“You don’t need to know,” Jo said, her voice
full of the same tempestuous power that had driven Riva to the
floor. She nodded toward Riva. “I’m here to pick her up. Get out of
my way.” There was no friendliness on her face when Riva met her
gaze, but Riva’s heart surged into her throat nonetheless. She had
the wild urge to hug this girl who had made her cry just hours
before.
Benton turned to Riva. “Who is this? Did you
text her?”
“I didn’t text her,” Riva said honestly,
standing up.
“What’s she doing here?”
Riva thought of the person Benton seemed to
want her to be. Ironically, that fearless girl might also be good
at standing up to Benton. If she was that girl, she would turn to
him and declare that Jo was picking her up, like he’d heard
already, and then she’d march off with Jo, triumphant and unafraid.
Riva wanted to say and do those things, but she couldn’t quite. She
stood hesitantly, uncertain of whether to move toward Jo or sit
back down.
“I’m picking her up, like I said.” Jo raised
an eyebrow. Hostility radiated from her in all directions. “Right,
Riva?”
Riva glanced at Benton. “I think I’m going to
go with her,” she said, stumbling a bit on the words. “We can talk
later, right? Should I call you tomorrow?”
Benton’s face slammed shut, and he sat back
down in front of the computer and started his streaming video
again. Riva bit her lip. She was still in the same quandary. If she
left now, were they breaking up? On the other hand, if she stayed,
what if he didn’t start talking to her? How would she get home?
What would she tell her mom?
She wanted to get away from him, but felt
guilty about wanting that. She didn’t want to leave things
uncertain, but she didn’t want to get in trouble with her mom.
“Riva,” Jo said. “Come on.”
Benton had now included Jo in the sphere of
people he didn’t react to. He didn’t move an inch at the sound of
her voice.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Riva said, keeping
her voice as steady as she could. Her pulse slammed in her veins as
she followed Jo out of the motel room.
“I’m glad you came with me,” Jo muttered as
she closed the door behind them. “Maybe you’re not as much of an
idiot as I thought you were.”
“Uh, thanks? What are you doing here? Did
Daisy tell you where to find me?”
“Daisy brought me here,” Jo said. She pointed
toward a familiar car, parked at the back of the lot, headlights
off. “She’s all hung up on you. I swear I’ll hit you if you get her
into any more trouble.”
Riva twisted her face to hide her sudden
grin. Jo was scary, but the way she was protective of Daisy gave
Riva a warm feeling in her chest. That was real caring, a special
thing that Riva had seen all too rarely. And knowing Daisy had come
back for her produced a bunch of complicated feelings, but Riva
thought they were probably good.
Wordlessly, Jo let herself into the back seat
of Daisy’s car, ceding the front to Riva. Pulling open her door,
Riva wondered how she ought to greet Daisy. Was a hug okay? A kiss?
Was it weird if she didn’t touch her? Riva’s thoughts swirled with
too much confusion for her to sort out what she actually wanted.
She lowered herself into the passenger seat and hoped Daisy would
take the lead.
An awkward moment passed, then Daisy launched
herself into Riva’s lap, practically knocking the breath out of
her.
“Am I overreacting?” Daisy whispered
urgently. “Are you okay?”
“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. It was not fun, but
fine. No big deal. Really.”
“Yeah,” Jo cut in sarcastically, talking to
Daisy as if Riva wasn’t there. “Probably the exact same
no big
deal
as what I was telling you before. He’s a grade-A
jerkwad.”
Daisy frowned and touched the side of Riva’s
face, studying her expression. “You were crying.”
“So were you.” Riva stroked Daisy’s cheek,
then glanced at Jo. She had obviously been crying, too, though it
seemed like a bad idea to point that out. “I’m sorry about all
this,” Riva said.
“You’d better be,” said Jo. “Now, can you two
stop…whatever that is…so we can get out of here? I really don’t
like that guy. I don’t want to keep sitting out here.”
“He’s not going to do anything to us,” Riva
said. She felt defensive. It had been nice of them to show up, but
she hadn’t
needed
them to.
“Yeah, that’s why you looked like a prisoner
getting rescued when I walked in the door. Come on, Daisy. Let’s
go
.”
Daisy let go of Riva, obviously reluctant,
and returned to the driver’s seat.
