Be Careful What You Wish For (5 page)

Chapter Six

AFTER WE MADE
love the first time, we stayed in the same position, like a full-body hug, wrapped in each other’s arms for minutes, almost afraid to let go.  I pushed the dirty deed out of my mind, because when I forgot about that, I instead relished that I felt like I’d had an almost religious experience.  This man was someone special, and I was starting to think maybe his wife didn’t appreciate him.

But I knew too that I didn’t know the whole story and should withhold judgment.

Still…I couldn’t ignore the strength of the emotions flowing through me.  Something was going on here, something more than just sex.  I felt something on a whole other level, something more than simple lust.

Finally, he looked at me and touched my face.  He was overwhelmed too, and I only figured it out because he didn’t say anything.  Instead, he just kissed me.  I finally
unwrapped my legs from around him.  He removed the condom and then lay back, holding out his arms to embrace me.

He dozed off, but I couldn’t sleep.  I was feeling too overtaken by the emotions coursing through me.  In such a short time, this man had moved me.  Before I’d actually met him, I’d determined that I was going to do my best to seduce him, and—aside from the guilt I couldn’t shake—I thought it would be easy, because he was attractive.

Somehow, though, I knew he was a man I wouldn’t want to let go.  He felt like…

You might not believe in reincarnation.  I don’t know that I do, either, but he felt like an old soul.  No, that’s not exactly right.  He felt like someone
I
had known before, someone I should know.  Someone I had already loved.  But I wasn’t the only one feeling that way.

He awoke a few minutes later, probably unable to sleep with my finger tracing patterns on his
pec.  He was gentle when he rolled over on his side.  I did too and we looked at each other.  Except it was more than that.  It was strange how we weren’t talking, but it felt like we were communicating just the same.  My eyes searched his, looking for unspoken answers.  He stroked my cheek, and I could tell he was struggling for words.  I didn’t want to stop his thought process, so I just encouraged him with my silence and soft smile.

After some time, h
e took a deep breath.  “You probably think I do this all the time…that I cheat on my wife with every sexy girl who throws herself at me.  And maybe I shouldn’t try convincing you otherwise, but I want you to know I’ve never done this before.”  He closed his eyes then and sucked in a deep breath.  When he opened them again, he said, “I—you…”

“
I know.  It’s weird,” I said.  “I feel it too.”

He smiled then, a small one, and he rubbed my arm.  We didn’t need to say anything else.

No, that wasn’t true.  God, no.  I knew then that I had to tell the truth.  If it had been what I’d set out for it to be, a simple exercise of entrapment, I would have found a reason to get out of there soon to report my findings and then try to discover a way to live with my guilt.  But I was falling for this man—
hard
—and I had to tell him the truth.

Best to just get it over with.
  I knew it would probably end whatever was between us before it had even started, but I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.  “I…uh…oh, God.  You’re going to hate me.”

He frowned.  He was silent for several seconds and then he said, “No.  Why?  Why would you think that?”

I took a deep breath.  “I’ve done something really horrible.”

His voice was soft.  “What?”

I paused.  “I knew you were married.”  And then I started crying.  I couldn’t help it.  I wasn’t a crier.  I’d had the kind of life up to that point that had made me tough, made heartaches easier to handle, but this…  This man had already moved me like I’d never dreamed, and I’d been holding back all that guilt all night.  It had to give.

And then, to make matters worse, he pulled me close again, holding my head to his shoulder.  “Oh, babe, don’t cry.  I
told
you I was married, and I did it anyway.”  He misunderstood what I was saying, but I couldn’t stop sobbing enough to tell him.  He was quiet for a time, just letting me weep, until he finally started speaking again.  His voice was soft.  “You know, I thought I loved her, but…things between us just haven’t been good for a long time.  She constantly accuses me of cheating on her.  She’s jealous and vindictive.  She’s manipulative and mean.  She throws shit at me, screams and yells.  I can’t remember the last time we enjoyed each other’s company.  I thought a couple times about getting a divorce, but…I love her little brother.  He’s still in high school and he doesn’t have anybody who seems to care about him, her mother included.  So…I want to help make sure he gets through.  But I’ve been miserable.  Completely miserable for a long time, and…I…”

I found my voice again.  “You didn’t know what it could really feel like.”

