Be Careful What You Wish For (8 page)

He trailed his tongue back up to my neck and breathed, “Think we can be patient now?”

I smiled and then bit my lip.  As his eyes rose to meet mine, I said, “I can’t make any promises.”

He smirked and took me in a kiss, releasing his hold on my hair but picking me up off the floor by
sliding an arm under my ass.  I clenched my legs around his torso, hoping the friction and heat of my underside against his musculature would offer some relief, but he lay me on the bed in seconds, depriving me of that fantasy in short order.  I lifted my head off the bed to meet his lips, but he shied away, smiling.  What a tease.  He moved in slowly and then kissed me, and I hesitated to respond, but when I knew his kiss was sincere, I took him in.

I was aching, on fire, tingling from every single nerve in my body, and as his lips moved down my body again, I could feel the flames growing higher.
  He reached under my skirt and grabbed the front of my panties with violence.  They were wadded up into his fist and he pulled them down hard.  They tore at my skin as they obeyed his command, and even though the motion hurt my flesh, I could barely feel it.  I heard a gasp rush from my lips, but I knew relief was coming.

But once he had my panties down
past my knees, he trailed his fingers back up my thigh with a feather touch, sending chills through to my core.  He got closer to my pussy, though, but then he stopped.  I groaned in frustration and he smiled again but brought his lips to my cleavage, brushing my skin with soft moist kisses that did nothing but make me more aroused.  His fingers trailed up and down, up and down, but never homed in on their intended target.

I couldn’t take it anymore.  I’d been resting my hands on his shoulders, trying to keep
my fingers from digging deep, but I was ready to snap.  I bent one of my legs to pull it out of the panties and then wrapped it around his at the knees as though I were holding him down, but I wanted to press him into me.  I thought it could give me some relief.  I dragged my fingers down his chest, and even though his t-shirt was still on, I hoped it communicated my impatience.  I understood it.  I got that he wanted to savor our time together, but my thought was, instead, that we had our whole future ahead of us.  We could take our time later.  Right now, I needed him.  I couldn’t think of anything I needed more.

I grabbed for his belt and unbuckled him, almost challenging him to stop me again.  But he didn’t.  I felt more eager as I unbuttoned his jeans and slid the zipper down.
  He got his face close to mine, his eyes boring into mine.  They were sexy, ablaze, and serious.  I couldn’t help the playful smile that I knew lit up my eyes as I slid my hand inside his jeans and brushed his cock with my hand.  Then I took my index finger and glided over its length from base to tip.

I had his attention.

I swirled my finger around the head then and brought my other hand to the back of his neck, pulling his mouth into a kiss.  And as he felt the sensation of my mouth on his, I took his cock into my hand and squeezed gently, hoping he knew how serious I was about not messing around anymore.  I broke from the kiss, the one he was having a hard time concentrating on anyway, and said, “I need you, Kage.  I need you right now.”

His eyes seemed a darker green as he looked in mine and he took my bottom lip in his mouth again, sucking it gently while he
obeyed my wish and entered into me.  It was slow at first, but then he gave me what I needed.  He rammed into me, hard and forceful, and I cried out.  Yes, this was what I’d been begging for.  Each thrust brought me closer.  I tried to kiss his neck but I was distracted, my mind focusing on the sensations below.  I realized the nails of one hand were digging into his neck, the others in his ass, as though I wanted to guide his actions.  But he didn’t need my help.  His body and mine…they knew what to do together.  I tilted my pelvis to adjust and squeezed against him and he needed only to move inside me a few more times before I hit the top.

It was a slow build, gradual and almost elusive.  I felt the orgasm right there and as I squeezed again, it came over me, but it was slow.  I thought it would just be a small, subdued one, but as he continued driving into me, the full force of it gave way and I moaned, unable to hold it in.  It was an explosion inside my head, one filled with pleasure, and I could barely register that he was coming too.

When he was done, he rested his head on the bed just above my shoulder.  His body enveloping mine…it felt so right, so perfect, and I never wanted this moment to end.  I knew it would, though, just like all others, so I decided to cherish it while he was still in my arms, while he was still inside me…

And fully mine.