“Where are we going?” Riva asked.
“You need to go home, right?” Jo said.
At the same moment, Daisy said, “I thought
maybe my house?”
Riva shook her head as Daisy started the car.
“No, I really don’t want to go home. And…I don’t think I’m ready to
go to your house.” She cleared her throat. She didn’t feel
comfortable talking about their kisses in front of Jo. The point,
though, was that she’d feel bad if she left Benton’s motel room and
went straight to Daisy’s house. Riva racked her brain for an
acceptable destination, then remembered the brief moment when she’d
thought Terrell had come to her aid. “Can we go to my cousin’s
house?” she asked. Her mom wouldn’t mind that, she was pretty sure,
and Terrell might actually be able to talk to her about what was
going on.
“Yeah, sure,” Daisy said.
“Let me get directions.” Riva pulled out her
phone and texted Terrell, hoping he’d been serious when he’d said
he had her back.
“You don’t have directions to your cousin’s
house?” Jo asked, her tone derisive.
“I haven’t lived here that long,” Riva
replied.
“Jo, can you give her a break? She’s had a
tough night.”
“I think we’ve all had a tough night,” Jo
said. “I don’t see why she should get special treatment.”
Riva’s phone buzzed. She cleared her throat.
“My cousin Terrell lives on Kentucky Street.”
“Terrell?” Jo sounded impressed. “Terrell
who?”
“Uh, Terrell Hubbard.”
“Whoa, you should have called him sooner.
That would have improved things.”
“What are you talking about?” Riva turned so
she could face Jo over the back of the passenger seat.
“Hello? Terrell Hubbard? Jeez, I really am in
the car with a couple of lesbians.”
Riva’s guts twisted. She had feelings for
Daisy, but she was pretty sure she wasn’t a lesbian. Her feelings
for Benton were very real, too, after all. Besides that, she
noticed that the way Jo said
lesbian
made Daisy flinch.
“He’s my cousin, Jo,” Riva said. “What’s your
point?”
“My point? He’s
hot
. I wouldn’t have
minded hanging out with
him
while we were saving your
screwed-up self.”
“I thought you were with Declan,” Daisy
said.
The light in Jo’s eyes noticeably dimmed.
“Eh, I don’t think Declan’s going to want to hang out with me
again. Riva, you owe me. I get to meet your cousin when we drop you
off.”
“Jo, chill out,” Daisy said. “We’ll leave
Riva with her cousin, and you can come to my place.”
There was a tentative note in Daisy’s voice.
Riva raised an eyebrow. She and Casey hadn’t really needed to ask
each other about things like that. The vibe between Daisy and Jo
was feeling pretty weird.
“I don’t know,” Jo said. “I think it would
take someone as hot as Terrell Hubbard to keep me awake and
interested. I hate to tell you, Daisy, but you’re not my type.”
“I wasn’t hitting on you,” Daisy said. “I was
asking you to hang out.”
Riva settled into her chair. She wished they
could have waited until after dropping her off to have this awkward
moment. The thought made her feel a pang of guilt—Daisy had
probably felt at least as weird about hanging out with Riva and
Benton.
Uncomfortable silence stretched between the
three of them, making the lights on Kentucky Street one of the most
welcome sights Riva had seen in her life. She texted Terrell that
they’d arrived, and thanked Jo and Daisy one more time for helping
her out.
“I’ll call you,” Riva told Daisy as she got
out of the car. Daisy moved as if she wanted to touch or kiss Riva
before she left, but the night had been confusing enough. Riva
pretended not to pick up on the gesture and jogged to Terrell’s
front door.
* * * *
Terrell received his cousin with a casual
hug, though he figured things must be pretty serious if she’d
texted him. Despite their moment that day at her mom’s house, they
hadn’t exactly been in touch since then. He dropped a kiss on the
side of her head and gave her arm a brotherly pat before gently
pushing her away.
“What’s going on, cuz?”
She looked like she’d been crying, but she
was also dressed up nice, like she’d been out on a date. He held
back a frown. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions before she told
him what she’d been up to.
Riva glanced from side to side. “Where’s your
mom?”
Terrell whistled. “That serious, huh? My
mom’s at work. We can sit at the kitchen table. Do you need
something to eat?”