He sighed.  My head was still buried in the crook of his neck.  He asked, “How did you know?”

“Because I feel the same way.
  I feel like I’ve known you forever.”  He sat up some, resting his cheek on his hand, his elbow crooked into the bed to prop up his head.  He touched my chin with his index finger to guide my lips toward his.  He smiled and kissed me.  But I still had to tell him.  If it meant I’d lose the man who already felt like my soulmate, then so be it, but I had to do it.  He would find out anyway…and he had to know.   “But I have to tell you something.”

His eyes scanned my face and he touched my cheek again.  “What?”

I felt a tear slide down the bridge of my nose and then it hit the pillow.  “I…uh…well, my car is dying.  It’s going to cost about eight hundred dollars to get it fixed, and that’s way more than I can afford.  I’m a grad student and so I’m not rolling in the dough.  Anyway, the other night, your wife and some of her friends came into the bar where I work.  They were laughing and carrying on, and…well, your wife and her friends were cackling, and she kept complaining that she was sure her husband was cheating on her.  Bottom line…she and her friends offered me eight hundred to see if I could get you to cheat.”

He kept searching my eyes, trying to find answers to his questions.  I pushed myself to go forward.  “
I feel awful for doing it, especially now, because there’s something there that I can’t put my finger on.  And I can’t regret it, because I never would have met you if it wasn’t for your wife.  I feel awful.  I wish I hadn’t gone through with it, but…”

He sat up.  I looked at him and I was sure he was leaving for good.  He moved to the end of the bed
, and I waited for him to put his clothes on and leave.  I felt another tear drip onto my cheek.  “I never would have met you if not for her, so I can’t…”  I couldn’t finish my thought.  Instead, I crawled to the end of the bed where Kage sat, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, connected my hands in front of his chest, and I rested my head on his back.  I couldn’t say another word.  And the tears fell again.

He was quiet and still.  I didn’t know what that meant, but as long as he would let me hold him, I had to.  This man was already the only man for me for my entire life, and I’d find a way to go on if he walked out of my life for good, but I was going to hold onto him as long as I could.

When he stirred, he didn’t leave.  He turned around and took me in his arms.  He didn’t say a word, but, somehow, I could tell what he was thinking.  His kiss consumed me then, and it was deep, soulful, infused with fire and passion.  If Kage was not my soulmate, then life was a lie and everything I’d felt in my short history had been meaningless.  I’d never felt like a particularly sensitive person before, needing instead to shield myself and hold myself at a distance from most people, but the short time I’d already spent with this man had made me feel open to new experiences.  More than that, it made me feel like I’d found someone who inexplicably knew me to my core.  I wasn’t going to question it, and if tonight was it, I had to relish him while he was in my arms.

My body couldn’t help but respond to his demanding lips, and I was on fire in seconds, needing to be quenched by his lips, his cock, his body up against mine.  But it wasn’t desperate this time.  It felt sweet and deep and ancient.  I slid my hand through his hair as he kissed me, and he turned around completely, his beautiful body lording over mine.

I trusted this man with all that I was.  You probably think I was stupid, young, naïve, gullible, but I assure you I was not.  Young, maybe, but not naïve and not the kind to believe in love ever after.  I was not the kind of girl who liked fairy tales.  I thought Cinderella was stupid to hedge all her bets on an effeminate prince who was dumb enough to choose his bride based upon a slipper fitting her foot when we all know that lots of women have the same shoe size.  I’d seen my mother and father fail in enough relationships to believe that hoping for a happy ever after was futile.  I found myself wishing for relationships that would make me happy while I was in them.  That would have to be good enough.  And I’d discovered that I was happier alone.  Robb had taught me that.  I hadn’t expected a happy ending with him either, but after spending years with the guy, I hadn’t expected to be fucked over like he had done.  So I’d grown accustomed to being happy on my own and enjoying the company of a man when he came around.  That had been good enough.

