Beautiful Perfection (Beautifully Unbroken Book 2) (21 page)

“You do know that it’s okay to show your emotion don’t you Blake? I want to be here for you, I want you to rely on me, cry to me and I want you to let me help you through this.”

“I don’t need to rely on you Jo,” Blake said as he turned back to me, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “You need me too right now and I need to be strong for you and for my mother, I don’t need to or want to rely on anyone, I can do this alone Jo, I need to.”

“But if you keep your feelings bottled up inside Blake, eventually it is going to hit you so hard that you won’t know how to deal. Please, you promised me that we would do this together remember?”

Blake shifted from my side and lay me down gently onto my back before his lips gently trailed kisses from my neck to my mouth. He needed a way of coping without relying on me and this was the way that he had chosen to do so. His hand moved up my thigh and across my hip until he was rubbing his fingers across the material of my underwear slowly.

“I need to forget about today Jo, just for now. I need to bury myself deep inside of you and forget just for one moment that the two women who I love more than anything are both going through hell, is that selfish of me? Because if it is, I will stop, just tell me, please.” Blake panted against my lips as his fingers moved underneath the material and pushed into me gently, his fingers picking up a slow steady rhythm as my hips bucked against him.

“We’re in this together remember?” I replied shakily, “together Blake, always, whatever you need, I am here, I promise you I will not let you deal with this alone whether you accept my help or not.”

“I’m sorry.” Blake stilled and pulled away from me suddenly before standing and heading into the en-suite bathroom. I climbed out of bed and followed behind quickly, the door was open as Blake stood against the sink taking numerous deep breaths. I walked into the bathroom and wrapped my arms around his back, he turned and placed his fingers under my chin lifting my face to his, I could see the fear that he was hiding behind his eyes, but like a closed book he refused to let me see the pages. His lips crashed against mine once more but this time there was more hunger, more need and even more desperation. His hands worked quickly to remove my nighty and underwear while I tugged at his boxers allowing him to spring free. As our mouths parted we were both breathing erratically, Blake’s eyes burned into me as I took a step back and knelt to the floor, his hands quickly guided my head towards him as I took him into my mouth and gently began to lick his hard length before sucking as my fist pumped him up and down, “God Jo, aahhh, yes, ah fuck yes that’s so good,” he repeated over and over as I continued to soothe him the only way that I knew how. “I need to be in you Jo, I need to be close to you, so fucking close to you, I need you so much aahhh,” Blake’s hands left my head and pulled me back to my feet as our mouths collided hard and fast, the taste of Blake’s cock pressing hard against our lips until Blake broke the kiss and lifted me gently from the floor. Carrying me back to the bed he lay me down and hovered above me. He guided his cock into me gently and began pumping long hard thrusts of ecstasy through my veins. Blake had always been gentle in sex since I had become pregnant, but tonight there was something more there, he was still gentle but it was as though he needed to express his emotion through sex, every stroke of his cock inside me felt as though he was shedding one tear from his eyes and the more he pushed the harder those tears fell. His gaze never left me as he rocked into me over and over again, filling me with each stroke but this was more than just sex, this was how we connected, how our emotions joined together and how we coped with anything that was thrown our way. The muscles in Blake’s arms flexed as he thrust into me continuously, I reached up and gripped his hair between my fingers as I felt myself climbing higher and higher. Blake was getting close too as his body began to shake with pleasure, “Jo,” he panted desperately, “I’m getting close Jo, I need you to get there, aah yes, please Jo, get there with me.”

“Ah Blake, I’m there Blake, I’m there, ahhhhh.” Our bodies shuddered against each other with force as we both climaxed against each other hard and fast. Blake’s face buried into my neck as he filled me over and over again with his release. We lay for a couple of minutes holding each other tight as our bodies came back down to earth.

“Don’t ever shut me out Blake, do you promise me?”