“That would actually be nice,” Riva said. Her
voice was watery. Terrell went to the kitchen and prepared himself
for tears.
“So, I’ve got some meatloaf that I—Uh, that
my mom made,” he said.
“Thanks, that sounds great.”
“It comes with this chutney spread to go on
top. It’s, um, a sort of Indian-food inspired meatloaf.” Terrell
bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t need to give her the details
of the meatloaf. She probably didn’t care, and he was making
himself sound weird. He cursed under his breath and made a plate
for her.
“Your mom’s really into cooking, huh? After
you guys came over that time, my mom was saying she needs to learn
some stuff from her. That dish she brought tasted like it came from
a super-expensive restaurant.”
Terrell was grinning. His mom complimented
his cooking all the time, but he worried sometimes that she was
biased. Then he remembered that he didn’t want Riva to know he’d
actually cooked that stuff, and tried to wipe the expression off
his face. “Yeah, I guess she’s pretty good.”
“The best. You’re lucky to live here. My mom
mostly orders takeout.”
“You should learn to cook for yourself,”
Terrell said. After all, he’d gotten started because his mom was
always too exhausted from work to figure out dinner.
Riva rolled her eyes. “It’s not that easy.
Have you tried reading a cookbook? They make it sound so confusing,
like you need all these ingredients and special tools.”
That’s because you’ve got the wrong kind
of cookbook in your house
, Terrell almost said. He’d had that
same problem when he’d started out, and he knew how to solve it.
Again, he reminded himself that he didn’t want to reveal this. His
throat tightened with unexpected loneliness. How did a guy who got
elected Homecoming King feel so isolated all the time? He couldn’t
help thinking he was doing something wrong.
Like not telling the truth about
yourself.
Terrell shook his head as if that might
discourage the voice in the back of his mind. Tonight, he needed to
take care of his cousin. He served her the meatloaf, careful not to
watch her reaction too closely. “I’m happy to see you, but since
we’re not exactly best friends, I’m guessing something happened
tonight.”
Riva’s lip trembled. Terrell gave her a
little space by looking down at his plate. “Is it that
obvious?”
“Afraid so.” Terrell took a bite of meatloaf,
chewing slowly, hoping that would give her time to get started.
When she still didn’t say anything, he sighed and let her hear it.
“Look, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but
you called me for a reason, right? I can’t help you if I don’t know
what to do.”
“Well, the biggest problem was I needed
somewhere to go.”
Terrell braced himself. How long was she
going to want to stay? “What’s wrong with your mom’s house?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t want to go back there
tonight.” She rubbed the side of her head. “I guess I wanted to
talk to somebody, and I didn’t want to talk to her.”
“So talk. I promise I know how to keep a
secret.”
He could tell from Riva’s expression that she
was at a breaking point. She only barely cared if he could keep a
secret or not. Terrell nodded encouragingly, and the whole story
came tumbling out. She had herself in a tangle with that boyfriend
of hers—he’d expected that part—but the feelings for Daisy
Mejia…Well, that was surprising and a little close to home.
Terrell considered how to approach the issue
without giving himself away. “So, you’ve got two main problems,” he
said after a minute.
“Yeah. Their names are Daisy and Benton.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I mean.
The first problem is what to do about these people. You’d be
confused even if Daisy was Dylan or if Benton was Brenda.”
“I guess.”
“You like somebody who’s not your boyfriend,
and…your boyfriend is sort of a jerk.”
She opened her mouth. She obviously wanted to
correct him, but he gave her a stern look and she closed it
again.
“He’s a jerk,” Terrell said. “He pushed you
into something you didn’t want to do.”
“But I did want to do it!” Riva said. “I
wanted to kiss Daisy. Maybe he saw something about me…”
“See, this is what I was going to say. You’re
getting one problem tangled up with another. Maybe you wanted to
kiss Daisy, but you
didn’t
want to kiss her in front of him.
That part wasn’t your idea. Your other problem, about whether
you’re gay, straight, bisexual, or something harder to label—that’s
not about the specific people.” Terrell gestured with his fork for
emphasis. “Don’t go thinking he could see you weren’t exactly
straight and that’s why he set this whole thing up. He wanted to
watch you kiss her for his own reasons. Believe me, they have
nothing to do with your identity, whatever it is.”