So to feel what I felt with
Kage was not only uncharacteristic but also against everything in me.  I knew in the back of my mind how stupid it was and yet I couldn’t stop myself.  Something deep inside me, something I’d never felt before, had never known existed loved this man—yes,
loved
him—and it was such a foreign feeling to me.  He felt like a part of me that I’d just found, and I had to nourish it.

That trust, that feeling was mutual.  That much I knew.  And the first act of trust was telling him with my eyes not to
ruin that moment, not to bother pulling away from me to get another condom out of his wallet.  I wanted him inside me, and unless he insisted—communicating that there was some awful reason he should sheath himself—I wanted to feel
him
and only him.

Mmm
, God, it was unlike anything I’d ever felt, having him slowly drive himself into me.  No words could express what I was feeling then, and I was glad we didn’t talk, because what we said to each other without words was more beautiful than anything a lame sentence could have communicated.  I felt my body give way to his demands as I found my release and his body responded to my cries.  We fell asleep in each other’s arms then and I slept like I never had before, dreaming about things that I knew had never happened.

Chapter Seven

I AWOKE IN Kage’s arms.  I rolled over and rested my cheek against his chest.  He was warm and the skin on his pec was soft.  I never wanted to leave his side, but I knew we couldn’t be here forever.  Life had to go on, for better or worse, and I also had to face the music.  I was going to have to tell Fay that, yes, I’d slept with her husband…but I didn’t want to give him back.  And I didn’t want the rest of her money.  I couldn’t do it.  If I hadn’t already given the first four hundred to Carl, I would have given that back to Fay as well.

These were the thoughts on my mind as I found my way toward wakefulness that fateful morning.  Part of me still felt guilty and dirty and I hoped I could wash that down the tub.  So I kissed
Kage’s chest and extricated myself from his arms.  I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, realizing I could still feel the evidence of our night together between my thighs.

I stood, feeling naked suddenly, but I looked down at
Kage.  God, the man was hot.  He was covered up to his waist with the sheet, and the chain he wore around his neck dangled and lay across his arm and the bed.  I started to turn when he opened his eyes and said, “Morning.”

“Morning.
  I’m—uh—just going to make use of the facilities.”  I hustled to the bathroom area.  Shit.  This place was pretty nice.  I’d been in a few hotels before but never one like this.  It wasn’t a penthouse or anything, but it was nice.  There were soaps and shampoo and lotion and I found a card next to them.  It said that if there was anything we forgot to bring for our stay, we could call housekeeping for complimentary items.  I saw that toothpaste was one of them.  Granted, I still didn’t have a toothbrush, but toothpaste sounded divine.

While I was snooping around, I found a huge fluffy white robe in the closet.  I put it on and then picked up the card.  I walked back over to the bed.  There was a phone on the nightstand.  I called housekeeping and asked for toothpaste.  When I hung up,
Kage muttered, “Glad to know your teeth are a priority.”

I laughed, in spite of the tenseness I was feeling once again.  “Well, that and my breath.”  I was feeling uncomfortable, not ready to talk.  What if last night was a fluke?  What if he really didn’t feel the same way about me that I was feeling about him?  Those emotions were still intense
, and I didn’t know that I could take rejection.

No.  Not true.  I’d find a way to handle it.

I giggled and made my way to the bathroom area again.  I drained my bladder and then picked out a towel and washcloth.  I looked around once more.  No conditioner.  My hair wouldn’t be able to stand a good washing without conditioner, so I wouldn’t wash my hair there.  I had a scrunchie in my purse so I could put it up while I showered.  While I continued snooping around the bathroom area, I heard a rap on the door.

