Balance (Off Balance Book 1) (54 page)

Instead of sitting on my bed, Kova made his way to my living room and sat on my couch. I went to sit next to him, but he grabbed my hand and guided me to his front. I climbed up, straddling his thighs and lowered myself onto his lap. Placing my hands flat on his chest, he wrapped his arms around my back and snuggled me to him. Not once had Kova ever held me like this, so relaxed and so very intimate, but without any sexual motive. Almost like a lover’s hold.

A few moments of silence passed when Kova spoke up. “Adrianna, I need to ask you something,” he said against me ear. “Are you on birth control?”

My heart stopped. “No.”

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, but I’d heard the disappointment in his tone. His body coiled beneath mine and I felt bad I hadn’t even considered it at the time. “I cannot believe how stupid I was.”

Pulling back, I looked into his solemn eyes. His hands dropped to my hips. “It’s not your fault, Kova. I should’ve been more responsible, too. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

I looked down at his shoulder, lost in thought over the ramifications of our actions. I was smarter than that and yet I made a grave judgment call. It was beyond ignorant of me.

“Well, on the plus side, you didn’t finish inside of me.”

Kova gave me a sympathetic look, his hands slid to my hips. “I do not have to come inside of you for you to get pregnant, Adrianna. It is called pre-come.”

I knew what it was called, I was just trying to give him some hope. “I know, but the possibility is really slim.” That, I knew.

I bit my lip.
Come inside you…
My cheeks flushed at his sexy, baritone voice. My hips purposely snuggled into his lap, feeling his length under me. He was warm and comforting, and something about being in his arms was peaceful.

“And yes, I did. The first night we had sex, I came inside of you.”

Shit. The blood drained from my face. I’d completely forgotten, yet the thought of him coming in me sent a flush of heat down my spine. I’d never been overly interested in sex, but Kova was bringing out the inquisitive side in me, making me want to explore more.

“Anything is a possibility, Ria,” he said softly. My fingers traced over his muscular shoulder as I thought about what I could do to lessen my chances of being pregnant. A thought popped in my head.

“What about the morning after pill?” I suggested, brightly. I didn’t want to take something such as a morning after pill, who knew what the hell it was made of, but I also wasn’t ready to raise a baby, either. I had goals, dreams, and aspirations.

Kova shifted uncomfortably under me and dragged a hand over his mouth. When he stayed silent, I said, “It prevents pregnancy when there is no protection used during sex.”

He rolled his eyes back to mine. “I know what it does.”

“Oh, well, you didn’t say anything.”

“I was just thinking about the idea is all.” His distant eyes were staring at something behind me before they swung back to mine. “I cannot force you to take anything, Adrianna. It is your choice and your decision, but I think this would be the best thing for you to do. For us.”

I nodded. “I think so—”

He cut me off. “I will tell you right now that if you get pregnant and it somehow comes back to me, I will deny it until the day I die,” he said, brushing a fallen lock of hair from my face.

My stomach recoiled at his gentle tone but inconsiderate words. I was just as much at fault as he was, and that was the last thing I wanted. “I don’t feel comfortable buying it though…Do you think you could get it for me?”

Kova didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“But what if someone sees you buying it?”

His brows bunched together and then eased apart. “I will go to a pharmacy in the next town over. Problem solved.”

We both heaved a heavy sigh at the same time. A relieved look passed over both our faces. The last thing I wanted was to get caught, let alone have a damn baby. And I could guarantee Kova felt the same way.

“When will you go? I think there’s an expiration date on how long you have before it’s not effective.”

He nodded. “I think it is a week or something…Katja—” He stopped, remorse plaguing his face heavily and it bothered me. When he regained himself, he quietly said, “Katja has taken it before. I will go when I leave here and get it. It will be in your locker tomorrow morning, so get to the gym early and take it. I will take it out of the package so no one sees it.”

My chest burned. I wasn’t crazy about the thought of Katja having to take the pill because Kova couldn’t control himself around her. I wanted him like that only for me.

“What does it look like?”

“It is a little white pill. I will put it to the side with a bottle of Aloe water in front of it.”

My heart shifted, that unknown feeling coming back. Kova’s eyes were on mine as he tugged my hair loose, the thick waves falling down my back. He fluffed it up, pulling a few strands over my shoulder to rest on my chest.

“Your hair is always up. I liked seeing it down today,” he admitted somberly. “You looked beautiful when I saw you in my office. I had no intention of doing anything more with you, or that ridiculous deal I had you make, but when I saw you, everything changed.”

“I didn’t purposely pick that dress out, you know that, right?”

Kova smirked, nodding. “We will agree to disagree on that.”

I gave him a playful stern glare. His smile shifted, looking more serious, staring into my eyes with such depth I felt he could see right into my deepest thoughts. “You are different than the others.”

I rolled my eyes. “Most clichéd line ever, Kova.”

He gripped me a little tighter. “Think what you want, but no matter what I do and say, I find myself drawn to you explicitly. Like a moth to a flame.”

My brows lifted.

His nose grazed my cheek sweetly. “It is true, think about it. I am the moth, you are the flame. It is an irresistible attraction that will end in total destruction.”

How morbid. “Do you think the moth knows that it’s being lured?”

