘I’ve never kissed a fireman before,’ I tell him in my sexiest tone of voice.
‘Neither have I,’ he replies. ‘How was it?’
‘Hot.’
Leo smiles at my fire pun.
‘So, can I do it again?’
‘OK,’ I reply. ‘But like you mean it this time.’
Luscious Leo the fireman doesn’t need telling twice. He grabs me by my hips and sits me on his lap with the ease of someone who boasts the same muscle mass as Superman. This time we’re kissing passionately, and we’re not stopping any time soon.
With my date with Chris the lifeguard not going exactly to plan, I knew that I was going to have to find myself another special friend to get me through my time here without losing my mind. What I hadn’t bargained on was someone as gorgeous as Leo falling into my lap, or rather, me falling onto his.
Leo runs a hand gently up my back and unties the bikini that only ten minutes ago I was trying so hard to keep on. I reach down and fidget with Leo’s belt as we kiss but it’s a tough one to get off, especially without looking. Not wanting to waste a second, Leo takes matters into his own hands, whips off his belt and unbuttons his jeans, and just in case I might struggle with his T-shirt too he pulls it over his head, throws it across the room and gets straight back to kissing me. In the few seconds I had to look at his body I was more than impressed. Let’s just say he makes Chris the lifeguard look like a beached whale.
Lifeguards, firemen, it’s all saving lives, isn’t it? And that’s exactly what I need right now – I am on suicide watch, after all.
You know what? I’m actually proud of myself for finally taking my role as bridesmaid seriously. Well, by taking it seriously I mean I have had sex with the best man – that’s practically a wedding tradition. At least that’s how I’ll explain it to Belle if she finds out. That girl seems more concerned with my sex life than I am, which can only lead me to think that whatever she has going on between the sheets with Dan is underwhelming. It’s funny, because with Dan being stuck between the sheets for the past few days I had almost forgotten he was here – and it’s
his
wedding.
Dan isn’t a bad-looking lad. He’s isn’t exactly the fittest person I have ever seen (Leo is, just in case you were wondering how he compares to the buffed up actors and Muscle Beach regulars I’m used to associating with) but he isn’t exactly fat. Dan has very short dark hair – I imagine he goes to one of those barbers where they only offer one style – and his dress sense is a mixture of Adidas, Nike and Puma.
A little pillow talk (well, bedroom floor talk) with Leo taught me that he and Dan grew up on the same street together and have been friends for as long as he can remember. I learned that Leo is twenty-eight years old, that he has only just arrived because he had to work up until yesterday, and that he has come with his mum, Maria, who is a friend of Dan’s family.
My little hook-up with Leo has left me with a smile on my face that will take a long time to wear off – something I’m hoping will serve me well because it’s dinner time and according to the boys everyone still thinks I tried to kill myself out of envy.
‘Hello everyone,’ I chirp as I enter the dining room. Once again, I am the last person to take my seat at the table.
As I sit down between my granddad and Mum, I notice that everyone else already has their food in front of them – pasta with ham and peas. Luckily I don’t need to say anything because Belle is walking towards me with my plate.
‘Mia, I know you’re watching your weight so I made you a version without the carbs,’ she announces loudly so the whole room can hear all about her grand gesture. She places the plate down in front of me.
‘Oh, thank you,’ I say, the enthusiasm in my voice fading as I realise she has presented me with a plate of chopped ham and peas.
Belle smiles triumphantly as she sits down – I suppose this is to teach me some sort of lesson, well she’s not going to win this one. I pick up my fork and begin happily munching away, much to my sister’s annoyance.
‘Mia, you missed the introductions because you were late for dinner – again.’ My sister pulls an unimpressed face. ‘This is Maria, she is a friend of Dan’s family.’
I say hello and wave to a little lady with short, dark, curly hair. Unlike most of the people from Dan’s side, Maria seems friendly.
‘And this is her son, Leo. He’s Dan’s best man,’ Belle informs me. It’s probably best I play along rather than admit we have already met.
