“Ugh. Why is this so
complicated
?”
“Because that’s the way it is for most
people. Hardly anybody has it easy in this department, you know? I
think everybody’s at least a little confused.”
“Yeah? What are
you
confused
about?”
Terrell snorted. He wasn’t spilling to her
that easily. “Plenty. We’ll talk about it another time.”
Riva sighed. “I never
thought
I was a
lesbian before. I’ve been trying to remember any other time I liked
a girl. My best friend back home, Casey—we did everything together,
but I don’t think there was anything…you know, romantic about
it.”
“Hey, hey, slow down. You don’t have to
figure this all out at once.” Terrell remembered his own awakening
to his sexuality. “You’re going to have to take your time and think
a lot about how you really feel. I don’t think there’s a
deadline.”
“Benton’s only in town for a few more days.
There sort of is.”
“Well, that’s what I meant about how there
are two problems. This thing with Benton—that problem needs to get
solved. I’ve got some opinions about how to do it, too. That other
problem, about what it means for you to like a girl—You’ve got
plenty of time.”
“Daisy’s so sure about herself. I get the
feeling she’s known forever. Even though she’s only admitting it
now, she’s not surprising herself. You know?”
“I can imagine.”
“Yeah, sorry. I shouldn’t assume you know all
about this sort of thing.”
I know more than you think.
It wouldn’t be so hard to say so. She’d said
she had his back, too, so it would be only fair if he wanted to
talk to her about it. Terrell didn’t want to make this moment about
him, though.
“My mom won’t mind if you stay here tonight,”
he said. “She’ll probably be glad. She’s been all over me to look
out for you since the moment you guys moved down here. She’ll be
happy I’m doing my duty.” He smiled, then snapped his face back
into an expression of authority. She needed someone to watch out
for her, all right, and that included someone who could tell her
the stuff she didn’t want to hear. “But first, you need to call
your mom.”
“Uh, yeah, okay, I probably do. Do you mind
covering for me? Can you tell her I’ve been hanging out with you
all night?”
Terrell shook his head slowly and
emphatically. “No. I’m not going to lie for you. I want you to call
and tell her what’s really going on.”
“You want me to tell her Benton’s in town?”
Riva shook her head, too, double time to the slow pace Terrell had
set. “She’ll totally freak. You have no idea.”
“I’ve got an idea, but you need to tell her.
That boy’s been pushing you around partly because he knows nobody’s
looking out for you. That’s changed now. I’ll be watching what
you’re doing, and you need your mom to be, too.”
“I’ll be grounded, like, forever.”
“Maybe. But after you’re done telling her
what’s going on, I want you to pass the phone to me. I’m going to
back you up.”
Riva waved one hand wildly, the gesture
communicating nothing besides her agitation. “What are you going to
say? She hates him!”
Terrell nodded, cleared his throat, and spoke
carefully. “Based on what you’ve been telling me tonight, do you
think there might be a good reason for that?”
Riva made a disgusted noise and pushed away
her plate of meatloaf. She dropped her head on the table in its
place. “If I’d known you were going to be all uptight about this, I
wouldn’t have come here.”
“I’m not uptight. I’m concerned.”
She gave him wide, desperate eyes, but
Terrell held the line he’d drawn. His cousin really did need
someone to step in. That uncomfortable voice in the back of his
mind had some things to say about that, too.
You’re a hypocrite making her be honest when
you won’t do it yourself.
Terrell shifted in his seat, thinking of the
trouble he’d gotten himself into with a fake ID at the gay bar near
the state university. The embarrassment he felt thinking of his own
behavior only made him more certain he was doing the right thing
now.
“Come on. Call your mom. If you’re grounded,
that’ll buy you some time to think about what you’re doing with
Daisy Mejia, anyway.”
Riva groaned, but Terrell could tell he was
gaining traction with her. “I can’t believe I’m listening to you
right now,” she said.
“You know I’m on your side,” Terrell replied.
“If you’re honest with yourself, you know Benton isn’t.”
“Shut up. Don’t rub it in.” Riva pulled out
her phone.