I felt Blake nod slowly against my skin as he kissed my neck, gently he pulled out of me, but he remained pressed against me as we both lay silent. Tomorrow was going to be the first day of our next battle and even though Blake promised he would never shut me out, I couldn’t help worry that shutting me out was exactly what he was going to end up doing if he didn’t at some point accept that his mother had cancer.

*~*~*

If we could have stayed with Blake’s parents any longer then I wouldn’t have hesitated, but it had been a week since my appointment with Sam and my blood pressure still needed to be monitored and stabilized. We left the Hamptons early morning giving us plenty of time to get back to New York and to the doctors’ office. Since Julia’s diagnosis a week ago Blake still hadn’t shown any emotion to anyone, I had tried and failed at every opportunity to get him to open up to me but it was like trying to get blood from a stone. Julia and Marti had noticed too which I considered worrying for the both of them but they were both confident that it was just Blake’s way of coping and that we shouldn’t worry because he was Blake Mackenzie, strong both inside and out and not one to let anything get on top of him. He was a fighter and if fighting his feelings was going to help then I should stand back and allow him to do that.

I may not have known Blake as long as his parents, but the Blake that I knew had a good way of hiding his emotions if it meant keeping someone else safe. I had seen it in Blake a couple times recently; the first time was the night that he read the first page of Cooper’s diary, it had torn at him and he had almost walked out of the apartment because he didn’t want to show his emotion to me but I had talked him through it and he had stayed. I then saw it again the following morning when he had fixed the papers that I had torn; when he asked me if I had forgiven Cooper, I heard it in his voice, the fear and the insecurity but again he had held it together and got on with life like nothing had happened. I still hadn’t told him that I heard the conversation between him and Sam at her office last week and he still hadn’t opened up to me at how frightened he was when he thought he could lose me or the babies. The only thing that he worried about was everyone else; he never took the time to think about himself and about how he was affected. I feared for Blake so much, but until he was prepared to open up and let me in, I had no idea how I was going to help him through it all.

“Well, I don’t know what you did while you were in the Hamptons but your blood pressure has decreased somewhat which is great news, it’s still not exactly where we would like it to be but it’s going in the right direction.” Sam smiled happily at me as she went back to her seat and began jotting down something in her notes.

“Wow,” I shook my head in surprise, “I have to say; I wasn’t expecting you to tell me that, if anything I thought it would have been higher.”

“Oh?” Sam leaned forward onto her hands as she looked at Blake and me expectantly. I turned to Blake who gave me a reassuring smile before he turned back to Sam.

“While we were at my parents’ house, mom found out that she has cancer,” he said simply.

“Oh dear God Blake, I had no idea, is she okay?”

“She is going to be fine,” Blake nodded firmly. “She has her op next week, they will just cut that thing out of her and that’s that.” Sam turned to me and gave me a worried look before turning back to Blake.

“The doctor has said that?” She asked.

“Well, as good as that, yes. They said that they had caught it early, so that obviously means that she is going to be okay doesn’t it?” He smiled.

“I will definitely call her tonight,” Sam said carefully, “we never did arrange that dinner.”

“She would appreciate that.” Blake agreed.

“And you’re doing okay?”

“Yeah,” Blake said as the smile faltered a little. “I mean we know that she is going to be okay and now that Jo’s blood pressure is returning to normal, I feel I can finally begin to breathe again.” It was obvious that Sam could see through Blake as well as I could - as good an actor as he is in the movies, he wasn’t so good an actor in real life.

“Good,” Sam said as she stood. “Right, I will see you again this time next week; we will have another look at those babies and see how they’re getting on. We’re getting closer now and hopefully soon they should be getting into position for the birth.”

“So I may still be able to go natural?” I asked hopefully.

“So far so good,” she smiled. “Just keep that blood pressure coming down and it shouldn’t be a problem, keep going with those relaxation exercises that we’ve talked about, keep away from stress as much as possible,” Sam rolled her eyes. “I know that I am asking you to do the almost impossible but so far, you are doing great so do what we have talked about and you should be fine,” She smiled.

“So it is just as safe to deliver twins naturally as if say, Jo were to have a C-section?” Blake suddenly asked.