Chapter Twelve

KAGE DOZED OFF beside me, but I couldn’t sleep.  I was still wound up from work, in spite of the overdose of relaxing chemicals Kage’s sex had flooded my body with, and I was also worried that the noise I’d been making might have awakened Steph.  Well, if it had, she had gone back to sleep…probably.  I rolled over onto my side.  I couldn’t manage to get comfortable enough to grow drowsy.  That was probably because we weren’t completely on the bed.

“Hey…
Kage.  Why don’t you move up here to rest your head on a pillow?”

He opened his eyes and seemed a little disoriented at first, but he nodded and rolled on his side before crawling up to the head of the bed.  I got up and swit
ched on the lamp on the nightstand and then walked across the room to turn off the bedroom light.  By the time I got back to the bed, Kage was pulling his shirt over his head.  Then he took his jeans off and tossed them to the floor.  Oh, God, his body was beautiful, and I loved seeing all his tattoos.  He got off the bed for a few seconds to pull back the covers and then climbed back in.  Meanwhile, I was pulling my skirt down and letting my blouse fall off my shoulders.  I reached behind my back to undo my bra and I appreciated the look on Kage’s face when I tossed it on the dresser.  I got under the covers and snuggled up next to him, my cold room making me crave warmth.

And, oh, yes.  He was quite warm. 
Almost hot.  At least, I felt warmer next to him.  He closed his eyes and held me close, and I thought maybe he was going to go back to sleep.  I could feel his steady breath on my hair.  “You sure I don’t need to go beat the shit out of that bonehead who grabbed you tonight?”

For some reason, I thought that was sweet.  “No.  It happens all the time.  The guy was drunk and he won’t even remember it tomorrow.  No sense hurting your beautiful hands on someone like that.”

He chuckled softly and I felt his breath against my hair again.  “I think it’d be worth it.”

We were quiet for a few moments and then I asked, “So
…do you have a new place?”

“Hmm?
  Oh, yeah.  I’m staying with Mark.  He has an extra bedroom and a garage and he offered.  I’m looking for an apartment, but I’m not in any hurry as long as he can stand having me around.”

I ventured into more dangerous territory.  “Were you able to save all your
things?”

“From Fay?
  Yeah.  I think it might have been a different story if I hadn’t gotten there when I had.”

I couldn’t imagine someone being that vindictive.  In all fairness, I suppose, I was just feeling overprotective of
Kage, but when I dug deep, I knew I would be pretty emotional if I’d felt like someone had stolen him away from me too.  I might not be so forgiving, either.  I don’t know that I would have wanted to ruin his belongings, but when I thought hard about it, I could understand the fury Fay might have felt.  “That’s good.”

“It’s not like I had a lot. 
My music stuff, clothes, little things.  It all fit in the back of my truck.  The furniture, dishes, shit like that—she can have it.  I don’t need it.  A lot of that stuff was hers when I moved in anyway.”  I found myself playing with his nipple while he talked.  His eyes were closed, and I expected him to fall asleep again at any moment.

And then it washed over me.  Whether I wanted to take any responsibility for it or not, a huge part of his life was over.  He’d ended a chapter in his book, and even if he’d wanted to…I
had a hand in it.  I felt a new wave of remorse wash over me.  My voice cracked when I said, “Kage…I’m so sorry.”

That was when he opened his eyes.  I was staring at the nipple I was tracing with my finger, so he lifted my chin to make me look at him.  “Don’t apologize, Jessica.  The end of our marriage was inevitable.  For some reason, Fay
wanted to speed it along.  But don’t you ever say you’re sorry.  I wouldn’t be here with you right now if she hadn’t done it the way she did.”  I nodded.  He was right, but I wondered if I would ever be able to leave the pangs of regret behind or if they would simply fade into the background.  I nodded.  “We should never have married in the first place.”  I looked at him again.  I wanted to know why he said it, but I didn’t want to be nosy.  I might have felt like Kage was my soulmate, but I still didn’t feel like I should be poking around in his business unless he wanted to share.  I stroked his cheek.  I saw something in his eyes, something I felt the need to comfort.  He sighed.  “I stayed for so long because of her little brother.”

