Balance (Off Balance Book 1) (57 page)

He ordered one more Jaeger where he said he would spot me, only he didn’t. He only stood there to give me piece of mind. I should have expected this, but I was so lost in the moment I didn’t.

Panting and out of breath, I bent over the high bar and breathed the chalky air heavily into my lungs.

“Get your stuff and go. Skip tomorrow’s practice and do not question my authority.” Flipping down, confidence roared through me. Normally I’d be upset over skipping practice, but ending it the way I did made me feel the complete opposite.

I smiled to myself, unwinding my grips and removing my wristbands. I felt good about the Jaegers, about how Kova pushed me to redo them. Had he not, there would be a chance I’d fear them the next time. This practice had started out good, moved to shit, and quickly into a disaster, and then actually ended on a good note for the most part.

I was bent down and shuffling through my bag when Kova strode back over. Standing up, I threw the duffle over my shoulder and looked at his hard face.

His voice was low, only for me to hear. “If you ever perform in the way you just did again, you will be kicked out of here so fast your head will spin. I do not give a shit who your father is. It was reckless and stupid and I never want to see it again.”

And then he walked away.

I
t’d been a couple of days since the Jaeger fiasco. I tried not to dwell on it since the past couldn’t be changed and nothing good could come from constantly thinking about it. Instead, I blocked it out as much as possible and kept training in the forefront of my mind.

I busied myself and caught up on my homework. I even studied the material I’d be going over with my tutors the next couple of days. When I was done with the boring math I’d never use again in my life, I cleaned and did things around my condo so my mind didn’t wander. I went to therapy for my Achilles, and then decided to get take out, something I never did.

The Penne a la Vodka was orgasmic. Too bad I couldn’t eat it every day. However, considering it was Thanksgiving weekend and I wasn’t with my family, I splurged. Not going home for this holiday wasn’t a big deal for me. I’d go home for Christmas, though.

Yawning, I closed my chemistry book shut and dropped it on the couch. My eyes were puffy and swollen, and my hair was damp from the shower I took an hour ago. Relaxed with a full belly, I was ready to cuddle up in bed.

I didn’t know what to do, and I had no one to talk to about it. I didn’t want to tell Avery I had sex with Kova because I didn’t want her to judge me. Not that she would, but after the talk I had with her and how she insisted Kova and I stop, I had a gut feeling she would be disappointed. When the time was right I’d tell her. Until then, it was better this way.

Looking through the sliding glass door, I gazed into the pitch-black sky thinking about what the future held, where I would be a year from now gymnastics wise. The moon hung high and I stared at it when I heard a light knock at my door.

Standing up, I walked across the plush carpet and stood on my tiptoes to peek through the peephole. Taking a deep breath, I unlocked the door and opened it.

All the air left my lungs. God, he was so fucking gorgeous.

He had one arm propped up against the wall as he leaned down and stared at me. His piercing green eyes peaked out from under his thick, black eyelashes, and he had more facial hair than I’d ever seen him with before. It worked in his favor and I wished he’d grow in more. He scanned the length of my body with his heady gaze until our eyes locked again. It seemed every time he stopped by my condo, my outfit was the same—panties and a shirt. In my defense, I wasn’t planning on having company.

Kova dropped his arm and sauntered in past me. My heart leaped into my throat and I could feel my body simmering when I got a drift of his clean scent mixed with cologne. He smelled divine. I had a gut feeling he was here to yell at me, and luckily after a few days alone, I had everything planned I wanted to say.

Pushing back the hood of his jacket, I watched Kova unzip it and then remove it. He shook out his tight arms. Fury thickened the air, my heart catapulting in my chest. He was wearing distressed dark jeans and a tight black shirt. Dropping his jacket on the high back chair, Kova stalked toward me. A crease formed between my eyes at his harsh demeanor and I swallowed back the knot in my throat. He stepped toward me and followed me into the kitchen. My heart was wild with anxiety when I felt my back against the wall.

“Are you fucking crazy?” He gritted between clenched teeth. He got right to the point. “Is there something wrong with you?”

“You really had no idea?” I countered.

He snapped his neck to the side like he was cracking it, never leaving my gaze. “You were a
virgin,
a
fucking virgin.
And you let me fuck you the way I did? Let me touch you like that?”

My face scrunched up. He said virgin with a tone of repugnance and it hurt my stomach.

“I didn’t let you do anything, you wanted it. We both wanted it, plain and simple. Okay—Maybe I did push you a little too far, but what’s the difference, anyway?”

“The difference is you were a virgin, Adrianna. That is the difference. Are you not following the conversation?”

“Well, if it helps, I’m ninety-nine percent positive I broke my hymen on the balance beam, which means in a sense I wasn’t a virgin.” Kova paused, looking baffled, so I continued. “See, it’s actually quite common for a gymnast to break her hymen from a bad fall on the balance beam, and Lord knows I’ve had plenty of falls. It’s probably why I didn’t bleed when we had sex.”

Kova stepped closer. He placed his forearms on the wall near my head, boxing me in. His eyes narrowed and he was seething.

“Are you really going to school me on straddling the beam and hymens? I know all about that. I have been around the gym world longer than you have been alive. Breaking your hymen does not mean you are not a virgin anymore, Adrianna.” Kova dipped his chin and looked deeper into my eyes, fury pouring out of them. “Penetration means you are not a virgin anymore. And while breaking your hymen on beam may be true, I was still your first form of real penetration, and that is fucked up beyond comprehension. I cannot believe you did not tell me.”