Terrell finished his meatloaf slowly as he
listened to Riva’s side of the conversation with her mom. It wasn’t
pretty, but he was still sure it was necessary. She cried, tried to
explain, then finally gave up and whispered apologies. Terrell
decided it was time for him to pitch in.
Riva handed him the phone at his gesture, and
he cleared his throat. “Hello, Ms. Corley? This is Terrell Hubbard.
I think Riva told you she came over to my place.”
Riva’s mom let loose a stream of concerned
mother questions. Terrell waited them out.
“I promise she won’t be getting away with
anything here. I want you to know that my mom and I would be happy
to let Riva stay here tonight. Tomorrow, I can drive her back to
you.”
“What is she doing there? Why are you
involved in this?”
“Because she’s family,” Terrell said calmly.
He felt the tension ease, both in his kitchen and over the phone
line. He knew he’d said the right thing.
* * * *
It was almost noon before Daisy woke up. Her
mom normally never let her sleep that long. She’d probably had some
misguided idea about letting Daisy rest because it was Spring
Break.
Daisy groaned and checked her phone for
messages. Riva had said she’d call, but she hadn’t. Daisy felt
lonely and weird about everything. She’d had her first kiss the
night before, with the girl she’d been crushing on all year. She
had no idea what it meant or what was going to happen now.
Jo had refused to stay over last night. Daisy
comforted herself by remembering today was Friday. She and Jo had
spent almost every Friday night together since third grade.
Tonight, just like any other week, she and Jo would cook with
Daisy’s mom, then watch a movie, then talk and laugh about
everything. That ritual would work out whatever problems had arisen
between them this week.
Daisy texted Jo to see what time she wanted
to get started tonight. She thought about texting Riva, but she
didn’t want to chase her. She could see how Riva might need a
little space. Much as Daisy wanted to pretend Benton didn’t exist,
he was obviously important to Riva. Daisy hoped Riva would decide
to break up with him, but she knew that wasn’t her choice to
make.
She got out of bed, brushed her teeth, and
dry shampooed her hair. Daisy couldn’t believe Spring Break was
almost over. She’d spent the whole week caught up in one sort of
drama or another. She’d barely done anything fun. Glancing outside,
she saw sunlight pouring down. She texted a few girls from the
volleyball team to see if anyone was around and wanted to put
together a game.
As she did, a text rolled in from Jo.
Not
tonight
, she said.
I’m going to pick up a shift at
work.
Daisy stared at the message, blinking in
disbelief.
Work???
she texted back.
I thought you told
them you can’t work Fridays?
Chill out. This is a pickup shift.
Jo’s response didn’t make Daisy feel better.
Obviously, she’d gone out of her way to make sure she wasn’t
available tonight. Which meant things were weirder than ever
between them. Daisy rubbed her temples and wondered what Jo’s
problem was exactly. She hated Riva, and she had her own stuff
going on, too. Daisy had wanted to help her with that, though.
She’d been prepared to listen way more if Jo had wanted to talk
about that guy she’d dated. Daisy would have stayed up all night if
she’d had to, gladly.
She couldn’t help worrying that Jo’s biggest
problem was about Daisy coming out to her. The urgency with the
Riva situation had overcome Daisy’s hesitations about revealing
that information, but she’d had plenty of reasons to hold it back.
Jo made plenty of comments here and there that showed she had
negative feelings about gay people. There had been that little dig
in the car last night, too. Daisy groaned. She wanted to believe
this could be solved, but she didn’t know what she’d do if Jo
wasn’t okay with her being a lesbian.
Jo had to be truly okay with it, too. It
wasn’t enough for her to
say
she was okay, then drop insults
every time she got the chance.
Daisy’s phone buzzed as she agonized about
Jo.
Willow from the volleyball team.
Hey! Wish
I could, but remember how we got invited to the Gulf Coast with
Sandra’s parents? Hope you and Jo are having a great time! We’ll
play a set for you!
Willow ended the message with a bunch of
cheerful emojis, but that didn’t ease the stab of pain Daisy felt
from reading it.
She’d been invited on that trip, she
remembered now. At the time, she hadn’t even considered going.