‘Hello Leo,’ I say coolly.
‘Hi,’ he replies.
For a moment we exchange knowing looks, but not long enough for anyone else to notice. This is our private joke, and if it stays that way then things will run much smoother while I’m marooned on this beach with no one but my family and perfect strangers to keep me company.
‘Let’s all do something fun tomorrow,’ Dan’s older brother Mike says to everyone. ‘Let’s all go to the beach and play games or something.’
‘Everyone but your brother,’ Belle reminds him. ‘He is stuck is bed, after all.’
There you go, she’s mentioned it again.
‘Come on, future sister-in-law,’ Mike starts. ‘The kids will love it and it’s better than us all sitting down for a screening of Pulp Fiction.’
All the adults in the room stare at me as they are reminded of my little error in judgement, but Josh takes this as his cue to do his best Christopher Walken impression.
‘I hid this up my ass for two years,’ he says, and although it isn’t word-perfect, it’s actually a pretty good impression – this kid has a future in performing arts.
Leo and his mum look confused by Josh’s sudden outburst.
‘Mia put on a movie with adult themes for the children,’ Dan’s mum explains, bringing them up to speed.
‘Hey, that makes it sound much worse than it was,’ I can’t help but complain. I turn to Leo and his mum to clarify. ‘We watched Pulp Fiction, and they really liked it. It’s not that bad.’
‘Young lady,’ Dan’s mum starts, and I can tell already that I am not going to get off lightly here, ‘the day your nephew replies to something you say with “I double dare you, motherfucker” is the day you can have an opinion on what is not that bad when it comes to children.’
Everyone is taken aback by Dan’s prim little mum saying “motherfucker” but I can’t help but find it hilarious, and the more I laugh the more others feel it is OK for them to laugh too. Mike starts laughing at his mum, all the kids join in and Leo appears to be stifling a chuckle too.
‘Mia,’ my sister snaps. ‘Respect your elders.’
‘Sorry.’ I go back to eating my peas.
‘Everyone knows how to play rounders, right?’ Mike persists. ‘It will be fun.’
Mike flashes me a cheeky smile, and I flash him one back for changing the topic of conversation back to something much less hostile. As we break eye contact I notice that our little exchange of looks did not go unnoticed by Leo.
‘Rounders it is,’ my granddad says, also keen to diffuse the situation.
As people begin chatting amongst themselves I can feel Dan’s mum’s eyes burning into me. Boy, does she look angry. This is my first proper interaction with Harriet Ryan, if you don’t count our first meeting when she reluctantly shook my hand – but I hadn’t expected her to so keenly join the club of women who hate me. Still, my sister, mum, auntie and gran will be pleased to have a new member.
***
It’s another beautiful day today, perfect for the family game of rounders I absolutely do not want to play.
Belle is frying breakfast for almost everyone, apart from Leo who is working out on the beach, so I decide to pop out and see him, a man after my own (very healthy) heart.
‘Good morning,’ I call over at Leo, who is all sweaty from running.
‘Hello,’ he replies, sitting down on the sand and patting the spot next to him inviting me to join him. ‘I won’t kiss you because I stink.’
‘Not to worry, I’ll get you later,’ I laugh. ‘I was actually looking for you last night, I wanted to explain what all that was about at the dinner table.’
Leo smiles as he stares at me expectantly. I just need to put the situation with my family into simple terms and he won’t think I’m weird.
‘Everybody hates me,’ I explain. So much for not sounding weird, I feel like a dorky teenager again.
‘It’s OK,’ Leo laughs, and I feel instantly relieved. ‘I’m an only child so I’ve been spoilt stupid my whole life, but it’s obvious to an outsider that your parents worship your sister. Not that I’m saying they don’t love you – I mean, it’s her wedding, people are bound to be fussing around her more.’
‘It’s fine, you don’t need to try and make me feel better.’ I smile, touched by Leo’s words. ‘But honestly, everyone here hates me.’