“What about him?”

“He’s a junior in high school.  Fay lost her dad right after she graduated, and her mom had been in a wheelchair for as long as she could remember.  Her brother was a little guy, maybe ten years old, if that, when their dad died.  He didn’t have any male role models, and all he had was Fay and their mom.  They have two uncles but they live on the east coast.  So…I was it.”  His eyes reflected a painful past.  “I lost my parents a long time ago, and I didn’t want him to suffer like I had.  He was—
is
a good kid.  I wanted to give him some of the chances I never had.  And Fay…I didn’t know that she was the answer.”  He took a deep breath.  I knew I needed to just let him talk, so I looked back down at my finger.  I let it trace a tattoo on his chest, one in beautiful script that said simply, “Forged.”  “So when everything went down, I stayed around for him.  We talked Friday.  I wanted him to know I will always be here for him.  He knew things weren’t good between me and Fay.  He said he wasn’t surprised.”

“He probably thinks of you like a brother.”

He moved his head a little.  “I think I’m like a father to him.  If
that’s
not scary.”

I smiled and looked back up at him.  “Not scary at all.  I’m sure he looks up to you.”

“Yeah, but I’m not sure that’s such a great idea.”

“Why not?
  You hold a steady job.  You’re a sweet guy.  You have good friends.”

“I cheated on my wife.”

“Does he know that?”

“I’m sure he does by now.  Fay’s no doubt into phase two of her effort to poison the kid.”

“But he knows you.  Won’t your past—your track record—speak for itself?”

“I can only hope.”  He sighed and shifted.  “Mind if I use your facilities?”  He sat up.

“Oh, sure.  But, uh, you’ll want to put your pants on.”

He grinned as he stood up.  “Afraid I’ll scare your roommates?”

I laughed.  “You think your beast will do that?”

“Oh,
beast
.  I like that.”  He stepped into his jeans and I got up and pranced over to my dresser.  I opened the top drawer and pulled out one of my longer t-shirts.

“You want something to drink?”

“Yeah.”

“Anything in particular?”

“Whatever you’re having.”  We stepped out of my bedroom and I showed him where the bathroom was.  I tiptoed to the kitchen.  I wasn’t in the mood for alcohol.  I knew it would knock me out and I wanted to talk longer.  If he was ready to sleep, then I’d settle in, but I was hoping we could talk longer.  So I grabbed two glasses and poured water in them and then made my way back to my room.

Kage
was already inside, and he stood, relieving me of one of the glasses.  I kicked the door closed, careful to not slam it because I still didn’t want to disturb Steph’s sleep.  I walked over to the bed and set my water on the nightstand.  Kage took a drink of his and asked me to set it on the nightstand too since it was on my side.  I sat on the bed crosslegged and smiled at him.  He smiled back and brushed my cheek with his hand.  “What did I do to deserve you, Jessica?”

I cocked my head, squeezing his hand between my jaw and shoulder.  “What makes you think you don’t deserve me?”

He let out the air he’d been holding in his lungs.  “I guess that’s a shitty way to put it.  I’m just not used to having someone sweet like you in my life.”

Wow.  So the bitchy side of Fay I’d grown to know was apparently who she was all the time.  “You think I’m sweet?”

“Why wouldn’t I?  You’re thoughtful and…I haven’t seen one side of bitchiness out of you, even when you should be.”

I laughed.  “When should I be a bitch?”

He wasn’t smiling back.  “When that asshole grabbed you at the bar.”

I inhaled.  “That really bothered you, didn’t it?”

He frowned.  “Just because you shouldn’t have to put up with that shit.”

“It’s fine.  I slap guys when they grab my boobs.”

I could see disbelief in his eyes.  “They have the balls to do that?”

“It’s the liquor talking.”

He nodded.  “I suppose.”

I looked down at my hands.  “She treated you pretty badly, huh?”  It was rhetorical, but I thought there was no harm in acknowledging it. 
Kage—he was the sweet person there, something he hid well underneath his aloof untouchable exterior.  Fay hadn’t appreciated him at all.  I could see that.