I walked back out, halfway expecting to find
Kage dressing, but he was still lying down.  I collected the toothpaste from the guy at the door, realizing I should give him a tip.  “Just a sec,” I said, picking my purse up off the floor.  I grabbed a couple of bills and shoved them through the door into his hands.  “Thank you.”

Kage
was still half asleep when he said, “You’re pretty lively.  There any coffee over there?”

“I don’t know.”

“You have class this morning or something?”

“No.”  I wasn’t going to tell him about the Friday mo
rning study group I was missing, had planned to miss due to my upcoming meeting with Fay.  “I’m going to shower.”  But first I had to finger brush my teeth.  I drank a lot of water too.  I hadn’t had too much beer, but I could still feel its remains in my mouth.  I wanted to feel fresh.  And part of me hoped Kage would join me in the shower.

If he were feeling as weird as I was, though, he’d keep his distance.  And he did.  I took a quick enough shower, soaping all the parts that needed it and rinsing my guilt and shame down the drain.  After the washing was done, I stood under the hot water deciding my next move.  Yeah, last night I’d felt like this guy was the only one for me, and I’d been positive he felt the same way, but what if I was wrong?  What then?

I couldn’t stay in the shower contemplating it forever.  Before I turned the water off, Kage opened the door a crack and asked, “Mind if I use that toothpaste?”

“Go ahead.”  It was
his
money.  After all, he was paying for the room, so I wouldn’t have told him he couldn’t use it even if I’d wanted to.

I got out, feeling a little better, and toweled off, my hair still up in the
scrunchie.  I slathered the little bottle of hotel lotion on my legs after hanging my towel on the rack, and then I wrapped the robe back around my body.  I sneered, realizing I’d have to put on last night’s clothes, finding the idea distasteful.  First, though, I was going to make sure I looked okay.  Kage passed by me wearing only his jeans from the night before and went in the bathroom, closing the door behind him, and I dug through my purse to find the eyeliner and mascara I kept for times of desperation like now.  I didn’t look too bad in the mirror, because last night’s makeup had been so heavy that I hadn’t been able to wash it all off in the shower, but a little touch up made it fresher.  I had lipstick in my purse too, but I didn’t need it this early.

Kage
was out of the bathroom while I was still putting on liner and he stood behind me, smiling.  “You okay?”  I couldn’t help but smile back, and I nodded.  His words, his eyes gave me hope, whether I should have it or not.  As I put the eyeliner down, he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.  “You sure?”

“Yeah.”

His eyes probed mine through the mirror and I felt that understanding again.  Yes, things between us were okay.  No, more than okay.  No matter what my future brought, he was part of it.  That I knew.  And when we both registered those feelings with each other, he touched his lips to my exposed neck.  I closed my eyes, letting out a soft breath, and tilted my head to the other side.  He slid a hand inside the robe and cupped my breast.  The nipple responded immediately to his touch, and my body and mind shifted from a wistful but soulful state to fully aroused.

I had to kiss him, had to taste him, so I turned and faced him and consumed his mouth with mine.  The tie loosened around the robe
from the pressure of his arm working its way inside.  His fingers closed around my pebbled nipple, pinching it just enough to send a charge through my body.  I gasped as he removed his lips from mine once more to kiss my neck, then my collarbone.  He moved his mouth lower, sucking my neglected nipple into his mouth even though his fingers hadn’t let go of the other one.  I let out a sigh as he then trailed his tongue down the swell of my breast to my cleavage.  His tongue felt like it was on fire, leaving a path of flames behind it. And yet my whole body was on fire and I knew only he could quench the inferno inside me.  My fingers were wound into his hair, coiled around individual locks, as his lips touched my belly.  He moved his hands to my hips and he firmly gripped them, lifting my ass up on the counter.  Once I was there, he swept the soap, lotion, and tissue aside, knocking them into the sink, but he didn’t slide me up all the way.  My ass was only half on the counter, not that I could concentrate on my seating arrangements at the time.