She’d been sure she and Jo would spend every day of Spring Break at
the beach together, sunning and swimming and talking about every
single thought that crossed their minds.
The only person she’d gone to the beach with
lately was Riva. On impulse, Daisy texted Riva to see if she wanted
to take a drive. They had plenty to talk about anyway. The time in
the car would be good for them.
She stared at her phone, willing it to buzz.
Nothing happened for one minute, then two. Daisy knew she’d sit
there and stare at it if she didn’t watch out. She got dressed and
grabbed her volleyball. There were drills she could do on her own,
and it would be good for her to get outside.
Every couple minutes, she checked her phone,
but there was nothing from Riva, and nothing more from Jo or
Willow. By the time Daisy got to the park, she felt ready to cry.
It didn’t matter how pretty it was outside. She tossed the ball
high a few times, as hard as she could, trying to enjoy the flex of
her muscles as they worked. It usually felt good just to move, but
today it was as if she was wrapped in gauze. She felt separated
from everyone and everything in the world.
Daisy faced a wall and practiced serving to
it. When the ball bounced, she tried to keep it in the air as long
as she could. Within minutes she was sweating, but the effort
didn’t keep her mind off Riva and Jo and everything that had
happened the night before.
Had those kisses been as mind-blowing for
Riva as they had been for her? If so, how could Riva have left her
last night? Daisy had wanted to pull Riva close and never let her
go. Nothing had mattered but the connection between them. Daisy
hadn’t cared about Benton or what people at school would think or
anything except for the way Riva’s lips had felt against hers.
It didn’t make sense. Riva must not have felt
the same as Daisy, or she wouldn’t have been confused. For Daisy,
those kisses had ripped away any last shred of denial she
possessed. She had been cleansed by the light of clarity. She’d
known before that she was a lesbian and that she had a thing for
Riva Corley, but now that knowledge had settled into her deeper
than before. She could feel it radiating from the marrow of her
bones.
Riva had to have felt the same, though. Daisy
couldn’t imagine having a profound experience like that all on her
own. That had to have come from both of them.
She growled and hit the ball harder, then
harder, until she could feel vibrations in her elbow when she
served. The palm of her hand stung from the force of its contact
with the ball.
Daisy needed someone she could talk to. That
person wasn’t Jo, and it apparently wasn’t Riva, either. It would
have been nice to hang out with Willow and the girls from the team,
but she wouldn’t have told them what was really going on. Still
panting from exertion, Daisy tucked the volleyball under one arm
and scanned her phone for Emmy’s number.
Screw texting.
The last thing she
needed was another ten minutes of waiting for her phone to deliver
a response. She pushed the call button.
“Daisy? What’s going on?” Emmy sounded wary
but pleased. She was possibly glad to hear from Daisy.
“What are you up to? Do you want to hang
out?”
A pause stretched long enough that Daisy sank
to the ground, arranging herself cross-legged, feeling sun-warmed
pavement burn the sides of her thighs.
“Yeah, actually,” Emmy said finally. “That
would be nice. I could use a friend.”
Daisy grinned so broadly, it made her cheeks
hurt. “Me, too,” she said. Things had changed. Three months ago,
she would never have dreamed of herself calling Emmy at a time she
wanted Jo. But maybe things were working out, too.
For the first time in her life, Daisy was
acting like the person she knew herself to be. She was telling the
truth, going for what she really wanted, and finding out who could
deal with that and who couldn’t.
She and Emmy agreed on a place to meet for a
milkshake. Their conversation didn’t feel familiar, but it wasn’t
uncomfortable. She walked to her car. Like a new pair of shoes,
this new life fit her, even if it needed some breaking in.
* * * *
Daisy Mejia looked nothing like Iris. Emmy
could see that now. She approached the cafe Daisy had picked—a
place she’d never been before, where she was about to hang out with
a girl she’d never really talked to before—and thought about all
the ways she’d been letting the memory of Iris hold her back.
Iris’s face had blocked out everyone else’s.
The shadow of her presence had crowded Emmy out of every place she
knew in this town. The idea of her with Nico Mathis had made Emmy
feel foolish and unattractive. Replaceable.