He shrugged.  “I just don’t think we were meant for each other.  We were both miserable
, and I think we made things worse because we didn’t admit it.”

“But there had to be something, right?  You loved each other at one time.  Maybe that’s what you need to remember.”  I could see in his eyes that he was beating himself up.  That was when I knew he could feel the regret as deeply as I did.  He had an additional pang, though, and that was one of
feeling like he’d been a shitty husband.  I was just a whore who needed money.

He tried to smile but it didn’t work.  It reminded me of when my sister, then twelve, had gone to the dentist and needed a filling. 
The dentist had used Novocain to deaden the nerves and her cheek stayed numb for hours.  Her smile was lopsided, no matter how hard she’d tried to make it full.  I’d teased her about it.  Kage, though—his smile seemed lopsided, as though his emotions were pulling one side down.  It hurt me to see him in pain like that.  I hoped talking would help.  I saw a look of stone pass over his face, as if he was finding resolve inside himself.  He said, “You’d think so.  But you know what?  Just a few days and I already have unbelievable perspective.  She…she was a master manipulator, Jessica.”  He nodded, just a little, but enough.  “You know why we got married?”

I tilted my head.  “If I had to guess, it was for the usual reasons—love, adoration…or hot sex.”

He chuckled.  That was nice to see.  “Well, sex had a little to do with it.  Two weeks before graduation, she told me she was pregnant.”  I raised my eyebrows. 
Oh
…so that’s what he meant when he’d called her a master manipulator.  “I loved her or thought I did.  I wanted to do the right thing.  It was more than that, though.  I hadn’t had anyone close in my life for a long time, so the thought of being a dad, even though I was too goddamn young, was appealing.  I wanted to be a dad.  I thought I wanted to be a husband.  We rushed it and got married right after graduation.  And then her dad died.  It wasn’t long when I was asking about our baby.  She said she’d lost it, but I knew better.  I knew right then that she’d lied to me.  There’d never been a baby.  By then, though, I could see that Flynt needed someone.  He didn’t have anyone.  Fay had never been close with him and his dad was gone.  I’d always liked the kid, but living with him for a month made me feel responsible for him.  What kind of asshole would I have been if I’d left him?  Fay has always cared about one person and one person only—herself.  The poor kid would’ve been in foster care within a year, because his mom couldn’t care for him…and no way in hell was I going to let him go through that.”

I stroked his cheek.  “I’m the sweet one?”

He smiled and grabbed my wrist.  “You repeat that, I’ll have to bend you over my knee.”

I laughed again, too loudly, probably pissing off my poor roommate. 
“Oh, really?”

He shook his head and brought my wrist to his lips.  “I guess I can’t regret Fay, because
Flynt’s a neat kid, and I feel like I’ve helped shape him into the man he’s become.  How can I say that was a bad decision?”

“I don’t think you can.”

“What about you, Jessica?  I feel like I know you, but really…I don’t know anything.  Tell me how you got to this point in life.”

How much did I want to tell him?  My life hadn’t been perfect but I felt the way he did.  I couldn’t regret the steps I’d taken to get to where I was.
  It was the butterfly effect at work in my life.  I wondered—if I’d done just one tiny thing different anywhere along the way, would I have lost this time I had with Kage?  If anything in my childhood had been different, would I have felt the need to escape my mother?  And what if I hadn’t had that kick ass English teacher my freshman year in high school, the one who encouraged me and convinced me I was smart, even though I was the kid from the trailer court with all the strikes against her?  What if I had gotten a work study job at the library on campus instead of working at a bar, convinced I could make more in tips than minimum wage, even though I could get some studying done at the job at the college?  All those
what ifs
, each representing a fork in the road, a time in my life where I’d made a decision.  Some of those decisions, when I’d made them, hadn’t seemed significant or life altering, but as I lay in my bed with Kage next to my side, I contemplated my past.  One tiny move, and he wouldn’t be here.  One tiny difference at any step along the way, and I might have missed having the love of my life be with me.