His lips continued working their way down until he moved his hands from my hips to my thighs, and he spread my legs apart.  My fingers tensed in his hair, my pussy ready for whatever assault he was about to bring.  But he didn’t.  Instead, he traced another trail with his tongue, this time halfway down my thigh.  It was then that I felt my pussy clench against itself, yearning for his attention.  I was wet, needing him, wanting him, and my ragged breath assured me he knew it too.

He slid a hand up my inner thigh, helping to hold my leg out of way; his other hand he ran along the outside of my labia, teasing, so near.  He spread me apart with his fingers and his face got closer.  I could feel his breath on me and I felt my fingers tighten in his hair again.  When his tongue touched my clit, I couldn’t help the groan that started brewing in my chest and crawled up my throat, spewing from my open mouth, followed up with a gasp.  Oh, my God, I knew he wasn’t doing anything new, but I’d been so wound up that I think I could have come if he’d just kept breathing on me.  His tongue, though, was maddening.  It felt like he was flicking it, just a little tease to warm me up but no way was he going to get me off.  Not yet.  And the way I was breathing probably told him that I was fine with whatever he wanted to do.

My head was pressed in the corner as though I needed the walls for leverage, but I held onto his hair as he teased my clit with his tongue.  He stopped flicking and started a slow, maddening up
and down stroke.  He got slower and slower…and slower, and I could feel my clit throbbing with pure need.  My breathing responded to his pace as I was now contained to deep yet sharp intakes of air, willing on the pleasure that waited just beyond the brink.  It was frustrating, delicious, and had me on the edge of insanity.  I felt his fingers slide down to my pussy and he fingered the opening while his tongue continued its tempered cadence.  I could feel naughty, evil words dancing on the edge of my lips.  I wanted to demand him to stop playing with me, to give me all he had, but I was enjoying it too much.

Another moan poured out of my throat as I felt my thighs grow tighter, and I sucked down another gulp of air, trying to be patient as he continued to taste me.  I shifted slightly because the hard counter was uncomfortable and then I knew I was just seconds away.  I inhaled once, feeling drunk and out of my mind, and then again, and then I felt my legs clench as I uttered something incoherent at the top of my lungs.  I’d never had an orgasm like this before in intensity.  Part of me wanted to demand he stop immediately, because surely my mind couldn’t take the excess of the sensations that were washing over me, but the rest of me—the greedy part—wanted to go the distance.  I think
Kage could sense that, because his hand continued to hold my thigh at bay where it had from the beginning, but now his other hand was cradled against the opposite leg, keeping me wide apart where his tongue had continual easy, unfettered access.  I could feel my thighs wanting to resist, but the rest of me—the part that wanted all of Kage—managed to make me tilt my pelvis so that he wouldn’t have to fight.  And I rode the wave until, at last, my body was done.

I felt spent. 
Kage sucked on my inner thigh, and it almost tickled, because my body felt sensitive, overpleasured.  But when I saw the look in his eyes, hell, yes, I wanted him.  I wanted him inside me.  I wanted to ride him.  He slid his arms around my back under the robe and pulled me up to him, lifting me a little and then sliding himself inside.  My body knew what to do, because it was as though I had more in me.  Oh, yes, I did, and my thighs clenched his body possessively as his cock slammed into me, bringing me even higher.

My fingers were still coiled in his hair.  He kissed me and then pressed his forehead against mine.  I opened my eyes and could tell he was close.  I touched my lips to his neck, just under his ear, and I ran my tongue along the lobe
.  I wanted to whisper something hot or romantic in his ear, but another orgasm overtook me, and instead I filled him with my cries.  It wasn’t long that he found his release as well, and, for some reason, I felt on the verge of tears when he whispered my name, his lips resting on my neck.