My chest deflated.

“How is it fucked up?” I asked dejectedly.

“You should have been honest with me.” He mirrored my tone and for the first time since he found out about my virginity, I actually felt remorseful.

Kova clenched his eyes shut and stepped away. He began pacing my kitchen frantically. The rage and fury he was casting out was thick and dense, hitting me hard and making me nervous. This was the first time I’d seen or felt real anger from him. It was completely different from the times he yelled at me in the gym, and honestly, I wasn’t sure what to do with it.

“I cannot believe how stupid I was. I cannot believe I let myself fuck you, touch you,
drown
in you,” he mumbled to himself. “I should have never done it.”

I flinched, feeling the regret in his words. “What does it matter, anyway,” I yelled, tired of his constant whiplash. “I wanted it. If you had known, would you have stopped?”

He stopped and looked at me, walking to stand close again. “Yes, I would have,” he said between clenched teeth. “Because you never had a cock inside you before me no matter how you want to look at it, regardless if your hymen was already broken or not. I was still your first and while it never should have happened, it did. I took your innocence. I took your virginity. Why did you not speak up and say anything? I was always honest with you, Adrianna, always.”

I shrugged feeling guilty. “I didn’t know how to say it, and I was afraid you would have stopped.”

He laughed low, manically. “This is so fucked up.”

My heart crumbled. I loved being with Kova. He didn’t push me. If anything, I pushed him.

There was no reason we couldn’t talk about this situation civilly. He was being deliberately cruel and I didn’t like it.

“Kova,” I said softly, trying to calm him down. “You did nothing wrong.”

His eyes locked on mine, forcing me not to move. “Nothing wrong? I sure as hell did not stop you. I hardly even tried. I saw an opening and took it. The moment I said take and you did, there was not a chance in hell I could hold back. I fucked a virgin. Over and over. Adrianna, I
licked
you, you had multiple orgasms,” he said with horror. “An underage virgin at that. My fucking gymnast! There is a lot wrong with this picture. I could have gone to jail.”

“You could’ve gone to jail before it,” I muttered.

“What did you say?”

I stuttered when he glared at me. “Nothing…” This wasn’t how I planned for this conversation to go.

“You know, this is
your
fault. I should have stopped your advances. I should have been stronger and turned you away like I did the others in the past. I have never,” he fumed with rage, “been with a gymnast, let alone someone underage. What the fuck was wrong with me?” He questioned himself, pacing back and forth again. Running a hand through his hair, he repeated, “This could cost us everything.”

That gave me an opening. “You were never with any other gymnast? I find that hard to believe with how long you’ve been coaching and how closely you work with them. That can’t be possible.”

He pulled back like I slapped him, disgust written all over his striking face. “Do you think I am some sort of pedophile, Adrianna? No, I have never been with any other gymnast, or underage girl in my life. I never desired to. What the hell makes you think that?”

He stalked toward me. “You actually believe I like young girls?” He revolted at his own question. I shrugged. “Answer me.”

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t see how you couldn’t have.” I shook my head at his question, shrugging it off. “Kova,” I said softly, and placed my hand on his shoulder. “It’s not like anyone knows, or will ever know.”

“Don’t touch me.”

My eyelids dropped, and I glared at him. Anger simmered inside me, mounting to the top and ready to explode. He acted as if we had gotten caught. The whole virgin thing really wasn’t a big deal to me, so I didn’t understand why he was so affected by the fact he was my first. I wish he’d just drop it.

“You’re overreacting, and to put all the blame on me is absolute bullshit,” I fought back. “It takes two to tango. I didn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want.”

The look he pinned me with when he spun around should’ve scared me, but it didn’t. His piercing green eyes were so vibrant and the veins in his neck strained. Deep down, I loved seeing him like this. He was rage and fury rolled into one beautiful package.

“You pursued me! And I let you!” He roared, his eyes racking a heated gaze down my body. His Russian accent was thicker when he was angry.

“I pursued you?” I repeated flatly. “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. But in the end, it’s all the same. You let me get close to you. You opened up to me and let me inside your world,” I said, slowly stepping toward him. “You wanted me. And you knew you couldn’t touch me, yet you did. You got off on it. Have you ever heard of reverse psychology?” He pulled back in horror but I kept going. “Why didn’t you push me away? It’s not like you can’t overpower me, stop me.”

“Adrianna. You are missing the point. It is not about overpowering, it is about removing myself from the situation.”

And he was missing my point so I continued advancing on him. I wasn’t sure where this courage was coming from, but I went with it.

“We both know you’re way stronger than I am and could easily have put an end to anything before it started.”

“Adrianna,” he warned, a tick starting in his jaw.

“Acknowledge it wasn’t just me.”

“No,” he growled.

“Do it,” I whispered, staring up at him. Our chests were so close that if I took a deep breath my boobs would touch him. And I wanted to do it to tempt him and prove him wrong.

“Step back. Now.”

“Make me.”

Glossy, heavy lidded eyes stared down at me. I was trying to stay strong, but the look he gave me sent a sensation throughout my entire body. Knowing he liked being told no, and knowing he liked when I fought him, only pushed my drive. It sent another thrill through me. His needs and wants turned me on and I embraced this side he was bringing out in me.