Kova sat quietly, looking at my chest that was parallel to his face. Only he didn’t stare with desire, he looked lost in thought, maybe wondering if the moth knew any better. I had on a razorback shirt three times too large that hung loosely on my arms, showing a little skin. The back of his finger came up and unhurriedly grazed the side of my round breast. My nipples puckered in return, showing through the shirt.

“Desire can be deadly. Temptation can be toxic. But do I think it knows it is being lured? No,” he said quietly, running his finger in circles on my flesh.

“Like right now, I am tempted to push this thin material aside and press my lips to your tender skin. But I know if I get too close, get a taste of you again,” he winked, and I smiled at the devious glint in his eyes, “then I will not be able to stop. I will want more until it is too late to stop. But if I do, do it,” he pushed the arm hole over my breast, the back of his finger purposely dusting over my rosy nipple, “it does not mean I have to do anything, but the lust, the hunger, the want, it is all there, pulling with a force so powerful that an ending is not even a thought. It is pure desire.”

My fingers continued to thread his hair as he became hard beneath me. His tongue slipped out and licked his bottom lip before he leaned in and delicately flattened it around my nipple. My heart raced, coming alive as he lapped and pulled on my sensitive skin. My back arched seductively as I pressed the back of his head to me. He was taking his time, flicking his tongue over the bud then running it in circles. A moan rolled off my lips and he pulled back with a pop. Looking down through my heavy lids, my nipple was hard and pointed as he stared at it like he wanted to devour me. He covered me back up, and met my gaze.

“You are the bright light that beckons me…And I am okay with it. Thing is, I realized I like talking to you, Adrianna. I like being around you. I have never told any other gymnast or friends about my mother and her secret, only Katja. It feels natural with you. I forget you are only sixteen. You are a fighter, and no matter how much you get pushed down, no matter what you have against you, you do what you have to do and you do not complain. You are strong and resilient. You are relentless, and I find that fucking attractive as hell. It is a turn on, but it is also why I treat you the way I do.”

“It’s why you’ve been so hot and cold with me.”

He nodded. “At first, it was the chase, the sneaking around that all builds it up. As a coach, I know better. There are classes we have to take to be aware of these things—at the end of the day, you are still a minor. But what they do not teach us is it is not always the coach who seduces the athlete. That sometimes, maybe sometimes, it is the other way around.”

“You think I seduced you,” I stated plainly. “Because at fifteen I knew what I was doing with an older man, so I set out to get you.”

He shook his head, his forehead creased with lines. “I think a lot of it has to do with attraction more than anything. Attraction is the root of all evil, not money like some say. It can be everything you have ever imagined and destroy everything at the same time. All relationships begin with attraction that leads to some form of lust. It is a natural reaction that comes from the body. Do I think that you purposely seduced me?” He chuckled with a small smile. “Not exactly.” Brushing a lock of hair behind my ear, he said, “The fire that burns inside of you to be better, to prove others wrong about you, is dangerous, and
that
is attraction in itself. It is a hell of an attraction. We will both be our ruin if we do not stop while we are ahead.”

He paused and looked deeply in my eyes once again. The guilt woven through his face was strong and it froze me. The knot that formed in my stomach and matched with his features told me his next words would cause damage. A pang in my chest spread through my whole body. My face fell, my heart breaking. “Did I do something wrong?” The tears behind my eyes were steadily climbing.

“You did everything right, but you know as much as I do this has to come to an end. It cannot keep going on. No more skating around the edges. No more chasing. It is not worth losing everything over.”

Biting my bottom lip, I studied my fingers as they glided across Kova’s collarbone. His words weren’t malicious, but they cut deep and I wanted to cry.

“You’re right,” I agreed with a shaky voice.

“We can never admit anything to anyone, you know this, right?”

Nodding, I said, “I’d never tell anyone.”

“But even if anyone suspects it, says that they found out, do not fall for the trap.” My brows angled toward each other and he continued. “I will never speak a word of this to anyone, no matter what anyone says. And you cannot either.”

Kova’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, I saw Katja’s name flash across the screen. He scowled. It was close to midnight, and I wondered what he would tell her.

“I have to go.” He lifted my hips and moved me off him to stand.

I fixed my shirt and crossed my arms under my chest. “What will you tell Katja the reason why you’re so late?”

“She will not question me.”

Perplexed, I asked, “Why not?”

“I will not give her the chance,” he said, his eyes raking leisurely down my body. My nipples hardened and my cheeks flushed in response. Kova adjusted his shaft, causing me to look in that direction. The bulge in his shorts was blatantly obvious. My chest tightened, my jaw slackened. He was hard, he wanted sex. And sex would be with Katja. My heart crumpled at the thought of him having sex with her while thinking of me. I knew it was stupid to feel the way I did, but I couldn’t help it.

I followed him to the door. He turned around with his hand on the knob. Kova looked down at me and brought a hand up to cup my cheek. My eyes closed shut as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

I bit my lip as he swiftly stepped out and left, a warm tear slipped down my cheek. Turning around, I leaned against the door and hugged myself as I slid down and let the tears fall.

I
t was pitch black when I pulled up to the gym a little earlier than I normally did. My eyes were swollen, and I was mentally and physically exhausted as I put my truck into park. My face was devoid of its usual makeup and my hair wasn’t even brushed today. Climbing out, I grabbed my gym bag from the backseat and shut the door. I slung it over my shoulder and walked into World Cup.