“Of course,” Sam laughed. “It really isn’t much different than giving birth to one baby, only this time you don’t get to rest after pushing that first baby out.”

“What if something were to go wrong?” Blake turned to me, “I think maybe we should look into you having a planned section.”

“What? No way!” I replied a little too loudly. “You know how I feel about trying to do it myself Blake; I thought that you supported that.”

“I do Jo, but I want to know that you are going to be okay, the babies too, you are the most important thing in my life right now, and with what mom is going through too, I just want you all safe.” Blake was finally beginning to let down his guard and I felt my heart ache for him that he was finally admitting his fears.

“Blake,” I said sadly. “I’m sorry I just…. I didn’t……”

“Blake,” Sam interrupted gently. “As I told you last week, we take the health and wellbeing of all of our mothers and babies very seriously. When Jo is in labor she will have a room full of completely competent people who will guide you both every single step of the way. I hope that when Jo is ready to deliver the babies, I will be on shift or on call and I will personally make sure that those babies and Jo are provided with the best possible care. What you are feeling is completely natural of any expectant father, and given the added stress of your mother’s illness and Sara’s trial around the corner, what you are feeling is to be expected, but women have been giving birth to twins naturally for thousands of years, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Wow,” Blake exhaled. “I am so sorry; I don’t even know where that just came from.”

“It came from inside your heart Blake because you are worried. As I said, it is completely natural for you to feel that way.”

Blake turned to me and smiled apologetically, “I’m sorry I am such a letdown.”

Sam and I both laughed, “One thing that you are not Blake, is a letdown.” I stood and held my hand out to him which he took.

“It’s good to let those feelings out Blake, and if you ever need to talk about anything that I can help you with, I am only a phone call away, okay?”

“Thank you Sam, we will see you next week.” Sam walked us out of the room and down the stairs to where we had parked to the rear of the building.

“Take care of yourselves okay?”

“We will Sam thank you, and I’ll tell mom that you are going to call too.”

We left the building and got into the car and out onto the streets of New York without prying eyes following us. The situation with Sara’s trial had calmed somewhat over the past week. The hype was currently simmering which I was sure would be turned up a notch again next week as her sentencing day approached. Theo had called while we were in the Hamptons and told me that even though he strongly advised against it, there was no reason for me not to appear at the sentencing if I wished to do so.

Under the circumstances, I hadn’t yet told Blake that I would be going, the sentencing was the day before Julia’s surgery and Blake and I had already disagreed on me being there the very first night that we arrived back from London, so when Theo had called to give us the date Blake had thanked him and informed him that we wouldn’t be there but would appreciate being kept in the loop that day by Theo himself.

I needed Blake to understand that I needed to be there to see her get what she deserved. At some point I would tell him, but at the moment, the timing just wasn’t right.

“What are you thinking about?” Blake’s voice pulled me from my thoughts as we pulled up at the traffic lights.

“Just stuff,” I shrugged.

“Stuff.” Blake nodded with a smile. “Do you want to elaborate?” His eyes flicked to me quickly before resting again on the road ahead as the lights changed to green and we began to move.

I turned in my seat to look at him, “well, my blood pressure being lower for one, it’s such a relief isn’t it?”

“It is a relief,” Blake agreed as he reached over and rested his hand on my knee. “I’ve got to admit, I was nervous as hell after the week that we have had, you’re still not out of the woods though, you still need rest.”

“Rest in New York? Does that even exist?” I replied.

“What else were you thinking about?”

“Nothing really, just life,” I lied.

“That’s deep.”

“I’m a deep person,” I smiled trying desperately to lighten the mood, but Blake’s face remained serious.

“So,” Blake began. “I was thinking that maybe in the next couple of days we will try venturing out again, I know that you need your rest but we need to start thinking about getting the babies’ cribs, travel systems, a couple of toys; you know just what we need to keep us going until we head home to London. Of course if you don’t feel up to it, I totally understand but I worry that we won’t be ready in time.”